Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
Have you ever been nervous when you didn’t need to be? This person I used to know was. I’m not sure what made me think of this story today, but it’s a good one to tell. He had a legal issue he was trying to take care of.
Everything had been taken care of, and the other person didn’t have a leg to stand on. The ball was completely in his court. But when it actually came time to go stand before the judge, he was so nervous he had to keep himself from shaking.
It wasn’t that he was scared he was going to lose. In fact, he didn’t really know why he was nervous. But he was. In the long run, he ended up winning the case, just like he knew he would. The nervousness didn’t do him any good, but I guess it didn’t hurt too much, either.
Many people get like this all the time. For some it only happens every once in a while. There are some situations where it is more common for people who either have bipolar disorder, or who are supporters, to become nervous.
Take, for example, the situation in which a person who has bipolar disorder who has been stable for some time goes back to school for the first time. They and their supporters might be nervous about how they will do.
But, if they have been stable for some time, and they have honestly looked at whether this is a good idea with the entire treatment team, then there shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, being nervous might just hurt their cause in this situation, seeing as stress can help cause a relapse. Chances are, though, this person will do as good in school as they would have before the onset of their bipolar.
Another situation that may cause nervousness is seeing a new therapist, psychiatrist, or social worker. This doesn’t need to make you nervous, for one simple reason: you can fire them. I know this sounds funny, but it’s true.
If you feel that they aren’t as professional, as knowledgeable, or as respectful as they should be, then you can simply tell them you do not need another appointment with them, good day and good riddance. Well, maybe not that last part. LOL.
Then, you can find another professional to provide you with the same services. Also, don’t be discouraged if it takes a try or two to find someone who will meet your needs. This doesn’t mean that there are none out there; it just means that not everyone will be right for you.
Another area that might make a person unnecessarily nervous is when a supporter becomes sick or unavailable. It’s not the end of the world. Chances are, you have other supporters that you can call on.
If you are already stable, then this really shouldn’t be a problem. Even if you aren’t stable yet, just remind yourself of the things that they would tell you and help you with, and plug on until they become available again.
Sometimes life takes turns that we don’t necessarily appreciate. But remember: if the ball is in your court, there is no reason to be nervous. It won’t do much good, anyway.
What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Dr mr. oliver: I stay neavous seeing a new therapist, because they have a lot of preconceived thoughts. Many times that causes them to write very negative reports on my 19 year old grandson. Some times there conclusions are totally wrong because they have very limited information and haven’t worked with him for a while. These very negative statements or observations find themselves in his school records. Many of these comments make him sound like the beast that eat manhattan, when he is afraid of fast moving objects, like rides at a park or water or dark places or just afraid of the unknown. These statementment blackwall him from particating in school programs and recreational activies. These therapist words are taken as gospel truth. Truly Pam
dear dave,thanks for telling me its ok to feel not well,i have tryed to become this and i feel scared a lot, i feel like i cant tell the doctors , thay might think im crasy , i dont know maybe my vist this time with a doctor might help. thanks ur friend sharon
David,
I know the feeling, nervousness can crush your confidence and basically cripple any type of progress, especially in school. I am in my mid 30’s and I started going to college (junior college) back in 1996 and I still haven’t finished. I swear I must have spent thousands of dollars in classes, I keep trying to finish, but get nervous and my anxiety builds, gosh, this is so hard, I got tears coming down my eyes. I mean i sign up for classes and then drop out after 4 or 6 weeks because it causes me so much stress and not only that I fear getting bad grade a (B) this is ridiculous. I am looking to get the “A” and when I don’t do my home work the stress and anxiety compounds.
My nervousness gets worse as I get older, I feel as though my time to grow as an adult is gone, most if not all of my former friends have professions and or have families, and there is me with low paying job and no true sense of worth. My mind speeds with thoughts, good thoughts, sad thoughts, my past etc… I have been going on and on to different therapists but I never ever feel fulfilled.
Anyway, if anyone reads this, please I would like your feedback or maybe some suggestions. I never lose hope, I don’t know exactly what keeps me going ( at least at a mid level gear) but at least the hope never leaves me.
Antonio
this sounds just like me I dont like changes either,like if someone says were going to the movies and we dont go i get eal upset does that have to do with bipoler to?
Well, living with a young child that has BP and other mood disorders I agree nervous is a huge part of it. Right before a Pysch break he will tell all of us he is “getting nervous.” If we even try to talk to him he will tell us to shut up that we are now “making him nervous.” This mental illness has leveled my own sanity as we watch our nearly 10 year old spiral down this ugly road. Every day is a challenge. Food is a challenge, getting dressed is a challenge. The all encompassing mood of just being is a challenge. So “nervous” is a word near and dear to us.. We live with it every day. Watching him actually makes the rest of us nervous in our home. He does take meds and get therp. help but every minute is a challenge. Thanks for this website. Very informative WoW
Thanks for all your recent letters. Really haven´t had time to look them over. But the reason I was inquiring about bi-polar problem is because my son who is 37 years of age & has had this problem for years and was only diagnosed with it after his first suicide attempt after the unfaithfulness of his first wife. He was in ICU for several days in the hospital. But since was in the process of committing suicide again during the breakup of his long-time girlfriend after him and his first wife´s divorce, and there was intervention that kept him from doing it again. He will not stay on his medication and has very highs (he is very creative and is a solo rockabilly singer in a four man band. But I´m afraid of his lows. Right now he is breaking up with his second wife of 8 years of marriage. So, I´m not sure if he can be helped because he has always been in denial that he has a problem. But believe me he does! I´ll try to look over your information. Sorry I´ve been negligent to do this. Thanks so much…..Linda
Yes, my nervousness occurs when sitting at the computer in the evening. It centers around my right leg or left. Eventually, I have to stand cause it gets so intense. At times I’ll pound on my theigh just for relief.
This has been a condition which was diagnosed by my Dr. as a post type bipolar nervious reaction. It is not pleasant.
I have been subscibing to your emails for a year or so, because many of my family members have mood and anxiety disorders. It left me either feeling like the “eye of the storm” most of my life, or, like the storm would sweep me up too sometimes. I not a “supporter”, but I’m more of a bystander/cheerleader of some kind, maybe even an unofficial expert of field studies, lol. But, jokes aside, these disorders have wreaked havoc on my life, even just by being related and living in the same house as people who have them.
I really liked the part in your essay that mentioned how supporters as well as the people suffering from this disorder can have trouble with nervousness. It’s almost impossible in my opinion to take care of or live with people who are mentally ill, and not pick up bits and pieces of it’s chaos in your own life. Nervousness definitely applies. What i’m really trying to say is that it’s good that there are tools to use, and I love how you always end your essays with a solution, leaving no stone unturned. Thanks 🙂
To Antonio:
I read your post after i had posted a comment of my own, but i had to post again and reply to you.
What you said touched my heart deeply, and I truly understand what you are going through :).
My dad is BP and my mom suffers from OCD. Most of my extended family suffers from some form of these disorders as well. I was surrounded with all this as a child. There were many years (ages 5-24) where i picked up my own anxiety and mood problems, I suffered a great deal. There was no one to help at home because my parents were both so sick themselves. I still don’t know if i was clinically ill, and i could have been imitating my parents or something, but i experienced many symptoms at the very least. The worst part was that doctors put me on so many meds in my teens and early 20’s, trying to “fix” me. But, there has been an end to this stuggle. A silver lining if you will. For the last two years of my life i have piece by piece been pulling it together. It’s been my own kind of process, because doctors have mostly hurt me. Becoming a mom, was a part of it, because it forced me to take a committed look at what didn’t work in my life. Also, I am a single mom, who went through a devastating breakup while pregnant, so I am all my daughter has. If I am not healthy, than she has no one. Most importantly though, by combing over myself i came to a realization of just how little i had valued myself during my life. I started working on myself, feeling confident little by little, even writing music again, which was a big step.
You don’t need a family or a good job to feel good about yourself. If that’s the case then I should be even more depressed than i used to get because I am still unemployed and my family is broken.
All you need is SELF love to be happy. The girl i used to be would kick the woman i am today in the head if she heard that corny nonsense. But, I swear to you that this is no nonsense. Learning how to slowly but surely love myself and value my life has saved my life. Period.
I understand the anxiety over feeling like to have no more time left in your adult life to grow. I still get angry about those lost years too. And i also don’t have a degree in college because i did the same thing that you mentioned. By the way, reading that part in your comment gave me goosebumps it hit so close to home.
I really think it’s pressure from a status quo over haveing a degree that makes most people feel ashamed if they dont have one for whatever reason. But i personally don’t care if i get one. I truly don’t care what society thinks, and i don’t break my back trying to meet them on the same page if you know what i mean. But if that’s something that’s inportant to you that’s great, I’m not trying to say that people shouldn’t get degrees or anything. If you want it, you should get it, and who cares if your in your 30’s, some people don’t do it til they’re 60. Stressing over the usual general time constraints hurts to.
I hope i haven’t come on too strong, and i’m sorry this is a mile long. A lot of thoughts came up for me after reading your comment. Best wishes to you, write me back :).
I can understand what you are saying as well as others being a supporter of my thirteen year old daughter with BP. She has been a challenge since a young age and was diagnosed with bipolar at eight years old. She did well on her meds until she started going through puberty and then it was like the meds no longer worked. The past five months has been difficult for our family as her moods were all over the place and for awhile nobody in the house felt safe. She was just released from the hospital two weeks ago (this is the second psych hospitilazation in 2 months)and has been doing well on the new meds. However it is hard not to worry if another breakdown is just around the corner or if new stressors will cause her to decline again. On top of it I need to keep myself in check for I have anxiety and depression myself. Recently I restarted antidepressants which has been helpful. I try not to worry and just am thankful each day we get through stable.
thanks Dave your daily e-mails help alot
Hi Dave
This email is such a blessing my 16 year old granddaughter just started school and her behavior is just now starting to change. She will be starting her new job Saturday and now she is saying maybe I am not stable enough to work this job. This summer her 1st job was ast six flags and all summer long she was very stable and having much fun. She is not on any medication the dr took her off in Nov 2009. But I am seeing some symptoms of the same behavior from this time last year.
Thanks for the email article to help me and my granddaughter to cope with the siutation
Dave
I can say someday are hard than others. Now, when it come to my personal life I am not that good at it. I do not trust people. When it come to men they want my money or just for sex. It make it hard soemday to go out in the world and see people because it is easy just to work long hours.
i have been with this condition for 4 years and it gets worst when i get depressed i have tryed everything no i’m going to try with a natural supplement it’s very hard on my boyfriend because he does not understand my conditon. i get very nerveous at time sometimes i think i can’t control myself when i get mad but i do it s so hard to livelike this help