Hi,

How’s it going?

I wanted to write you a quick email today about something
I got via email. Someone wrote me, “Dave, you do so
much, don’t you get burned out helping your mom so much?”

People know that I am also moving as well now and
are curious how I am able to handle all of this.

Okay, let me address that right here. Here’s the deal.
I am tired for sure. But it’s more because I am running
4 businesses, body build non competitively, have a social
life, support my mom AND I am moving. Moving has been
a nightmare for me.

I would swear that all the people that I am dealing
with to hook up stuff where I am moving all have
bipolar disorder and are in episodes J. Just kidding.
Just a lot of confusion and chaos.

Let me clear up one thing. Right now my mom is operating
on her own. She is high functioning and doing well. BUT
before I type another thing, let me be clear, this can
change at any time. Remember this is a mood disorder
and it can be very unpredictable. I try to predict and
you generally can but that’s not to say that my mom
could go into a HUGE episode out of the blue. It’s possible
but not probable.

Right now, my mom is following the system outlined in my course/system
for those with bipolar disorder at http://www.survivebipolar.net

People with bipolar disorder can do well, and really well
if they follow a system. I have 10 people with various mental
illnesses who work for me. They all do well. Really well.

Right now I think my mom might be going into another
mini episode. I see signs. But mini episodes can turn
into big episodes if action isn’t taken. Right now
my mom has a lot of tools to catch her own episodes
and fix things before they get bad. I am a last resort
these days.

Anyway, I am not worried at all. I have a system. I know
what to do if she goes into a bipolar episode.

BUT, I do see many supporters get what I call, caregiver
fatigue. This occurs when you are totally burned out
when you are supporting someone with an illness like
bipolar disorder. There are unfortunately thousands of
people on my list like this (I have almost 100,000 people
on my list).

In my supporter courses, I have a cd that talks about
burnout and all the ways to avoid it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

How do you stop this kind of fatigue or burnout? There
are several ways.

I think the number one thing people can do is do the
right things. Burnout comes when you are doing the wrong
things and/or not getting any results. For example,
in 2005 when I was figuring out how to support my mom,
I would argue with her. I would try to convince her
about things that she needed to know. She would say
my dad threw a fork at her. I would try to convince
her it didn’t happen because I was watching.

I did this for days and days at a night. One day I spent 9
straight hours arguing with her and it never changed her
mind.

Then one day it dawned on me I should stop doing this.
If she would say something “crazy” to me, I would ignore
it. This reduced the burnout.

I also notice burnout is a result of lacking information
on what to do strategically. Like:

-How do you find a good doctor/therapist?
-How do you get a loved one on medication?
-How to you know when a person is going into an episode?
-What is an episode?
-How do you prevent new episodes?
-How do you nicely make doctors give great care?
-How do you find a therapist?
-What do you do when it looks like your loved one is getting sick
again?
-What do you do if the doctor won’t talk to you?

and things like this

These are all strategy questions. The wrong strategy produces
burnout. I will give you a recent example with myself and my
dad. Okay first keep in mind, my dad has read probably 5%
of the material I have. Maybe that would be overestimating. I
am dead serious. He has NO information. Probably because I
do all the work for him. On a side note, I have given him
a August 1, 2007 deadline to read it ALL and go through
ALL cds. He is going to now.

A while ago, mom was going into a mini episode. I wanted to test
him. I asked what do you think we should do. He said,
“Let’s take her to the hospital.” I told him this
would be a HUGE strategic mistake.

The reason is because my mom wasn’t bad enough to get admitted
anyway. Plus she hates the hospital. I know this. We would
have spent probably days figuring out which of the 21
techniques would get her to agree to the hospital. We would
have gotten there and they would have let her out fairly
fast in my opinion. Lots of time would have been wasted.

I choose the contact her doctor route even though my
mom took away my ability to speak to her doctor. I countered
with a loop hole in the legal system and my mom was able
to get treatment fast. The entire thing took one day and
not more than 30 minutes of my time. My dad’s method
would have taken days, gotten no results and created
HUGE burnout for us.

So, much of being a good supporter is about using the right
strategy. NOW, I am NOT saying I know everything. I don’t.
My mom’s bipolar actually beat me 7 days in a row one week
in the last year.

It (her bipolar disorder) figured out a way to undo all the medical releases that were signed so I could talk to people. BUT, I countered
with a work around and loop hole in the system. It’s like a
game of chess.

So the bottom line is, you have to think about caregiver
burnout and fatigue, because if you get to tired or
you fall apart, you won’t do your loved one any good.

LAST THING

If your loved one is doing well than not doing well
than doing well and is all over the place. This is a
treatment problem. I have seen with bipolar disorder
this is not the way it has to be. When you see this
or experience this personally it’s because there
is something wrong in the bipolar disorder stability
equation that we have talked about in many daily
bipolar emails. BUT, it’s not normal. BUT note
I am not a doctor so you have to run every single
thing that I say past your loved one’s doctor or
your own doctor because I am not offering
medical advice.

Hey I have to run. See you tomorrow.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.