Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you’re having a good day.
I think of myself as a patient man, but there are still times when I’m not patient.
Yet I know the more patient I am, the easier things will be for me.
Like waiting in lines at the store check-out.
What good does it do me to be impatient, when there’s nothing I can do about the situation?
Impatience just leads to (more) frustration.
Or like if someone cuts me off in traffic.
It makes me angry, but it still doesn’t change the situation.
Where if I were more accepting (more patient), I would just think something like, “Well, that person is in more of a hurry than I am.”
Of course, we can’t always be this rational, though, can we?
Still, developing patience is a good idea.
The more patient you are, the more you will be willing to accept things the way they are instead
of how you would like them to be.
Patience is more than a virtue when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder.
It’s a necessity.
In my courses/systems, I talk about ways to deal with your loved one’s behavior, and patience is definitely one of those ways.
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If you’re caught in traffic, for example, instead of being impatient and getting all frustrated, you need to just accept what is happening, and use that time to relax or breathe.
Have you ever heard the expression: “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff.”
Well, Richard Carlson, PhD wrote a book called that, and offers some useful advice here.
He suggests having “Patience Practice Periods.”
He says that you should start with a small amount of time and build up to a larger amount of time.
He says that you start by telling yourself:
“Okay, for the next five minutes I won’t allow myself to be bothered by anything. I’ll be patient.”
Once you’ve mastered five minutes, you can go longer, until you really do actually become a more patient person.
Being patient allows you to keep your perspective, instead of that perspective being clouded over by frustration or even anger (at something you can’t change) or stress.
For example, you might find yourself frustrated by your loved one’s lack of progress.
First you try the “Practice Patience Period” that Carlson talked about.
If that doesn’t work for a long enough period, think of it consciously this way:
“My present challenge is not life or death. It just is.”
You can’t change your loved one or their behavior anyway – only they can do that.
And if you repeat the above enough times, you might actually find yourself accepting the situation much better, and having less stress over it.
You can even teach it to your loved one, which will help them have less stress in their life, which will help their bipolar disorder.
Being more patient can be a conscious thing to do, if you practice the suggestions in this email.
It will also lead to less stress and complications for you.
Try “Practicing Patient Periods” for yourself, and let me know how it works out.
I think it’s a great way to become more patient with your loved one and their bipolar disorder.
Are you a patient person?
What are some things you do that help you be patient?
In relation to patience, I have found that there are times God will delay you in getting somewhere, for example. Let’s say you’re caught in traffic and trying to get somewhere in a hurry. God may know there is an accident ahead or that if you weren’t in this traffic jam–He might be trying to show you patience, or letting you know that you need to slow down in some part of your life. Maybe it’s okay this time to be a little late for this appointment–maybe who you’re going to see might be running behind also. If you get there and have to wait, you might be “kicking yourself” for being in such a rush–you could have had more patience and taken your time, and not be as stressed out as you might be now.
Through my 61 years, I have learned that everything happens in its own time. For the religious person, it is that God has a plan for your life, even moment to moment, and worrying about anything won’t add a minute to your life. By being consciously patient, I accept any situation I’m put into. If it turns out that I become anxious about something, I practice breathing exercises to get my anxiety level down. I’m NOT saying it’s easy; I’m NOT perfect at it in any way. BUT – at least I’m giving it “the old school try,” and every day, I learn more and more patience, either in traffic, the grocery store, appointments, etc.
If “Practicing Patient Periods” helps…more power to ya!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
I try to remember that my husband is different every single day. Morning, noon and night. Always different. You never can except the same mood or personality. It is hard. I still wish he could be more responsible. And we always remember (the rest of us) that there are also personality problems going on which make the bipolar look 100 times worse. What I have found is that straight bipoolar without addictions or personality issues (narcissism) bipolar is very treatable (the mood swings) but it is the drinking that causes the mania and anger and agitation and then acting out, for example. And then it feeds on its own loop. Getting enough sleep is essential b/c sleep regulates brain chemicals. This is a golden clue to sanity with a bipolar family member. They have to get enough sleep. Too much caffeine can make for mania too – and verbal abuse. And he blames me for everything as his way of dealing with his own illness. With my son it is different. He is expressing the gene also but in a different way. I can accept him completely and help him b/c he allows me to. He wants to not cycle and ruin his life. But we got him on medication very quickly and didn’t take a chance that he would be burning out brain cells (having brain cells literally die) like what happens with too many wild cycles. The best book I have read so far is called “Madness” by a writer and a woman who has bipolar herself. I would recommend this book to anyone that has the illness as well as lives with someone with it. It is by Maryna Hornbacher. Lot’s of insight – probably too much to take for someone not in recovery with a strong understanding of how they bahave during episodes.
Two of my sisters are married to men with bipolar disorder. Watching them go through the heart ache they go through has been difficult to watch. I have always disliked my brother’s-in-law because of how they treat my sisters- I can’t understand why they just don’t leave them. However I recently stumbled across a book titled, “Blessed with Bipolar” by Richard Jarzynka. This book looks at bipolar disorder at a positive angle and gives hope to those with the disorder. I now have to say that I have a better idea of what bipolar disorder does to a person and feel more compassion toward my brothers-in-law now.
http://www.bipolarman.org/