Hi,

You’ve heard it said that an optimist looks at a half a glass of water and sees it as half-full. While a pessimist looks at a half a glass of water and sees it as half-empty. Well, let me throw a third option at you. Think about this: A realist sees just a half a glass of water, neither half-full nor half-empty. Interesting, isn’t it? Because usually we think in terms of optimistic and pessimistic, as in our attitudes. Or in our approaches to things. Because it’s true that our approach to things colors how we’ll see things. Like how you view your situation with a loved one who has bipolar disorder, or being a bipolar supporter. I always advise people in your situation to try to be

optimistic about your situation. Because if you’re optimistic, I believe it will help you more, and, ultimately, help you to help your loved one better.

See…It’s even been shown in studies that people who view things with an optimistic bent are even healthier than people who are more negative. So that’s one good reason why I tell supporters that they should be an optimist. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about today.

Today I want to talk to you about that third option I talked about in the beginning. About being a realist. Because that’s what I think you ultimately need to be (although I still believe you do need to be a positive person with a positive attitude – I don’t believe that they are exclusive). I believe you can be realistic without being idealistic, if you know what I mean. Because too many people make the mistake of believing that if you’re an optimist, it’s like you have blinders on, and you don’t see things realistically. Well, I believe that you still can.

It’s like the principle of mindfulness, that you might have come across in your loved one’s therapy for their bipolar disorder (or your own). In mindfulness, you look at what’s happening in the moment, and you don’t judge it. You look at it the way it is, instead of the way you would like it to be. In other words…You look at realistically. And that’s the way you deal with it.

Realistically. See…I think that’s the way you need to deal with things when you’re trying to deal with a loved one with bipolar disorder – realistically. If you keep trying to deal with things the way you would like them to be instead of the way they are, you’re going to get yourself into trouble. For one thing, it just isn’t going to work. For another thing, you’re just going to get frustrated. And you can get very stressed out if you’re not careful. And too much stress can really burn you out as a supporter. But if you look at things realistically, you will do much better.

For example: It would be nice to believe that your loved one will never have another bipolar episode, wouldn’t it? That would be an optimistic way of looking at things. But it’s not very realistic, is it? Because chances are that they will have another episode. So, knowing that, you can prepare yourself to deal with it when it does happen. See what I mean?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave