Hi,

How are you doing?

I’ve got to tell you about the funniest thing that happened.

You know how we’re taught to follow directions from the time that we’re a child, right?

But you also know that it’s typical for men not to follow directions. I mean, women complain about that all the time about men.

Not me – I follow directions (I learned the hard way).

But my friend?

He’s a typical macho type man – no following directions for him.

He went to put this toy together for his kid.

I thought it looked really complicated and, like I said, I would’ve followed the directions (all 3 pages of them!).

So he’s putting together this toy, which had like a gazillion pieces to it.

So I said, “Are you sure you don’t want to follow the directions?”

And he said, “Dude. I know what I’m doing.”

An hour later, sweating and swearing…

I asked him, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

He just grunted at me.

Another hour and a half…

Still sweating but no longer swearing, my friend pronounced the project done.

I looked at all the leftover pieces doubtfully, but didn’t dare say a word.

You’ll never guess what happened (well, maybe you will). Scroll down to find out.

Keep scrolling…

Almost there…

The minute his son touched the toy, the whole thing fell apart! LOL

It was hilarious (at least to me)!

This time I couldn’t resist saying something, so I said, “Dude. Maybe you should have followed the directions.”

It was funny to me, but it sure wasn’t funny

to him.

But he brought it on himself by not following the directions.

There are times when it is crucial that you follow the directions.

With your medications, for example.

Sometimes they can be very confusing.

The directions might say to take it four times a day, or every four hours.

So you might wonder when to take it, or question if you have to take it at night.

But you can (and should) ask the doctor or pharmacist to clarify the directions for you, because it’s imperative that you take your medications right.

You have to follow directions, or you may not have a positive outcome, like my friend.

Like in my courses/systems, which give you directions on how to reach stability.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You need to do what your doctor and other professionals tell you to do.

They’re looking out for your best interests, and they know from experience what works best for people who have bipolar disorder.

That’s why they give you directions, and you need to follow them if you want to get better.

There are pieces to stability, just like there were pieces to my friend’s project.

And you need to follow the directions to get the pieces all put together right.

Are you someone who follows directions?

Hi,

I hope you’re doing ok today.

You know, as a child you are completely dependent on your parents for everything.

They provide for all your needs.

But then you grow up, and you are no longer dependent on them.

That’s what growing up is – Becoming independent.

But one problem that supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder tell me they have is that their loved one is too dependent on them.

But it may be their own fault, if they are solving all their loved one’s problems for them, or making things easy on them.

This may even be a sign of codependency, which is one of the things I talk about in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Having your loved one be too dependent on you is something you do NOT want.

But here’s some surefire ways to make them dependent on you:

1. Give them their medication

2. Take them to all their doctor,

psychiatrist and therapist visits.

3. Tell them when to go to bed

and when to wake up.

4. Make all their meals and snacks.

5. Make a To-Do List for them and

then help them complete the tasks

or do them yourself.

6. Handle ALL the finances yourself,

without them knowing anything

about them, even when they are

NOT in an episode.

7. Force them to exercise.

8. Drive them everywhere they need

to go, even if it’s just to the store.

9. Make excuses for their behavior.

10. Cover up for them.

11. Don’t make them take any responsibility

for anything.

12. Do everything for them.

If you do these things, I guarantee that your loved one will be totally dependent on you.

And that is something you do NOT want.

Your loved one needs to take responsibility for themselves if they are going to get better.

Stability is not something you can achieve for them.

As a supporter, you naturally want to be a good one and to help your loved one.

But they are not a child, and should not be totally dependent on you.

They need to do as many things as they can for themselves.

They need to work toward their own stability.

If you do all those things I listed, you will probably experience supporter burn-out, and then where would your loved one be?

Where would you be?

Not very healthy yourself.

Take for example, the medication issue.

Even if your loved one complains about having to take their bipolar medications, it is still something they should do for themselves.

You shouldn’t be giving them their medication – that would be doing something for them that they can do for themselves.

In order to attain stability, your loved one MUST take responsibility for themselves.

Not just in taking their medication, but in other areas as well, like I listed before.

You want your loved one to be independent.

That’s one of the biggest steps toward stability for them.

When your loved one is not in an episode, when they are in a normal period, they should be totally capable of taking care of themselves and, therefore, taking their own responsibility.

They still need you as a supporter, but they shouldn’t be totally dependent on you.

For example, you can still make a To-Do List for them, but they should be the one doing the tasks.

It’s part of being productive, which your loved one needs to be.

I know you care about your loved one, but you can NOT make them totally dependent on you – it’s not good for either of you.

Have you noticed ways where your loved one is still too dependent on you?

Do you agree with me that they should NOT be?

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

Today I want to talk about CHANGE.

There’s this sort of anecdote that talks about how a woman married a man for who he was, then immediately started changing him into who she wanted him to be.

Then she wasn’t happy, because he was no longer the man she married!

It’s supposed to be funny, but there is a ring of truth in it.

As a supporter, you are many things to your loved one.

You wear many hats, so to speak.

So it’s important that you keep your sense of identity because of it.

You have to stay fundamentally “you,” or you may fall into the

CHANGE TRAP

Many supporters with loved ones who have bipolar disorder do fall into this trap.

In my courses/systems, I talk about change, and what is good change and what is bad change:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

The Change Trap is when you are so frustrated with your loved one and their bipolar disorder, specifically when your loved one is not well, that you try to change yourself to change the situation.

But the trap has you believing that by your changing, your loved one will get better, which is NOT true.

There’s a difference between changing to adapt to a situation (i.e., learning to adapt) and actually trying to change yourself to change the situation.

When it comes to bipolar disorder, you cannot change the disorder. It is what it is.

When it comes to your loved one, you cannot change them. They are who and what they are.

It’s like the Serenity Prayer:

Lord, grant me the serenity to

accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

and wisdom to know the difference

Yes, you have control over yourself.

Yes, you have the power to change yourself.

But the other things you can’t change, no matter how hard you try.

See, there is good change and there is bad change.

Good change is when being a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder brings out the caretaker in you, and you become a super supporter.

Bad change is changing yourself to try to change the bipolar disorder.

The change trap might also cause you to change yourself to try to prevent a situation (like trying to prevent episodes, which are going to happen anyway).

This can come from past episodes, where you may have thought, “If only I were more attentive [understanding, supportive, a better listener, etc.], my loved one wouldn’t have gone into this episode.

Then you start overcompensating by being overly-attentive, etc.

Bad change is letting guilt cause you to change yourself.

Changing yourself might cause problems in your relationship as well – Like in that anecdote.

Your loved one accepts you for who you are.

They do not expect you to be someone you’re not.

If you change too much (even though your motive is to please your loved one), they may feel that you’ve become a stranger to them, and then you may have problems with the relationship in general, and communication specifically.

Your loved one may feel that they can no longer talk to you or open up to you, which can cause further problems.

You need to stay fundamentally YOU.

You can change to adapt to the situation (good change), but not change who you are (bad change).

What do you think of this idea?

Do you think there is such a thing as good and bad change?