Hi,

How’s it going? I hope you are doing well.
I wanted to drop you a quick email today about
something really important about bipolar disorder.
I call it the small things make the difference.

Now, you know that I am a HUGE believer in medication
for bipolar disorder but there are other things
that I have seen with the people who work for me
and my own mother that make a huge difference as well–
it’s the small things people might take for granted.

Bipolar supporters and also people with bipolar
disorder need to realize this. I don’t even think
most doctors fully appreciate how impactful the
small things are on bipolar disorder.

You might be wondering, “Dave, what are the
small things?”

Here’s are just some of them (for people with
bipolar disorder):

-Keeping stress low
-Eating well and avoiding trigger foods (sugar is a
trigger food for my mom…meaning too much of it
can significantly contribute to her going into a bipolar
episode
-Having a routine if you have bipolar disorder
-Not watching TV late at night (several people I know with
bipolar disorder report too much TV at night can contribute
to a bipolar episode)
-doing positive self talk
-Taking medication at the right time that your doctor recommends
-Taking medication consistently
-Getting so many hours of sleep

Now if you are a bipolar supporter, you should be helping
your loved one with bipolar disorder accomplish the small
things and you should not be creating problems for them.

Let me explain. Okay if you are a bipolar supporter and
you and your loved one make a list of all the small things
that must be done for your loved one to manage his/her
bipolar disorder then you should help to make sure that
list is accomplished each day.

I find that many supporters are not helpful. Some by accident
others just really don’t try to be helpful. Let me give
you an example so you are clear. Okay, so if you know
your loved one should not be around lots of stress, has
to take medication later in the evening and needs to get
at least 8 hours of sleep, if you decided to constantly
recommend going to late night parties each weekend,
you would be part of the problem not part of the solution.

Does that make sense? Even my own dad comes up with
some ideas and I am like, “Dad, how is that going
to work for mom?” He says “Oh, yea you’re right.”
But then I think in my head, I wonder why he doesn’t
think of this before I say something.

What you should do now. You should make a list
of all the small things that you feel will lead
to either your or your loved one’s stability with
bipolar disorder.

Then you should work to make sure these small things
happen on a daily basis.

It sounds really simple but it’s powerful. I have
seen time and time again, even people taking medication
find that if they don’t do many of the small things right,
it negates the effectiveness of the medication.

For example, if my mom doesn’t get any sleep for many days
in a row, and watches tv late at night, her bipolar medication
doesn’t work right and she becomes unstable. I have no
idea but this is the case with her.

In my courses/systems, most of the successful people
who are interviewed talk about the importance of
the small things and it was through these interviews
I began to focus on them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Well I have to run now. Can you believe this? As
a side note, it’s taken me about 45 minutes to think
about and type this email up. I have been on hold
with Sprint customer service trying to undo a bill
that I got from them for a cell phone I do not
own and know nothing about. I must say, sprint has
horrible customer service. Last week I waited more than
55 minutes and never spoke to someone. It’s a total
joke.

Anyway, there is a good lesson to be learned with
this which is persistence. When you are supporting
a loved one with bipolar disorder, many times you will
be faced with people, places and things that almost
seem impossible to deal with. They will lie to you,
stall, try to block you, etc. when you are trying to
help yourself or your loved one.

Make sure you take great notes on who you talk to. And
here is another tip that I am using right now with
sprint, you go into these things knowing they are going
to take a long time to deal with. You have something
else to do so that you can occupy your time as you
wait to get through the system.

Anyway, I have to run. Remember this tip because I GUARANTEE
if you are dealing with a mental illness you will be faced
with people that are like the sprint people I am dealing
with now.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How are you? Yesterday I sent you an email about
a person that I interviewed that was really
successfully managing his bipolar disorder.

I said in the email that he talked about
“catching” a bipolar episode before it became
a full fledged episode. He said that if
you don’t catch it in time, it has to
run it’s course.

I agree with what he is saying and think his
thinking makes perfect sense. With that said,
I received emails from people asking if you
could catch bipolar disorder from someone.

Many bipolar supporters indicated that they
felt like they were catching bipolar disorder
or becoming bipolar from being around their loved
one who has the disorder and is not stable.

Here’s the deal. First let me say I am not a
doctor and not offering medical advice. Based
on what I know and have read and I have studied
this for a long time now, you can NOT catch
bipolar disorder.

BUT, I know for sure, there are these situations
that can make a person feel like they are catching
bipolar disorder from someone else.

If you are around an unstable person with bipolar
disorder long enough you may:

-start mirror their behavior
-get really frazzled and start acting erratic
-start to feel angry and have mood swings yourself
which tends to go along with your loved one’s mood swings
-get depressed about the situation you find yourself in
supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder
-feel really angry that you are not making progress with your
loved one
-scream and yell at other people because you are taking out
your anger on them
-find yourself missing appointments because you have lost track
of time trying to help your loved one
-feel like you are going “insane” because your loved one accuses
you have so many things, and says them with such certainly,
you feel almost crazy when you hear the accusations.

If you look above some of these things I listed are signs
of bipolar disorder. SOME but not all. And there’s a lot
that goes along with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I find
that if you are experiencing the feelings that I just wrote,
it’s perfectly normal if you are supporting someone with
bipolar disorder and they are not stable.

It’s not that you are catching bipolar disorder rather
your situation is causing you to feel a lot of things
that the person with the disorder actually can feel.

THERE’S A SOLUTION

The solution to this problem is to focus on getting
your loved one proper treatment. Once your loved one
has proper treatment, he/she will not do all the things
that cause you to feel like you are catching bipolar
disorder. You may be thinking, “Well Dave, that’s common
sense.” Although it may be common sense, it’s really
uncommon with many supporters in this situation. Most
keep banging their heads against the wall not really
having any strategy, focus or goal rather only
hoping for some kind of miracle that will fix their
loved one and make all the problems go away.

This won’t happen generally. If you are a supporter,
you have to help your loved one. And I will say this.
If I had bipolar disorder, I would want someone who
is my supporter to go all out to help me get the
right treatment so I would be stable and not be
doing and saying things that create lots of problems.

In my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Many supporters talk about feeling like they
were going insane or that they were getting sick
themselves. BUT, the people who are success when
it comes to supporting someone with bipolar disorder
focus on getting a loved one into treatment even
if they don’t want to go. This is why in my material
for supporters I have a lot of information and strategies
on how to get someone into treatment that doesn’t want
to go.

Well I have to take off for the day. Have a great day
and see you tomorrow.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How are you? I hope you are doing well. I must
say, I did a FASCINATING interview with a former
drug dealer who has bipolar disorder. I want
to stress again FORMER drug dealer.

This 60 minute interview was incredible. This
guy knows his stuff when it comes to bipolar
disorder.

One thing he talked about was about was
catching bipolar disorder before it goes
into a full blown episode

I have never really thought of that term
or concept. BUT, that’s what I do with
my mom. At first I see if she is going
to catch her own bipolar disorder episode
and if not, I will step in if I know
what’s going on. My dad is suppose to do
the same thing but isn’t really on top
of things.

Anyway, this particular person was telling
me, something I totally agree with,
that you can catch many episodes but then
there’s a point where the episode is to
far along to stop it and it has to run
it’s course.

He indicated that the key to his
successes with bipolar disorder was to
see a great doctor, work with him/her
regularly, take medication and go
in for tune ups regularly and go to
a therapist AND having one or more
solid supporters around you.

This person has to get a number of
“tune ups” with his medication. He said
that he learned a while ago that his medicine
is not set in stone and he has to go in
for regular visits to his doctor.

It was interesting to hear how important
he thought therapy was. This particular
person is 6′ 5” 260 pounds with two
black belts. He’s obviously a tough
person. I told him that some guys
think therapy is for woman or for wimps (which
I do NOT). He laughed and said it’s not
and it’s for smart people and those
that want to do well with bipolar disorder.

There are many people that think therapy is
for wimps. It’s crazy. BUT this guy is no
wimp. I am told that he is like a one man
army if need be. HE goes to therapy and loves it.

I must say it was an amazing interview.
This person is from the south, really quiet,
soft spoken and you just would never know that
a) he had bipolar disorder, b) he was a former
drug dealer c) he had so many strategies on how
to manage bipolar disorder.

I really enjoyed the fact that he stressed how
it’s possible to have bipolar disorder and have a
normal life. He says he has a normal life. Meaning
a life like everyone else.

In all my course/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

My goal is to teach things that help a person
have a normal life. I think that in the mental
health world, many people just think that
those with a mental illness can’t have a normal
life.

I know there are some that maybe can’t. But I haven’t
met any people like that. Even the worst people that
I have met there is hope for. AND I notice the worst
most unstable people become stable and productive
when they get proper treatment and follow a proper
plan.

Without a proper plan and treatment my mom would
be totally unstable and unable to be lived with. She
would be probably homeless.

I must say, I have a lot of friends with mental
illnesses and also many people who work for me
now and they all have normal lives. But 90% of
them use to have nightmare lives that were
NOT normal. They weren’t normal because they didn’t
follow a good system.

Always remember if you are supporting an adult,
supporting a child or have bipolar disorder yourself
the goal is to be in a situation that doesn’t require
24 hour a day monitoring and there is a normal life.
I think a lot of people forget this.

The person that I interviewed said, that was always his
goal.

Which points out something important as well. The power of
goal setting and focus. The person I interviewed set a goal
and focused on it and realized this goal. I notice that many
people who are caregivers of those with bipolar disorder
or have bipolar disorder themselves do not have clear
goals related to any of the disorders they are dealing with.

You have to start setting goals. When I started with my
mom, my goal was to help her become independent of me.
I accomplished this goal. I still support my mom but
she is not totally dependent on me.

As for the interview it’s going to be part of a new
course that I am working on that not coming out
for a long time. BUT I may include it as part of the
Bipolar Inner Circle next month if people are interested
in that.

And if there is enough interest, I would ask this
person to go on a teleseminar where he would do a live
presentation and then take 30 minutes of questions
at the end. This would be for those in the Bipolar
Inner Circle as well.

If you are interested in this, drop me an email at
feedbacktodave@mentalhealthworld.net

Hey I am still moving. It’s a total joke. I am the
worst mover in the entire world. I had a giant box
of stuff and everything fell out the bottom when I walked
with it. I looked like a fool in front of my new neighbors
:).

Hey have to run. Talk to you tomorrow.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going?

I wanted to write you a quick email today about something
I got via email. Someone wrote me, “Dave, you do so
much, don’t you get burned out helping your mom so much?”

People know that I am also moving as well now and
are curious how I am able to handle all of this.

Okay, let me address that right here. Here’s the deal.
I am tired for sure. But it’s more because I am running
4 businesses, body build non competitively, have a social
life, support my mom AND I am moving. Moving has been
a nightmare for me.

I would swear that all the people that I am dealing
with to hook up stuff where I am moving all have
bipolar disorder and are in episodes J. Just kidding.
Just a lot of confusion and chaos.

Let me clear up one thing. Right now my mom is operating
on her own. She is high functioning and doing well. BUT
before I type another thing, let me be clear, this can
change at any time. Remember this is a mood disorder
and it can be very unpredictable. I try to predict and
you generally can but that’s not to say that my mom
could go into a HUGE episode out of the blue. It’s possible
but not probable.

Right now, my mom is following the system outlined in my course/system
for those with bipolar disorder at http://www.survivebipolar.net

People with bipolar disorder can do well, and really well
if they follow a system. I have 10 people with various mental
illnesses who work for me. They all do well. Really well.

Right now I think my mom might be going into another
mini episode. I see signs. But mini episodes can turn
into big episodes if action isn’t taken. Right now
my mom has a lot of tools to catch her own episodes
and fix things before they get bad. I am a last resort
these days.

Anyway, I am not worried at all. I have a system. I know
what to do if she goes into a bipolar episode.

BUT, I do see many supporters get what I call, caregiver
fatigue. This occurs when you are totally burned out
when you are supporting someone with an illness like
bipolar disorder. There are unfortunately thousands of
people on my list like this (I have almost 100,000 people
on my list).

In my supporter courses, I have a cd that talks about
burnout and all the ways to avoid it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

How do you stop this kind of fatigue or burnout? There
are several ways.

I think the number one thing people can do is do the
right things. Burnout comes when you are doing the wrong
things and/or not getting any results. For example,
in 2005 when I was figuring out how to support my mom,
I would argue with her. I would try to convince her
about things that she needed to know. She would say
my dad threw a fork at her. I would try to convince
her it didn’t happen because I was watching.

I did this for days and days at a night. One day I spent 9
straight hours arguing with her and it never changed her
mind.

Then one day it dawned on me I should stop doing this.
If she would say something “crazy” to me, I would ignore
it. This reduced the burnout.

I also notice burnout is a result of lacking information
on what to do strategically. Like:

-How do you find a good doctor/therapist?
-How do you get a loved one on medication?
-How to you know when a person is going into an episode?
-What is an episode?
-How do you prevent new episodes?
-How do you nicely make doctors give great care?
-How do you find a therapist?
-What do you do when it looks like your loved one is getting sick
again?
-What do you do if the doctor won’t talk to you?

and things like this

These are all strategy questions. The wrong strategy produces
burnout. I will give you a recent example with myself and my
dad. Okay first keep in mind, my dad has read probably 5%
of the material I have. Maybe that would be overestimating. I
am dead serious. He has NO information. Probably because I
do all the work for him. On a side note, I have given him
a August 1, 2007 deadline to read it ALL and go through
ALL cds. He is going to now.

A while ago, mom was going into a mini episode. I wanted to test
him. I asked what do you think we should do. He said,
“Let’s take her to the hospital.” I told him this
would be a HUGE strategic mistake.

The reason is because my mom wasn’t bad enough to get admitted
anyway. Plus she hates the hospital. I know this. We would
have spent probably days figuring out which of the 21
techniques would get her to agree to the hospital. We would
have gotten there and they would have let her out fairly
fast in my opinion. Lots of time would have been wasted.

I choose the contact her doctor route even though my
mom took away my ability to speak to her doctor. I countered
with a loop hole in the legal system and my mom was able
to get treatment fast. The entire thing took one day and
not more than 30 minutes of my time. My dad’s method
would have taken days, gotten no results and created
HUGE burnout for us.

So, much of being a good supporter is about using the right
strategy. NOW, I am NOT saying I know everything. I don’t.
My mom’s bipolar actually beat me 7 days in a row one week
in the last year.

It (her bipolar disorder) figured out a way to undo all the medical releases that were signed so I could talk to people. BUT, I countered
with a work around and loop hole in the system. It’s like a
game of chess.

So the bottom line is, you have to think about caregiver
burnout and fatigue, because if you get to tired or
you fall apart, you won’t do your loved one any good.

LAST THING

If your loved one is doing well than not doing well
than doing well and is all over the place. This is a
treatment problem. I have seen with bipolar disorder
this is not the way it has to be. When you see this
or experience this personally it’s because there
is something wrong in the bipolar disorder stability
equation that we have talked about in many daily
bipolar emails. BUT, it’s not normal. BUT note
I am not a doctor so you have to run every single
thing that I say past your loved one’s doctor or
your own doctor because I am not offering
medical advice.

Hey I have to run. See you tomorrow.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.

Hi,

How’s it going? I have something really
important to tell you about bipolar
disorder. I was reminded about this important
concept from a strange source–Paris
Hilton.

If you remember correctly,
last week or so, Paris Hilton got out of
jail. I am not interested in Paris Hilton
but everyone was talking about it so I
wound up thinking about it.

Anyway, I was at the gym doing some cardio
because I had missed my morning session. And
50% of the TVs were showing the Paris Hilton
interview with Larry King. Larry King is
the guy on Cnn that wears those goofy
suspenders.

Anyway, I was kind of forced to read the
interview (it was transcribed on all the
TVs in front of me).

I was kind of annoyed because I am not
into celebrity gossip. BUT, the good news
is, this interview reminded me of something
that is SUPER important with bipolar disorder.
Not only bipolar disorder but other things
as well.

As I was watching the interview started
to go around to, why she was in jail.
I guess she was in jail because she drove
on a suspended license. Then Larry King
asked her why she did this and that’s
when…

THIS SUPER IMPORTANT CONCEPT THAT YOU
MUST LEARN FOR BIPOLAR DISORDER HIT ME

She said it was because her attorney
said her license was okay to drive on
and she just took his word and that’s
how the problem started.

Then it hit me. The problem of the bipolar
expert that has no clue or has a clue
but say some things wrong.

Let me explain. I have found, especially
with bipolar disorder, the people who you would
think are experts really have no idea what
they are talking about. Or they know what
they are talking about in specific area of
bipolar disorder but not other areas. The
problem is, people listen to them in all
areas and get themselves into trouble.

Let me give you some examples. Psychiatrists
are smart people generally. They know about
medicine for bipolar disorder primarily.
BUT I have seen people ask questions on:

-How to get a job with bipolar disorder
-How to get a loved one into treatment if he/she
doesn’t want to go
-How to live with someone with bipolar disorder
-How to marry and stay married to someone with
bipolar disorder
-How to stop a loved one with bipolar disorder from
getting a divorce because they are unstable
-How to afford medication

The list goes on and on. Many times I have seen
doctors answer questions outside of their area
of expertise and guess what? People actually listen
because they are an expert. This is deadly.

Look at what happen to Paris Hilton. Her attorney,
or her expert told her she could drive with her
license but it was suspended. She should have called
and checked herself.

With bipolar disorder, in my opinion, you have
to have your own knowledge about bipolar disorder.
Then you have to seek out experts and ask questions
in their area or ask them if they have knowledge
in a certain area that you have questions about.

HERE’S THE IMPORTANT PART

You have to take what the expert says against your
bank of knowledge in your own head and make a decision
as to if you should follow the advice or listen to
the expert.

I have found with bipolar disorder so many disturbing
things related to experts in mental health having
no clue at all.

Let me give you another example. Okay my mom is on
disability as you probably know. First she can’t
work full time because it will cause her to go
into an episode. When you are on disability you
can’t make more than a certain amount of money
per month or you get knocked off of disability.

So my mom is told by someone that she can two
part time jobs and it will be okay. Even good
for her. My mom starts believing it until
I ask her a million questions like:

Mom, two part time jobs equals a full time job.
That’s too much according to your doctor, right?

How are you going to be able to make this much
money and stay on disability?

Aren’t you going to wind up making yourself worse
when all the extra stress?

My mom thought about it and agreed. I asked
her why in the world she even considered this?
She said it’s because so and so is an expert
with bipolar disorder and jobs so she thought
this person was correct.

Imagine my mom would have listened and/or I didn’t
say anything, it would have been a disaster.

There are so many experts in mental health that
have no idea what they are talking about. They
disseminate information that is half wrong or
all wrong. I don’t think many of these people
are bad people rather simply just don’t know
or are too lazy to find out answers to things
and as a result give bad information out.

People follow because the people have titles
and feel they should know what they are talking
about.

You have to have information in your head and then
check everything. For example, when you read my
stuff, you should think about it and say things
like, “Does David’s stuff make sense? Hmm let
me think.” Don’t take what I say as the gospel,
think.

BUT, you will find that I say is dead right. Why?
Because I am dealing with this everyday. I live
it. I am not a person write how to supporter someone
with bipolar disorder theoretically.

I have noticed with doctors that most have never
lived with someone with a mental illness. It’s much
easier to treat someone you see for 15 minutes than
live with someone for a couple of months, years or
decades.

I am not knocking doctors because you know I feel
they are so important only pointing out the reality.
The reality is, they are great with medication
but most can’t help with things out side of that. It’s
other experts who can. BUT with all experts in the
area of mental health you have to double check
what they are saying to you. You can’t just blindly
follow.

The reason why I put together all my courses/systems

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Was because I saw a HUGE and I mean a HUGE gap
of what people needed to know outside things like
medication and bipolar disorder.

Well I have to run. I must say, this email
is super important. Some will read it and think,
“Dave, what the heck? Why are you making such
a big deal about this?”

The world is filled with people following experts
that have no idea what they are talking about and
mental health is one of those areas. Keep in mind
that the mental health field has very few checks
and balances. Very few people get continuing
education. The field pays people very low wages.
As a result it produces people who are supposedly
experts giving out wrong information. And I didn’t
even mention those that are so darn lazy they
just say anything to make you go away.

Beware of these people. Hey I have to run.
Catch you later.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news. There
is some really interesting stuff. It costs me a lot
of money to put it together so I URGE you to read
it.

Take some time now.

Visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews333

There’s some really interesting news stories this week.
Take a look at them. Also, write me some feedback by
visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

Petersen suicide ‘no more likely in jail’

Dad gets 7 1/2 to 30 years for torturing daughter

LA bipolar inmate charged with cellmate’s death

The Bipolar Child: The Definitive and Reassuring Guide to …

Sally Fields’ Golf Obsession

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews333

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To People
Go here for more information.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? I am dead tired for moving. I
sure would do a lot of things differently
if I had to do it all over again. But, this
isn’t about my sad moving story, I want
to share something that’s really important
that I thinking about in reference to my
mom.

I got a call from my Aunt. Well first
let me say that my mom and dad are in Texas
visiting family. Before I get started,
let me say, about a month ago I had
written a daily bipolar disorder email
that my mom was going to Texas.

I had also indicated that I had found
that after my mom generally went to
Texas, history showed she would go
into some kind of episode. I don’t
remember all the times but this is according
to my dad.

With the big episode that described
on the sites the offer my courses:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have a long story that talks about how
I learned all this stuff related to bipolar disorder.
Well after my mom got back from Texas one time
she then ramped up into the mother of all
manic episodes. That’s when my dad asked me
to help and at the time I had ZERO and I
mean ZERO knowledge of bipolar disorder.
I didn’t even know that my mom had it.
It was something nobody in the family ever
talked about.

Anyway this huge episode started after Texas.
I do remember being younger and other episodes
which when I was younger it was called “mom’s
is sick” started after Texas.

HANG IN THERE PLEASE

Please hang in there because I have an important
point to make but I have to explain the background
first.

Okay so if you have my bipolar supporter course/system
you know how I am really into planning and predicting
things with bipolar disorder. I feel that you have
to hope for the best and plan for the worst. Some
people hope for the best and plan for the best case
scenario. That’s bad news with bipolar disorder.

So in the PAST (historically speaking)
this is what I have seen to summarize:

-My mom goes to Texas

-She does really well in Texas. Everyone thinks she
is doing just great. She is very talkative, happy
and gets along with everyone

-She gets back and then starts doing lots and lots
of cleaning and yard work

-Slowly she starts doing erratic things but it’s
hard to see them unless you really look carefully
and think about it.

-She starts calling people a lot. For no
good reasons.

-She starts to go into an episode

-It gets worse and worse and worse and eventually
my mom has to go to the hospital

This is the pattern that happened the last time
she went to Texas. This is the pattern the time
before the last she went to Texas. I can remember
this happening when I was around 16 or so when
she went to Texas. My dad tells me there were
other times this exact pattern happened.

Now also in the old days here’s what was
done when the bipolar disorder signs
were sign:

-My dad did nothing. He just allowed my mom
to get worse and worse with her bipolar disorder
episode.

-The doctor was not informed with the situation with my mom.
Nobody knew the doctor. Nobody knew how to call the doctor
or what to say. There was little to no understanding
of how the doctor could really help.

-There was no therapist, so he/she was not contacted

-I did nothing (half the time I was just a kid
or in college…not that I am making excuses for
myself)

-My brother did nothing

-My mom’s mom or my grandmother would send my mom
money for my mom’s bills she couldn’t pay

-She would lose her job eventually

-My dad would struggle for months trying
to get my mom into the hospital and when I was
younger not tell me exactly why she was going into
the hospital. It was understood it was just something
that happened but there was no specific reason ever
given. I remember this as a kid even when I was
older than 18 I never knew the reasons. I guess
I could have asked but just never wanted to.

So let’s fast forward. So my mom’s in Texas now.
I am also moving. And I am moving further away from
my parents so it’s harder for me to come over. Plus
I have many business trips coming and I will not
even be in the state. My mom knows this and you
can tell that it bothers her.

So my aunt calls me and leaves a message that instead
of my mom coming back to New Jersey on Sunday
she is coming back early. She is suppose to be
back today Thursday. She told my aunt it was
because she had lots of yard work.

My aunt indicated that my mom looked great, was
really upbeat and got along with everyone
and was really friendly.

BUT, since my aunt has my bipolar disorder course
she knew that historically speaking everything
with my mom is a bad sign. My mom’s bipolar
disorder pattern indicates these may be signs
of an episode.

To the outsider, my mom would be doing great
and there is nothing to worry about. I haven’t
spoken to my dad but I am 98% sure that he would
say “Your mother is doing great. It looks like
we avoided an bipolar disorder problems.”

My dad struggles to understand the signs to
look for. I think he just doesn’t want to see
them ever.

Anyway, the bottom line is, with bipolar disorder
many times it’s hard to see the signs. I can
see them because I use worksheets and it’s in
my head. I have thought about it a TON and I know
what to look for.

