Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

Do you know what self sabotage is? I’ve known many people to do this. It’s where they set themselves up for a failure. They don’t even give themselves the chance to win.

There was a man once who was a sprinter. But he had developed a disability that made him a little bit slower than he used to be. He decided to stay in the game, but he didn’t work out as much as he used to. He became slower still by not working out and practicing, and he began to lose all faith in his ability to sprint.

When it came time for a race, he had given up before he even got to the starting line. He “knew” he was going to lose, so he just accepted it. You know what? He did lose. But I’m convinced that it was as much his bad attitude that made him lose as it was the disability.

In fact, as fast as he was before, the disability shouldn’t have made all that big of a difference anyway. But he let it get to him. He sabotaged his own efforts. That man no longer runs races. How sad is that?

But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. You don’t have to sabotage yourself like that. Much of the time when we do that we don’t even realize that we are. We certainly don’t do it on purpose. At least, I don’t know anyone who would set out and say “I’m going to purposefully lose today!” LOL. Yet there are plenty of people who will still set themselves up like that.

Many of them have a disability that they allow to discourage them. My example will obviously be bipolar disorder. I bet you didn’t see that one coming…?

There are many times when I talk to people who have bipolar disorder that they will say something along the lines of, “Well, I can’t do that because I have bipolar.” Well, most of the time they could, with some minor adjustments.

There are a few things that really can’t be done with bipolar disorder. Being a trucker and staying up 3 nights in a row is probably not the smartest idea. I may be wrong, but I believe the military doesn’t allow anyone to enlist who has been on psychiatric medications recently. But for the most part, someone with bipolar disorder is just as capable as someone without it – at doing anything they set their minds to.

Too often do people think too hard into the label. There’s more to bipolar disorder than just a label, yes. But when it comes to limitations, it’s just a label! As long as you are following your treatment plan and have gained some stability, you can do almost anything you could dream of.

And supporters? Make sure you aren’t limiting your loved one’s view of their capabilities just because you are mistaken about them. You could be holding them back from the thing that they really need to be doing. Instead, encourage them to think about things realistically, and to plan for what they want. Most good things don’t happen overnight. If you can get that across to them, then you have done well.

What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

Have you ever heard the phrase “Make do with what you have”? Well, for some people this has to be taken in a very literal way. I heard a story at one point of someone who was living in a homeless shelter.

All they had to use was plastic utensils, and they didn’t always have a full set of those, either. Sometimes they had to stir coffee with a knife because they didn’t have a spoon, or spread butter with a fork because they didn’t have a knife.

Sometimes they had to grab something hot with a towel, blanket, or a bunch of napkins, because they didn’t have any hot pad holders. Sometimes they had to cook pancakes in muffin pans, because someone else was using the pan. Sometimes they had to boil stuff in the microwave because the stove was already being used.

But they didn’t let any of that get them down. They kept pressing on, until they got to the point that they could get themselves out of the mess they were in.

Sometimes people who have bipolar disorder and their supporters also have to make do with what they have. If you are a supporter, this might mean that you have to make do with the amount of patience you have been granted. You need to recognize when you’ve reached your limit, and when you need to ask for help. You also need to recognize when you can keep going on, no matter how hard it may seem.

This might also mean that you have to make do with the coping skills that you currently have. Now, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn more. In fact, you should always be looking to learn more coping skills, and to share the ones you know.

But while you are still learning the new ones, you need to manage with the ones you already had. Sometimes this can be hard, especially if you didn’t have adequate coping skills to begin with.

But each of us has to deal with the hand we have been given. And each of us needs to learn to move past the hand we have been given and make our own life in this world. It seems a little contradictory, but both sides are true. Does this make sense to you?

If you have bipolar disorder, making do with what you have looks a little bit different. It means learning to cope with your bipolar disorder, and learning to get to the point where it doesn’t hold you back.

This means that you have to accept your bipolar at some point so that you can learn to cope with it. If you never accept it, you’ll never be able to move on. Regardless of whether you are a person who has bipolar disorder or their supporter, in the battle against bipolar you need to make do with what you have.

What ways do you think you could make do until you can make things better?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews497/

Here are the news headlines:

Bipolar Disorder Common in Fibromyalgia
DO> I have heard this a lot over the years.

New Data Could Help Diagnose Bipolar Disorder
DO> Hmm. What do you think of this?

Why Are So Many Patients Ending Up In Jail Instead of in Hospitals?
DO> Isn’t this the truth. What do you think?

How Nature and Nurture Influence Mental Health
DO> VERY interesting article. Take a look.
For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews497/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, there are two kinds of love: Conditional love and unconditional love.

I want to use two case histories to illustrate my point today (but not their real names). See if you can spot the differences.

John and Mary are married, and Mary has bipolar disorder. Whenever Mary “behaves,” (as John calls it), in other words, when Mary is not in a bipolar episode or has no bipolar symptoms or behavior, John treats her well. He does things with her, he takes her out to dinner, they do things with friends and family, he buys her presents, he talks nice to her, etc.

But when Mary is in an episode, or shows bipolar symptoms or behavior, John doesn’t treat her well at all. Like when Mary is depressed, John tells her to “snap out of it,” or says, “You could

be happy if you really wanted to be.”

If Mary goes manic and spends too much money, John screams and yells at her for doing so, and even sometimes calls her names. No more presents, no more dinners, no more time with friends

and family, no more comfortable alone time, either. There is tension between them all the time, and they fight all the time, usually about trivial things.

Then when Mary is better again, John goes back to treating her nice again. Because of this, Mary cannot seem to stay stable with her bipolar disorder.

———————————————————————————————————————

Jill and George are married, too, and George has bipolar disorder. To Jill, it doesn’t matter if George is in a bipolar episode or showing symptoms or behavior of his bipolar or not, she treats him the same.

She is supportive, kind, and loving. She listens to him when he wants to talk, or simply sits with him when he doesn’t want to talk but just wants company.

Jill and George do everything together. When George is not in an episode or showing bipolar symptoms or behavior, they go for long walks in the park, they visit friends and family, they go out to dinner, they play board games or cards, they go to the movies, and just enjoy each other’s company.

When George is in an episode or showing symptoms or bipolar behavior, Jill is still by his side – she doesn’t change the way she treats him at all, even though they can’t do all the things they would normally be able to do. She rides out the storm with him, whatever that takes.

Because of this, George is pretty stable with his bipolar disorder.

———————————————————————————————————————

Could you spot the differences? Very simply, in the first case, with John and Mary, John’s treatment of Mary depends on whether she is well or sick. His love is conditional upon her behavior – if she is not in a bipolar episode or showing any bipolar behavior, he treats her well, even buys her presents.

However, if she is in an episode or is showing bipolar behavior, he withdraws that unconditional love and treats her poorly. His love is conditional upon her behavior.

On the other hand, we have Jill and George. Jill’s love for George is unconditional. She treats him the same whether he is in a bipolar episode or showing signs of bipolar behavior or not.

She acts the same way either way, and treats him the same way either way.

That’s unconditional love.

I had one supporter who told me this: “I love my wife. I hate her bipolar disorder. These are two different things.” That can make it easier to separate your loved one from their disorder, and to have unconditional love for them.

Whether your loved one is symptomatic or not, they need your unconditional love. You need to be able to separate them from their disorder in order to be able to do this. Remember what that one supporter said, how he loves his wife but hates her disorder and how these are two different things. That might help you.

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

Have you ever been nervous when you didn’t need to be? This person I used to know was. I’m not sure what made me think of this story today, but it’s a good one to tell. He had a legal issue he was trying to take care of.

Everything had been taken care of, and the other person didn’t have a leg to stand on. The ball was completely in his court. But when it actually came time to go stand before the judge, he was so nervous he had to keep himself from shaking.

It wasn’t that he was scared he was going to lose. In fact, he didn’t really know why he was nervous. But he was. In the long run, he ended up winning the case, just like he knew he would. The nervousness didn’t do him any good, but I guess it didn’t hurt too much, either.

Many people get like this all the time. For some it only happens every once in a while. There are some situations where it is more common for people who either have bipolar disorder, or who are supporters, to become nervous.

Take, for example, the situation in which a person who has bipolar disorder who has been stable for some time goes back to school for the first time. They and their supporters might be nervous about how they will do.

But, if they have been stable for some time, and they have honestly looked at whether this is a good idea with the entire treatment team, then there shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, being nervous might just hurt their cause in this situation, seeing as stress can help cause a relapse. Chances are, though, this person will do as good in school as they would have before the onset of their bipolar.

Another situation that may cause nervousness is seeing a new therapist, psychiatrist, or social worker. This doesn’t need to make you nervous, for one simple reason: you can fire them. I know this sounds funny, but it’s true.

If you feel that they aren’t as professional, as knowledgeable, or as respectful as they should be, then you can simply tell them you do not need another appointment with them, good day and good riddance. Well, maybe not that last part. LOL.

Then, you can find another professional to provide you with the same services. Also, don’t be discouraged if it takes a try or two to find someone who will meet your needs. This doesn’t mean that there are none out there; it just means that not everyone will be right for you.

Another area that might make a person unnecessarily nervous is when a supporter becomes sick or unavailable. It’s not the end of the world. Chances are, you have other supporters that you can call on.

If you are already stable, then this really shouldn’t be a problem. Even if you aren’t stable yet, just remind yourself of the things that they would tell you and help you with, and plug on until they become available again.

Sometimes life takes turns that we don’t necessarily appreciate. But remember: if the ball is in your court, there is no reason to be nervous. It won’t do much good, anyway.

What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

Have you ever felt this way? Same routine, different day… Nothing goes right, so why bother? It feels like the world will end if you get out of bed. Well… Chances are you getting out of bed won’t bring on Armageddon. LOL.

But routines filled with drama and failed attempts at fixing things can bring a person down. In fact, it can bring a person who has bipolar disorder too far down. It can lead to clinical depression.

But there is a four-syllable word that can help: Productiveness. How many times is it easy enough to just stay in bed and do nothing when you are depressed? Even if you get out of bed you aren’t likely to do much.

There is a philosophy for dealing with depression. The saying goes “Get up and eat.” Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way: food will not solve depression. The point to this saying is that getting up and doing something will help.

There is scientific evidence to this, as well. Getting up and doing things that are productive will help the brain chemical process that will encourage your brain to bring you out of the depression. Now, this isn’t a substitute for taking your medication or following your treatment plan. But it will help.

There are lots of things you can do. The more productive they are, the better. I say this because the satisfaction of a job well done will build your self esteem and help pull you out of the depression. Not to mention there are things that just need to get done.

These sorts of things can vary greatly, ranging anywhere from hobbies to household chores to work or school to socialization. You can talk on the phone to someone you’ve been meaning to get ahold of for a while now. You can choose to eat a healthy meal and plan for it when you go grocery shopping. Even going grocery shopping is an example of something constructive you can do.

Now this isn’t by far a cure-all. But it will help you in many ways. It’s a good coping skill to have and to learn. If you need help with it, let someone know. There are many people who can help you with it, including your supporters and your therapist. You should let your psychiatrist know as well.

Now, supporters, if your loved one comes up to you and says that they need help with motivation, take them seriously. But do it gently. They don’t need someone yelling at them or forcing them to do anything. What they need is gentle encouragement and attention to details that will help them along. They also need you to be their source of hope when they don’t have any other.

What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

I’ve run into a problem lately that I’ve ran into a lot over the years. People come to me and ask me what to do about pregnancy and bipolar disorder. There was one woman in specific recently. She wasn’t pregnant yet, and was doing what she needed to do to keep it that way, but she really wanted a baby.

She was stuck in a moral dilemma. Should she have the baby, knowing all of the risks involved? Or should she just deal with the fact that she shouldn’t? Well, I can’t really answer that question; it is a personal choice that should be discussed with the members of your treatment team. But I can go over the risks and the good news about pregnancy in bipolar disorder.

Many people are already aware of some of the risks involved. One of the ones that concerns many people is that bipolar disorder is, in part, genetic. The good news about that one is that it only provides a genetic predisposition, and that with a positive environment, teaching of good coping skills, and early intervention as needed, the risk can be minimized.

Another risk that concerns many people is medications and pregnancy. Many medications have not been tested during pregnancy, or have mixed results. Some people who have bipolar that find themselves pregnant choose to go off of their medications during the course of the pregnancy. For some, this is fine.

But the general belief is that if you are going to become suicidal when off your medications, that it is much safer for the baby if you are on the medications. After all, the rate of fetuses surviving medications is much higher than the rate of them surviving suicide.

Another thing to consider is how severe your other symptoms may become when off medications. You need to talk to your doctor and your treatment team about the risks and benefits of medication during pregnancy.

Another thing to consider is the added stress of pregnancy hormones on top of your bipolar symptoms. For many people, this will only exasperate the course of the illness. Not to mention, it’s likely to drive your supporters bonkers. LOL. But with minor adjustments to your treatment plan, and by following your treatment plan, you should be able to minimize your mood swings.

Another thing to consider is weight. People who are on certain bipolar medications are likely to already have problems or concerns with their weight. When you add the appetite and statistics of weight gain during pregnancy, this concern can grow.

Many pregnant women, even ones who do not have bipolar, are likely to “eat for three,” even if they are not having twins. This causes unnecessary weight gain, and can even cause other problems in certain situations.

When you already have weight concerns due to stress, depression, and bipolar medications, you need to be extra careful to eat healthy with moderate proportions, and to talk with your doctor about appropriate weight gain.

Having a baby is always a wonderful thing. Having a baby when you have bipolar disorder can still be a wonderful thing. You may have to take extra precautions, but if you choose to become pregnant, then it can be worth it in the end.

What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews496/

Here are the news headlines:

New Treatment Treats Bipolar Disease Within 40 Minutes
DO> WOW, what do you think of this?

Hidden Bipolar Disorder in Major Depression
DO> Yes, there is.

Emerging Bipolar Treatments And New Research Are Causing An Upsurge In

Interest In The Disorder
DO> This is great don’t you think?

Different Factors Responsible for Onset, Persistence of Bipolar in Youth
DO> GREAT article, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews496/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. He was complaining in a sort of jokingly way about a “generational curse” his family had. Apparently all of the men in his family had curly hair. But the women all had straight hair.

It didn’t make sense to anyone in his family. None of the men liked their curly hair. Yet all of the women wanted curly hair. It was completely one of those “the grass is always greener” situations. But this friend of mine wasn’t making a big deal out of it – he was just laughing about the whole situation.

It made me think. A generational curse? Well, I know of something else that could be considered a generational curse: Bipolar disorder. I’ve heard some people call it that. I’m not sure it’s the best description of it, but that’s the way some people choose to look at it.

The reason some think this is because there is a genetic connection with bipolar disorder. People who have immediate relatives who have the disorder are more likely to develop it themselves. But that doesn’t make it a guarantee.

Science calls this a genetic predisposition. What that means is that the person is more susceptible to developing bipolar disorder, should their environment and their brain chemistry mix in the right way. But it depends on a lot of other factors, as well. Even identical twins aren’t guaranteed to both have the disorder if one does. So there’s no guarantee that if your mom or dad has it that you will, also.

I’ve actually heard some people freak out about this. They are afraid that just because their mother/father/brother/sister/aunt/etc has bipolar disorder that they are doomed to get it themselves.

What they don’t realize is that instead of freaking out about it and stressing themselves out, they could instead be taking measures to prevent it. Yes, you heard me right. Prevent it. Even someone without bipolar disorder can benefit from stress management, mood management, and anger management techniques.

And you never know for sure if you really are genetically predispositioned to bipolar disorder. If you are, it might just help you to avoid the onset of bipolar disorder, or at the very least, to minimize the intensity of the disorder.

If your loved one has bipolar disorder, and you feel that you are at risk for developing the disorder, then take some practical steps in your own life. Look at the techniques you are helping your loved one to learn, and then bother to learn them yourself. This will help you, and it will also help them; after all, people learn better by example.

Of course, if you feel you already have developed bipolar disorder, or you are not sure, then you should see a professional to determine your diagnosis. You may have bipolar disorder, another disorder, or just high stress levels.

But don’t bother worrying about genetic predispositions – instead, act to prevent them.

What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

One of my close friends isn’t today. I just talked to him, and he was mad. He had tried all day to do nice things for others. First he made coffee for someone at work who was complaining that there was no coffee. They then proceeded to complain that the coffee was too weak.

He had spent days cooking for his sister, who didn’t even live with him. He had done it out of the kindness of his heart, and for no other reason. But today he had to work instead of cooking for her. She didn’t want to understand this. Instead, she made his day even more stressful by complaining very rudely to him that he wasn’t doing his job.

He copied some important documents for a co-worker because they were too busy to do it, and didn’t even get a thanks.

He called me to say that he gave up. He didn’t want to help anyone anymore. Everyone was too ungrateful. Have you ever had one of those days? Have you ever, say, helped your loved one in so many ways that they don’t even know what all of them are – only to have them ignore you or complain to you? And goodness forbid you expect a thank- you.

It can be very frustrating at times. My friend wanted to believe in karma and hope that it would come back to them. Well, maybe it would. But I’m not sure that’s the best thing to hope for. When it comes down to it, we love the person; we just don’t love their actions.

Instead of giving up on helping others, we need to address the problem and try to find a solution. I’m not saying this will be easy; in fact, it can be a little tricky. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Start by using “I” statements. Tell them that you feel unappreciated and that you would be more comfortable continuing to help them if they voiced their thanks. Note the word ‘voiced.’ Don’t imply that they are not thankful at all; that might not be true and could offend them. Just state that you have not heard evidence of it, and would appreciate it if you did in the future.

Then remember: you are the supporter for a reason. They are dealing with some problems that make it so they don’t always think clearly. Even people who don’t have bipolar disorder have their days when they don’t want to bother to be grateful. It must be that much harder for someone who is constantly distracted by their struggle with mood swings.

Try to remember that you can be the better person. You can continue to help them, no matter how they act. At some point they will realize that you’ve helped them this whole time when you didn’t have to. At some point they will say thank-you in a way that you will recognize.

Until then, don’t give up on the ones you love. Try to remember you love them for a reason. Deep breath. Chin up. Set your mind to have a good day.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave