Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
Do you know what self sabotage is? I’ve known many people to do this. It’s where they set themselves up for a failure. They don’t even give themselves the chance to win.
There was a man once who was a sprinter. But he had developed a disability that made him a little bit slower than he used to be. He decided to stay in the game, but he didn’t work out as much as he used to. He became slower still by not working out and practicing, and he began to lose all faith in his ability to sprint.
When it came time for a race, he had given up before he even got to the starting line. He “knew” he was going to lose, so he just accepted it. You know what? He did lose. But I’m convinced that it was as much his bad attitude that made him lose as it was the disability.
In fact, as fast as he was before, the disability shouldn’t have made all that big of a difference anyway. But he let it get to him. He sabotaged his own efforts. That man no longer runs races. How sad is that?
But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. You don’t have to sabotage yourself like that. Much of the time when we do that we don’t even realize that we are. We certainly don’t do it on purpose. At least, I don’t know anyone who would set out and say “I’m going to purposefully lose today!” LOL. Yet there are plenty of people who will still set themselves up like that.
Many of them have a disability that they allow to discourage them. My example will obviously be bipolar disorder. I bet you didn’t see that one coming…?
There are many times when I talk to people who have bipolar disorder that they will say something along the lines of, “Well, I can’t do that because I have bipolar.” Well, most of the time they could, with some minor adjustments.
There are a few things that really can’t be done with bipolar disorder. Being a trucker and staying up 3 nights in a row is probably not the smartest idea. I may be wrong, but I believe the military doesn’t allow anyone to enlist who has been on psychiatric medications recently. But for the most part, someone with bipolar disorder is just as capable as someone without it – at doing anything they set their minds to.
Too often do people think too hard into the label. There’s more to bipolar disorder than just a label, yes. But when it comes to limitations, it’s just a label! As long as you are following your treatment plan and have gained some stability, you can do almost anything you could dream of.
And supporters? Make sure you aren’t limiting your loved one’s view of their capabilities just because you are mistaken about them. You could be holding them back from the thing that they really need to be doing. Instead, encourage them to think about things realistically, and to plan for what they want. Most good things don’t happen overnight. If you can get that across to them, then you have done well.
What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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THE TRANSITIONAL STAGES OF “HOPE DEFERRED” IS WHERE MOST PEOPLE GET “STUCK” – SO IF WE REMEMBER TODAY AS A CHOSEN DATE TO REFLECT ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (WE WILL BE REFOCUSED TO SEE AND ACCEPT) THE THINGS WE ALREADY ACHIEVED – THIS MAY TEMPORARILY ALLEVIATE THE FRUSTRATION…. REMEMBER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (I NEVER EVEN TRIED TO CHANGE YOU) THAT TYPE OF SITUATION AND WHAT YOU WERE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH THAT PHRASE ALONE….AGAIN HOPE DEFERRED IS WHERE EVERYONE IS REALISTICALLY AND WORKING ON STEPS TOWARDS is the slow part BUT THE TRUTH IS THIS – WHEN MY RINGS I LOOK AT IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ONE OF THOSE MANY GOALS TO COME TO FRUITION IN MY LIFE – TAKE TODAY FOR EXAMPLE!! I BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE AT LEAST 3 MORE PEOPLE THAT AGREE WITH CERTAIN GOALS I MAY HAVE MIND – FIND THOSE PEOPLE AND DISCOVER THE SECRET OF “AGREEMENT” -THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!!!
NEVER KNOW YOU MAY JUST BE THE NEXT LOTTO WINNER
I personally think that you could only be handicapped if you believe so mentally. I know quite a few friends who have disabilities that some people would get squeamish about, but that doesn’t stop my friends from having a fully eventful life. As one of my friends told me, he was only in a wheel chair, he was not dead, therefore, he had no reason to be stagnant or mourn. He may have lost one of his abilities, but that was replaced with other abilities that compensated for that loss.
ugh, I’m the king of self-destruct. Aka…virtual suicide
Yes David, I agree with all you write as to not sabatage yourself into thinking of failure.
