Hi,

Hope you’re doing ok.

I want to talk to you today about a concept called looking for the ledge.

The ledge is a small thing that you use as a stepping stone towards something else.

With bipolar disorder, it would be a small thing that you use as a stepping stone toward your progress.

I got the concept from when I was hiking one day (I like to hike – it helps me keep my stress levels lower, and one of the things I do for exercise).

Anyway, I was thinking about if you were rock climbing and you were going up a mountain, you would need a ledge to climb up the mountain.

The ledge wouldn’t be huge, but it would be small, because it would have to get you from one level to the next.

It’s the same with bipolar disorder.

You or your loved one’s ledge has to be a small step to success that you can build on to an even greater success in order to be effective.

Here’s what I mean.

Your loved one goes into therapy.

They can’t expect to go to one session and be “cured” overnight. But each session is a ledge to the next session, so they go to regular sessions, to build on their success.

And you can go to your own therapy and do it the same way (not to be “cured,” of course, but to learn skills how to deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder and your own life problems).

In my courses/systems, I do talk about supporters going into therapy for themselves as part of taking care of themselves, because if you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of your loved one?

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Ok, so back to the ledge.

You have to build on the ledge to get bigger successes.

And bigger successes lead to more progress with bipolar disorder.

Another example is exercise. Both for you and your loved one.

You don’t start an exercise program of walking by walking 10 miles a day the first day.

You might start by walking maybe a mile, or even ½ a mile.

Then you would, ledge by ledge (small success by small success), build up to your 10 mile goal.

Another example is medication, and this is an important one.

There is no one magic pill that will give your loved one instant stability.

Usually, several medications have to be tried and tweaked, with different dosages, until the right ones, in different combinations, are found to be right for YOUR loved one (everyone is different).

So it’s not an instant success.

You have to go ledge by ledge, success by success, until you have success – until you reach stability.

And let’s talk about YOU –

You didn’t become the supporter that you are overnight, did you?

It took some trial and error, a little bit of ledge climbing, didn’t it?

But by ledge climbing, one success at a time, you grew into the successful supporter that you are today.

So do you see what I’m getting at with this ledge concept?

Success doesn’t come overnight with bipolar disorder.

Whether you have the disorder or you’re a supporter of a loved one with the disorder, you still have to apply the ledge concept to reach success.

What do you think?

Do you agree with the ledge concept?
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

Hey, everyone was asking me about my Goddaughter’s birthday and how old she is.

She is 1. We had a lot of fun yesterday. I bought her a little people animal farm type of toy.

Anyway, I had the worst day of eating in seriously years. I feel terrible. I had all carbs for 50% of the day. No protein. I had so much cake it’s a joke. I feel TERRIBLE today.

So I am going to the gym TWICE today : )

Two cardio sessions.

Anyway, thanks for asking if you did.

Okay, I got a call from someone that I know who is dealing with bipolar disorder late last night.

Her husband has bipolar disorder and she was afraid. She said he had “gone off the deep end.”

She said he stopped taking his medication and was yelling and screaming at her loudly. I told her to follow my course and contact the doctor on his emergency line.

She said, “I never thought my husband could be like your mom.”

I was kind of annoyed by that statement.

First I want to say something. Soooooooo many people say to me, “I am not like your mom.”

Or they say, “My loved one is not like your mom.”

Listen, my mom was never that bad most of my life. I mean, she was bad sometimes but not that bad before the last major episode.

With bipolar disorder, without a system it can get worse.

The person who never did anything wrong can sometimes turn violent. They are not in their right mind.

Look at this:

Hello David,

Hi my name is Michael, my wife (name omitted) has been speaking to you for a couple years now. I have a question for you, when my son goes crazy and I have to restrain him from hurting others or himself, He will say just kill me and get it over with it. Have you ever had to deal with that, if so how do you respond, I know my self I go from complete anger to complete sympathy, without him knowing. What would you do in that situation, how do I deal with that statement?

Thanks Mike
————————————————————

First let me say that I am NOT a doctor, therapist, lawyer, financial advisor, law enforcement official, etc.

I am NOT offering any medical, legal, financial or professional advice. But I will tell you this, because it is a fact:

Your loved one CAN become violent, even if they have never been violent before.

Especially if they go off their medication, because, as I said, they are not in their right mind.

You know Michele, who works for me.

Well, her sister had bipolar disorder, went off her medication, threw herself through a plate glass door, called the police and claimed spousal abuse and had her husband arrested!

Another day she told her husband that she had hidden a box cutter in the house and that he better not go to sleep that night, because she was going to slit his throat if he did!

I know this sounds horrible, but it’s true.

Your loved one CAN turn violent, even if they’ve never been violent before.

I said in the beginning that without a system it can get worse. In my courses/systems below, I talk about how you have to have a system:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

What you do is, between episodes, when your loved one is calm and receptive to good communication, the two of you sit down and work out what you would do if your loved one did become violent. You have to have a system in place, just in case.

I know one couple who did this.

Here’s what they worked out.

They decided that if he goes into an episode and becomes violent, that the first thing she should do is call 911 and the police, so he doesn’t hurt her.

As long as she calls right away, chances are he won’t hurt her, so she can stay to tell the police that he has bipolar disorder, so they won’t take him to jail, they’ll just restrain him and take him to the hospital.

During that time, she is to call her husband’s psychiatrist, to let him know what’s happening, so he can be in touch with the hospital, in case they need his help with medications, etc., or his advice on where to send her husband (what facility, etc.).

Then she is to take all his medications and follow them to the hospital.

See? They have a very comprehensive system that they worked out in advance, when her husband was not in an episode that protects both of them should he become violent.

Mostly, they acknowledged the fact that, even though they didn’t want to think about that fact, and didn’t want to think that it might happen, they still worked out a system in case it should.

Another point, too. They also have a signed Medical Release and Power of Attorney signed by him (when he was not in an episode) that she has a copy of that she would take with her to the hospital in case she would need to admit him. This is a very important point, because during an episode, especially when your loved one is violent, you will NOT be able to get his/her signature on one of these forms, and you will be restricted from having access to them and/or their records and/or their care.

There also might be personal things you might need to do, like have access to your bank accounts, that a Power of Attorney will enable you to do.

I know it’s probably hard to believe right now that our loved one could turn violent, but with bipolar disorder it’s always a possibility.

Just make sure you have a system in place.

Do you agree with this or think I am out of my mind. Do you believe ANYONE with bipolar disorder can turn violent who is not with the right treatment plan?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope you’re doing well.

I have to get going because today is my Goddaughter’s birthday so her mom and dad are having a party. So I have to get stuff done before then.

Anyway, this is for both people with bipolar disorder and their supporters.

Because it’s not just those who have the disorder who struggle with mood problems, their supporters do, too. Maybe not to the same degree, but they do – bad moods, good moods, happy one minute, sad the next, maybe even suffer from depression themselves.

But the point I want to make is, you can’t be fooled by your moods.

When you have a biologically based disorder like bipolar disorder, sometimes you have no control over your moods – they are simply controlled by the chemical imbalance in your brain.

For supporters, even though you don’t have a biologically based disorder, you can still get depressed from time to time, can’t you?

But the point is for you, don’t be fooled by this depression, otherwise you might think you’re “catching” your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and you just can’t catch bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu.

So don’t be fooled by your moods.

The same thing with “elation,” though.

Just because you’re feeling extreme happiness or joy, doesn’t mean you’re going into a manic episode, so don’t let that mood fool you either. It has to be for an extended period of time and have other symptoms with it to be an actual manic episode.

In my courses/systems, I talk about the difference between a normal mood and the mood swings of bipolar disorder, as well as the signs/symptoms of a bipolar episode:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But just don’t let your moods fool you.

Bipolar or not, you CAN have “normal” moods.

You can feel sadness and not be depressed.

You can feel joy and not be manic.

You can feel anger and not be manic as well.

Your moods can be extremely deceptive. When you’re depressed, you can think your life is worse than it really is.

When you’re extremely joyful, you can think your life is much better than it really is.

In good moods, things don’t feel so hard and problems don’t seem so overwhelming. You might feel like nothing is impossible to solve.

On the other hand, in bad moods, you might feel like everything is too hard for you and your problems are insurmountable, and your whole life is overwhelming.

This is another way your moods can fool you, so you also have to stay realistic.

When you’re in a good mood, relationships seem to flow and communication is easy. Even if your loved one or supporter criticizes you, you would probably just take it in stride, think maybe they just had a bad day, or whatever. You wouldn’t think you’re a bad person or anything or that they hate you.

But if you’re in a bad mood, on the other hand, you might take that criticism as a dig at your whole character and become totally depressed for days.

This is yet another way that your moods can fool you, so you have to also keep things in perspective.

So remember…

Bipolar or not…

DON’T BE FOOLED BY YOUR MOODS!

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

Here’s my latest revelation:

Bipolar disorder is not a DISorder, it’s a problem with disORDER.

I’m always talking about systems, right?

In fact, in my courses/systems below, that’s exactly what I talk about, and the systems needed to manage bipolar disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But here’s what I’m talking about:

For example, you have a system for doing your laundry, right? If you didn’t, you’d always be walking around in dirty clothes, and there would be disORDER!

