what i find happens as it did in my case i had lived with someone with bipolar disorder for 25 years . i had no idea even what it was or that he had it for years into the marriage. i just knew he didnt react like other people did to things that happened. i didnt go into it with any information so it was easier for me to get lost in it. It was easier for him to say it was my fault and me to beleive him, i also tried to change clean more , try to keep the kids more quiet all of us changed to please him or to make things easier. and by the time i got sick of it and told him to find out what was wrong with him i was already almost 10 years into it…this was plenty of time to be abused, afraid and brainwashed. i was also trying to raise to young children and went into survive mode. a lot happened i didnt understand i took care of the situations as they arose but developed post traumatic stress syndrome and forgot a lot that did happen. anything that took place around an episode was blocked… in fact i apologized for not going to my brothers graduation…..i took the pictures! i remember none of it only that “he” was supposed to come with me and he had an episode so i told him not to bother i remember what the fight was about clearly not the events for hours later that i should have. my children tell me what happened that i do not remember at all. so even if i had known i dont know that i could have stopped getting post traumatic stress or the panic attacks my mind was already developing coping to get me thru it and be sane. we would go to his family functions and i think they all have varying degrees of depression and being bipolar so it was like wow must be me the world cant be wrong can they..in this case…………….. yeah…..i was working with an autistic child for my job and coming home and dealing with a bipolar husband ,one day he kept it up so much i called the dr to see if they could give me something i thought i was having a nervous breakdown. i would go to work at the school and get home to find if he was home whole drawers of things were thrown out in the garbage. he had ripped up a bank book that had some money my mother had for me …my son called me from home to tell me this was happening…if that’s not scarey…i went into the marriage very confident and came out of it very unsure ,beleiving there were things i couldnt do because i was stupid, i didnt see it happening it was day in and day out.the constant names and beating down verbally.when i left there was not a drop of love left for him i felt like i was escaping a hostage situation and when i saw my out i took it and didnt look back. i had truly loved him in fact couldnt beleive i could love someone outside of my immediate family sooooo deeply. i gave my heart and soul to him, all my love completely which i found was such a mistake. now if he calls and leaves a message on the machine the dogs run out of the room and come back when its done….he instilled such fear in all of us…my daughter noticed i was looking in the rearview mirror and since he was in town that day she said to me in a small scared voice “is he behind us?” all the time he was on top of the world having his episodes and seemed to be getting his kicks out of them. so by the time i even knew what his problem was i couldnt be strong he had taken that already…..maybe he was an abuser added to the bipolarism i dont know that being bipolar causes people to be emotionally and physically abusive all the time. he threatened to take the money and to leave me almost every year to of course break down any security i might have felt i the marriage…he never expected that with the last bit of strength i had that i would file for divorce…..when you get to the point of for years having dreams that you are being suffocated and waking up in a cold sweat….every single night and you are afraid to be on the stairs at the same time as your spouse because you are afraid he’ll hurt you you dont have any strength left with which to help them you have to help your kids get through it and survive yourself for them.it almost became a sick game of him playing and us escaping .for some reason i find i cant let go of the man thing mentally….at the beginning he was so different and let me think i could trust him and i went in hook line and sinker so now instead of being able to separate the two of that was him the others you meet you have to give a change…i am very guarded i think of it as being a male thing not bipolar in my mind , and maybe after lots of therapy i can separate it but for right now it is them vs me and i cant trust men they will do something to me, i got hurt once and i never want to feel that lost again….i am stronger now then i was the whole 25 years of my marriage it took a lot from me and the kids .i get angry that it didnt need to be this way if only…..he had gotten help…if only ..he took the money we all knows what happens when someone who is bipolar has total control of the money……in the past we were 24,000 in debt and he blamed me even though i never charged anything and his bills “for work” would be over 3,000 a month for himself for clothes or a big screen tv or groceries at sams we didnt even need. and i had the control of the money then he took what he wanted so him being in charge was futile ….the past balance had been brought down by the others of us giving up things never him.

My daughter hasn’t been diagnosed, but has had all the symptoms since a baby. I didn’t know about bipolar until a few months ago. I wish I had when she was under “my control” She has had several manic episodes in the past few months and I have been trying to deal with her on her terms. I am always afraid of saying the wrong thing, yet not knowing what is the right thing to say. She is 37 and has two small boys. And, ironically, works as a case manager. She hasn’t spoken to me in a month now because she called me to come get her and the boys, when I got there she had been drinking all evening and was not listening to anything I had to say. In the end, she percieved everything I said as being against her and “taking up” for her husband. I left and haven’t heard from her (directly) since. Am worried about the boys. I would like to talk to her, but don’t know what to say. Any suggestions?I am at a total loss as to how to deal with this. In the past, have tried to figure out her mood and act accordingly. Once or twice, have just had it and have let her have it. She believes things the way she wants and there is no changing her. Cannot be reasoned with in the episodes. Is destructive, (has cut tires and broken windshields) Has had to be taken to jail on two occassions. I am wanting to suggest that she go to a psychiatrist, but am afraid of her reaction. Help me please. Mom of S

I am the one diagnosed with bipolar and on medication and stable with episodes, however, I can relate to this woman. I have lately experienced my husband’s explosive disorder (I recently just learned that such a thing exists) and wonder if HE should be on more than 10 mgs of Prozac a day. He has not been diagnosed with bipolar or anything and has been my supporter for 7 years since diagnosed.
Have I now been HIS trigger? His episodes seem as though he is someone else. I have been married to him 25 years.
Do we, the diagnosed, trigger our supporters?? My daughter now age 17 was diagnosed a year ago bipolar, was she MY trigger as her supporter??
Where does the circle stop?

Melissa could have written my story of 27 yrs. with my BP husband. Seeing it in wrighting is a real shocker.
I had medication, never took it, wanted to sometimes, looked at it, threw it away yesterday. Decided one of us on meds is enough. I started walking, reading books and Dave’s postings, finding support groups and trying to find a life outside his BP when he can’t or won’t. I still walk on egg shells, but I am learning to walk more firmly.

HELLO DAVE,
thank you so much for giving bi-polar a voice!!!!i have learned so much in just the few things you have sent me.

i have bi-polar.haveing a plan is the best thing to have in place with someone with bi-polar. becase i know for a fact that at the time of one of my episodes i can’t think straight for my self. at the time that i am going though the mania i think that i am in total control wich is not true. that is why having a plan with the people that love you, you know that they only want to see you happy and heathly.

so for anyone going through this. please do not give up be strong for the preson/self dont give in to the bi-polar.i know that it is very hard not to some times. but when it dose go to the plan the sooner the better!! that will mean less time in “crazy land”

thank you so much dave for a place to help everone try to stay out of “crazy land” including myself and making life eazier for my loved ones!!!!!!!!!