It’s very hard to send this out to family and friends for in my case our family avoids us in as much as they can because of the mood swings and drama prevailent in our household and lives.They don’t want to get involved.Then on the other hand some people (family and freinds)think there is no mental issues going on!And all that horriablr behavior in our household is fake.I don’t want to believe it either.So lets say we act and think these episodies of mood swings at times unbearable to live with don’t exsist.Like I’ve said to myself,just ignore it and it’ll go away.Some how it becomes like a sculptue chipping away at his /her piece of stone to display his/her image or vision in the stone.How does that go away???Would that not be putting this illness in denial and just say “So Be It”, untreated and do not address this because it is normal for us to live in this kind of condtion on a daily bases.Put up or shut up!!!I do not want to have frinds and family in my home because of the upsets,anger, unacceptable behavior and the yelling and screaming that goes on so I avoid all attachments.I’m beginning to think it is a punishment to me and my family for something I did wrong.I do stay in contact on facebook with family and friends,but please don’t get any closer.Enter this relationship at your own risk and visit us at your own risk!
Thanks for the encouragement. I just signed up for a 5k and 1/2 marathon which I used to do prior to my diagnosis a year ago. The meds have caused minor weight and a slowing down in my running. I’ll do the training and see if I’ve still got it in me.
My son is Bi-polar and he continually gets these great jobs and just about the time he is ready to be approved for insurance, he will get fired. We haven’t been able to get him approved for state insurance and he can’t keep his job long enough to get his own. He isn’t on any treatment because I can’t afford to pay cash. I have always called this his “Hanging behavior” and have tried to get him out of this type of behavior, by incouragement and modeling, but no success.
My husband is bipolar.. WE have been together for almost 22 years..WE found out that my husband was bipolar 2 months after our daughter was born.. I did not understand the out burst form him.. We have had a very rocky marriage because of it. Now with reading what everyone else is dealing with, I starting to understand it a lot better.. I have watched him very carefully over the to make sure that he take his medication properly and on time.. The thing that is the hardest is the negativity..
He is always negative and even with trying to help him with that it tends to suck the life out of you.. I do understand what David is saying when he talks about self sabotage.. I see it daily.. I am a very positive thinking person and love to see the good in everyone and everything.. But sometimes it is very hard..
im kinda of new to this,my wife is the one thats bi-polar and i had a drinking problem,yep what a mixture but ive been sober for 10months now and from going to aa and things ive learned or should say im learning how to help her,in away it feels like the same thing she couldnt understand my drinking and i couldnt understand her moods,this site has helped me the most to understand and ill do what ever it takes to help her more ,no matter what ill be there for her
In response to your kind email on self sabotage, I am aware of the signs of self sabotage in my behavior. I am dealing with a roommate, who has not been diagnosed but shows every sign of bi polar with no diagnosis in sight because he is not willing to surrender and stop the downward spiral effect. He has sever case of no self worth and drinks everynight. I was diagnosed in 2005 with bi polar and I have been on medications but I am not currently on any because the weight gain was substantial and I had to somehow cut something or I would have blown up like a balloon. I have been dealing with my roommate who has burned pretty much every bridge he can at this point and is awaiting disability and I am having difficulties dealing with this behavior right in my own home. I cannot find it in myself to throw him out because I know he has no where to go. I have always been that way. I am always out for the underdog and then I end up getting burned. It’s crazy I know. I want to think I am just past this point that he is in, but I could very easily fall back into that depression because as we all know, misery loves company.
Thank you for taking time to read this and thanks for everything you and your staff do for all of us. Take care
My son stopped taking his medication alittle over 6 months ago with his father’s encouragment. He moved in with him and is starting to have symptoms of mania and depression. I told him I believed he needed to get back on his medication, and of course he got angry at me and dismissed it. I then texted his father saying he needed to get back on his medication and have not had a response. I’m worried about him because I was told by the Dr. and the nurse that if he is off of them and displays the manic (where his mind keeps going faster and faster), he may not come out of it again like he did the last time. His dad does not listen to doctors and is hard to reason with.
My son has labeled me as his enemy because I try to get him back on his medication. I try to be understanding, but with being off of his medication he can act irratic and angry.
well i belive wat u said in that bc it happens 2 me a lot im hard 2 convince all the time and very negative.i stay in my own little world and getting nowhere i wish i had help wit this..
Dear David, I relate to the whole sabotage issue. I’ve done that to myself many times. The issue I want to bring up is other peoples sabotage towards the bi-polar person. I have recently experienced this and it has caused ripples in my life. I am keeping my self on the right track, however; it is very hard to be positive when people you do not know relate how bad they feel for you or are scared of you because you have bi-polar disorder. How do you conquer those astigmatisms and still maintain your sense of balance?
Dear Oliver: My grandson with bp,adhd,odd,mr,sabatages himself constantly. He keeps telling teachers and family that nothing is wrong with him and sets out to prove it to everybody by being truly manic in behavior and then go into a deep depression because he hasn’t changed others people minds but has sort of reinforced it. sincerely
To the article I read that was sent to me via of email…….I was in the army…..I noticed people were being discharged because of being bipolar and I agree with the findings…….even my battle buddy had issues with bipolar, they had put her on meds and still no good result………People with bipolar have difficulty following rules, and accepting change, to any degree….I have seen a lot of illnessess in my life, first hand, in my own home….and let me tell you, it was like hell on earth with my family……it is a dangerous thing to be in the service…..and not have the ability to follow orders the way it is handed out to you….you endanger the lives of others as well as yourself…………my battle buddy I felt like she knew what she was doing when she was doing it…….
Bipolar disorder is a form of depression. I know many people who are affected with BP and they become complacent with merely taking medications to control their mood swings. In most cases, there are additional psychological issues that trigger and further complicate depressive symptoms. Without adding counseling/therapy as treatment to resolve these issues, they continue to resurface and cause a variety of social problems. Meds alone are usually not enough to fully treat Bipolar disorders. Working through deeply-rooted psychological issues and bolstering a positive self-image goes a long way to ensuring that a healthy and happy life is attainable.
my husband and I have been married over 31 years with two sons. Just before we were married, he lost his job approximately one month before our marriage date. I encouraged him to go about looking for employment by walking bldg to bldg….mind you, this was over 31 years ago, before the electronic applications….At that time my husband would give percentage reasons why it would not be profitable to go bldg to bldg., but since he had not been profitable by just mailing out resume’s, I strongly, encouraged him to go bldg. to bldg. and directed him to specific places. He finally did, but his attitude was “this is not going to work.” That same day he received a job at a notable bank and remained for 20 years, until he self sabotaged himself out of his own employment, by stating that the women at the various branches were always on his case and trying to hit on him. At the first opportunity that came up, when the bank was changes hands, he decided to take the retirement package at the age of approximately, 44 years old, with no prospects of another job insight. At that time our sons were in their late teens. I thought my husband was going through men-o-pause…I was in shock that he would leave his job of 20 years…after that what I know now as mania, kicked in…and took our marriage down various roads of self destruction that I had not witnessed before. As of 2007, finally my husband was diagnosed with bp disorder. He has had speratic jobs here and there, but nothing that lasted over a year’s time…more out of work then working…Though he has complied to treatment and therapy, for his condition, the combination of overtime not having steady employment, age, and getting the best treatment suited for him, has strengthened him sabotaging himself out of being employed,someone will suggest an line of employment to him, then he will state all of the reasons why that particular line of employment would not work for him or based on the economy how difficult it is for most people including himself to get viable employment, by just expaining it away. I feel like we are back 31 years ago, before he was employed at the bank, but now add 10 years older, and other people he has befriended that have undiagnosed and untreated bipolar conditions, that instead of holding him accountable, don’t because that are in the same boat as he is. To say the less…it can be energy and life draining when trying to support a loved one who self sabotages self and family endeavors.I must say this…if it were not for our living faith in God…I truly believe that catastrophe, would only be the light hearted part of this story…not to say that we don’t have ripple effects of this condition…”in it’s, out of control stages”…but just to say in reading other stories, that collateral damage could have been much worse, and yet, without remedy.Presently, we have been able to talk and reason through problems and calmly come to agreeable decisions…AMAZING…It’s not always smooth…but most times, than not, we can discuss and come to a clear conclusion to a matter…sometimes with options…IMAGINE THAT. I must say there is MUCH to be said about those that PRAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER; that is something whether irritated or not, we have done, together, through the years…Thanks for reading…I hope you were able to get something positive from this reading…till next time…Keep Hope Alive…for where there is Life, there is Hope:-)