If you are a bipolar disorder supporter, you have
to learn how to look back in history, figure out
what leads up to episodes. What were the old signs
and then look for them in the future.

Then have a plan as to what to do if an episode
starts to occur. I go over how to handle
this in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Well I have to continue finish moving so I have
to take off. Have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going?

Happy 4th of July if you are in the United States!

I am taking off today to continue
moving. I wanted to share this incredible
technique that I discovered sometime ago
that works great if you are a bipolar supporter.

I remembered it yesterday because I had a problem.
Here’s what happen. Okay so I am moving. I had
to turn on the gas and the electric. So I call
the gas people and it takes about 20 minutes
to get it all going. They ask for all the normal
stuff and then my social security number
and at the end say “okay, you’re all set,
we don’t need a deposit from you either.”

I was like, “okay great.” Now I call
the electric people and here’s what happen.
First I was on hold for 43 minutes. I was
just waiting bored out of my mind.

Then someone comes on the phone, takes ALL
my information and then says, he is going
to transfer me to the “new movers department?”

I was like, “sir, how come you took all
my information and you can’t do it?” He was
like, “that’s the way it is.” I asked, “well,
sir, am I going to have to wait on hold for
another 45 minutes?” He said, “I am not sure.”

I was really annoyed at this point. So he
transferred the call and then it started to
happen.

DON’T WORRY THIS RELATES TO BIPOLAR DISORDER

Okay, so I knew there was going to be a problem.
The guy who picked up the phone had a total
attitude. He asked for my name. I said, “David
Oliver.” Then he said, “Derek Oliver, what’s
your address?” I said, “Sir, my first name
is David.” He then called me Derek. Seriously
after 5 minutes he got it right and said
that I said I was Derek.

Then it took him 5 minutes to get my address
correct.

I was so annoyed. And then he asked for my social
security number. I said it REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY slow and then repeated it back WRONG.
I couldn’t believe it. So I kept saying it right
and he would repeat it wrong, and say, “I have
blah blah blah” and then I would say “No sir, it’s
blah blah blah.” It was like someone was playing
a sick joke on me.

Finally he repeated the right number. And he yelled
at me to stop giving him wrong information. Then I
said, “Look sir, I didn’t say anything wrong. You
guys monitor these calls, let’s go back and listen.”
He got mad and then he processed my application.

Then he said, “Well David, we are going to require
a security deposit, and you are going to have to
do an affidavit of your identity with two forms
of id and then you have to go to the office and
fill out paperwork.” I was like, “What? That’s
not it works for everyone else.”

Then he said that my c.redit indicated this needed
to be done. I was super mad at him. I said to him
how all the other people I am dealing with didn’t
ask for security deposits and this hasn’t happen
to me ever before or anyone that I knew. You call
up on the phone and they process it and you are ready
to go.”

He then started talking down to me and like a robot.
I was so mad that I could barely think. I then
was like, “Let me just do what he says even though
it’s totally wrong.”

BUT THEN IT HIT ME. This is like mental health.

These are like mental health underpaid, under
qualified workers. So I changed me attitude.
Here’s where the lesson comes in. Read this
carefully because if you haven’t gotten
the run around from the mental health system,
you will. Trust me.

Okay so I drive to the electric company bringing
two forms of id ready to pay for the deposit
even though I know this will be turned around.

I get there, and this is what I say. “Hi,
my name is David Oliver, may I have your first
and last name including your employee number
if any.” I then explain what happen. I then
ask “May I have the first, last name and
the employee number of the supervisor right now.”

I then add, “I also would like to know the address
and phone number of where to file a complaint.”
Finally I write everything down in a notebook
with time and date stamps. I carefully turn the
notebook towards the person talking to me so
she can see that I have lots of notes with names,
dates, times and notes.

I also asked if the company’s CEO still, so and so
and if the company address is so and so.

I then said to the person, “This is a serious matter.
I have been mistreated. If I have, others have. I
would like for you to help me resolve this issue
better than the person that I spoke to on the
phone. I will be filing an oral and written complaint
against him. I will be sending communications with
great detail to supervisors and also sending documentation
to the CEO of what happen. I hope that you can be
part of the solution in my complaint not an extension
of the problem.”

The lady looked at me and almost freaked out. She was
trying to be calm and said, “I will help, let me figure
this out.”

So then she came back and said that I had to use a phone
in the lobby to call and talk with a supervisor and explain
what happen and she put notes in the accountant but
the supervisor over the phone could fix it all fast. She
then asked if I was happy with her and indicated she
didn’t want to create any problems for me and she
was sorry how the other guy treated me.

I then called on the phone and to make a long story
short, the supervisor fixed everything in 20 minutes.
He said he was sorry. He told me that the first guy
entered in my name wrong as Derek and with the wrong
social security number so the computer flagged me
as a potential person that might be running a scam
and that’s why I had to come in. I asked to be compensated
for my time through a credit on my bill and reminded him
I would be filing a complaint and hopefully he can be
part of the total solution. I said, I am not asking
for a million dollar c.redit. I am just asking for
something that would be fair for someone who had
been mistreated, had 3 hours of his time wasted,
was yelled at and told he was a risk to the electric
company.

Okay let me bring this back around to bipolar
disorder and mental health. Here’s the deal. With the
mental health system, you will face people like Chuck,
that was the name of the guy that did everything wrong
and was mean to me. The system is filled with Chucks. The system
loves to tell you no, screw stuff up, mess things up, blame
it on you.

When you are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder
this is going to happen. Don’t bend and give in and
accept stuff that’s not right or that’s going to work
against your loved one with bipolar disorder.

Let me give you quick strategy that has worked probably
98% of the time with me when trying to get through
the mental health system and get something done.

NOTE: This is NOT legal advice. I am NOT a doctor, lawyer,
insurance agent, financial person. Check with your doctor,
lawyer, etc before you try any of my methods.

1. Get a notebook.
Sends message you are really serious

2. Write down all dates, times and take notes.
Scares people, makes them know that you a serious and can
get them in trouble.

3. Ask for everyone’s first, last name and employee or identification
number.
Same as point 2. Many will try not to give their name to avoid
being caught up in trouble.

4. Find out the name of the person running the organization
and the address.
To be used when you talk to people. Makes people worried
and want to help you so they don’t get into trouble.

5. When you have a problem ask for a supervisor.
Sends message you mean business. Plus supervisors can
generally get things done.

6. Ask supervisors and higher ups if the name of the person
running the organization is still the same that you have
as well as the address.
Sends message trouble is coming. Encourages them to fix
problems fast so they don’t get fired or into trouble
from people higher up then they are.

7. Be very firm.
Sends message you are serious.

8. Mention that you have been treated poorly and that
you are going to file a complaint.
Gets people to take action because no one likes complaints
in an organization because people get into trouble.

9. Tell the person that is a supervisor that you want them
to be part of the solution not an extension of the problem.
Encourages speed with resolutions.

10. Tell a story to everyone who is in management or
higher up in the organization about how you have suffered. Don’t
assume that the next person you may speak to knows the story.
Keep repeating the same story of mistreatment.
Gets people on your side feeling bad for your cause.

11. Ask for a guarantee the problem will never happen again.
To help the next person and to make sure you don’t have
a reoccurring problem.

12. Write a letter of complaint to the right people. Send
a company to the organization’s director or leader.
Helps the next person who may face the same problem. Hopefully
you can prevent the same thing from happening to a different
family.

In my courses/systems, I talk a lot of how you have
to stand up to the system and how to do it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

WARNING!!!!

I am warning you. You will find this.
Your loved one may be put in worst treatment then he/she
should
You can get bills that are wrong
you can get bad doctors
Your loved one may not get a bed in a hospital
Your loved one may be abuse in some kind of facility
Your loved one may have d.ebt collectors after him/her
Your loved one may be denied a special program
Your loved one may not get some kind of money or job
he/she should get

The list goes on and on. When you are a bipolar supporter,
your job is to make sure that your loved one is treated
fair and gets what he/she is suppose to get. If your
loved one does not, you step in and take action following
the steps above.

Okay well I have to go. Have a great day. More moving
moving and moving for me

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I have to get going today because I am moving. It’s
sure is a pain to move.

Anyway, I was checking my email really quick and got a
bunch of responses from people excited about my new resource
that can help you get some m.oney if you have bipolar
related expenses.

Some people have written me and said they are excited
because they feel that m.oney winds up standing in
the way of either their own or their loved one’s
treatment.

I must say, I really find that m.oney is so important
with bipolar disorder. This is why I have an entire
cd in my courses/systems on how to protect m.oney
from bipolar disorder episodes. I must say at
this point, I have an IRON clad system to protect
one’s money from bipolar disorder.

If you are interested it’s in these:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Hey on a side note, I just checked my mom’s c.redit
card balances and guess what? She only has ONE card
to pay off down from I think 19 c.ards when she
started.

How did my mom get so much de.bt? Well I am
not sure exactly but over the years, my mom
went into a lot of manic episodes and poor
buying decisions added up year after year
and eventually my mom had massive d.ebt. Over
$30,000+ Here int.erest rates were 29% and
and her d.ebt was growing more than she was
making a month.

This massive d.ebt caused my mom and dad to
skimp on treatment for bipolar disorder. For
example my mom cut therapy years ago
because she could not afford it. It was
because she had so many m.oney problems.

Anyway, now we have an incredible system, that my mom
has followed exactly.

I think I am going to take her to dinner to celebrate
after she is all paid off. She has less than $4,000
down from more than $30,000+. Amazing. I have to
give her c.redit that she stuck with the program
and system. I can honestly say there were only
two times that my mom wasted m.oney since the new
system and the total waste was less than $200.

Anyway, let me get back to my point money is VERY important
with bipolar disorder. If I were you, I would not
let it stand in the way of treatment. If you are
cheap with treatment today, you will wind up
paying for it tomorrow. My dad use to think therapy
cost money. Also he thought my mom’s doctor
was “expensive.” Now he sees how my mom’s old doctor
was way cheaper but my mom had problems all the
time. The problems cost way more than the savings
from the “cheap” doctor.

