Warning about bipolar disorder part 2

Hi,

How’s it going? Yesterday I wrote you an email
about an article that I wrote titled:
“Ways to Calm Down Quickly When Overwhelmed”

Lots of people really liked part 1 that I
sent out yesterday.

If you missed it, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/2007/06/warning-dont-let-bipolar-disorder.html

to check it out again.

Here is part two of the article:

Use positive affirmations.
Again, as above, this is especially useful when practiced
with the breathing exercises described previously.
Phrases such as, “I am better than this,” or “I know
I can handle this, or “This too shall pass,” are all
good examples of positive affirmations. You can tailor
these to fit your own situation. Then repeat them over
and over to yourself, until you feel more calm and able
to deal with your situation.

SIDE NOTE FROM ME> I use this technique a lot and it
really, really works well for me.

Be realistic.
Look at your situation realistically. Ask yourself
questions such as, “Am I responsible for this
situation?” (If so, ask yourself how you can get
yourself out of the situation.) “How did I get
into this?” (Again, ask yourself how you can get
out of it.) “Am I overreacting?” (If so, look
at the situation realistically, and you will be
able to calm yourself down.)

You may be in this stressful, overwhelming situation
because of yourself, not anyone else! You may be
trying too hard, for instance. You may be trying
to be “perfect.” If so, just relax, and be yourself!
Think for just a few minutes, looking at your situation
realistically, especially if you have been overreacting,
and you will begin to relax – then watch your stress
level decrease, and your situation will no longer be
so overwhelming!

Meditate and relax.
Many people have a wrong image of meditation.
They think instantly of yoga, tai chi, and other
physical or positional relaxation ways of meditation.
Yes, these are examples of meditation, but there is a
very simple way of meditation that you can practice
in five minutes or less.

Find a quiet place. Get comfortable. Try to make it
as dark as possible. Close your eyes. Begin the
breathing techniques described above, using the
phrase you have chosen as your “mantra.” If your mind
gets distracted, just keep going back to your phrase,
over and over. Relax your body – the breathing exercises
will do this in the beginning; however, in meditation,
we do this a little differently. While doing the breathing
exercises, start with your eyes, as they close. Then
think consciously of each part of your body (muscles)
and consciously relax it in the same way you do your eyes.

Start from the top of your body and continue to your
feet. Remember to breathe in and out, slowly. This
process will only take about five minutes, but you will
feel so relaxed at the end that you will feel like it’s
been about an hour! You will feel so stress-free that
you will wonder what overwhelmed you in the first place!
After you have done at least one of the above suggested
ways of stress relief, you will be in a better position
to deal with whatever it was that caused you to feel
overwhelmed in the first place. Also, these suggestions
are not just for instant stress relief. Practice them in
your daily life as well, and watch your stress level decrease!

======

Well that’s the end of the article. If you are interested
in my main courses/systems, here are the links:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to take off now and I will write more
tomorrow. Have a great day!

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

  1. Supporting a bipolar loved one is alot like living with an alcoholic or drug addict, and for me, with a husband and daughter both with bipolar, focusing on myself first, then helping them take care of themselves, is the only way I can keep myself from insanity. Thanks again for the helpful tips too, I pass them along to my husband, and he finds them very helpful.

  2. Dear David,

    Thank you for the calm-down tips. I needed the one yesterday very much, after returning from a visit with my husband to a library where we visited a bookmobile in the library’s parking lot. My husband, a high-functioning, bi-polar II person, directs a volunteer program that helps many lower-income folks in the community.

    He wanted to ask the director of the library about the bookmobile and perhaps even borrow it for a specific purpose, but she was not available. We went inside the bookmobile instead, and while we were in there, he learned that it is in use winter as well as in the summer, so he would not be able to use it.

    He still had questions about it though. I started to explain to the two people manning it why my husband wanted to know so much, whereupon, in a loud voice, he told me, “You are NOT ALLOWED TO TALK”. He repeated this three times in a harsh voice. I tried to explain that I would not telegraph his connection to the community or his reason for asking, except in the most general of terms. The people looked alarmed by him, and pitying of me.

    My question is this: Should I write to them anonymously, explaining that my husband is one of many thousands of bi-polar people, is not a danger to the community, and is a valuable person who was simply having a bad reaction to a change in his medicine (true)? Should I continue to try to raise tolerance for people like him who do not have a visible sign, such as a wheelchair or cane, but are still dealing with some degree of a handicap? I appreciate a character, a lawyer (Jerry) on the TV show “Boston Legal”, who sometimes wins important cases despite having a very colorful version of Asperger’s syndrome. He is a help in promoting understanding of all handicaps of this nature. So many people have understanding of, and sympathy for, physical handicaps but fear those who struggle with mental and emotional problems.

    Please tell me if I should write the letter, or keep quiet. My husband may need to approach the library again, and if the people who heard him blow up are present, they may make it impossible for him to get the information or cooperation he needs. C.

  3. Dear Dave,

    I have re-read what I wrote on yesterday’s blog and it certainly was depressing, wasn’t it? True, facing what I’m facing, I was depressed yesterday. It’s quite normal, I believe to be depressed for a day or so when bad things or bad news first hits a person. However, I am feeling much better today.

    With regard to Omega fatty 3 acid, Yes, I regularly and have for years now , eaten alot of fish for that very same reason. More so, I make sure that my significant other eats it along with all of the vitamins and minerals that he’s supposed to have. I try to cook mostly all fresh foods and try to give both of us balanced meals three times a day, using fresh herbs that are sitting in a window sill. You’d be surprized how much fresh basil can turn a mood around. I believe that when I pick up the plants from the market, the price is only $1.99 per plant and the more leaves that I pick to cook with, the more that grow as the plant is pruned. It’s the same with all of the fresh herbs, plus it saves alot of money on spices. One thing is for sure! his moods very very quickly turn around as he smells the food cooking and he becomes quite pleasant to be around at that point. Hence, I’m in the kitchen constantly to make sure that there’s always a good smell of herbs and spices baking, and that he can see fresh food. For some reason, (and I can’t figure out why yet)despite how many terrible things he does and says, the minute that he smells and views the food, his mood changes and he rapidly looks forward to another productive day and he stops calling me names. At one point only, I recall him telling me that his adoptive mom used to be a very good cook, so I figure that his good memories must be of pleasant smells when he would come home from school as a child etc. He doesn’t tell me much..so I don’t know anymore than that.
    As for yesterday, his mood had changed, he was closer to me
    last night and this morning. But as soon as we went to exit the house this morning, his mood changed to bad again…I just left it alone as I usually do now when he becomes moody and anti-social.
    With him, everything is a control issue. I spoke with a few people yesterday to communicate how I was feeling and the depressed mood that I was having. It helped quite a bit to speak with a good friend of mine named Bob, who has been teaching me law for quite some time now, and who is very good at taking my frame of mind and redirecting it to look at different facets of things when faced with seemingly hurtful or bad circumstances. In this way, he has trained me to exactly (in his words) “heal from some of this stuff” by approaching it from another standpoint.
    I tell him that it doesn’t make sense when I cannot see the connection to the push/pull, up/down effect that my boyfriend is using on me, and anything legal. He goes on and on usually, to explain things on a larger issue of control mechanisms that are used by certain types of people be it bipolar or not, and the next thing I know is that no matter what situations I face, my mind is refocused; I’m able to separate my feelings from that which must be done, and I end up feeling much better or at least know that there is a way to articulate what exactly is happening. Some what the same training that I learned in investigational training. To be able to research, write and articulate from a third-party point of view in report writing while uncovering or being in the midst of a “not so good ” situation, helped me to take an objective look as well as get an all-round/comprehensive view of what was going on despite my personal feelings.
    I must say though,… this dealing with the push/pull, up/down etc…from my man for the past three years and the dealings with uncovering what it is, and trying to maintain some sort of healthy structure at home, is the hardest, and I mean the hardest thing that I’ve ever come across in my life! Love feelings were not attached to any investigation or situation that I’ve ever been in, in the past. There are many things that were not encompased in those things that I face with this stuff.
    I understand exactly where the upset is comming from when this situation makes me somewhat sad. During the time in which I chose to leave the pursuit of an investigative career and an Army career, for what seemed to be the most important thing in life which was family (comming from a recent veteran view) and that which holds family together, because after all that I saw, nothing seems more important. I then met this man, a vet. himself, and without going into alot of detail, we both needed each other. I did understand as I would see certain moods start to come out of him, that not all people handle things the same way, etc. I loved him and wanted to be his family, as his adoptive family had disowned him for some of the things related to bipolar, that he had done and that they did not even want to understand. Now, for me, he, my family is leaving…and has chosen not to get help. That is the sad part. I must say in an objective point of view…That this is bootcamp and investigative training times 1000!!!!!!I’ll be o.k. as always.

  4. Hi Dave,

    I am very new to this, I was just diagnosed Bi-Polar yesterday and started on my new medications…So i actually have a couple of questions. My first is im not even sure what it means.. I know what the highs and lows are and i understand the differences but what is Bipolar II or Bipolar I? Also how do you know if you should be taking the herbal meds or prescription meds? And my last is there anyway you can learn how to do some meditation online just easy techniques?

  5. ive got a son and law with bipolar disorder he is on disability and keeps doing crazy off the wall things and is on meds for it all. He had a very deep emotional past history with my daughter who lets him keep hurting her over and over and she keeps forgive him all the time and as a parent it hurts deeply to have to watch it all. They move alot and he cant get along with many. But ive always tried to support my daughter and be her rock so to speak. I wrote him a long letter this time after the daughter came home from a trip and caught him in bed with someone again. She keeps thinking she can change him and only he can change himself. She always blames it on the bipolar. etc. I have tried to write you over and over about different articles and have not been able to get them to post. I took some time out of the day because of this last straw my son and law broke. ty Brenda

  6. Dear Dave, I really enjoy your advice and some of it i’ve learned from my mant therapist. The breathing and self talk is one I’ve known and used for a long time but sometimes it good to be remainded again. I am extremely one wat or the other meaning understanding or intolerant, As I was reading other blogs I can really relate to so many As For the Wife with the loud mouth Husband, How many times I can recall being that loud mouth guy…It’s not that we want to be rude it’s just that others don’t understand the message or info we are trying to get, and we dotend to become aggressive to our loved ones, i don’t know why I guess cause we know no matter what they love us I’m not saying it’s right just stating a fact.
    Now I also have a boyfriend that I believe has some type of mental dissabilities, He is always telling me how my mental state of mind has worsen, He comes into the room asking me what did I just say, And I have not spoken he says things to me that are down right a lie… Well I thought there for awhile that maybe I was having Psychotic moments till the other day a good friend of OURS stopped by to visit and he accussed e of talking about him, Well Our Friend stood up on my behalf and he did not know what to say he just stomp out of the room. She then said to me if I had some one constantly coming down on me like he does you I too would need Meds.. Well that made me laugh butI felt validated for my short comings whatb i mean is that I feel always on the defense and I get aggressive but he does antagonize me. Whew it feels good to let it out. At the present I am not in therapy I can not afford it. I have been told I am not employable but I DO NOT WANT TO BR LABELED DISaBLED. What should I do keep staying in a bad relationship or go homeless.Family not supportive at all. Mother and I have not spoken for almost a year and for no reason we were not fighting just rather stay away,

  7. dear Dave,thanks for doing this for everybody.I’ve suffered for years because my husband was undiagnosed but the articles on the net point to this disorder.he doesnot agree to go to a psychiatrist.right now he’s been put into rehab for alcohol abuse.I’m wonderingif they will be able to address his bipolar condition there? in india its not so easy to get psychiatric help.

  8. For a b/p or b/p supporter, how do you know when you are in an episode or going into an episode or have just come out of one. I’ve been unhappy for so long, I hardly remember what laughter or happiness is.

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