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I’m not judging this man as a good or bad supporter.

But, in my opinion, he is doing something wrong.

I believe he is enabling his wife.

Oh, I’m not saying that she doesn’t have a responsibility for the way things are, because she

does, bipolar or not.

But he is also doing those things for her that she can do for herself, and that’s enabling.

What would happen if he started making her do some of those things?

It might just bring her out of her depression.

Understandably, from her point of view, the bipolar disorder makes you feel so bad during a depression that it’s hard enough to get from the bed to the couch, much less clean up the whole house!

So what’s the answer for this man?

Well, for one thing, like I said, he needs to stop enabling his wife.

Another thing is that he needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings to her.

She may not even be aware of the things that she’s doing, or how upset she is making her husband.

He really needs to talk to her and tell her how he’s feeling.

He also needs to understand that she can’t read his mind, so nothing is going to change unless he talks to her about it.

But as far as the wife goes, here’s what I suggest:

1. Be present in your own life.

2. Don’t expect others to do

everything for you – do those

things for yourself that you can.

3. Be an independent thinker. Express

your opinions, thoughts, and feelings.

4. Don’t expect your supporter to be a

mind-reader.

5. Don’t expect your doctor, psychiatrist,

and/or therapist to be mind-readers,

either. They only know what you tell

them.

6. Be a team player with your support

system – like a football player shows

up for the game, whether he is 1st

string or 2nd string – he is prepared.

7. Be prepared for mood swings – have a

plan for when they happen (especially if

it means you have to go to the hospital).

8. Be productive – even if you can’t work

outside the home, start a home business,

or do volunteer work. At least do those

things around the house that you can do.

9. Use your skills and gifts to benefit others.

This is the best way to keep from feeling

sorry for yourself.

10. Be a part of your own recovery. Be your

own watchdog – look for mood shifts,

patterns, and signs and symptoms of an

episode).

What do you think?

Do you agree with me?

What would you say to the man who sent me that email?

Bipolar Disorder – Feeling Bad?

David Oliver November 16, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 7 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

I hope this is a good day for you.

Well, it’s flu season, and a lot of people are getting sick.

Plus, it’s that time of the year that places give out flu shots.

Needless to say, the reminder to stay healthy is all around us at this time.

When I have even one person who works for me get sick, it throws a monkey wrench into

the whole thing.

Then she falls behind in her work, because she was sick.

Not that I would blame anyone for getting sick, don’t think I would ever do that.

But the flu does happen, and you have to deal with it if you get sick.

But if you are feeling bad emotionally, that’s a different story.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how mood swings affect how you feel about yourself.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews456/

But you have a big say-so in it too.

Maybe part of the fault of moodiness can be blamed on bipolar disorder, but not all of it.

Some of it has to do with your attitude.

Doesn’t it seem like positive people don’t get sick as often as negative people?

Well, I don’t know if there’s any truth to that, but I do know that your best bet to not feel bad

emotionally or with your bipolar disorder is to have a positive attitude.

You know you can’t change the fact that you or your loved one has bipolar disorder, but you don’t have to let it ruin your life.

You can still (and should still) do things that make you feel good.

What things do you enjoy?

Watching movies or DVDs?

Having family close to you?

Hobbies?

A job or volunteer work?

About that last thing, I have an important point to make.

This isn’t just me talking –

I’ve gotten tons of email from both supporters and survivors who say their life took on greater

meaning when they started doing volunteer work.

Everyone loves to be needed.

Volunteering also takes your mind off yourself and your problems, and puts it onto other people.

No time for feeling sorry for yourself when you’re needed to help others.

If you’re feeling bad, like a zombie (common bipolar complaint) –

If you’re tired all the time, it may be your diet, or something physical, so you should check with your doctor.

But if you feel like a zombie, (and as long as you’re getting enough good sleep), it could be medication related.

Again, check with your doctor – he may need to adjust the dosage of your medications.

If you are just feeling bored, well, I say that’s your own fault.

Because I know SO many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters who are VERY active!

That’s something you can control. You don’t HAVE to feel bad.

Find something to do, something productive, something that makes you feel better.

If you aren’t being honest with your supporter and your support system, you may be feeling bad –

You may feel as if no one understands you.

Again, that would be your fault, because you can’t expect other people to be mind-readers.

You need to communicate your needs, thoughts, and feelings to them so that they can be there for you and so they can help.

If you are feeling bad because of financial problems or other sources of stress…

Change the situation. Work it out, so that you are stress-free and solve your problems.

Don’t just stay still and expect your problems to go away on their own.

And there is no room for self-pity, especially when you’re helping others.

Do you agree or disagree?

What are your thoughts?

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver November 13, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 5 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you are doing well. I’m not. I have a really bad sore throat again this year. I keep

getting these.

Anyway let’s jump to the news. Have a great day.

To read this week’s news visit:

Here are the news headlines:

Smoking Tied to Suicide Risk in Bipolar Disorder

DO> This is really strange. What in the world do you think about this?

Some Additional Information on the 4000 Percent Increase in Pediatric Bipolar

DO> Great article, on a topic they keep talking about

Tragic incidents cast light on mental illness

DO> Yes this is the truth, don’t you think?

Faulty body clock may make kids bipolar

DO> Hmm. What do you think of this?

County cuts mean hard choices for workers

DO> This is a sad article, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews456/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar? It Helps to Do This More Often

David Oliver November 12, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 4 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a good day.

I think of myself as a patient man, but there are still times when I’m not patient.

Yet I know the more patient I am, the easier things will be for me.

Like waiting in lines at the store check-out.

What good does it do me to be impatient, when there’s nothing I can do about the situation?

Impatience just leads to (more) frustration.

Or like if someone cuts me off in traffic.

It makes me angry, but it still doesn’t change the situation.

Where if I were more accepting (more patient), I would just think something like, “Well, that person is in more of a hurry than I am.”

Of course, we can’t always be this rational, though, can we?

Still, developing patience is a good idea.

The more patient you are, the more you will be willing to accept things the way they are instead

of how you would like them to be.

Patience is more than a virtue when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder.

It’s a necessity.

In my courses/systems, I talk about ways to deal with your loved one’s behavior, and patience is definitely one of those ways.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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If you’re caught in traffic, for example, instead of being impatient and getting all frustrated, you need to just accept what is happening, and use that time to relax or breathe.

Have you ever heard the expression: “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff.”

Well, Richard Carlson, PhD wrote a book called that, and offers some useful advice here.

He suggests having “Patience Practice Periods.”

He says that you should start with a small amount of time and build up to a larger amount of time.

He says that you start by telling yourself:

“Okay, for the next five minutes I won’t allow myself to be bothered by anything. I’ll be patient.”

Once you’ve mastered five minutes, you can go longer, until you really do actually become a more patient person.

Being patient allows you to keep your perspective, instead of that perspective being clouded over by frustration or even anger (at something you can’t change) or stress.

For example, you might find yourself frustrated by your loved one’s lack of progress.

First you try the “Practice Patience Period” that Carlson talked about.

If that doesn’t work for a long enough period, think of it consciously this way:

“My present challenge is not life or death. It just is.”

You can’t change your loved one or their behavior anyway – only they can do that.

And if you repeat the above enough times, you might actually find yourself accepting the situation much better, and having less stress over it.

You can even teach it to your loved one, which will help them have less stress in their life, which will help their bipolar disorder.

Being more patient can be a conscious thing to do, if you practice the suggestions in this email.

It will also lead to less stress and complications for you.

Try “Practicing Patient Periods” for yourself, and let me know how it works out.

I think it’s a great way to become more patient with your loved one and their bipolar disorder.

Are you a patient person?

What are some things you do that help you be patient?

Bipolar? She Thinks I Can’t Know

David Oliver November 11, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 42 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going today?

I hope your day is going well.

I had a discussion with another supporter at the support group recently.

Well, I call it a discussion.

She might call it a fight.

She was telling me what it was like to live with her husband –

In other words, to live with someone who has bipolar disorder.

I made the mistake of saying, “I know how you feel.”

I was just identifying with her.

I just wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.

I wanted to tell her that I had been there, too, and how now things are going really well with

my mom.

I wanted to encourage her.

I wanted to do a lot of positive things, but she took everything the wrong way.

When I said, “I know how you feel,” she got very angry!

I sure didn’t expect that response!

She threw me off guard.

I was just trying to help, but apparently she didn’t want any help.

Or was it my fault?

Let me finish telling you about it, then you can help decide if this was my fault or not.

Ok, so I said, “I know how you feel.”

She started yelling at me things like:

“You aren’t me, how could you know how I feel?”

“You don’t know my husband, how could you know how I feel?”

“You don’t know what I have to live with day to day, so how can you know how I feel?”

At that point I answered back, because YES, I DO know how she feels when it comes to supporting someone with bipolar disorder.

If you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, then you probably know how she

feels as well.

I talk about living with a loved one who has bipolar disorder in general in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

I kept trying to talk to this woman reasonably and rationally.

I told her I did understand how she feels, because I am a supporter, too.

No, I admitted, I don’t know her or her husband or their situation.

But I don’t have to, to be able to relate to it.

There are some things that are just in common for all supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

For instance, I had to deal with a lot of anger in the beginning.

So I felt anger.

I also had to learn to deal with frustration, resentment, and even depression at times when I was

dealing with my mom.

Have you felt these feelings, too?

Most supporters have.

I learned that you can’t make long- term plans without having a Plan B.

You’d like it if your loved one could be predictable, but they’re just not, unfortunately.

This woman was so angry at me, almost offended, I think, that she wouldn’t listen to any of my

argument.

So let me ask you?

Do you think one bipolar supporter can understand another supporter without knowing all the details of that person’s life?

In other words, do you think I was right or wrong in what I said to this woman?

What’s your opinion?

Have you ever had this said to you? How did you feel?

Bipolar? We All Make Mistakes

David Oliver November 10, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 13 Comments

Hi,

How are you today?

Are you having a good day?

I hope so.

I wanted to share with you an email I got:

“Dave, I am a supporter to a sister

with bipolar disorder. I try to be a

good supporter, but sometimes I

make mistakes, and I’m afraid that

she’ll get worse and it will be my

fault. Like when she gets in a

depression, I try to show my support

by asking her to talk about it, but

then she just gets angry at me.

And when I see her not sleeping good,

I try to tell her that she needs to get

more sleep. So she gets angry at me

for that, too. It seems like whatever

I do, my sister gets angry at me.

Again, like when I remind her to take

her medication she gets mad at me for

that too. I want to be a good supporter,

but with her getting angry, I don’t feel

like I am. Am I making mistakes?

What should I do instead? –Monica”

———————————————————

Now, my disclaimer. I am not a professional, so I can only give my opinion from my experiences and from all the other supporters who have talked to me.

First of all, I would remind Monica (and you) that everyone is different.

What works for one person doesn’t work with another.

What I would commend is that this woman is at least trying to be a good supporter.

And I would re-affirm that some people with bipolar disorder do get angry, even if they’re not in an

episode.

You have to watch it, though, because increased agitation can be a symptom of a manic episode.

What happens when you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder is that you have

to “learn them.”

And by that I mean that, since everyone with bipolar disorder is different, you have to learn how

your loved one reacts to things, what works and what doesn’t work.

Monica has found out that when her sister is feeling down , that she doesn’t want to talk.

That’s learning.

It’s not wrong to try to be a good supporter.

You know the things that your loved one should be doing (as well as the things you should

be doing as their supporter) so that they can become stable.

These are the things I talk about in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/specialoffer/bplovedonetreat/

We all make mistakes.

That’s just a part of life, and a part of bipolar disorder as well.

But I don’t think it’s a mistake to show your concern.

For example, when Monica talks about reminding her sister to take her medication.

That’s not a mistake, especially if her sister forgets to take it or doesn’t want to take it.

Medication is crucial to stability.

Her sister might not get well if she wasn’t reminded to take her medications.

I’m sorry if she gets angry about it (many people do, because they resent taking their medication

every day), but it doesn’t mean that it’s a mistake.

In fact, I think it would be a mistake NOT to remind her, even if she gets angry, because

she needs that medication to get better, and without it she would go into an episode.

I think that Monica is doing a good job as a supporter, even though her sister gets mad at

her.

What do you think?

Do you think Monica is being a good supporter?

Have you had to struggle with your loved one getting angry at you when you’re trying to help?

Loved One With Bipolar Refusing To Take Medications?

David Oliver November 9, 2009 Special Offer Leave a Comment

Hi,

If you have a loved one with bipolar disorder who is refusing to take medication or doesn’t want to take it, I have a new resource for you.

For more information please visit:

See you tomorrow morning.

Dave

Choosing the Wrong Friends During a Bipolar Episode

David Oliver November 9, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 7 Comments

Hi,

I hope today is going good for you.

Today’s subject is a touchy one, so I’ll just tell you that up front.

It’s about how people in a manic episode tend to choose the wrong people to surround themselves with and how it can come back to hurt them and/or their families.

These new “friends” can be negative or toxic people, or even worse yet, they can be people who will take advantage of your loved one (and your finances), as some people do, because when your loved one is in a manic episode, they will not make right decisions (especially about money or business decisions).

Remember before when I’ve told you about Michele and how she taught her children about picking the right friends by using this 10/2 equation:

If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang out with them, you are not going to bring them up to an 8, they are going to bring you down to a 4!

So that’s what I’m talking about here.

It’s hard for a supporter to watch their loved one go into a manic episode to begin with…

Then to see them get all outgoing and such (whether that is their normal behavior or behavior

caused by the bipolar disorder)…

And the next thing you know, their loved one is hanging around with these new people…

…and the supporter KNOWS that these people are bad for her loved one, but he just uses excuses, or defends his “new friends”…

Because he can’t see how they are bad for him – because he is in an episode, and is in denial about it.

That can be so frustrating for a supporter, because her loved one just won’t listen to her, and she

doesn’t want to get into a fight with her loved one, but she also doesn’t know what else to do!

She just has to silently stand by and watch her loved one be hurt by these people – Maybe they are just negative people and will bring her loved one down, and that’s not as bad as what some will do –

Some will take advantage of their “new friend” (the person in the manic episode) and possibly use them for their money, etc. But still the one in the episode will defend them!

In my courses and systems, I teach not only about how to deal with your loved one when they are in an episode, but also what to do when they won’t listen to you:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit: