Hi,
Hope you’re doing ok.
I want to talk to you today about a concept called looking for the ledge.
The ledge is a small thing that you use as a stepping stone towards something else.
With bipolar disorder, it would be a small thing that you use as a stepping stone toward your progress.
I got the concept from when I was hiking one day (I like to hike – it helps me keep my stress levels lower, and one of the things I do for exercise).
Anyway, I was thinking about if you were rock climbing and you were going up a mountain, you would need a ledge to climb up the mountain.
The ledge wouldn’t be huge, but it would be small, because it would have to get you from one level to the next.
It’s the same with bipolar disorder.
You or your loved one’s ledge has to be a small step to success that you can build on to an even greater success in order to be effective.
Here’s what I mean.
Your loved one goes into therapy.
They can’t expect to go to one session and be “cured” overnight. But each session is a ledge to the next session, so they go to regular sessions, to build on their success.
And you can go to your own therapy and do it the same way (not to be “cured,” of course, but to learn skills how to deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder and your own life problems).
In my courses/systems, I do talk about supporters going into therapy for themselves as part of taking care of themselves, because if you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of your loved one?
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Ok, so back to the ledge.
You have to build on the ledge to get bigger successes.
And bigger successes lead to more progress with bipolar disorder.
Another example is exercise. Both for you and your loved one.
You don’t start an exercise program of walking by walking 10 miles a day the first day.
You might start by walking maybe a mile, or even ½ a mile.
Then you would, ledge by ledge (small success by small success), build up to your 10 mile goal.
Another example is medication, and this is an important one.
There is no one magic pill that will give your loved one instant stability.
Usually, several medications have to be tried and tweaked, with different dosages, until the right ones, in different combinations, are found to be right for YOUR loved one (everyone is different).
So it’s not an instant success.
You have to go ledge by ledge, success by success, until you have success – until you reach stability.
And let’s talk about YOU –
You didn’t become the supporter that you are overnight, did you?
It took some trial and error, a little bit of ledge climbing, didn’t it?
But by ledge climbing, one success at a time, you grew into the successful supporter that you are today.
So do you see what I’m getting at with this ledge concept?
Success doesn’t come overnight with bipolar disorder.
Whether you have the disorder or you’re a supporter of a loved one with the disorder, you still have to apply the ledge concept to reach success.
What do you think?
Do you agree with the ledge concept?
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Post responses below
remember that some bipolar people are medicinally/medically resistant and can only use some medicinal (if any) abatement and therapy i.e. CBT to try to manage. Boy is it depressing finding out your resistant!
I agree with the Ledge concept. My son has taken small steps recently. He has at last got dental treatment, has made an appointment to see a team of therapists and will be spending Christmas Eve with his ex-wife and their little boy. I apply the Ledge concept with him, reminding him that instead of looking at the gaping holes in his life, the debts, the fear, the aggression etc., etc., he try to achieve one small step. Firmly, slowly but surely he can then build a strong foundation by eliminating one by one those *mountains*. Perseverance is hard for Bi-polar sufferers but you are so right Dave…one little step at a time is great.
thank youi for your daily lessons, I follow them the best way I can. I start my day by reading your lessons, thanks for the inspirations.
good writing
Hi Dave,
I like the ledge concept a lot. With my sister she still drinks but is seeing a good therapist and a good pshyciatrist. That is two huge steps, or ledges in the right direction. Of course I would love to fix her overnight, but I didn’t “get it” right way either. It was a whole lot of small successes along the way to achieving stability.
I like the Chirstmas cartoon, “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”. In it a mean old warlock, “The Winter Warlock”‘s heart melts when the young Santa gives him a toy choo choo train. He goes, “I always wanted a Choo Choo.” And his heart melts and he is no longer the mean Winter Warlock he once was. He said he didn’t know how to be good, because he had always been mean. And the young Santa in the movie told him “You just put one foot in front of the other!” That is what it boils down to. We don’t always get the speedy recovery we want with our loved one, but starting therapy is a ledge toward progress. She was totally off to therapy for about a year or so, but she is going back now. She is depressed a lot and I can be happy knowing she is at least trying.
We can always pray and be supportive of our loved one and lead them to the resources they need. We can lead them to therapy, but we cannot make them think. They have to do some of this on their own, and like you said, it isn’t an overnight process, but progress is something to be grateful for. There is always hope, no matter how hard it may be sometimes. Thanks for reminding me of the progress that she is making is significant, even if it is one step in the right direction, it is one step at a time that gets us to that 10 mile walk evenutally!
Thanks Dave,
Great Topic,
Bob
Hi David: It is so different from each side. The person with bipolar struggles and it’s hard for supporters to even comprehend what they are going through. The only way they could, is to be in their position and visa versa. We, as supporters get the better end of the stick I would say. Calmed down and ready to face whatever comes next.
I believe in the step program concept, but how do you get your loved one to take that first step when they seem to be set on letting the bipolar win? I have always been there and always will be for my husband – he was a wonderful, funny, outgoing guy – then had a manic episode just before our wedding date – and has never been the same. Docs have switched around meds and dosages so many times and as time goes on the less time he spends out of bed. I spend about 85% of my time alone. He says the only way he can become that person again is to go off all meds. I do not believe that. So how do you get this person to take the first step?
I have been following David Oliver’s mail for more than a year. I believe the man is called of God to do what he does, no matter what anybody says. I could never get the understanding of what bi-polar was from anybody else but him. The doctor’s never would say much because of patient confidentiality and the drug companies give confusing information. Only David Oliver and Bi-Polar Central have ever given me clear and understandable information to give me hope that my ex-wife can live a normal life. I have the children and I am on guard to watch for signs of problems that they may develope in the years to come.
Dave I would like to thank you for information you are supplying for all of us who are living with loved ones that suffer with bi-polar. I have had many years of living with bipolar not even knowing it existed. My son was misdiagnosed the doctor told me he had ADHD. He was one that did all the self medicating, he is now 20 and has tried many times to stop, I had to literally remodel my home (still in process) because of his outbursts. I wish more people were aware of bipolar and tried to understand the steps that need to be taken and how very hard it is on each person involved.
Hello I have bi polar real bad,I do not take meds,because i dont like the way they make me feel,besides i am a recovering addict,so i dont want to feel messed up,but yes i do understand the ledge concept,i will try to do just that,Thanks for all the news letters,i do read them all too,cause i do want to get better, one day at a time right? You are amazing perosn,I cant afford ur programs,wish i could,but on social security,its impossible,sorry,,,,but anyway thanks a bunch,,,dave keep up the good wk,you helped me a million,angie h in clev,texs
Nice analogy, Dave. You might add it’s a nice idea to keep a diary, as a way to mark milestones, so you can look back and see the progress.
Vickie
It’s a strange thing with any depression. I think some people who ever reach or see the bottom of The Pit may come to want the process to become worse. How come? Why would they want to be more ill, more in pain than they are? I submit two reasons (my theories):
1. They feel they lack support and that others fail to believe it when theya re not ill; so, they want it to get worse, whence those who they feel are failing them can see unequivocally that they need help! It’s a but like those who attempt suicide as a “cry for help”. As in “what must you witness before you take me seriously when I say I am not well?”
2. The pain of that depth of depression is so bad that they don’t want to got there again, as they feel they will. So, it’s “in for a penny, in for a pound, and lets get this life over with….” That is to say, they want things to become worse so they may die of it.
Jeanie
Spot on. I recall how hopeless, how helpless and confused I felt when my girlfriend was seriously rapid cycling from massive extremes of full blown mania and a depression of a kind I’d never witness before. She was in treatment having been “Sectioned” and forcibly put into hospital. And now the foot is on the other boot.
I think the ledge concept is a great, there is one caveat. I have had my 48 year old wife try to kill herself twice. Just when we were doing so well( I thought). Then you have to start climbing that mountain again. There are times I would have walked away and let her fall. My love for her and our 30 year marriage keeps me doing what I have to do, but Damn, it sure can be tough sometimes. Those depressive times like right now, Christmastime make it much tougher. She doesnt have the Christmas spirit and its hard to have it for both of us, I practically had to drag her out of the house to get even the smallest gift for our children. If it hadn’t been for her sister we wouldn’t even have a single decoration up yet. I do read all your emails and your directions/ ideas are very helpful. Thanks for a GREAT service you do. Merry Christmas.
I try to make sure that my son knows that I am proud of the efforts he makes to keep himslef progressing. He cycled into a depression as we headed into the late fall and it was so noticeable to me that it was upon us before I knew what had happened. Grades fell to failing and that is a sure sign. Anyway, got him right in to his meds doctor and she got him on an antidepressant and he has leveled out again and grades are gradually coming up. So when he comes home last week and says he got a 96 on a math test, I whooped and gave him abig hug. This week his test grade was a 100 on a math test. he was so excited to tell me and I hugged him bearhug style and told him how proud of him I was that he was working so hard to bring those grades back up. The ledge, little by little, he and I are a team and as his main supporter, I am so excted when he accomplishes these little steps that help him feel better about himself.