Another thing – you have a system for eating. If you didn’t eat, you’d go hungry, and there would be disORDER.

Your whole body has a bunch of systems that run it:

Your respiratory system, your circulatory system, your endocrine system… just to name a few. And if any of these systems go wrong, there is disORDER in your whole body!

You must have/had a system for disciplining your children or else there would be chaos – there would be disORDER.

And think about work – plenty of systems there. In fact, each department at work probably has its own system. And each system needs to work together, or there’s disORDER.

What about our government? That’s probably the best example of all. We have one big system led by our President that runs the whole country.

But under him you’ve got lots of other systems, like the Congress, the House of Representatives, the Senate, etc., that are all systems of their own.

And even under them are other separate systems like the CIA, FBI… all the way down to your own local law enforcement.

ALL SYSTEMS.

Just think what would happen without these systems. Complete disORDER.

Now…

Think about your loved one with bipolar disorder.

Think about it with this perspective.

If your loved one doesn’t have systems in place, there will be disORDER!

If the government even has systems to keep from having disORDER, shouldn’t your loved one?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Lots of interesting news today.

SERIOUSLY take a look.

I am honestly dead tired this morning 🙂

But I have to get going. I still have to go to the gym as well.

Anyway, here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews408

Tragedy Focuses Spotlight on Crisis in North
DO> Wow, what do you think of this? Sad, huh?

Mental Disorders Common
DO> What are your thoughts on this?

Schools Fail at Recognizing Mental Disorders
DO> There is no question about this, don’t you agree?

28-Year-Old Lakeland Woman Missing, Needs Medication
DO> This unfortunately happens so much, don’t you think?

Specialized Canine Serves Bi-polar Partner
DO> Very interesting, article did you know this can happen?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews408

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

The other day I saw some birds flying south for the winter. No, it’s not a myth – they really do fly south for the winter!

And, come to think of it, they weren’t even really flying – they were more like gliding.

There were ten of them, all in a vee formation, flying all together, like one. It was really a beautiful sight to see.

But there was this one bird behind all the rest who wasn’t in the vee formation – who was kind of doing his own thing. And that’s what made me think of bipolar disorder.

In my courses/systems, I teach about something called the Bipolar Stability Equation, and all the parts to it:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So these birds kind of reminded me of the Bipolar Stability Equation – like all the ten birds gliding together in unison is like all the different parts of the equation all working together…

And that means stability for someone with bipolar disorder.

But the one bird not together with the other ones could be one of the parts of the equation that is out of  hack and can throw off a person’s stability.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Ten birds, right? All flying together? And that would be stability.

So let’s list 10 things that would lead to stability (all working together) for a person with bipolar disorder:

1. Medication
2. Therapy
3. Strong support system
4. Healthy diet
5. Exercise
6. Short-term goals
7. Long-term goals
8. Productivity
9. Low stress

Now, let’s look at the stray bird. The independent bird. The one who thinks he can do things his own way.

And, for simplicity’s sake, let’s call that bird, say, sleep, because this is one of the components of stability that people don’t think is as important as the others.

So the person with bipolar disorder stops paying attention to their sleep habits.

Instead of following a good sleep regimen of 8-9 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night, they start staying up later and getting less sleep.

Then only 4 hours of sleep a night…

And the next thing you know…

They’re in a full-blown manic episode.

It doesn’t matter that the other 9 elements of the equation are still intact.

Just this one element being out of whack is enough to upset the whole apple cart and put the person into an episode.

That’s why I push the Bipolar Stability Equation so strongly –

I want you/your loved one to be stable.

But the only way to get stable and maintain that stability is to keep all the elements of it intact.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope your day is going well.

I am already behind schedule and it’s only the morning.

Okay a friend of mind told me this story about when she was vacationing on the beach in Florida:

One morning, she was having coffee on her patio overlooking the beach (some vacation, huh?), and she saw this pelican fly into a tree (I didn’t even know pelicans could fly, did you?).

Anyway, this pelican got stuck in the tree. Every little while, it would flap its wings, but no go. So it would just sit there for awhile and try again, but still no go. My friend just sat there, watching this pelican…

And watching…

And watching…

Until… To hear the end of the story, scroll down…

Keep scrolling…

Almost there…
Ok, here’s what happened: After about an hour… The pelican just flew away! So here’s the question:

Was the pelican really stuck in the first place, or was it just taking a sun bath? LOL

But here was my friend’s point, and why she told me this story:

See, she’s a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, and she knows I do a lot of work with supporters.

She also knows that in my courses/systems, I teach about the difference between being a good supporter and being an enabler:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So how does this relate to my friend and her story?

She was saying that several times when watching (what she thought was) that stuck pelican, she wanted to go over and rescue it.

Just like she wants to rescue her husband every time he gets himself “stuck.”

So her question to me, just like so many emails I get from other supporters, was this:

How do you know when you’re being a good supporter and when you’re being an enabler?

Well, I go into detail about enabling in my course, but simply put:

ENABLING is when you do something for the other person that they can (should) do for themselves. The question of whether you’re a good supporter or an enabler becomes tricky when you’re dealing with a loved one in an episode.

Do you cover for them?

Do you rescue them?

Do you “fix” the situation?

Do you try to make things easier for them?

Do you accept unacceptable behavior?

Do you tolerate things from them that you would never tolerate from anyone else?

———————————————————-

As difficult as these questions are, these could be signs of an enabler. OR…

Do you make them take responsibility for their actions?

Do you allow them to suffer the consequences of their own poor decisions and bad behavior?

Do you set limits and boundaries (and stick to them)?

Do you make it clear that you will not accept unacceptable behavior?

When they get “stuck,” do you make them get themselves out of their own jam?

———————————————————————-

As difficult as these second set of questions are, these are signs of a good supporter instead of an enabler. I know it’s hard, because you care for your loved one. But if you continue to rescue them, they’ll continue to let you.

What do you think?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope your day is going well.

Oh, yesterday I forgot to put the link into the blog message so you could type responses. Sorry about that. These days I have had to do so many things because so many people are ill in this organization it’s amazing. Two people with cancer. Another with kidney problems. Several with the flu.

Anyway, I have had to pick up the slack and it means I get little sleep : ) So again sorry.

Much of my message today I’m going to let Elisabeth tell you. She wrote me an email that pretty much spells out the story, so I’ll let her say it: “…After several weeks of taking the opportunity to hear about your experiences and the experiences of others who post on this forum, I feel far less anxiety and far less disruption from the actions of my boyfriend. In July, I was encouraged to file a Temporary Restraining Order against him due to his upsetting and erratic behavior towards me. Yes, much of it driven by his anger which I  finally took a stand against. I would like to include that as a victim of a previous traumatic experience I was very closely guided by the counselors and advocates whom I’ve depended upon in taking this type of action. I did not trust my own feelings or instincts about what was occurring which is why I contacted my counselor advocates – to get clear feedback on my perspective.

And, yes, he is angry with me for taking a stand and releasing myself from him and this relationship. I’m ok with my own life and being back on my own path again. There are some differences in my own nature and, in fact, there are a few other people with whom I’ve needed to and been able to set clearer boundaries. Persons who are close to me are enjoying, once again, my company, my smile and my self-assuring nature – and they don’t expect anything except my friendship in return. This is true validation.

Thank you for the opportunity to participate. Your feedback is always welcome.

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

——————————————————————-

Well, as you know, I’m not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, or any other kind of medical or mental health professional, so I can’t give any kind of advice.

But Elisabeth just asked for my feedback, and that I can give.

I think we can all take a lesson from this woman, and the lesson is this: If you are a supporter there are many times you have to take a strong stand. Now, I am NOT saying to run right out and take out a restraining order on your loved one, so don’t get me wrong. Not everyone is in Elisabeth’s position (although if you are, you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself).

In my courses/systems below, I talk about setting boundaries. This is one of the things you have to do to be strong.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

There is a difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior – between what you will tolerate from your loved one and what you will NOT tolerate.

Your loved one, like Elisabeth’s may exhibit what she called “upsetting and erratic behavior” towards you. If so, you need to take a strong stand.

And then you need to stick to those boundaries. You need to set boundaries between what you will take and what you won’t take in their treatment of you.Believe it or not, just because your loved one has a mental disorder/illness doesn’t mean you have to treat them any different than you would anyone else in a relationship. You don’t have to feel sorry for them.

And you deserve to be treated just as “normal” as you would in any other relationship.

Sometimes that means that you have to take a strong stand. Even if that means standing up to your loved one.

Some supporters won’t do this because they’re afraid they’re going to push their loved ones into a bipolar episode.

Trust me, your loved one (most likely) is not that fragile. You would’ve seen signs of that long before this.

And if they are, they’re probably just using their bipolar disorder as an excuse to treat you that way.

Don’t let them get away with poor treatment of you. Set boundaries.

Tell them how you want to be treated.

Tell them how you DON’T want to be treated.

Take a strong stand.

Then stick to your boundaries. What do you think of this all?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.