Hi,

Think about these things: A dollar is made of 100 pennies. A year is made up of 12 months. A week is made up of 7 days. A career is made up of doing a good job over a period of weeks/years. A car is made up of all of its parts. A house is made up of several rooms. A family is made up of several members. A degree is made up of the courses taken to get it. I’m sure you can think of some examples of your own. But you get the idea, right?

Have you ever heard the expression: “The whole is made up of the sum of its parts”? It’s like stability with bipolar disorder. It’s made up of the sum of the parts that you go through to achieve it (and maintain it). When I talk to people, I strongly suggest having plans of what to do in case things happen, like an episode, losing insurance, etc. Taking care of a small plan can avoid having a bigger problem later. In other words, success is in the small things. Or, I should say, in the case of bipolar disorder, stability is made up of the small things done consistently over a period of time.

Here are some examples:

1. Taking medication
Your loved one needs to take their medication each and every day,
and eventually their moods should even out.

2. Seeing a therapist
Progress is only made in therapy if you attend all your sessions.
(Although you also have to be a willing participant in your own therapy,
that is important, too.)

3. Seeing a doctor
It’s important to have those shorter term general health exams
than to have to deal later with a big physical problem.

4. Seeing a psychiatrist

Your psychiatrist is the one who tracks and prescribes medications.
Your loved one needs to go to each visit, so that the psychiatrist can
determine if their medication is working or, if it isn’t, trying something else.

5. Being a part of a support group
A support group is made up of the sum of its members. They help each
other deal with the issues surrounding bipolar disorder.

6. Asking for help from your support system
Your support system is made up of a number of people. Each person
has something to offer you in the way of help. Tell them what you need.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

7. Good sleep
A night’s sleep is made up of the hours in it. Your loved one must have
at least 8 hours of good, uninterrupted sleep each night to stay stable.

8. Exercise
Exercise is made up of all the things you do in an exercise session –
whether it’s using equipment, or dumbbells, or just walking (made up of steps).

9. A healthy diet
A diet is made up of each meal you eat. If you take care of each day’s meals,
and you are eating healthy meals at that, you should stay in good health.

10. Having a good life (in spite of having bipolar disorder)
A good life consists of a lot of things. Everybody’s different, so I can’t state
specifically what would make up a good life for you. What I can state in general is
that if you do all the above things, as well as other things that make you feel good
about yourself and lead to stability, you will have a good life.

It’s all in the small things. Tend to what you need to on a daily basis,
and eventually the reward will be stability with bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

Would you believe that you can actually learn a bipolar lesson from a tissue? Yep, an everyday tissue. Well, I’m going to show you. Think of the characteristics of a tissue…First of all, it’s practical, right? You can blow your nose with it…You can wipe things off your face with it, like cold cream or makeup…Or dirt off a child’s face…You can wipe things off a counter with it (when a paper towel isn’t handy)…ok, maybe I’m stretching a little bit there, but you get the idea – a tissue is practical. Agreed?

Ok, well, as a supporter, you have to be practical, too. For example, you probably have had to learn how to manage the finances. That’s an example of being practical. Secondly, a tissue is useful. It’s kind of like being practical. Except useful is being resourceful in other ways. For example, in ways that a napkin or paper towel wouldn’t be (like, you wouldn’t blow your nose with them). So, you as a supporter have to make yourself useful. An example of this might be the way you make yourself useful around the house. Your loved one could do some things to help you, but you also do things to maintain the house. That’s being useful! Or if you work, or do volunteer work, that’s being useful, too.

Third of all, a tissue is soft (we can all agree on that). It has to be, doesn’t it, or we wouldn’t use it? Well, that’s also one of the qualities that a supporter should have. Sometimes it takes being “soft” to deal with your loved one’s anger. And it takes a soft heart to forgive what they do during episodes.

A tissue should be handy (the fourth characteristic in our analogy). Just as you are. You should always be around when your loved one needs you. Which leads us to #5 – being dependable. Just like a tissue is dependable to do what it’s supposed to do, so should you be. Your loved one should be able to count on you, and trust that you will be dependable. They should also feel free to express their thoughts and feelings with you and that you will understand. A tissue, most importantly, is NEEDED. Ask yourself, what would you do if a tissue wasn’t around when you needed one? What if your loved one needed you and YOU weren’t around? You need to be there for your loved one. They DO need you.

They need you to have all these characteristics, and more. Because they need you to love them unconditionally and to support them. They need you to be there even if the whole rest of the world turns their back on them. They need you to be by their side no matter what their bipolar disorder does to them. Ask yourself, what would you do without a tissue when you needed it?

Now, what would your loved one do without you?

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

Today I want to talk about a lesson we can all learn from this quote I read: “Work is more than earning money.” Too many people equate work with having a job. But I want you to see what this quote has to do with bipolar disorder. Let’s replace the word “work” with “productivity.” Now let’s talk about how important productivity is to someone who has bipolar disorder.

Someone who had to leave their job and stay at home because of their bipolar disorder no longer works for money, but they still need to be productive. That’s because if they’re not, they could become bored, or idle, or stay in bed, or sleep too much, or become depressed, and all these things can become triggers to a bipolar episode.

So I think we can agree that productivity is important. Well, that’s work! Only it’s work without getting money for it. Now, I could have said that it’s work without pay, but the pay you get can be more rewarding than money sometimes. For example: If the work your loved one does is to help you around the house, then it’s rewarding, because they’re helping you not to stress out by doing too much by yourself. It can also be rewarding because you’ll have a closer relationship with them by doing things together.

Their work can be their hobbies. Their work can be just taking care of themselves and your family. Another way you can work without getting paid is to volunteer. Your loved one can offer their time, which is worth more than money. If nothing else, they can volunteer to help at their bipolar support group. This could be for you, too, because supporters usually have their own support group. Or your loved one can volunteer for an organization that could use their help.

There are many of these, such as Literacy Volunteers, where you help people to read who can’t read, or others who don’t know English very well and the volunteer helps them to learn it…

Or they can volunteer at your local Animal Shelter if they love animals…Or help with the needy… Or shut-in elderly people…There is so much they can do that is rewarding, just by volunteering their time, that is worth more than money, and they will feel appreciated for whatever they do for a cause.

They can also do things that are productive for themselves. They can keep a To-Do List, for instance, and you can help them with this. Put things on the list that you want them to do for that day. (Don’t make it too long, because you don’t want them to get too overwhelmed.)

Then, at the end of the day, they will feel a sense of accomplishment when they complete the things on their list.

Now, here there’s a difference between work for money and productivity as well, because they’re

doing this for themselves and the management of their bipolar disorder. This will help them to stay stable. And sometimes working at a paying job does just the opposite – sometimes it makes you feel nervous, stressed, and anxious, which isn’t good at all for your loved one’s disorder.

If you have children, being a stay-at-home parent can be work, as you know, and you don’t make money for it. But boy can it be rewarding in other ways! The lesson to be learned from all this is that work means using our time and skills to make things better for ourselves, those we love, and those around us.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews626/

Cortisol and white matter integrity relationship disrupted in bipolar disorder
DO> Significant differences, don’t you think?

Manic episodes linked to memory recall deficit in bipolar disorder
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Rev. Jesse Jackson says son ‘struggling’ with bipolar disorder, thanks …
DO> Do you think an apology is right?

Is Paranoia Part of Bipolar Disorder?
DO> Did you know this about paranoia?

14 Real-Life Bipolar Disorder Survivors
DO> Some of these people may surprise you.

Depression links PTSD to life quality in bipolar disorder
DO> We all need to know this, don’t you think?

Q&A: Adam Ant on Returning to Music From Bipolar Disorder
DO> Very interesting interview, don’t you agree?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews626/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews625/

Testing expectant mothers for bipolar disorder could save lives
DO> Don’t you think this questionnaire is important?

Bipolar disorder on and off the stag
DO> You’ll find these people’s stories interesting.

Explaining Bipolar in 20 Seconds
DO> Can you explain bipolar in 20 seconds? Read and find out how.

A living disaster — One woman’s struggle with bipolar disorder
DO> Read this woman’s amazing story.

New UT Physicians Clinic Dedicated to Treating Bipolar Disorder in Children
DO> Don’t you agree that this clinic is necessary?

Mood Disorder Clinics Reduce Hospital Readmission Rates
DO> Very interesting study. Don’t you agree?

Bipolar disorder ‘frequent’ in depressive borderline personality disorder
DO> Do you agree with their findings?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews625/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

I got this email and wanted to share it with you:

“Dave- I don’t know what to do anymore. I have so many problems. My husband’s bipolar disorder is out of control. He just keeps doing these things, and I just cnaa’t stand it any more. He won’t listen to me anymore, and there’s nothing I can do stop it. Everything he does leads to more and more problems, and I just don’t know anymore where his problems end and mine begin. I have more problems than I can handle, and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m about to lose my job because he’s caused so many problems for me at work because of his bipolar disorder. He just isn’t getting any better. I don’t even think he’s taking his medication. What am I supposed to do? Georgia.”

——————————————————————————————————————–

Wow. Now, first let me say that I’m not a therapist, so I’m not qualified to give the kind of advice that I think this woman really needs. All I can do is give my opinion, based on the kinds of emails I’ve gotten like this before.

But this woman really does have some problems. First of all, she says that her husband’s bipolar disorder is out of control. So let’s address that. That seems to be her major problem. She says he’s causing her problems, more than she can handle. He’s causing her problems at work. So he’s obviously acting out from his disorder. She says he isn’t getting any better. Now here’s the key thing. Why isn’t he getting any better? She then says, “I don’t even think he’s taking his medications.” There’s where I think the problem really is. If your loved one isn’t taking their medications, then of course there’s going to be problems. They’re not going to be following their treatment plan. If they’re not following their treatment plan, they’re not only going to have their own problems, but their problems are going to affect you. Like Georgia said, “I don’t know where his problems end and mine begin.”

But here’s the thing: All this woman is talking about is problems and more problems. And that IS the problem. And if you’re living in the problem, you’re NOT living in the solution. In this case, the solution would be for her husband to get back on his medication, follow his treatment plan, and begin managing his bipolar disorder better. But then she’s got another problem – She can’t MAKE him do that! So, again, she has to live in the solution, and not the problem. So what can she do?

I know another woman who faced the same problem at work, and she was honest with her boss (which was very, very difficult for her, but necessary), and they made it where her husband was not allowed to call or come to see her at work any more. She worked in a hospital, so her calls were able to be screened, and if he came on site, he was escorted out by security guards. Now, this was not an easy solution by any means, but it was living in the solution and not the problem. And things got better at work for her, and she was able to keep her job.

The point I’m trying to make is to keep a certain mindset – to live in the solution, and not the problem. I’m not saying it’s easy, by any means, but you may have to separate yourself from your loved one and make them own up to their own problems, so that their problems don’t become yours, and before you become as overwhelmed and desperate as the woman in this email.

Remember to live in the solution and not in the problem. Think about what the real problem is, then think of what some solutions to the problem might be. Like the woman I told you about, she had to take action at her job at the hospital. The woman in the email is going to have to try to get her husband back on his medication and treatment plan (or, perhaps, take more drastic measures – maybe consider hospitalization). You might be in the same situation, or similar. Don’t let your loved one’s problems become your problems. If they’ve been in an episode and there have been consequences because of what they’ve done in that episode, make them take responsibility for those consequences. Those consequences are THEIR problems, not yours. Or if it’s too late, and they have become yours, then go back to the principle of living in the solution and not the problem, and work it out. I know it may sound too simple. I don’t mean it to. The principle is simple. The working out of it is hard, I know. But it can be done. It must be done, because you have to find a solution to your problems. You can work this principle with your own problems as well. Live in the solution, not the problem.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

You know I have a lot of people that work for me, right? Well, I have some that have worked for me for a long time…And some that don’t work for me anymore. Do you want to know the difference? The people who don’t work for me anymore stopped learning. They just kept working off the knowledge they had learned before, and it was outdated. I run a company that is always changing, always growing. And you just have to keep up with it. If you don’t keep up with the growth, and learn new things, you just can’t improve in your job. But the people who have stayed, have done just the opposite. They don’t keep going on old knowledge. They keep up with current trends. They keep learning new skills. They keep improving, so they keep getting better at their job. That’s why they are so valuable to me.

You have to learn and progress. You have to keep learning more and more about bipolar disorder. You can’t just keep going on the knowledge you learned when your loved one was first diagnosed.

Here’s an example: We all have old photographs, right? If you are a parent, every year your children get pictures from school. Well, you don’t keep every picture every year and display them (or else you’d run out of room, wouldn’t you?). Each year, you probably replace the old one with the new one. It’s like replacing old knowledge with new knowledge. It’s not like you throw the old photographs away, you still keep them. You never forget them. You just may put them away in favor of the new ones. Because there’s always growth, you see?

Here’s another example: Say you have a garden. You can’t keep growing new flowers or vegetables off old soil. You have to keep tilling that soil each year. You don’t get rid of the old ground, you just till the old ground, making room for new ground. Again, like new knowledge on top of old knowledge.

So here’s how it relates to bipolar disorder. (You knew I’d get there eventually, right?) The point of all this is that you need to keep learning and progressing. If you have a doctor who doesn’t do this, then they may not be the best doctor for your loved one. If they are like the employees I talked about in the beginning, are they really doing a good job? The best doctors I know continue learning. They keep researching. They read journals all the time. They check the Internet for new information all the time. They attend seminars. They go to lectures. They go to symposiums.

Sometimes they’re even the guest speakers! They attend bipolar support groups and even learn from supporters what their problems are with their loved ones and learn that way. They sometimes discuss difficult cases or problems with other doctors or specialists so that they can learn.

If your doctor isn’t doing these things, and just keeps doing what they learned years ago, then you might have a problem. Because new things are being learned about bipolar disorder every day. Check up on them. Ask them questions. If they hesitate, or if you think you know more than them, then there might be a problem, just like there was with my employees. You have a right to the best treatment for your loved one. And you need a doctor who is always learning new things about bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews624/

Mood disorder clinics improve bipolar disorder outcomes
DO>Are you surprised to find this out?

“Teen Mom 2” Star Kailyn Lowry Courageously Reveals: I Have Bipolar Disorder
DO> Surprising revelation about this young reality star.

How to Fail at Bipolar Disorder
DO> Can you see how these things would make your loved one fail?

Is There a “Cure” for Bipolar Disorder?
DO> Do you still wonder about this?

Bradley Cooper Visits DC; Talks about Bi-Polar Disorder
DO> Do you think he can do good?

Mood Disorder Clinics Help Many Bipolar Patients Avoid Hospital
DO> Don’t you find this good to know?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews624/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

You know, somebody actually wrote me and asked me if there was a recipe for optimism. Now before you get all critical or laugh it off, let me tell you that I really thought about this! I know there really isn’t a “recipe,” per se, but there is something to be said for it. Because another supporter asked, “How can I be optimistic when my loved one has bipolar disorder?” Now do you see why I gave it some serious thought? Well, let me tell you a few things about optimism first. “It is or it ain’t,” as a friend of mine says. “You can’t have it both ways.” Meaning that if you’re not optimistic, then you must be pessimistic. You can’t see the glass as half-full and half-empty at the same time. See what I mean? You’re either an optimist or a pessimist. I encourage optimism, because I believe having a positive attitude is just as important a part of management of bipolar disorder as the other parts, like medication and therapy.

But let’s get back to optimism (great subject, isn’t it?) It isn’t something you can learn. Or something your parents can teach you. Or a secret a friend passes onto you. Or something you can do research about, or study in a laboratory. Optimism isn’t something tangible. It isn’t something you can touch. It isn’t something you can even experience with any one of your five senses, for that matter. But optimism DOES exist! It IS real! And some people DO have it! In fact, those people are very glad to have it. Optimism just IS. It is a choice. It is a decision. One that you can make, if you want.

So how can you be optimistic if your loved one has bipolar disorder? For every day that your loved one goes without an episode, you can be optimistic that they’ll go the next day without one, too. If they’re taking their medication like they’re supposed to, you can be optimistic that they’ll stay medication compliant and continue to do well. If they’re going to all their appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, and any other medical or mental health professional regularly and as scheduled, then you can be optimistic that they’ll continue to do so. If they’re following their treatment plan faithfully, they you can be optimistic that stability is in their future. If they’re healthy, you can be optimistic that they’ll stay healthy. And especially, if they’re doing all of the above, you can be optimistic that the two of you can enjoy your loved one’s stability in the future.

And as far as a “recipe” for optimism? Well, there really isn’t one (but you knew that :))

But if there were, it would probably go something like this:

RECIPE FOR BIPOLAR OPTIMISM

Take one part positive thinking

Add one cup good attitude

Add an ounce of adventure

A cup of excitement

A bunch of understanding

Another bunch of support

A lot of patience

And top it all off with good feelings

And hope for tomorrow

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I got this email lately and I wanted to share it with you, because this woman makes several good points:

“It has taken me years to realize attitude is everything not only with BP, but with life in general. I lost my father when I was 15 years old and went through periods of manic followed by depression with periods of extreme anxiety. It was not until I reached the age of 24 that I was diagnosed with BP disorder. For many years I felt like I was stuck at the age of 15 and although I was in denial about my mental condition, I knew something was terribly wrong. Yes, I had periods of suffering in the past, but I am beyond that now. Today, I am 67 and understand my condition and I am no longer in denial, yet I have discovered I can be a happy productive person and enjoy my life…Also, I have learned…that I can recognize when I am going to have an extreme mood swing and control it. Over the years I have discovered tools that are so helpful such as Meditation, exercise, and reading positive thinking books…Everyone does have the power to change their attitude and transform their life for the better. I think change is a process…My life feels normal most of the time, and I have discovered a new kind of contentment and happiness. Also, I have grown spiritually as well in the process. I no longer allow labels to define who I am. –Joy”

——————————————————————————————————————-

The first point she makes is that: ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. And I totally agree with that.

In fact, I’ve talked about that on several occasions. Attitude can determine whether you have a bad or good day. It can also determine whether you have a bad or good life. Like Joy says in her email, “…attitude is everything not only with BP, but with life in general.” If you have a good attitude, things will go much better for you. On the other hand, if you have a bad attitude, things will be much harder for you.

The next thing Joy talks about is how she was in denial. When you’re in denial about things, it makes it that much more difficult to cope with them. That’s because it’s necessary to accept something before you can cope with it, and denial interferes with the acceptance process. That’s how it is with other things, not just bipolar disorder. But it is especially true with bipolar disorder. But Joy says: “Today, I am 67 and understand my condition and I am no longer in denial, yet I have discovered I can be a happy productive person and enjoy my life…” So one of the ways to get out of denial then is to understand your condition. And I’ve always said that about denial: That you need to get educated so you won’t be in denial any more. And if you do, you too like Joy can be a happy productive person and enjoy your life. It means that you accept your disorder. Then you can go on toward stability. And then recovery. And recovery is when, like Joy says: “Also, I have learned…that I can recognize when I am going to have an extreme mood swing and control it.” If you can do that, you are in control of your bipolar disorder and not the other way around.

Then Joy ends by saying: “I no longer allow labels to define who I am.” Now that’s real stability.

That’s recovery.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave