Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Well Father’s Day is over and it went fairly
well. There was no serious drama. This was
the first Father’s Day where there was no
serious bipolar drama. Since there was only
three people, myself, my dad and my mom,
it’s hard to have drama :).

Anyway, my mom did throw out what I call
Bipolar Bait to kind of start a situation.
In all cases, my dad and myself didn’t
take the bait so there were no problems.

But as this was happening, I was thinking
about writing you this important email
about a very important principle I have
learned when supporting someone with
bipolar disorder.

You MUST choose IMPORTANT Battles

What does this mean? Well when supporting
someone with bipolar disorder, things are said
and done that are either important or not
important.

For example, yesterday my mom said, “Why
are you guys jumping on me.” My dad and
I were not “jumping” on her rather
simply engaging in a conversation and
not agreeing with my mom. She called
that jumping on her.

I could have gone on and gone and defended
myself and my dad but I let it slide because
I don’t care and it’s not important.

On the flip side, I INSISTED that my mom
NOT get all worked up and involved in
a family reunion that is going in Texas.

I will fight this battle because it’s
important. I know if my mom starts getting
all into planning, figuring things out,
buying stuff, etc from New Jersey for
an event in Texas it will probably lead
to some kind of episode.

How do I know this? Is it because I am
a psychic? NO, because I have charted
patterns of this happening in the
past 20 years.

Another example of a battle I choose
to fight was the battle over finances.
I choose to make sure my mom didn’t
create any more d.ebt and fought
to make sure she wasn’t using c.redit cards.

But there are other things that I just
let go because they are not that important.
If you don’t learn to figure out what’s really
important and what’s not really important
you will find yourself constantly stressed out,
tired all the time and feel like you are at
war 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days
a year and that’s a hard way to live.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Hey, well I have to take off for the day.
Have a great day.

Dave

Hi,

First HAPPY FATHER’S DAY if you have a Father’s
day wherever you are. I have to write that
because there are almost 100,000 people now
on my lists and in some places, there is
no Father’s Day.

With that said, I think my mom is going to be
making brunch for my dad and myself. In
thinking about this, I was thinking about
the bipolar supporter lie–something I
don’t think I have ever written about
only talked about with people who filled
out my forms for f.ree consultations
for non medical and non legal questions
because I am NOT a doctor, lawyer,
financial person, insurance agent, etc.

The consultations are a f.ree bonus gift
with any of these courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Anyway, with that said, just as I wrote
this, I got the “holiday phone call” from my mom.

I will go over a few things today. First the
holiday phone call is when my mom takes a holiday
and one that can be very simple and not a big
deal and creates a whole lot of drama about
it. Which currently is happening right now.

So now my mom is telling me she is not making
brunch we are going somewhere and I have to
be there at EXACTLY the right time or else.

Her therapist, doctor and myself believe that
one of my mom’s symptoms or results of having
bipolar disorder is that when events come,
she blows them out of proportion and tries
to do way too much which ultimately, if left
unchecked, ramps her into mania.

The thing that makes it so bad for me is
that a) I don’t want to have anything to
do with grief or stress b) other family
members wind up not want to go to any
events with my mom if she does stuff
like this c) that means that my mom
is reduced to myself and my dad on
all holidays or events d) that means
I am not going to have fun.

So today it already started which in my
head honestly makes me want to disappear
and not go–this is exactly what my brother
has done and is doing. My brother has
effectively disowned us (my mom, dad and
myself) and doesn’t speak to us no matter
what.

It all started a while ago when my brother
claims my mom didn’t baby sit for him
when she said that she was going to. My brother
was super mad and demanded that I yell at
my mom which I was not going to because I am
not going to start World War 3 and then be the
person that has to deal with it.

I told him that if my mom went into an episode
I would be the one dealing with it. He didn’t
like that answer and my dad stayed out of it
and as a result my brother banned us from
all holiday get together at his house
including but not limited to Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Father’s day, Mother’s day,
family cookouts, etc.

Here’s where the bipolar supporter lie comes
in.

Last year, my mom didn’t believe that my
brother would NOT invite her to Thanksgiving.
She waited to the very last second. I was
on standby waiting as well to get a call
from my mom to know what to do. I know
for sure my Thanksgiving was going to
be horrible. I was super mad that I
had to have a bad one because of my
mom. Part of me wanted to say forget
it and just go and hang out with one
of 10 friends that invited me over.
But I felt like the right thing to do
was to stay and wait.

So at like 3:00pm my mom final realized
my brother wasn’t going to invite us.
Then the scramble came to try to find
some place open so we could go. Guess
what? Well since nobody got reservations
we were forced to go to a place that
was not good. It was a total nightmare.

I was so mad I didn’t even speak. I seriously
considered cutting off my family because
they ruined yet ANOTHER Thanksgiving.
I can’t tell you in my life how many
holidays, birthdays etc, have been ruined
for me because of bipolar disorder.
Ask my mom and she would say this is not
true but it is.

Okay, so back to the Thanksgiving story. After
Thanksgiving, many of my friends called and
ask how mine was and then I was faced with
a problem…

DO I LIE?

I felt I couldn’t say that I didn’t go
to my brothers, it was horrible, so on and so
forth. So I actually came up with a solution
that wasn’t a lie. I simply said, “Well,
it was okay, how’s yours?” By doing
this all my friends talked about theirs
instead of mine.

I did have to reveal that I didn’t go to
my brothers and since we had been doing
that for years, many friends asked why.
I just said, “Oh he wasn’t around.” Which
is true because he wasn’t around us.

People ask me all the time should they
lie about what is really going on when it
comes to supporting someone with bipolar
disorder. I must say, if you lied about
these things I wouldn’t find fault with you.
I mean if you had to lie and say:

I had a great time and you really didn’t
Things went okay when they really didn’t
We had fun when you really didn’t
She’s doing okay when she’s really doing very badly
I can’t wait until next year when you really can wait until
next year.
Etc.

When you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder, things get so darn complicated it’s almost
impossible to explain situations and events to people
who are not part of the bipolar supporter family. If
you and I were talking, I would get it right away. Try
to explain stuff that goes on to Bob your neighbor
and it’s hard. Or explain it co Co-worker Mary,
might be very difficult.

Here is my tip for the day. When you know people
are going to ask, develop a story that is vague
enough that isn’t technically a lie. Maybe it’s
a white lie but not a hard core lie. I do this
all the time.

I know for sure today, my friends will ask me
“how was father’s day.”

I will say “Same as always.” Which is true, it
most likely will be bad which is the same it
has been for at least the last 15 years.
I can’t think of any question that I would
be asked that would force me to have to talk
about what goes on with my mom and how it
produces 50 different problems for me.

I wrote this email today not for you to
feel bad for me because I don’t need you
to but it’s to make the thousands of people
on my list that are suffering because their
loved one’s are out of control. People call
and write me and ask if I ever have problems
any more with my mom and if it’s all perfect.
It’s not. I do have problems but I create
solutions for the problems.

But today, there will be lots of drama
because it’s Father’s day and I am 99% sure
my mom will say all kinds of things that create
all kinds of problems because this is her
pattern on every single holiday which makes
it so hard for me because I don’t have normal
holidays.

It would be easy for me to vanish, and tell
my parents, “Oh I will be in California, sorry
can’t make the next 25 holidays.” I think about
this because I have friends all over the us and
many know that I suffer during holidays and think
it’s not fair. When I think of this, I feel bad
leaving my dad stuck with my mom and just the
two of them so then I wind up putting up with
it again.

Bottom line is, when there is a calendar holiday
it’s probably going to be bad for me.

So what I have done is I create non calendar holidays
for myself without my mom and dad and that way
I can have some kind of life and fun. Otherwise
I would probably be really mad all the time considering
I haven’t had a peaceful non dramatic holiday in
I can’t even remember how long if ever.

Anyway, I have to run and prepare for all the different
things that can happen today which is a pain but someone
has to do it.

BUT FINAL NOTE
There is a family get together occurring in Texas
in July that I will NOT be at. I can NOT go
due to business things that I have to take care of.
It will be very interesting to see how this is handled
and how my mom comes back from Texas.

I of course will keep you posted and point out
lessons to learn so you don’t make the same mistakes
if any.

Have to run. Have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? I have to take off really early
today because my friend is in one of those strongman
competition and I am going to watch it. As a side
note, strongman competitions are when people move
really heavy things around on a field. Some could
argue it is “crazy” but my friend really likes it.

With that said, I wanted to point something out
that is really important and something my
dad struggles with concerning my mom’s bipolar
disorder.

Generally speaking, for about 40 years, my dad
left the treatment up to my mom and her doctor. Which
ever doctor she was seeing at the time. When I took
over being my mom’s chief supporter one thing
that I clearly saw was a problem was my mom
not having a good doctor for her bipolar disorder.

So my first goal was to find a good doctor that could
help her. So I developed my doctor finding system that
makes doctors who are qualified contact you. That worked
great.

But then I accidentally discovered another part of
the equation that I am going to share with you.
Before I tell you what it is, I will tell you,
for some reason, I felt compelled to report everything
I heard and saw to my mom’s doctor. I am not sure
why but nobody told me to do it. Her doctor didn’t
tell me. My dad never said to. I never read it
in any book. Nobody anywhere ever told me.

I just kind of did it. Maybe I did it to clearly
explain how strange my mom was acting and to
pass along the “suffering” I was experiencing
to the doctor so she could kind of feel my pain.

Anyway, this worked wonders. The doctor was almost
getting real time data to make decisions with. I would
have summaries and information all the time.

NOTE-I wasn’t sending over a long rambling message
that didn’t make any sense. I would send or call with
information like:

She is not sleeping
She has trouble concentrating in the morning
She yells all day long
She is moving really, slow and seems to have a hard time thinking
She is not able to do anything during the day
I am seeing her handle tremble a lot.
Etc.

That’s the kind of stuff that I was reporting.
My mom’s doctor told me this was VERY helpful for
her. She never even had to ask questions or respond
she just took the data in and was asking my mom
questions and seeing her.

In a short period of time, my mom’s doctor found
a combination of bipolar disorder medication that
got her to like a 6 on the bipolar stability index
( 10 meaning totally stable 0 meaning totally
unstable, this a term that I coined which I will
cover probably tomorrow).

I was REALLY, REALLY shocked how well my mom’s
doctor did and all the other doctors for many
months couldn’t do what she was able to do in
less than a month. It was amazing to me.

BUT THEN IT HIT ME one day.

psychiatrists are NOT psychics.

In the old days, we assumed that my mom’s doctors
would some how always know what was going on
without actually living with my mom. BUT THIS
IS IMPOSSIBLE.

One 15 minute visit and some questions doesn’t
cut it either. Meaning many times a patient
only has 15 minutes to talk about what is going
on. And a patient with bipolar disorder that
is manipulating the system will NOT report
what is really going on.

It will go like this:

Doctor: “How are you doing?”

Patient: “I am doing okay.” (EVEN THOUGH this is not true)

Then the doctor will have to either press for
more detail which many don’t or they would have
to be a psychic to know what is really going
on.

So we learned an important lesson in our family,
we have to report what is going on. Here’s
my NON medical and NON legal advice for you (since
I am NOT a doctor, lawyer, insurance person,
financial person, etc).

If you have bipolar disorder:

Report all side effects
Report how you feel exactly
Report any problems you have
Report and concerns you have
Report it all. Do NOT hide things.
Don’ assume they do know or they will know

If you are supporting someone with bipolar disorder:
Report exactly what you see in your loved one in concise
bullet point fashion
Don’t assume your loved one is reporting the truth or
right things when they are not stable
Don’t assume doctors will know what is going on because
they are doctors.

Okay, well I have to run and get ready to take off
have a great day and catch you tomorrow.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews330

There’s some really interesting news stories this week.
Take a look at them. Also, write me some feedback by
visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

Comorbidities Common In Bipolar Disorder, May Have Genetic Link

Lamotrigine May Prevent Depressive Relapse in Bipolar Disorder

New Survey Shows Product Liability Litigation May Jeopardize
Treatment Outcomes for People with Severe Mental Illnesses

Bipolar patients should disregard study, not meds Ask Dr. H …

High-tech vest can diagnose mental illness

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews330

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To People
Go here for more information.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? I hope you are doing well.
You may remember about 10 days ago or so someone
who works for me, helping me out with my organization
that helps both supporters and survivors of bipolar
disorder, quit with zero notice.

In addition to that, she left a trail of a whole
lot of problems. It’s actually amazing when I
look at the list. Oh well I have to deal with it.

The good news is that I have a great team of people
who have come together to help me and I have hired
someone else as well. BUT, it takes time to unscramble
someone else’s mess.

It’s odd but this reminded me of when I was trying
to unscramble my mom’s mess.

On the descriptions of my systems/courses:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

You’ll notice that I talk about coming into my mom
and dad’s house and going into my mom’s room
and seeing 5 feet of bills 3 inches high. That might
sound like an exaggeration but it is NOT. I have the
proof. For some reason, I saved EVERYTHING that I had
from my mom. I have a record of all the d.ebts and bills
she had. There were a TON.

I will never forgot asking myself, “am I really seeing
what I am seeing?” There were so many bills and d.ebts
it was beyond comprehension.

In addition to this, there were so many problems that
I didn’t even know where to start.

This is sort of how I feel with the person who quit.
I am “discovering” lots of things that weren’t done
and lots of phone calls not handled.

Right now I am in the process of cleaning it all up.

Yesterday I was in the gym and explaining the situation
to someone I am friends with. And he said,

“Aren’t you worried that there are things she did
you will never know” Aren’t you worried that she
has created way more problems than you know about?”

He was referring to the person who quit with zero
notice.

Then I got to thinking about something. Worry and bipolar
disorder how those two go together.

So I wanted to tell you a couple of things about it
in my daily email today.

First, back in the day I use to worry ALL the time
about my mom. I would worry about:

Can I get her into treatment
Will treatment work?
Will we ever find a doctor?
Will she ever be able to pay off her de.bts?
Will I have to support her for the rest of her life?
Can I ever have a life?
What will my next girlfriend think of my mom?
Can I support my mom and ever get married?
Will my brother ever talk to me again?
Will my mom follow the system that I set up?
What if my mom’s medication fails?
What is my dad has a stroke?
What is my mom’s mom dies and causes her to go into an episode
What is my mom calls one of my friends and says crazy things to them?
Will my friends think that I am strange that I have a mom with
bipolar disorder?

The list goes on and on and on. I use to lay in bed and worry
all night long. I am not kidding when I say that I use
to get about 2 to 3 hours sleep a night for about a 9 months
or so.

I felt like I was in a kind of prison. And then one day…

I STOPPED WORRYING ABOUT THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER

Actually here is what happen and this is a true story.
I say it’s a true story because people always write me
and ask, “Dave, is that a true story?” All my stories
are true I don’t make things up.

Anyway, one day I was in one of my favorite places—
the library. I was looking for “programs” and “things”
for people with bipolar disorder. I actually didn’t
find a thing because our state failed to organization
any sort of logical database or book of programs
for people with bipolar disorder.

Anyway I was sitting there and decided I was dead
tired so I was looking for a chair to sit and
relax it instead of sitting at a desk. I had
put in a solid 4 hours of researching in the
library so I was tired.

Anyway, I found a chair and in it was a book:
“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

and since at this time I was worrying 24 hours
a day I was like “Hey this book is for me.”

Then an older guy walked by and saw me reading it
and said to me, “That’s a good book, changed
my life, you should read it son. It’s good. You
read books, don’t you?” I said yes and told him
about my mom and guess what? Well he had a family
member with bipolar disorder that had vanished.

NOTE-If you talk about bipolar disorder, you will
find up to 33% of people have someone very close
to them that has the disorder.

Anyway, so I started reading the book. Here’s
the deal, I can’t get into the strategies but
the book is EXCELLENT. I read it 3 times
that day. It’s a quick read.

If you are worrying from bipolar disorder you should
get it right away from amazon.com or the library.
It’s super cheap like under $5. You can spring
for it.

I don’t make a dime if you buy it but you should.

I find that worry and bipolar disorder is terrible.
It destroy you. I really felt that I worried so much
about my mom, I thought on any given day I was going
to die from a stroke or some kind of massive anxiety
attack. I seriously think if I was older and not
in as good of shape at the time, it would have happen.

In addition to the book I mentioned, I think the
other part of not worrying too much about a loved
one’s bipolar disorder is having the knowledge of
what to expect, how to handle things and how to
react.

When you don’t know these things, you worry. My
dad still worries all the time about my mom’s
bipolar disorder.

Why? He doesn’t know how to handle any potential
problems that might arise because he has been
lazy with studying all of my material that
he can get for f.ree.

Me on the other hand, I am not worried about
my mom’s episodes any more because I know
EXACTLY what to do. For each problem that might
arise I have a solution and a back up solution
if the first solution fails. I also know how
to problem solve with bipolar problems.

I really have this down to a science. You can
too it just takes time.

I feel really, really, really, really bad when
I talk to people who are all stressed out and
worrying about their loved one. I try my
best to give them hope but I know they
are suffering.

The good news is, if this is you, you can
get a lot of stuff from me to reduce your
feeling that you have to worry.

Well, I have to run for the day and head off
to the gym.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? Yesterday I wrote you an email
about an article that I wrote titled:
“Ways to Calm Down Quickly When Overwhelmed”

Lots of people really liked part 1 that I
sent out yesterday.

If you missed it, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/2007/06/warning-dont-let-bipolar-disorder.html

to check it out again.

Here is part two of the article:

Use positive affirmations.
Again, as above, this is especially useful when practiced
with the breathing exercises described previously.
Phrases such as, “I am better than this,” or “I know
I can handle this, or “This too shall pass,” are all
good examples of positive affirmations. You can tailor
these to fit your own situation. Then repeat them over
and over to yourself, until you feel more calm and able
to deal with your situation.

SIDE NOTE FROM ME> I use this technique a lot and it
really, really works well for me.

Be realistic.
Look at your situation realistically. Ask yourself
questions such as, “Am I responsible for this
situation?” (If so, ask yourself how you can get
yourself out of the situation.) “How did I get
into this?” (Again, ask yourself how you can get
out of it.) “Am I overreacting?” (If so, look
at the situation realistically, and you will be
able to calm yourself down.)

You may be in this stressful, overwhelming situation
because of yourself, not anyone else! You may be
trying too hard, for instance. You may be trying
to be “perfect.” If so, just relax, and be yourself!
Think for just a few minutes, looking at your situation
realistically, especially if you have been overreacting,
and you will begin to relax – then watch your stress
level decrease, and your situation will no longer be
so overwhelming!

Meditate and relax.
Many people have a wrong image of meditation.
They think instantly of yoga, tai chi, and other
physical or positional relaxation ways of meditation.
Yes, these are examples of meditation, but there is a
very simple way of meditation that you can practice
in five minutes or less.

Find a quiet place. Get comfortable. Try to make it
as dark as possible. Close your eyes. Begin the
breathing techniques described above, using the
phrase you have chosen as your “mantra.” If your mind
gets distracted, just keep going back to your phrase,
over and over. Relax your body – the breathing exercises
will do this in the beginning; however, in meditation,
we do this a little differently. While doing the breathing
exercises, start with your eyes, as they close. Then
think consciously of each part of your body (muscles)
and consciously relax it in the same way you do your eyes.

Start from the top of your body and continue to your
feet. Remember to breathe in and out, slowly. This
process will only take about five minutes, but you will
feel so relaxed at the end that you will feel like it’s
been about an hour! You will feel so stress-free that
you will wonder what overwhelmed you in the first place!
After you have done at least one of the above suggested
ways of stress relief, you will be in a better position
to deal with whatever it was that caused you to feel
overwhelmed in the first place. Also, these suggestions
are not just for instant stress relief. Practice them in
your daily life as well, and watch your stress level decrease!

======

Well that’s the end of the article. If you are interested
in my main courses/systems, here are the links:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to take off now and I will write more
tomorrow. Have a great day!

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I just wrote an article recently that I think a number
of people, really, really, really need.

It’s titled: “Ways to Calm Down Quickly When Overwhelmed”

I have received many emails over the last few days
from people who are overwhelmed with problems from
bipolar disorer. This is supporters and surviviors
of bipolar disorder.

Anyway, here is the article:

Sometimes we don’t even realize how much stress has
built up within us until all of a sudden we feel
totally overwhelmed. Then there are other times when
a stressful situation is immediately thrust upon us
and we are instantly overwhelmed by it. At those times,
we go from a calm state of mind to completely stressed
in an instant.

Whichever situation happens to you, you need to know
how to calm down quickly in a stressful, overwhelming
situation.

There are several easy and quick ways to deal with that
overwhelming feeling. Then you will be better able to
deal with whatever put you in that stressful situation.

The following suggestions may be helpful to you (some may
be combined):

-Take a walk.
Exercise is a great stress reliever, because it is a
natural one. We all have endorphins in our bodies, and
they become excited by any type of exercise, whether it
is aerobics, or just a simple walk. When these endorphins
are excited, they make us feel better naturally, thus
becoming a natural stress reliever, and instantly calming
us down. Walking will give you a chance to think about
whatever it is that put you in the stressful situation to
begin with, and is also a quick and easy way to deal with
that overwhelming feeling of stress – to relax both your mind
and your body.

-Take some deep breaths.
If you cannot leave the situation you are in, you can at
least take some deep breaths. Relaxation experts advise
anywhere from five to ten deep breaths in and out slowly
(to a count of 5), relaxing your body. At the same time,
they advise picking one word or phrase (some call it a
“mantra”) to repeat as you breathe in, and again as you
breathe out. This will help you concentrate on your
breathing, and distract you from the stressful,
overwhelming situation in which you find yourself.
You may not be able to remove your body, but you can
relax it.

Practicing breathing exercises has both physical and
emotional benefits for you. For one thing, you can do
them anywhere and at any time. For another thing, this
type of breathing gets more oxygen into your body and
will improve your ability to think clearly, helping you
to better cope with the situation at hand. With a clear
mind and a relaxed body, you will be able to quickly and
easily deal with that overwhelming feeling of stress.

-Change your perspective.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. And sometimes we
create our own stress! Negative thinking is the most
obvious way we do this. Changing your perspective can
work well with the breathing exercises described above.
For instance, pick a phrase such as, “I can handle this.”
Try looking at your situation from a positive perspective.
Think, “What is the worst that can happen?” realizing that
anything less than that is something you can cope with!
Then watch your stress level immediately lessen.

I will be sending part two tomorrow. Also, someone asked
me if my courses/systems cover stress reduction techniques.
They do not focus on this but all material is designed
to provide answers to questions people have and help
people cope and deal with bipolar disorder whether
they have it work not.

Here are the links for more information:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Well I have to take off for the day. Have a great day
yourself and I will catch you tomorrow. Hang in there.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? I have a pretty busy day
today but I wanted to share something that
I spoke to someone yesterday about.

I have a friend who’s wife has bipolar
disorder. It’s a nightmare situation. His
wife doesn’t really take her medications,
she drinks, she is violent, she is manipulative
AND this is all when she is not under
the right treatment plan. He tells me,
the few months that she was doing all
she was suppose to do, she is a great
wife and stable person.

Well I was talking to him and he was telling
me some really disturbing things about himself.
He has gained like 70 pounds. He takes anti
depressants, anxiety medication. He never
exercises. He feels terrible. He can’t run
and play with his kids because he is too
out of shape.

He is basically walking time bomb about to
die because of very poor health. He has
done what I did when supporting my mom
initially.

Let me explain.

When I first started supporting my mom,
I was 221 pounds 8% body fat. After she
went into an episode I was 191 pounds.
I don’t know my body fat. I never looked
at myself but my friends tell me I looked
close to death and like a skeleton. One
friend said that they thought I was seriously
ill but didn’t know how to bring it up to
me.

I never slept because I was worried 24 hours
a day. I completely had all kinds of anxiety.
I never went out with friends. I ate every
other day down from 6 times a day.

All I focused on was helping my mom.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

If you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder, you can NOT let your health
completely go. NOW, you might be thinking
what I was thinking which was, “Oh, I know
I am destroying myself but I am doing it
for a good cause and I will fix myself
up after my loved one is better.” I use
to think that every day.

I believe this is flawed thinking. NOTE
I use to think this way. BUT here’s why
I think it is flawed thinking. You actually
can get so ill that you can be far worse off
than the person you are supporting with
bipolar disorder. And if that happens,
what good are you going to be to your
loved one with bipolar disorder?

I strongly encourage you at least do
the following:

-Try to do some kind of exercise like walking
-Try to make sure you eat at least three meals
a day
-Take some vitamins
-Look for solutions to your loved one’s problems
right away to help cut down on the stress. Don’t
focus on the problem, focus on the solution.
-Don’t dwell on the past it just increases your stress

I really want to sell you on doing this. I think that
seriously could have died at the rate that I was going.
I think probably because I was younger and have done
lots of training for sports I survived.

My friend on the other hand is in really big trouble.
He just can’t keep doing it anymore. The strange
thing is, I gave him EVERYTHING that I have on bipolar
disorder but he hasn’t listened or read one thing. It’s
been almost 8 months.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make
him drink is the old saying which seems true with my
friend.

I warned him however that at the rate he is going
with his health, he won’t be around to see his
kids in the future.

I feel really bad but I just don’t know what to do. I
completely believe things can be turned around with
his wife if he follows my system outlined in my
supporter course which he has but has not looked
at?

Anyway, I have to run now. This is a really important
email even though it may be simple. Read it again
if need be.

If you have my courses/systems,

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

you’ll notice that many of the people I interviewed
almost destroyed their health supporting a loved
one with bipolar disorder and urge other supporters
NOT do this.

I have to run I will talk to you tomorrow.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? What a day yesterday. I spent
hours and hours and hours trying to get
my Nextel phone fixed. It was a TOTAL nightmare.

But this isn’t going to be about my Nextel
phone not working. I have an important lesson
to pass on to you that I remembered yesterday.

Well when I got home from driving around
to I think 4 different Nextel stores,
I went to check my email. I saw a long
13 page fax from someone. I was thinking
“hmmm, I wonder what that is?”

It was a fax from someone who use to
work for me with helping out with all the
bipolar disorder stuff and quit with zero notice.
This person was faxing another time
sheet to me and other information I really
didn’t understand.

If you have been on my list, you may remember
me talking about how someone quit one day with
zero notice. She had a job working for me
where:

You could work f.rom home
Set your own hours
Have fun
Be part of an important cause and help lots of other people
Eventually get a full time in.come
Be challenged
Etc.

It sounds like an advertisement for something
but it isn’t. It was a real job, that she really
had working for me with all this stuff related
to mental health and bipolar disorder.

As you may also know, I have hired a number of
people to help me with this organization, some
of which have bipolar disorder.

First, you may be thinking I hired this particular
person and she has bipolar disorder. Actually this
person was a referral from someone that I know.
This person that quit does NOT to my knowledge have
bipolar disorder or any other mental illness.

Secondly, many people ask so I might as well address
it now. I have I think 8 or 9 people who work for me
with a mental illness. You might want to ask, “What’s
that like?” Some have asked me if it’s a “nightmare.”

It’s absolutely positively NOT. The people who work for
me especially the people who may have a mental illness
are a joy to work with. They do such a great job.

I have nothing but GREAT things to say. NOW this doesn’t
mean every day is perfect for them. It’s not. But I
am not perfect either.

But let me move on to the lesson related to bipolar disorder.

The person I spoke about before quit with zero notice.
She had a bunch of my stuff, passwords to things, information
on how to do stuff that I didn’t know and information
that helped certain parts of the organization function.

I was really shocked. I really wasn’t worried however.
Why? Well let me tell you a couple of things.

Well first, notice the name of my company is The
Leverage Team, LLC. It’s not the Leverage Individual,
LLC.

I believe in teams and working together. I think this
may come from being in team sports for many years. When
I set this up, I knew that I would need a team. I also
wanted no one individual to be greater than the team.
It’s almost like a security system.

In my case, the first person on my team was Pascale
who helped me get everything started. Pascale is super
smart and no only does behind the scenes things. Then I
think the next person was Andrea. Then I think Rod.
Then Michele.

NOW, if you have gotten my courses/systems, on
bipolar disorder you will notice that I talk
about building a team.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

This is SUPER important and a hard lesson that my
family has learned. My mom’s team is her doctor, therapist,
herself, her support system (sister, mother, myself, dad,
Sharon, etc), her pharmacy person, her primary care doctor,
etc.

My mom has a lot of people on her team. And when she has
a problem she works with the team for a solution. I really
encouraged her to do it this way. In the old days there
was no team.

In the old days it was a bad doctor who didn’t care,
no therapist, my mom really wasn’t on her own team, no
pharmacy person, no primary care doctor, her mom or
sister didn’t know about bipolar disorder so my mom
had virtually no team members.

Guess what happen when there was a problem? It was
a total disaster.

NOW, today when there is a problem there are so many
people on the team that can help out and solve problems.
This is one of the secrets as to how I don’t have to
do much any more. I leverage the team.

“Holy cow Dave, you just used the word leverage, that’s
in your company name????”

That’s right it is. Do you know what leverage is.

Here’s the definition from dictionary.com:

lev·er·age

3. power or ability to act or to influence people, events,
decisions, etc.; sway: Being the only industry in town
gave the company considerable leverage in its union
negotiations.

In this case, I am leveraging other people to help
my mom. That’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing.
In the old days there was nobody to leverage. Today
there are many people.

AND on the note of the person quitting from me
with zero notice, I always had a backup plan
and because since I work with really smart people,
within 2 days of the person quitting there was
a replacement and all is well.

Based on the story that I told you, I will ask you:

Who is on you or your loved one’s team?
What happens if you or your loved one’s doctor, therapist,
etc. retire or get sick? Have a backup?
Who is your weakest link on you or your loved one’s team?
What are you doing to make that weakest link stronger?

These are questions that I had to ask myself back a
few years ago when I first start helping my mom. By
asking these questions, it forced me to come up
with answers which made a stronger support system
for my mom and has led to her Independence.

To this day, my dad still worries about my mom’s
doctor retiring. I am not sure why. I have 4 backup
doctors. I certainly am not going to operate
with one doctor hoping that she stays in practice
forever. That’s just not a good plan. My
dad thinks however my mom’s current doctor is
the only good one. I don’t think so. I have a system
and I have found other good ones through the system
that I found her current doctor.

Bottomline, you need a team when you have bipolar
disorder or your loved one does.

Hey I have to run. Have a great day.

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going today? I wanted to write a quick
email before I take off to head to the gym. Someone
wrote me the other day how I deal with the stress
of bipolar disorder. I emailed back and asked
what part of bipolar disorder were they referring
to. The person wrote back dealing with the yelling,
screaming, mood swings and insanity.

I was thinking that there is an important simple
strategy that took me many months to learn on
how to deal with the stress from bipolar disorder.
I call it disengagement.

When I first started supporting my mom, I would
get into with her. I was always arguing with
her. Always hearing total nonsense she was
saying in her episode and trying to say
this and that isn’t true mom. I would
then try to explain things to her. I would
try to argue back that I wasn’t a bad son.
I did this for many months. MANY. I would
spend hours and hours and hours either
on the phone or in person.

It was so draining that I thought I was
going to die of exhaustion or a stroke. I was
so tired all the time. I have no idea how
I was able to do it day after day month
after month. It was far more tiring that
any training with any sport that I have
ever done and I played football, baseball,
wrestled, power lifting and body building
non competitively. The most difficult sports
training was EASIER than dealing with my
mom.

Then one day it hit me. Nobody told me. I
was just thinking one day, “Dave why
do you argue, why take things personally?
What get into it, why not disengage anytime
there is an argument.”

So one day my mom started yelling at me
when I was trying to help out around my mom
and dad’s house. My mom started screaming saying
I was trying to take over the house (in my
head I laughed because I was thinking, “yea
right I want to take over a nightmare house
like this…like taking over a city rife with
crime and chaos :)”.

Anyway instead of explaining now I am not
trying to take over the house, I am helping
because of blah, blah, blah, I just walked
away from my mom and got in my car and left.

Then the next time she called and started yelling
I said, “I have to go and hung up.” I sure started
feeling better and my stress would go lower. The
less I engaged in arguments, listening to personal
attacks, the more time I had to help her and make
a system so she could take care of herself.

Oh side note, I want my mom to take care of herself
NOT and I repeat NOT me. I don’t want my mom dependent
on me. If you are helping your loved one with bipolar
disorder, you want to help them before Independent NOT
dependent on you. If you have bipolar disorder, you should
want to become Independent NOT dependent too.

Okay, so back to what I was saying, so I disengaged from
arguing with my mom, defending myself, etc. and I started
to feel great. Then another thing happen. My mom started
to get the connection in her head. When she would attack
me, I would leave. She didn’t like when I left or hung
up on the phone so she SLOWLY stopped doing these type
of things. I noticed she would catch herself because she
knew that I would disengage to reduce the stress.

In my courses/systems, I teach this strategy and I was
surprised that many of the people interviewed in my
material do the same thing.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

The bottom line is, you can’t argue with someone
in a bipolar disorder episode and win. He/she
will just say something else OR the person will
not be rational and if you keep engaging with
the person, you will wind up almost going insane
yourself.

Well I have to run. Have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com