Actually I was talking to someone I know yesterday
who’s sister has had decades of problems with
bipolar disorder. This person told me now she
is doing well because of her new doctor. He costs
$500 an hour. You might think that’s really expensive
and don’t get me wrong it is. But, here’s the thing,
$500 a hour and stable is better than $50 a hour
and unstable for decades.

I am not saying run out and find doctors that
charge tons of money. But you have to realize
treatment will cost money. But it’s not a
cost it’s an investment.

Now my mom’s doctor is not cheap but my mom doesn’t
go into HUGE gigantic episodes any more. Plus
my mom’s doctor knows what she is doing and is
already. You really get what you pay for in mental
health. I have seen and found the f.ree clinics and
f.ree services are terrible and they simply
can’t spend too much time with any one person.

Here’s the thing. When something in mental health
opens up and it’s f.ree or very cheap it’s normally
flooded and I mean flooded with people. Generally
the huge demand cripples the service. I have seen
it time and time again so be careful.

This concept has taken me sooooooooooo long to get through
to my dad. But now he sees the value of investing in
my mom’s bipolar disorder treatment.
Also, he know looks at therapy as an investment which
he never did. He has seen my mom with therapy and without
therapy and he finds that she is way more stable with
therapy.

One last thing. I am not sure how to best say this.
But in my opinion you have to go ALL OUT to figure
out a way to afford proper treatment for bipolar disorder.
I mean all out. Whatever it takes that’s legal. This is
not an area that I would skimp.

If given two choices for me cutting back on eating
versus cutting back on my mom’s bipolar disoder treatment
I would personally cut back on eating not her treatment–
if I had a choice on an area to save money.

I am not kidding around. The treatment is so important.

Well I have to take off and move some boxes. I will
write more tomorrow.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

It’s 6:30am and I am writing early today because I have
a million things to do. Actually not a million probably
around 17. It’s funny whenever I joke around people
write me an say that this or that is not true. So
before a bunch of people on my bipolar disorder list
can write and say that there is no way I can have
1 million things to do in a day, I will tell
you I was just kidding.

Okay on with the big mistake that I see so
many bipolar supporters making. It’s a mistake
I never personally made. I made a ton of mistakes
helping my mom with bipolar disorder but not
this one I am going to describe.

Here it is. It’s trying to change yourself
to get along with or be able to stay around
someone who is NOT stable and has bipolar
disorder.

Let me explain. I got a call from a person
yesterday. She filled out one of my f.ree consultation
certificates for non medical or non legal questions
because I am not a doctor or lawyer.

It’s in all these courses/systems.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Anyway, she was telling me how her husband
was totally out of control and she wasn’t
sure what to do. I asked her if she
had listened to all the parts of my bipolar
supporter course and she said no. Normally
I would reschedule any f.ree consultation
like this because I want people to go through
my bipolar course FIRST before I talk to
them about questions. I don’t want to repeat
what I have already said or written in
my course/system.

Anyway, she asked me over and over to just
give her 5 minutes of NON medical advice.
I was happy to hear her say, “I know you
aren’t a lawyer or doctor.” I want people
to be sure they know that.

Anyway she told me how basically her husband
was TOTALLY out of control and he
was destroying her and she felt like
maybe she had bipolar disorder and was
maybe crazy. She said she was depressed
and angry sometimes. She had gone
to the doctor and now is taking all
kinds of medication.

She wanted to know what techniques she
could use when her husband screams at her
and how she could “ignore” or “endure”
it.

I cut her off nicely and said, “You are
going about this the wrong way.” You
are trying to fix yourself when you
aren’t the problem. It’s your husband
with bipolar disorder that’s not stable
who is the problem. There isn’t any
medication or technique in the world
that you can take or learn that will
work on your husband.

READ THAT CAREFULLY AGAIN PLEASE.

She is taking medication for herself
and hoping her husband will change.

Read that again.

She is taking medication for herself
and hoping her husband will change.

It sounds crazy when you read it. She
is also trying to fix herself so she
can “endure” her husband’s wild manic
moods.

This is absolutely the wrong approach
in my opinion. Her goal is to get
her husband into treatment and get him
on bipolar medication so he will be
stable.

She is working on herself. I think because
she probably feels she has more control
over herself not him.

I told her to set a goal and focus on
getting him into treatment and other
things will start to fall into place
and many of the problems she is seeing
and hearing will go away when he is
in the right treatment program with
a good doctor/therapist.

She thought about it and then realized
how for years she had been focusing on
the wrong objective.

It’s not just her, I hear this every day.

Bipolar supporters who take medication
because their loved ones are out of control
or try to learn techniques to deal with
a person who will forever not be on
medication.

This is crazy. I am all for short term techniques
to cope and deal with bipolar disorder episodes
but not learning things to live with someone
who is not stable forever.

If my mom decided to not take medication and
not do all the right things to be stable
I would never put up with it and sit around
for years and years while I suffered. I know
it’s a struggle to get someone into treatment
and that’s why I have so many techniques
on how to get someone to a doctor if they
don’t want to go.

BUT, there is a fine line between trying to
get someone into treatment that goes into
an episode every now and then but not someone
you are expected to live with for years and years
who is never stable. I would not put up with that.
I also do not believe the way to go in this case
if to learn how to “endure” it.

Hey I have to run. Have a nice day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com