Bipolar Supporter? Have You Ever Felt Like This?

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

One of my close friends isn’t today. I just talked to him, and he was mad. He had tried all day to do nice things for others. First he made coffee for someone at work who was complaining that there was no coffee. They then proceeded to complain that the coffee was too weak.

He had spent days cooking for his sister, who didn’t even live with him. He had done it out of the kindness of his heart, and for no other reason. But today he had to work instead of cooking for her. She didn’t want to understand this. Instead, she made his day even more stressful by complaining very rudely to him that he wasn’t doing his job.

He copied some important documents for a co-worker because they were too busy to do it, and didn’t even get a thanks.

He called me to say that he gave up. He didn’t want to help anyone anymore. Everyone was too ungrateful. Have you ever had one of those days? Have you ever, say, helped your loved one in so many ways that they don’t even know what all of them are – only to have them ignore you or complain to you? And goodness forbid you expect a thank- you.

It can be very frustrating at times. My friend wanted to believe in karma and hope that it would come back to them. Well, maybe it would. But I’m not sure that’s the best thing to hope for. When it comes down to it, we love the person; we just don’t love their actions.

Instead of giving up on helping others, we need to address the problem and try to find a solution. I’m not saying this will be easy; in fact, it can be a little tricky. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Start by using “I” statements. Tell them that you feel unappreciated and that you would be more comfortable continuing to help them if they voiced their thanks. Note the word ‘voiced.’ Don’t imply that they are not thankful at all; that might not be true and could offend them. Just state that you have not heard evidence of it, and would appreciate it if you did in the future.

Then remember: you are the supporter for a reason. They are dealing with some problems that make it so they don’t always think clearly. Even people who don’t have bipolar disorder have their days when they don’t want to bother to be grateful. It must be that much harder for someone who is constantly distracted by their struggle with mood swings.

Try to remember that you can be the better person. You can continue to help them, no matter how they act. At some point they will realize that you’ve helped them this whole time when you didn’t have to. At some point they will say thank-you in a way that you will recognize.

Until then, don’t give up on the ones you love. Try to remember you love them for a reason. Deep breath. Chin up. Set your mind to have a good day.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

  1. This is so true. You do everything in your power to support them just to kicked out of their life! But have I given up? No! Just waiting for him to come out of his episode, be there when he does, make it clear to him that he doesn’t have to be embarrassed about what was said, and go from there. I can separate the behavior from the person and it is the person I love!

  2. TRY TO REMEMBER THE ONE THAT LOVES YOU IS “TOP KEY”

    OOPS!!! WE USUALLY FORGET THAT – TODAY, I WILL SAY A PRAYER FOR MY BROTHERS’ FRIEND MARVIN – MAN OH MAN DOES HE NEED THAT JUST ABOUT NOW………….

    P.S. THE GOOD THING ABOUT KARMA IS THAT you may feel frustrated and in a rut but you need a REMINDER – all GOOD EFFORTS WILL COME BACK “IN THIS LIFETIME” – IT’S UNIVERSAL LAW!!!! IT HAS TO HAPPEN.. TRY TO REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD YOU ALREADY DID FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND EVEN YOURSELF – IT’S ON ROUTE TO YOU!!!! YES YOU!!! NOT YOUR MOM, SIS, HUSBAND, WIFE — YOU!!!!! START EXPECTING – REMEMBER TO DO THAT!!!!

  3. nice to here that other people are going though this i moved again to denver for my daugher i get no thnks at all for the help i give her i feel like cring well i hope ur having a good ur friend sharon

  4. You know it happens every day that some people are too embarrassed to say “Thank You” others are too angry at someone else and take it out on you. So,once you realize that is the problem it makes it easier to deal with the those people. Then I let them know sometimes with a “you are welcome” when no thanks is given. It lets them know that you did deserve a thank you. It also can prompt discussion with you using “I feel” answer.

    Thanks Dave for your insight. BOB

  5. Of course we all know the concept of being grateful; and someone who expresses gratwfulness doesn’t take anything from from them. Being grateful is a sign of respect pointing in both directions whith a thank you in return.

  6. when you give you do it for the pleasure of giving. If you don’t get response and you don’t feel like giving to that person anymore, don’t do it. Remember that when you die, you will be judged by what you have given.

  7. OMG!!! I really needed this today.

    I never realized how important thank you is until my son got this illness. Now I bout faint (without showing it) when he shows any sort of appreciation. It feels so good and I make sure he feels appreciated for showing a grateful spirit cause it only happens in spurts and he’s clear in his mind for just that little while.

  8. I had my older sister diagnosed at the time as manic depressive. She committed suicide at age 26. I was 15 when that happened. just a year before, my moms only brother whom was an alcoholic, came to our home and took his life in our bathroom. I have battled depression all my life, but at age 61, I have gotten thru. I have a daughter at age 13, broke down, they said it was bipolar. She is now 26, and I have fought this with her. at the best of times, we get along great, at the worst, I am the one that gets her blame, her hatred. I have dealt with all this, cause my key has been to keep her alive. I will not lose a daughter to suicide as my mom did. My daughter has two children from early relationships. for awhile they lived with me. when my daughter married, he became her strength. their marriage has been very rocky, he puts up with a lot from her, but says he will stay, as he loves her. her kids love him as a dad. right now he is serving with the army in afghanistan. she is liveing miles away in another state, with her two children. she refuses to take any type of meds. we just started talking again after a 3 month break where she was blaming me for some thing. I pray for her and my other two children daily. and pray for my grandchildren that this disease will not attach them. It is a roller coaster ride, but hearing my daughters voice, every so often, makes it worth all the fighting. She is still alive and fighting.

  9. Everyone needs to look up Codependecy.I did,made me realize I was my own worst enemy.It makes you feel good to do things for other people in need but you can’t let it get out of control.Never saying NO just makes people gravitate to you.You become the person that does things for others when they are capable of doing it themselves.You have to make yourself just say NO.

  10. Know this one better than ever. All the nasty personality traits come out magnified, especially when manic or hypomanic. Finally you just have to stop being nice and giving chances because it really is dependency and helping the bipolar person feel better is almost an addictive state of mind. If they don’t want to feel better, they will make your life impossible, and try to make you be as miserable as them. They refuse to have joy in their lives even when you are trying to be joyous and show them joy. They refuse to be thankful or grateful or have remorse. It just becomes a waste of time being loving and kind and compassionate. It is sad, it is tragic but it is what it is. My son can’t stand that 1/3 of his childhood was taken up with dealing with the negative affects of bipolar – the selfishness and narcissism are too much for a kid to deal with . It becomes very toxic to be around someone who is always negative whether manic or depressed – actually our family member has mixed states and rapid cycles so it is really impossible and intolerable. But medication does work and we have seen it work in the past !

  11. We should try and be kind, compassionate, and thankful toward others without expecting in return. This is difficult at times but how can we expect others who struggle with mood swings and other issues to be this way if the ones supporting them can’t even be that way?

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