Hurricane and Bipolar Disorder

Hi,

I hope you’re in one of the areas not affected by this recent hurricane. But if you are, you may be dealing with it like I am. See, I am in one of the areas affected by it. And it’s amazing to see how different people are reacting to it. Some people are actually even panicking, if you can imagine that! It’s terrible! So many people just were not expecting it to be this bad. Even with all the warnings we had. Even with all the time we had to get prepared. You should see the stores – All the shelves are bare! There’s no bread, milk or water to be found. And barely any other food, either. Those who were smart, stocked up when the hurricane warnings were first issued. Now there is: Massive flooding…Power outages…No gas…No food or water…And many people who were unprepared.

You need to be prepared, not just for hurricanes, but for “bipolar storms” as well. I always prepare even if it might not happen. Like I was prepared for this hurricane, getting food and water, gas, and extra candles ahead of time. The way I look at it, preparation and prevention are always cheaper than fixing stuff after the fact. Like with bipolar…If you watch for signs and symptoms of an oncoming bipolar episode, you can prevent it, and then you don’t have to deal with a full-blown episode after the fact. That’s so much easier, isn’t it? And after a while it becomes a pattern. Just the way you do things.

IF you aren’t prepared, you have to get creative. For example, like with this hurricane…Some people with limited food decided to walk to the store (since they couldn’t drive). Some decided to eat less (since they had limited food) so they could lose weight. You need to always look for the good, even in storms. It sounds crazy but I met several people excited that they had less food, because it was an excuse for them to start their diet. Others were excited that they didn’t have to go to work. Some were excited just to walk around all day. Others were happy to take advantage of the time to spend with their families, sharing intimate times, quiet time with family and local friends with no cell phones or TV or Internet to bother them.

When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder…You always need to be prepared ahead of time.

Like with medications. Always make sure that your loved one’s medication is refilled ahead of time. Like what if you were caught in this hurricane like I am, and couldn’t get to the store to get medication? You should always have an Emergency Plan in place of what to do also in case your loved one goes into a bipolar episode. This should be prepared together when your loved one is not in an episode. Then you’ll know what to do in case they do go into one.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Bipolar: Warning About the Police

Hi,

I read the news a lot, and so I’ve read about people with mental illness, not just bipolar disorder, getting killed by the police because the police misunderstand the situation, or they just don’t know that the person has bipolar disorder (or some other mental illness). I read the headlines. I read a lot of headlines from all across the globe. I stay informed. I also post them on my website, so that you can stay informed, too. This is really important to me, because when I

started bipolarcentral.com, one of the most important things to me (and it still is) was to educate people about bipolar disorder. So I put up the Bipolar News on the website as one of the ways to do that. Anyway, sometimes I’m accused of posting only bad news, and some people really, really don’t like that, and they tell me so. But I tell them that even if you were to read just your own paper, or turn on the news on your local TV station, you would see all this bad news, too. It’s just all around us, unfortunately.

I just pick out the stories that apply to bipolar disorder, because those are the ones that you are interested in reading about. In my defense against those people who accuse me of only printing bad news, well, I don’t. I print all the news I can find that has to do with bipolar disorder. My intent, just like it always was, is just to inform. Unfortunately, I guess these people are kind of right. I wish there were more positive news about bipolar disorder. That’s what one of the things is about my mission is. I want people to learn more about bipolar disorder so that they will become more educated and not be so afraid of people who have the disorder. If people are more educated, they won’t be so afraid. Then, maybe, we won’t see so many tragic headlines.

Speaking of sad stories, at one time there was a headline found in New Jersey that hit home for me. Yea, it was really sad. But it has a bipolar lesson to it, so I have to share it with you.

Michele who works for me, her cousin’s 23-year-old son was shot and killed by the police. He had a knife, and was surrounded by a squad of police, and they just shot first. Unfortunately, what the headlines didn’t say was that Jake had bipolar disorder and was in a manic episode at

the time, because he hadn’t been taking his medication. Now, you’re familiar with bipolar disorder. You do understand that, in a manic episode, your loved one is not in their right mind. They aren’t thinking rationally. Who knows if Jake even understood what was happening to him? The point was, here was this young man, surrounded by all these police, all these guns pointed at him, and he probably didn’t even know what was happening. And there was no one there to intervene on his behalf.

In some types of bipolar disorder, the person can become violent during an episode. They may have hallucinations or delusions during an episode and not know what they’re doing, and it may lead to some type of violence. Even if they don’t have this type of bipolar disorder, their disorder may change somewhere down the line, and they may become violent. So whether your loved one has ever been violent before or not, you need to be aware of what to do if they ever do become that way. Even if they don’t become actually violent, there may come a time when they are so out of control and you are so afraid that you have to involve the police. Or maybe you’re not even so afraid for yourself, but for your loved one.

Sometimes, in an episode, a person with bipolar disorder will threaten suicide. And you may not be able to handle it by yourself. So, in any of the cases, like I’ve mentioned, the police may need to be involved. This is the bipolar lesson I talked about earlier. There are some things you should know before you involve the police. Especially for your loved one’s sake. Because there still hasn’t been enough education in the community and in police departments to necessarily keep them from killing a person in a bipolar episode rather than just subduing them first and getting them the help they need. Probably the most important thing you need to know is

this: Should you have to call the police on your loved one, STAY (if at all possible) until the police arrive, so that you can explain to them that your loved one has bipolar disorder. In many states, it will make the difference between your loved one going to the hospital or going to jail.

If there is some reason you cannot stay, then make sure when you do call the police, that you tell them that they will be dealing with someone who has bipolar disorder. Again, it may mean the difference between your loved one going to the hospital or going to jail. As a supporter, I’m sure you would rather see your loved one get the help they need rather than go to jail just for being in a bipolar episode. Many times, the police will bring with them a mental health professional who will help them assess the situation and/or your loved one’s condition. Unfortunately, Jake did not have this luxury. Had there been a mental health professional on the site, he may have stood a better chance of living.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Current Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. due back at Mayo Clinic for more tests
DO> What would you do if you were Jesse?

Mental health care at stake in 2012 vote
DO> Mental illness and politics. What’s your stand?

The Long Battle to Rethink Mental Illness in Children
DO> What are your thoughts?

Creativity linked to mental Illness, study confirms
DO> I have been saying this for years, take a look

Her life’s mission
DO> Jane Pauley talks about her story with bipolar.

Man with bipolar disorder guilty in deputy assault
DO> Would he have done it if he didn’t have bipolar disorder?

No need for Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. to resign: Illinois governor
DO> Do you think he should resign?

Carrie Homeland: Would you tell your boss you have mental health issues?
DO> This is a very controversial issue, what do you think?

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects
of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Bipolar: Don’t Do This To Yourself

Hi,

I got this email from a supporter the other day and I thought I’d share it with you because I have some thoughts on it for you:

“Dave, I thought I was a good supporter, and I try to do the things you tell me to do in your emails, but my husband keeps going into episodes anyway. When I try to help him, he just gets mad at me, and we end up fighting. I think I’m doing the right things, but he won’t even listen to me. I’m so sad and frustrated. I just don’t know what else to do. I know it’s all my fault. I must be the worst supporter in the world. Deborah”

———————————————————————————————————————

I’ve gotten many emails like this from supporters who feel just like Deborah. Maybe you feel like her, too. If so, just know that you’re not alone. Now, I’m not a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or anyone like that, but I know how she feels, because I went through it with my mom. I experienced all those feelings, too, and I didn’t know what to do.

But let me address Deborah’s email directly, since so many supporters are going through the same thing that she is. The biggest thing I sense here is GUILT. And that is very common. And what I have to say to that is: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You could be the ace, #1, absolutely BEST supporter in the world, but if your loved one refuses to do what they’re supposed to do for their OWN stability, then nothing you do is going to change that. Again, it is NOT your fault.

It has nothing to do with you. It is THEIR problem, and not yours. Now, Deborah says that she follows what I say in my emails for supporters. But I also write emails for people who have bipolar disorder. And if her husband was doing what I told him to do in my emails to him, he would be listening to her, he would be doing what he needs to be stable, he wouldn’t be fighting with her, and he sure wouldn’t be going into episodes, now would he?

It sounds like Deborah is trying to do all the right things. She is trying to help her husband. She is trying to be supportive. She is trying to get her husband to do the things he should do to stay stable. But you can’t force someone to do something that they don’t want to do. That’s where her frustration and sadness are coming from. But here’s the most important thing (and I hear this from so many supporters): Deborah is BLAMING herself for her husband’s bad bipolar behavior and lack of stability. You can tell, when she says, “It’s all my fault.” Well, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it sure doesn’t seem like it to me! It seems to me like she’s trying everything she can to be supportive to her husband.

How is it her fault that he won’t listen to her and won’t let her help him? He is an adult, and makes his own choices. He can choose to let her help him or not. He can choose to listen to her or not. He can choose to be stable or not. It is NOT her fault if he makes the wrong choices. “I must be the worst supporter in the world,” she says. But the very fact that she reached out to me and sent me that email proves that she isn’t! The fact that she is asking for help for her and her husband proves that she isn’t!

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Bipolar: Which is More Important?

Hi,

I recently was asked this question: “Which is more important, to be right or to be happy?” I thought about this question because of this situation: A friend of mine was talking to me about his relationship with his girlfriend. See, they keep getting into these fights, and he just doesn’t understand why they keep getting into them. A small misunderstanding can turn into the biggest fight for them! So he was telling me about some of the things they have fought over, and you know what? I agree with him! I wouldn’t understand how it happened, either. Except for one thing. I know this guy. I know that he LOVES to be right. And sometimes, if he disagrees with you, he won’t stop trying to make you admit you’re wrong (whether you really are or not) and give in to him. So I can definitely see how there might be communication problems with his girlfriend and why they would fight so much.

So he asks me, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?” Hmmm…. I had to think about that one for about 2 seconds! I know a couple who dealt with this same problem, Only BOTH of them have bipolar disorder, so it was even harder for them. So they had to come up with something to “fix” their communication because they were fighting all the time, many times because neither of them would give in. Each of them firmly believed that they were right. So what do you do in that situation? This is what they did: AGREE TO DISAGREE. They both decided it was better to be happy than to be right. She even teases him and says things like, “Ok, you can be right this time!” LOL

Agreeing to disagree is all about compromise. If you still feel you have to be right, and/or you won’t stop until the other person “gives in,” like my friend, then you are not going to have good communication.

And neither of you is going to be very happy. Whereas, if you agree to disagree, you can each maintain your feeling that you are right, but you compromise anyway. This is really important in any relationship, not just one in which one of the people has bipolar disorder. How would you answer this question if I asked you, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?” I think when it’s written out in black and white like that, the answer is obvious. But an unwillingness to compromise, or AGREE TO DISAGREE, is the reason that many people in bipolar relationships fight so often. If you agree to disagree, you are showing respect to the other person, and basically telling them that you acknowledge that they have a right to believe what they believe and/or feel what they feel.

AGREE TO DISAGREE can be such an important part to good communication. But you have to agree with the philosophy. Then you have to practice it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

This Week’s Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Bipolar Disorder Is Insidious
DO> Talks about what a sneaky disease bipolar is. Don’t you agree?

Replicating risk genes in bipolar disorder
DO> This study has an interesting finding.

Getting help for bipolar disorder —— from chaos to control
DO> Article about someone with bipolar disorder. Can you relate?

Bipolar disorder Homeland Clare Danes Carrie Mathison CIA agent Laura May …
DO> This woman’s story will touch your heart, do you agree?

Demi Lovato opens up and gets help for bipolar disorder, do you know someone …
DO> This celebrity talks openly about her bipolar in a video, what do you think?

Mental illness is the hardest fight I’ve ever had, reveals Frank Bruno
DO> Horrifying story about his hospitals stays, don’t you think?

Bipolar swings emotions from high to low
DO> She makes some good points. See what you think, let me know

How To Achieve Bipolar IN Order
DO> Watch this interesting video to learn more about bipolar disorder, take a look

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

This Week’s Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Bipolar Disorder Is Insidious
DO> Talks about what a sneaky disease bipolar is. Don’t you agree?

Replicating risk genes in bipolar disorder
DO> This study has an interesting finding.

Getting help for bipolar disorder —— from chaos to control
DO> Article about someone with bipolar disorder. Can you relate?

Bipolar disorder Homeland Clare Danes Carrie Mathison CIA agent Laura May …
DO> This woman’s story will touch your heart, do you agree?

Demi Lovato opens up and gets help for bipolar disorder, do you know someone …
DO> This celebrity talks openly about her bipolar in a video, what do you think?

Mental illness is the hardest fight I’ve ever had, reveals Frank Bruno
DO> Horrifying story about his hospitals stays, don’t you think?

Bipolar swings emotions from high to low
DO> She makes some good points. See what you think, let me know

How To Achieve Bipolar IN Order
DO> Watch this interesting video to learn more about bipolar disorder, take a look

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Current Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews607/

Bipolar Disorder: Lark Voorhies, ‘Saved By The Bell’ Actress, Diagnosed With …
DO> Did you ever see her on TV? What do you think?

Lark Voorhies And 11 Other Celebrities Living With Bipolar
DO> Here’s a list of celebrities you may want to know.

Rock musical puts spotlight on bipolar disorder
DO> Interesting article about his view on bipolar disorder.

Do you feel guilty about having bipolar disorder?
DO> Really good article on guilt and bipolar, take a look.

KSTP’s Ken Barlow goes public with his struggle with bipolar disorder
DO> Do you agree with what he did?

Mental Illness Awareness Week is Oct. 7-13
DO> Interesting article about more than just Mental Illness Awareness Week.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews607/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Bipolar: Don’t Say This

Hi,

You know, I get a lot of emails and calls asking me some of the same questions, and so those are the ones I try to write to you about, because you may be dealing with the same issues. Well, one of the questions I get asked about most often is what to say and what NOT to say to your loved one when they’re in a bipolar episode. I got asked this by one woman especially this one time:

“Dave, I hope you can help me. I am so frustrated I don’t know what to do. My husband is just so mad at me it seems like all the time. No matter what I say it always seems like it’s the wrong thing to say like I can never say anything right. Of course this is only when hes in a bipolar episode otherwise hes the nicest guy in the world. But how do I know whats the right thing to say and whats the wrong thing to say so I don’t make him so mad all the time? Can you tell me? Thanks Emily.”

Well, maybe you feel the same way. Maybe the same thing is happening to you. If so, know that this is a common thing that happens when someone who has bipolar disorder goes into an episode, especially a manic one where they get agitated, irritable, and angry. So how do you know what to say and what NOT to say then? I can tell you from my own experience with my mom, as well as from what I’ve learned from talking to other supporters and what they’ve written to me and told me.

For example, you should never tell your loved one in an episode that you know how they feel.

This is one comment that can make them very angry at you. The truth is that you do not have bipolar disorder, so there is no way that you can truly know how they feel. It would be better if you said something like: “I can understand that you might be feeling [ ] right now…” And insert a word like frustrated, or angry, or resentful, or hurt, or whatever feeling you have noticed or think that your loved one may be feeling. This way you’re acknowledging their feelings, but you’re not antagonizing your loved one, either. Especially if you stay calm and say it in a soft voice. You’re showing your support and understanding, but you’re not assuming anything either, which is what makes them mad at you.

Another thing you should never say to your loved one during an episode is, “You could just snap out of this if you wanted to,” or something along those lines. I know you can get really frustrated waiting for your loved one to come out of their episode, but this is still not the right thing to say, even if you have to bite your tongue. I know I did, when my mom was in her episodes. I kept thinking things like, “If she loved me, she would stop this behavior,” or, “If she would just try harder, she could come out of this episode,” and things like that.” But I realized that she WAS trying, and that she was NOT doing this to me personally! If you say these things to your loved one, you’ll be making a mistake. These types of comments can truly make them mad (hurt them) because, well, think of yourself in their shoes. If it were you, don’t you think if it were that easy, that you would do it? It isn’t that easy. That’s why your loved one is struggling.

You need to be more loving, supportive and understanding. Try saying something like: “I know this is a hard thing for you to be going through, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” Your loved one may say things like, “Just leave me alone!” Or even something as terrible as, “I hate you!” My mom did that, too. But you can’t take it personally. It’s just part of their bipolar episode.

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Bipolar: This is the Difference

 

Hi,

I have a friend who calls himself a “recovering alcoholic.” One day I asked him what’s the difference between being a “recovering” alcoholic and a “regular” alcoholic? And he said, “I don’t drink.” So let me ask you something: What’s the difference between being a high functioning person with bipolar disorder and being just a “regular” person with bipolar disorder?

For one thing, if you were to look at a high functioning person with bipolar disorder, you’d probably never know that they even have the disorder. They are productive, stable, and successful, and live a pretty normal life. So what else makes the difference? Usually their attitudes. A high functioning person has a positive attitude…While a low functioning person is just the opposite – they have a negative attitude. Another difference is that one is willing to do whatever it takes to reach (and maintain) stability, while the other one isn’t. Guess which one isn’t. Right. A low functioning person is like those people with bipolar disorder who you hear complain all the time, or blame all their problems on the disorder.

A high functioning person will change their lifestyle to suit their stability. They will eat right, exercise, and keep a good sleep schedule. They will be productive. They will take all their medications willingly (not just for their bipolar disorder, but for everything). They will see their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist faithfully. They will have a strong support system. They will avoid what they’ve learned are triggers to a bipolar episode for them. They will keep their stress and anxiety to a minimum, avoiding those things and situations (and sometimes people) who raise their stress and anxiety levels. They will watch for any signs and symptoms of episodes, so they can avoid them. In other words, in one word, they are STABLE. And they worked hard to get that way. While the low functioning person is just the opposite. They won’t be medication compliant (or will complain about having to take it if they do take it at all). They won’t have a strong support system. They think they can handle this on their own. They won’t go to see their doctor, psychiatrist or therapist, because they don’t think they need them. They will probably sleep too much and even be lazy and unproductive. They will go through several episodes. In other words, they are NOT STABLE.

What’s the difference? Just what I said in one sentence before: The high functioning person with bipolar disorder will do whatever it takes to get stable and to maintain that stability. Willingly and with a positive attitude, they will do WHATEVER it takes. Is your loved one doing whatever it takes to maintain their stability? If not, they could lose it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave