Hi,

You know that usually I write these letters to you, the supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, right? But today I wanted to do something a little different. I want to try writing to your loved one, so you can print out this letter and just show it to them and maybe talk about it together and hopefully help them that way.

I talk about the many things your loved one needs to do to help them gain stability with their bipolar disorder. One of those things, of course, is staying on their medication. And that’s the main thing that I want to talk about today.

If you have bipolar disorder:

First of all, if you haven’t been told already, you need to know that, at this time, there is still no

cure for bipolar disorder. However…There IS treatment for it. The mainline treatment for bipolar disorder is medication and therapy.

I’m sure that when you were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you were put on medication (medications) for your disorder to help stabilize you and control your mood swings. Hopefully, that helped you in your crisis. But then the important thing is that you have to continue taking those medications every day in order to stay stabilized and to keep your bipolar disorder under

control. One really bad thing that happens to people who have bipolar disorder is this (and, unfortunately, it is all too common): When they start to feel better, they stop taking their medications. This is poor thinking on their part, because they don’t realize that it is the medication that is actually making them feel better. So they stop taking it. And what happens then? They go into a bipolar episode! Because it was the medication that was keeping them

from having one in the first place, you see? But they don’t stop to think about that. So now they’re in a bipolar episode. Another crisis. And they need medication to control it. But now they have to start all over again with the medication because they went off it. They may even have to start over with a brand new medication because now the one they were on won’t work anymore.

This is what is commonly called the medication merry-go-round.

And you don’t want this to happen to you. You don’t want to go on the medication merry-

go-round. Because that means trying a new medication, starting at a certain dose, then building up to a higher dose until you get stabilized, possible side effects, hoping that medication works, and if it doesn’t…You have to go through the whole thing all over again with another medication. And you have to keep trying this until you find a medication that does work for you.

That’s why I can’t encourage you strongly enough to: STAY ON YOUR MEDICATION!

It will give you the best chance you have at stability with your bipolar disorder.

Really, you do NOT want to keep going into bipolar episodes, and that’s what will keep happening if you keep going off your medication. Plus…Do you really want to keep hurting your loved one like you do when you go into bipolar episodes? Or keep paying the consequences that you have to pay when you go into bipolar episodes? These things can be avoided if you just:

STAY ON YOUR MEDICATION!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews583/

Here are the news headlines:

Children With Bipolar Disorder: Maybe True, Definitely Troubling
DO> Great article, take a look.

Florence Charity Race Grows From One Family’s Tragedy
DO> Way to turn a bad thing into something good, agree?

ANN ARBOR: Donation To Aid Bipolar Research At University Of Michigan Depression Center
DO> Wow this sounds great.

Sinead O’Connor Cancels Tour Due To Bipolar Disorder
DO> Is this odd to you or not?

Links Between Bipolar Disorder And Chronic Pain Explained
DO> Great article take a look.

U-M Project To Examine Link Between Bipolar Disorder And Abnormalities In The Circadian
DO> Do you think this is confusing?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews583/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by
visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was reading about this philanthropist the other day. Now, if you don’t know what a philanthropist is, it’s someone with a great deal of money, who gives away lots of that money to charity. So it made me think of something. I think it’s not necessarily what you think that counts, but what you do that matters. Like, remember that old saying: “Actions speak louder than words.” I think it’s like that.

You know how I’m always urging you to be a positive thinker. Well, I’m not changing my stand on that or anything. But what I’m saying is that your actions will be a natural offshoot of what you think. If you think positively, your actions will reflect that, and they will be positive actions.

But what if you have negative thoughts? Do your actions have to necessarily be negative ones?

That’s what’s challenged my thinking. See, I don’t think it has to be that way.

I know as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you experience some pretty negative

feelings toward your loved one, their bipolar disorder, and sometimes even your life in general.

Having negative feelings is a natural part of having to deal with bipolar disorder. What’s important is the action you take on those feelings, though. And what I’m saying is that I don’t think your actions have to necessarily be negative ones as a response to your negative feelings.

Now, I’m not saying you have to stuff your feelings, either, as that wouldn’t be healthy for you.

But I’m saying that you can deal with your negative feelings in a healthy way and make a decision to act in a positive manner toward your loved one IN SPITE OF your negative feelings toward them.

Here’s an example: Say you’re feeling angry at your loved one. First, you need to recognize and get to the root of WHY you’re angry at them in the first place. Because there can be a variety of reasons why you’re mad at them. You could even be angry at them simply because they have bipolar disorder, or because it’s caused a big change in your lives, and you resent that. But you can decide IN SPITE OF that anger, to not treat them in an angry manner, and to still be supportive of them and their attempts at recovery from their bipolar disorder. Or…Say they’ve done something specific to make you angry. Say you’re even in an argument over something

they’ve done.

Here’s a good one (and a very common one for people dealing with bipolar disorder): Say you’ve caught your loved one spending money excessively, and now you’re in an argument about it. Are you angry? Yes. Is this a negative feeling? Yes. Do you want to fight about it? Yes. But can you CHOOSE to react in a positive manner IN SPITE OF your negative feeling? Yes. You can choose to walk away from the fight. You can choose to rise above your anger.

You can choose to manage your money so that it doesn’t happen again. Do you see how you can do positive things with a negative feeling?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Do you believe in predestination? Some people do, and some people don’t. I don’t mean to get into some big philosophical debate or anything…Just wanted to get you thinking about whether

you think we have any control over what happens to us in life. Because I think we do. See…

I look at it this way. I don’t think your loved one had control over whether or not they got bipolar disorder. So it’s not their fault that they got it. (Which, of course, is much different than having

responsibility over it, because they still do have responsibility over it.) So whether it was fate or not is certainly not the question. That’s not up for debate here. But what I’m bringing up is that it’s up to them what happens from here. That part IS their responsibility. In fact, you could look at it this way: Someone once said the following: “Life is 1% what happens to you…And 99% your reaction to it.” In other words, I don’t think you can control some of what life throws at you. Some stuff just happens to you. But you CAN control how you react to it. So…In the first part of what I said (stuff happening to you), you don’t have responsibility. But in the second part (your reaction to it), you DO have responsibility. Many times, I talk about how your loved one needs to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions in a bipolar episode. That’s part of the “99% your reaction to it” kind of thinking. Because if it isn’t even their reaction to it,

it’s certainly your reaction to it. And they need to at least consider that. They need to know and acknowledge that their actions do have consequences and that those consequences affect other people, like you. And that there can be ramifications.

Like sometimes there can even be legal ramifications to their bipolar behavior. For example:

What if, during a manic episode, they shoplifted from a store and got caught? They could be facing legal charges for that! Even though they have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, it doesn’t excuse what they did – it is still illegal, and there are consequences for their shoplifting.

So they need to take responsibility. Or what if they were driving recklessly while in a manic episode (this is very common)? Say they got a speeding ticket. It doesn’t matter to the police that your loved one was in a bipolar manic episode or not. They are still legally responsible for paying the fine for that speeding ticket. In other words, there are ramifications for their bipolar behavior. They are responsible for the consequences of what they did during their manic episode. Sometimes they may not even remember what they did, but they are still responsible.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There’s something you need to keep in mind if you are dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder: KEEPING PRIORITIES. Doing this can really help you to cope. The thing is, though, first you need to decide if something really is a priority or not. Sometimes people can really “make a mountain out of a molehill,” as the saying goes, and then they get their priorities all mixed up. But if you do have your priorities in order, it can help you to have a greater perspective on things.

Like this email I got the other day:

Hi David,

It is true that we who are the supporters wind up needing some support ourselves sometimes. It’s

very easy to get tied up with not only every day obligations but so many unexpected things can arise as well. You have to remember you can’t always do all of the things that crop up unexpectantly. There are just so many hours in a day and you have to prioritize. If you sit back, take a moment and just stop to think, there will be some things that can be put off until tomorrow. Didn’t get to do the breakfast dishes this morning? Maybe you could just put them

in the dishwasher or give a quick rinse til you get home and do them all after supper as well. Or maybe you forgot to take something out of the freezer for dinner. You can still defrost it in the microwave and then cook or reheat it, then try to get something ready for the next day at the same time. How’s a double recipe sound to save some time for the next day? Take care of real emergencies – don’t make them. With bi polar you always have to keep your eyes open for one.

Being aware of signs are important to catch before [an episode] can arise.”

——————————————————————————————————————–

I really like how she says: “Take care of real emergencies – don’t make them.” I think too many people do that, whether they mean to or not. Then that just makes their situation worse. John Lennon said: “Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.” You have to kind of “plan” for other things to happen just in case something goes wrong with your plans. I know that seems kind of funny, but it’s true. I mean, you do need to make plans, that’s important. But you also need to make a Plan B in case something unexpected comes up. That way you can deal with it. It’s important to have plans, and in order to do that, you do need to prioritize, and to prioritize correctly. If you don’t, you’ll be making emergencies out of things that you should just let slide.

Have you ever known someone who was a “drama queen?” Someone who was always making a crisis out of the smallest incident? Didn’t that bother you? Well, you could say that that person definitely did not have their priorities in order, couldn’t you?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Life is NOT an emergency! You need to be able to take things as they come, or you will end up stressed out and unable to deal with things that you need to deal with. And possibly even making yourself sick in the process.

So, for example…Your first priority should be to make sure that you are taking care of yourself (because otherwise how can you take care of your loved one). Make sure that your own needs are being met. Then your next priority could be taking care of your loved one.

Try sitting down and making a priority list to see if your priorities are in order. If not, you may need to change some things.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews582/

Here are the news headlines:

Everyone Around You Is An Impostor: Inside the Mind’s Most

Bizarre Delusions
DO> What do you think of this article?

Dating and disability: Readers’ Stories
DO> Great topic, take a look.

Reintegration Awards Recognize Service to People With Mental Illness
DO> Great article, take a look.

Can Electrical Brain Stimulation Treat Bipolar Disorder? New Trial To Find Out
DO> Wow sounds promising, right?

Birth Complications High in Mentally Ill
DO> Wow, this is really sad

County Aims to Stop Mental Health Stigma
DO> Do you think this is a good plan?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews582/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you a question: Do you think life is a matter of choice or of chance? Like, do you believe in luck? So many people go to the casinos in Las Vegas believing that they have “the system” that’s going to help them “break the bank” and make them rich, only to lose all their

money because they were wrong. Do you know why I think that is? I think it’s because when it comes to casinos and gambling, it’s all a matter of chance. I know there’s people who would disagree with me, who think there’s got to be a system to it all, but I still think underneath it all it’s just dumb luck if you win. “It’s all in the cards,” so they say!

Well, I don’t think life is like that. Oh, I believe part of it is chance. But I believe most of it is choice. Like with bipolar disorder. If, say, your mom has bipolar disorder, then “chances” are that you’re going to have bipolar disorder, too. But even though the “chance” may be for you to get the disorder, it’s still your “choice” in how you handle it once you do get the disorder.

I believe that your life, or at least the quality of your life, is made up of the choices that you

make. Other people agree with me, too. There’s a self-made millionaire who says: “There’s no chance to it. I chose to become rich.” Then he set out to do it, making decisions that helped him to achieve his goals. It had nothing to do with “chance,” or luck.

Think about it in terms of recovery from bipolar disorder. Do you think your loved one is going to recover from their bipolar disorder?

Let me ask you: Are they taking their medication? Are they seeing their doctor, psychiatrist, and

therapist on a regular basis? Are they following their treatment plan? Are they going to a bipolar support group? Do they have a good support system? Do they keep a mood chart or diary? Do they monitor their signs and symptoms and watch for episode triggers? Do they keep regular sleep habits? Are they on a good diet? Do they exercise? Are they productive? Do they work or volunteer? Do they have hobbies? Are they well-balanced (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually)? Do they have (and meet) responsibilities? Do they take care of themselves? Do they have short-term and long-term goals? Do they believe in recovery for themselves? Are they optimistic/positive? Do they have a good attitude? Are they a good problem solver?

These are all a matter of choice! And these are all things that lead to stability with their bipolar disorder, and to long term recovery from the disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Living with someone who has bipolar disorder can be difficult sometimes. In fact…Sometimes it can be downright overwhelming. Sometimes you know what to do…But other times you just don’t know what to do. What do you, for example, when you ask yourself…What do I do when enough is enough? And when is enough really too much to take?

Like in the following case:

Loretta was married to Richard, who had bipolar disorder, and he had been struggling with it for all of their married life, which meant that Loretta was struggling with it as well. At first, she thought she was the only one going through it, but then she went to a bipolar support group for supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder, and found out that there were other people who had some of the same issues that she did, and that helped for awhile. However, Richard seemed to get worse as the years went by. He did things in his bipolar episodes that affected their marriage, like almost bankrupting them when he went into a manic episode and made some

foolish business investments without telling Loretta. This really upset her, and she secretly resented him for it. She never trusted him with money again, and she had to take over the finances.

One time he even got in trouble for causing an accident when he was driving erratically while in a manic episode, and it cost them a lot of money to get him out of that legal trouble. At one point, Richard even started abusing alcohol and drugs, and it cost them a lot of money to put him in a rehab center to help him deal with that. Loretta thought she was used to Richard’s “antics” when he would go into his bipolar manic episodes and even thought she could handle anything. But she found out she couldn’t, when in a manic episode, Richard had an affair. That’s when Loretta decided that enough was enough. She decided that 13 years of being a good supporter was enough. If Richard wasn’t going to get help for his bipolar disorder by then, then she gave up. She just couldn’t handle any more manic episodes. The affair was the last straw. She filed for divorce.

——————————————————————————————————————-

Many times, I talk about hanging in there with your loved one and what it takes to be a good supporter. But that does NOT mean that you have to continue to put up with totally unacceptable behavior. There is only so much you can take. Like in Loretta’s case: She “took it” for 13 years!

And during that time, she put up with all of the consequences of her husband’s manic episodes –

the financial and legal ramifications of his episodes, along with what it did to their marriage. And that was quite a toll! And there had to be a toll that it took on Loretta herself as well. It had to be very frustrating…To think that she was getting somewhere with him…Only to have him go into another manic episode and have the behaviors start all over again.

So there can come a time when you ask yourself: When is enough too much to handle? And what do you do about it? You may be up against this right now. And if you are, I ask you to consider this: You may be in Loretta’s shoes. You may even be considering divorce. But divorce may not be the answer. You may want to try a separation first…To see if that’s what it would take for your loved one to get the help they need for their bipolar disorder. The important thing is that you do NOT have to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Especially if your loved one has become violent. You must, first of all, see to your own safety. If your loved one’s rages have gotten out of control, then getting out of the situation may be the best thing for you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you something: Have you ever known a workaholic? Or even been one yourself?

Well, it’s one thing to work hard. That’s commendable. But to work so hard that it gets you stressed out is NOT a good thing. Here’s another question for you: How many people do you know who love their work? Probably no one, right? (or very few people). As children, we are encouraged to follow our dreams (even though some of them aren’t very realistic, like becoming the president). We are encouraged by our parents and other people, like guidance counselors, to use the gifts and talents we have to think of a career that we want to work in. But too many people actually end up hating their jobs. If you are one of them, I encourage you not to let this

keep going on. I know the economy is tight. That’s why so many people are holding onto their

jobs, even if they hate them. Or are even working a second job. Or a third one! But eventually, it will eat away at you, believe me. I know one woman who hated her job so much that she had an anxiety attack on the way to work every day. That’s no way to live! And definitely no way to take care of yourself.

I talk to many people with bipolar disorder about starting a home business as an alternative to working outside the home. Or consider working only part-time, if you can afford it. But remember back to the beginning of this post. You should be working in a field that supports

your gifts and talents. A job that you enjoy. One that makes you feel good about yourself. One that you look forward to going to. Unfortunately, too many people don’t do that. They just take whatever they can get.

I know one man who is a certified car mechanic, but can’t find a job in his field. So he started a home business just fixing cars in his driveway for now. And he does very well for himself, and is basically stress-free, because he is his own boss. Also, he can set his own hours. He also determines how much money he is going to make. So he is doing what he is trained to do…What he loves to do…The way he wants to do it.

Some people are stuck at dead-end jobs – They can’t go any further up the ladder. Then what do you do? There are so few jobs out there at this point, because the economy is still so bad (even though we’re told that it’s improving). So many people are even being let go from their jobs.

And the competition for the jobs that are out there is fierce. But not if you start your own business, like the car mechanic I was telling you about. He is very happy doing what he’s doing.

Maybe you should consider starting your own home business? Many people with bipolar disorder do it because of the flexibility of it and because it works around their disorder. And because the business can still work even if they get sick.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews581/

Here are the news headlines:

Are Bipolar Characters Finally Getting a Fair Shake on Television?
DO> What do you think of this article?

Tulsa Father Says State Mental Health System Broken
DO> OF course it is, don’t you think?

Emotional And Instrumental Support Likely To Play A Critical Role In Recovery …
DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Bipolar Disorder Sufferer Aims To Tackle Stigma Of Mental Illness With Support
DO> Great article

The Four Secrets to Being Hypomanic Successfully
DO> Do you agree or disagree?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews581/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all

aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave