Hi,

Do you believe in predestination? Some people do, and some people don’t. I don’t mean to get into some big philosophical debate or anything…Just wanted to get you thinking about whether

you think we have any control over what happens to us in life. Because I think we do. See…

I look at it this way. I don’t think your loved one had control over whether or not they got bipolar disorder. So it’s not their fault that they got it. (Which, of course, is much different than having

responsibility over it, because they still do have responsibility over it.) So whether it was fate or not is certainly not the question. That’s not up for debate here. But what I’m bringing up is that it’s up to them what happens from here. That part IS their responsibility. In fact, you could look at it this way: Someone once said the following: “Life is 1% what happens to you…And 99% your reaction to it.” In other words, I don’t think you can control some of what life throws at you. Some stuff just happens to you. But you CAN control how you react to it. So…In the first part of what I said (stuff happening to you), you don’t have responsibility. But in the second part (your reaction to it), you DO have responsibility. Many times, I talk about how your loved one needs to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions in a bipolar episode. That’s part of the “99% your reaction to it” kind of thinking. Because if it isn’t even their reaction to it,

it’s certainly your reaction to it. And they need to at least consider that. They need to know and acknowledge that their actions do have consequences and that those consequences affect other people, like you. And that there can be ramifications.

Like sometimes there can even be legal ramifications to their bipolar behavior. For example:

What if, during a manic episode, they shoplifted from a store and got caught? They could be facing legal charges for that! Even though they have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, it doesn’t excuse what they did – it is still illegal, and there are consequences for their shoplifting.

So they need to take responsibility. Or what if they were driving recklessly while in a manic episode (this is very common)? Say they got a speeding ticket. It doesn’t matter to the police that your loved one was in a bipolar manic episode or not. They are still legally responsible for paying the fine for that speeding ticket. In other words, there are ramifications for their bipolar behavior. They are responsible for the consequences of what they did during their manic episode. Sometimes they may not even remember what they did, but they are still responsible.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave