Bipolar: When You Reach the End of Your Rope

Hi,

 

I read a lot. I definitely read what’s going on in the news. Especially what’s going on in bipolar news, so I can pass it on to you. And of course, most of what you read in today’s news is bad

news. And a lot of the bad news reports are about people who were just pushed beyond their limits before they struck out and did something bad. I mean, they didn’t just decide to one day go out and commit murder or anything, stuff happened that led up to that point…Until they met their limit.

 

I know you have a limit, too, when it comes to dealing with your loved one with bipolar disorder.

And that sometimes they can push you almost to your breaking point. I know, because I was there many times myself when I was dealing with my mom. But I heard this saying: “When you get to the end of your rope…Tie a knot and hang on.” And hope that the next day will be better.

And it usually is. (Unless your loved one is in the grips of a bipolar episode, of course, in which case you need to get them to get some help.)

 

But I know that things can get to you sometimes. It sure is tough being a supporter to a loved one

with bipolar disorder. But before you reach your limit, there is something you can do. You need to set limits for your loved one. This will help you to cope with things better, and keep you from ever reaching that breaking point. Why do you need to set limits? Well, for one thing…What I just said – to keep you from getting to your breaking point. But for another thing…Many people with bipolar disorder tend to become manipulative. Especially if they get away with the things that they do when they’re in their bipolar episodes. They think that they can get away with things. That there are no consequences to their actions. So you need to set limits on them. You need to show them that, in fact, there ARE consequences for their actions.

 

Here’s an example: Say they have a problem with handling money. They spend money excessively when they’re in a manic episode. So you put a limit on how much money they have

access to, and tell them that when that amount of money is gone, there is no more, no matter what. Then, if they spend it all, you have to stick to your end of the bargain, and not give them any more money. That may be the hardest part for you, but in order for this to work, you have to stick to it. This way, they will learn to manage their money better. They will learn that there is a consequence for excessive spending, or not managing the money right. They will learn that there is a limit.

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Bipolar: When Things Change

Hi,

 

You know Michele, who works for me. Well, she has a husband (who also has bipolar disorder)

who likes to fool her sometimes as a joke. Well…This past week he moved the phone from its usual place to the other end table in the living room. And every time it rings…He cracks up, because Michele keeps going to the old end table to pick it up! LOL Then she gets all confused until she remembers that he moved it…And by then the answering machine has picked it up…

And she’s all frustrated…And her husband is just sitting there cracking up! Well, he thinks it’s funny, but Michele doesn’t. Do you know why? Because she was fine with the phone where it used to be. But that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that she doesn’t like change.

 

Most people don’t. We get used to the way things are, and we don’t like it when they change.

Like when your loved one is first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they go to a therapist, and the therapist tells them that they have to change their lifestyle. They really resist this (at first).

Because most people don’t like change. Do you? Or would you be like Michele? Resisting change all the way? Maybe you can understand your loved one better by relating to them then.

 

Like I was saying…Their therapist has probably told them that they need to make changes in their lifestyle in order to manage their bipolar disorder, and this is probably very difficult for them, because they’re resistant to change. As they go along, it will get easier for them, but at

first, change will be very hard for them. It will be frustrating for them. It may even add to their mood swings. It may even make them angry at times (because of the stress). So it would help if you understood what they’re going through. Just imagine if you had to change. Think about just one habit that you have. Now think about being asked to stop it. How hard would that be?

Especially because you, too, are most likely as resistant to change as your loved one is.

 

One common thing that is probably going on with both you and your loved one is this: They were probably told that they had to change their diet. Well, that means that you probably have to change your diet as well. Especially if they’re the one that does the cooking! There are other changes that are happening as well to try to manage your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and

the more understanding you are of them, the better things will be for both of you.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Current Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews596/

Cancer And Injuries More Likely In People With Serious Mental Illness
DO> Wow, this is interesting

Impulsivity Increased In Siblings Of BD I Patients
DO> Excellent article, take a look

Stress Faced By Caregivers A Concern
DO>This is obvious, isn’t it?

‘I Wished She Was Dead’: Mum Tells Of Life With Bipolar Daughter
DO> Wow this is so sad.

Memoir Gives Vital Steps For Coping With Bipolar Disorder Through Various Avenues
DO> Are you going to get this, it sounds good

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews596/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Bipolar: There is an End

 

Hi,

 

I was at the gym the other day. And my friend came up to me. And he started talking about his girlfriend. He was talking about something that had happened with her. Well…At first I listened to him. I was being a good friend and a good listener. But he just kept going on and on and on…

And I’m sorry, but I started losing patience. I mean, about halfway through, I realized that he was repeating the whole thing all over again! Yep! The same story he had just told me! There went my patience. But he just kept going. On and on and on. He wouldn’t shut up! And to look at him, you would think he was sharing the most important thing in the world! So I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. And I didn’t see how I could just tell him to shut up or anything, so I just listened till he was done.

 

What, might you ask, kept me going through all this? Well…I just kept telling myself, “There is an end to this.” I knew that somewhere…sometime…There had to be an end to it. And that kept me going without yelling at him to shut up or punching him out like I wanted to do inside! lol

 

Ok, so what does this funny story have to do with bipolar disorder? Because you know I always relate everything to bipolar, right? Ok…Have you ever been in a situation that just went on

and on and on and you just thought it was never going to end? You might feel that way right now in trying to cope with your loved one and their bipolar disorder. Feeling overwhelmed is a common feeling for a bipolar supporter. That’s how you can feel when you feel like your

situation is never going to end…That it’s always going to be the way it is now. But I want to encourage you – The only thing constant is CHANGE. Things WILL change for you. Your situation WILL change. It may not happen overnight. And it may not happen as fast as you’d like

it to. But it WILL happen! Don’t stop hoping for it. And don’t stop trying for it. Keep doing things that help your situation.

 

For example: If you’re doing something to try to help your loved one with their bipolar disorder and it isn’t working…Stop doing it. Try something different. Who knows what might work.

Different things work for different people. Just try doing something you’ve never tried before.

It just might be the new thing that works – The very thing that changes your situation!

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Bipolar Lesson From a Parking Lot

Hi,

 

I want to tell you about this situation that my friends are in, because I think there is a lesson that we can all learn from it. They live in this huge apartment complex. I mean HUGE! There are like 3,000 people that live in this apartment complex! And the thing is that it looks real nice on the

outside and all, at least to the naked eye, and at least in dry weather. But here’s the rub – When it rains, the parking lots all flood! That’s because they weren’t paved right to begin with. But you can’t see that to the naked eye when the weather is dry, you can only see it when it rains.

 

So here’s what happened: So many of the tenants complained that management finally decided to do something about it. Great, huh? NOT! Well…They got the pavers to come out, and they inconvenienced the tenants by making them go all the way around the paver’s blockades to get to their respective apartments while the work was being done (which they didn’t mind, because they thought well at least the parking lot was finally getting paved and no more flooding, right? WRONG!) The next time it rained…The parking lots flooded even WORSE! That’s because all the pavers did was PATCH the parking lots where they were at their worse. They never fixed the REAL problem at its SOURCE.

 

So here’s the lesson I think we can learn: When you’re solving problems, you have to get to

them at their SOURCE. Or else they’re going to keep coming back at you again and again and again, just like that flooded apartment parking lot. If you’re having problems with your loved one and their bipolar disorder, for example, you can’t just “patch” them and expect things to get better. Oh, they might get better for a little while, but then the problem is just going to reassert

itself, possibly even worse. Say, for example: You want to stop the fighting. So you just start getting real quiet. And the fighting may stop for awhile, but since you never discussed with your loved one the source of the fighting, nothing is really resolved, and eventually the fighting will start up again. It’s just inevitable. Because you never really solved the problem. You never went to the SOURCE. In this case, you need to talk to your loved one about what is causing you to fight in the first place.

 

You need to practice this strategy whatever the problem is that you’re facing. As long as you go to the source, you have the best chance of actually solving the problem and not just patching it up.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

A Third Option with Bipolar Disorder

Hi,

 

You’ve heard it said that an optimist looks at a half a glass of water and sees it as half-full. While a pessimist looks at a half a glass of water and sees it as half-empty. Well, let me throw a third option at you. Think about this: A realist sees just a half a glass of water, neither half-full nor half-empty. Interesting, isn’t it? Because usually we think in terms of optimistic and pessimistic, as in our attitudes. Or in our approaches to things. Because it’s true that our approach to things colors how we’ll see things. Like how you view your situation with a loved one who has bipolar disorder, or being a bipolar supporter. I always advise people in your situation to try to be

optimistic about your situation. Because if you’re optimistic, I believe it will help you more, and, ultimately, help you to help your loved one better.

 

See…It’s even been shown in studies that people who view things with an optimistic bent are even healthier than people who are more negative. So that’s one good reason why I tell supporters that they should be an optimist. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about today.

Today I want to talk to you about that third option I talked about in the beginning. About being a realist. Because that’s what I think you ultimately need to be (although I still believe you do need to be a positive person with a positive attitude – I don’t believe that they are exclusive). I believe you can be realistic without being idealistic, if you know what I mean. Because too many people make the mistake of believing that if you’re an optimist, it’s like you have blinders on, and you don’t see things realistically. Well, I believe that you still can.

 

It’s like the principle of mindfulness, that you might have come across in your loved one’s therapy for their bipolar disorder (or your own). In mindfulness, you look at what’s happening in the moment, and you don’t judge it. You look at it the way it is, instead of the way you would like it to be. In other words…You look at realistically. And that’s the way you deal with it.

Realistically. See…I think that’s the way you need to deal with things when you’re trying to deal with a loved one with bipolar disorder – realistically. If you keep trying to deal with things the way you would like them to be instead of the way they are, you’re going to get yourself into trouble. For one thing, it just isn’t going to work. For another thing, you’re just going to get frustrated. And you can get very stressed out if you’re not careful. And too much stress can really burn you out as a supporter. But if you look at things realistically, you will do much better.

 

For example: It would be nice to believe that your loved one will never have another bipolar episode, wouldn’t it? That would be an optimistic way of looking at things. But it’s not very realistic, is it? Because chances are that they will have another episode. So, knowing that, you can prepare yourself to deal with it when it does happen. See what I mean?

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Know what the Bipolar Knot is?

 

Hi,

 

I saw a poster the other day that said: “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!” I thought that was really cool. You know, I get a LOT of emails. And sometimes it feels like I get the same email over and over, because so many supporters feel the same way. I mean, the name may be different, and the city and state may be different, the situation may even be slightly different, but the problem is still the same. Like the saying I was talking about. It’s what I want to say to many of the supporters who write to me. They tell me how hard it is for them. And believe me…I KNOW how hard it can be! I still haven’t forgotten the pain of trying to help

my mom when she was at her worst. At times I didn’t think I could stand any more. I wanted to run away and never come back. In the end…I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t make it hurt any less, though.

 

So…This describes that feeling perfectly: At the end of your rope. And what do you do? You tie a knot and hang on. That’s all you can do sometimes. Sometimes you can get frustrated because what you’re doing isn’t working. And that can certainly lead up to feeling like you’re at the end of your rope. Sometimes you can feel like you’re the only one who cares. And that can be so frustrating. I got an email from a woman whose sister has bipolar disorder. And systematically, her sister had pushed away everyone in the family but this woman. She was the only one left trying to help her sister. She was so close to the end of her rope, but she was afraid to give up. because she thought that if she gave up, her sister would have no one to help her. So I just told her not to give up. Things eventually do get better. A solution will present itself that wasn’t there

before. Or the doctor will try a new medication on your loved one and they will get better. Or you will think of something you haven’t tried yet, and it will improve things. Just something will change. And it can make all the difference in the world. You never know. The key is to not give up. If you give up…You lose. So just don’t give up. Tie that knot and hang on. The answer will present itself. Things will get better.

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Current Bipolar News

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews595/

 

Here are the news headlines:

How Doctors View Mood Disorders

Daily Temperature Linked to Bipolar Admissions

Many Bipolar Patients unaware of Co-occurring Medical Conditions

 Breakthrough Device To Treat Neurological Disorders

Cancer and Injuries More Likely in People with Serious Mental Illness

 

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews595/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Bipolar: Pretending Won’t Work

Hi,

 

When you were little, did you play pretend? Like…If you were a boy…Did you pretend to be an astronaut? Or a cowboy? Or an Indian? Or a superhero? Or if you were a girl…Did you pretend to be a princess? Or a ballerina? Or an actress? Or a model? Yes, it was fun to pretend when we were little, wasn’t it? It was part of being a kid. But then we got older, and we didn’t play “pretend” any more. We had to deal with adult issues and adult problems. Like bipolar disorder.

 

You just can’t “make” your problems go away by pretending they don’t exist. Unfortunately, some people do. That’s how they get themselves into trouble. Like…I heard of this couple. They got into trouble with their finances. So they weren’t able to make their mortgage payment. Well, this went on for a couple months. Instead of talking to the mortgage company about it, they just ignored it and tried to pretend that the problem didn’t exist, hoping it would go away. Not very realistic of them, was it? So you can probably guess what happened next. Yep. They foreclosed on the house. And this couple lost their house just because they pretended that the problem didn’t exist instead of facing it and trying to do something about it.

 

Now…I tell you that to tell you this: I don’t want that to be you. There are some supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder who do pretend. Yep. They go along like they have blinders on and try to pretend that their loved one is just going to get better someday without doing anything about it. Then there are others whose loved ones are clearly in a bipolar episode, but they just pretend like nothing is wrong. That’s a real dangerous type of pretending. I want you to be realistic. Face the problem and deal with it. Pretending that the problem doesn’t exist won’t

make it better. Look at that couple who lost their house.

 

You may not be in a very good situation with your loved one right now. For example, you may be fighting a lot. That can happen when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder. But ignoring it will just make it worse. And ignoring your loved one can just make them angrier, and the fighting can just get worse. And you don’t want that. So be realistic. If you have a problem with your loved one and some behavior that they’re doing, bring it out in the open and deal with it. Talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel. Ask them to stop the behavior. Set some boundaries and limits.

Set down some consequences to the behavior. Do what you have to do. But just don’t pretend that the problem doesn’t exist. Because it won’t go away on its own. You have to do something about it.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Do you know what a Bipolar Story?

Hi,

 

Do you like to read? I do. I read, like, at least10 books a week. But, then, I’m a speedreader, so that’s how I read so many books. And about all different subjects, too. I find that it keeps me on my toes. And I like learning about all kinds of things, too. Not just about bipolar disorder all the time. Do you like to read fiction books? Are you one of those people who reads the book from beginning to end? Or are you one of those “cheaters” who skips to the end to see how it turns out and then goes back and reads the book through? AHA! Caught ya! lol

 

Unfortunately, you just can’t do that with bipolar disorder. You can’t jump to the end of the story to see how it turns out. You just have to take each day as it comes. Just like reading a book a page at a time…You have to take each day with bipolar disorder one day at a time. Because one day your loved one may be doing great, but the next day they could be in a bipolar episode. And you may not even see it coming. Kind of like those exciting twists and turns in the plot of a story, right? Only this is your story, and it’s not so exciting when it’s real life and you’ve got to deal with it. And you don’t like it when things happen that you didn’t expect. Lots of people don’t like surprises. Especially bad ones. That’s because they don’t like when they’re not in control.

We like to know that we’re in control of things. Unfortunately, when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, many times you aren’t in control of things. There is a high unpredictability factor when it comes to bipolar disorder.

 

Still…That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to “write” some of the story anyway. In other words… You can try to be as prepared as you can be in some areas. For example: You can be aware of the signs and symptoms of bipolar episodes in general, and your loved one’s episodes in particular. Think back to past episodes. What were some signs that they were in a manic or

depressed episode in the very beginning of it? Did their appetite change? Did their sleeping habits change? Did their mood change? Did their behavior change (in what way)? Did they stop exercising? Did they stop doing activities that they normally would enjoy? Were they talking more than usual? Were they acting really hyper? Were they spending money excessively?

 

If you see these things happen again, these would be “hints” that your loved one is going into another episode, and you can get them help right away before they go into a full-blown episode.

Then you can control at least this chapter of the story.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave