Remember when you were little, and you would get hurt…like falling down and getting a scrape
on your knee? And your mom would kiss it and put a bandaid on it. It would be like getting an immediate fix to your hurt, wouldn’t it?
Unfortunately, when you grow up, there are very few (if any) immediate fixes to your problems
any more. Your problems are much bigger and more complicated than just scrapes on a knee.
And the answers are much bigger and more complicated than just kisses and bandaids, too. And, for many of us, Mom isn’t around to fix our problems for us, either. Or, if she is, she isn’t able to.
For some things there just isn’t an immediate fix, like when it comes to bipolar disorder. If there were, the psychiatrists and therapists would all be out of business, wouldn’t they? And there would be no need for your loved one to do any changing, because they’d be perfect. Unfortunately, nobody is perfect. Especially someone who has bipolar disorder. Not even a supporter who is dealing with someone with the disorder.
There are no easy answers to the problems you face. This is not an illness that has an immediate fix to it, and the decisions you make have to reflect that. The choices you make today will be reflected in consequences down the line tomorrow, and the next day, and the days and weeks and months after that. We’re all responsible for the decisions and choices that we make.
That’s one thing that your loved one needs to understand. When they hurt you, there are consequences to their actions. They can’t just get away with it. You have feelings that get hurt, and you have reactions to their actions. You have a right to your feelings, too.
You shouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells, afraid to say or do the wrong thing. You shouldn’t be afraid all the time of setting them off, of making them go into a rage. You shouldn’t have to change who you are just to please them. You shouldn’t have to be so concerned about how what you do affects them so that they might take it out on you.
You shouldn’t have to worry that something you do would make them go into a bipolar episode.
And, like I was saying earlier, there is no immediate fix to the problem of bipolar disorder. And many times, that bipolar disorder can cause problems in the relationship, for which there are no quick fixes either. Those things need time and effort to work out.
Just like your loved one is working on managing their bipolar disorder, and you are working on being a good supporter, you both need to work on making the relationship a good, strong one, in spite of your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
So there are some things that will pop up that need to be worked on at the moment, and then there are things that need to be worked on constantly (like communication). But either way, there are no quick fixes.
Well, I have to go!