Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I have to be really quick. I have to be
at my seminar at 8:30am and I am going
to be late. I am in New York City and
have to make sure I get to the place
on time.

Really quick, I get a lot of emails from people that say
they need help and don’t know what to do.

I sometimes wonder if people really know
what problems they truly have and what
are the most pressing.

Many times when I get on the phone with
people who fill out my f.ree consultation
certificates for non medical and non
legal questions because I am NOT a doctor,
therapist, lawyer, insurance agent, dentist
so on and so forth :), I ask “what’s
your biggest problem?”

Normally I get a undefined problem,
or someone says “everything.” Rarely
do I get a complete carefully
thought out list. This is a big
problem.

I am going to encourage you today
if you have bipolar disorder or if
you are support a loved one to do
the following.

Make a complete list of all
your problems and be as specific
as possible. Put it on a blank
sheet of paper one after another.

One of these reasons I think people
like my courses/and systems is because
it solves a lot of problems in a
systematic way.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

They’re not a long
boring sad story that’s doesn’t
have any direct solutions to
problems. Generally when
you are looking at my books
on bipolar disorder, they fall
way short on practical solutions
to the most common problems.

This is what I have seen. You
may feel different.

Anyway, I have to take off now.
Tomorrow I will tell you
about step two and how to get
faster answers to your problems
using a simple technique I learned
from a man from Italy.

Until have a great day and I have
to head off to my seminar.

I have to go or I’ll be late.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

First HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

Secondly, I noticed that many people write on my blog and
insist that a) some of the things that I say
can’t be followed because I am a son
and the people writing are spouses of someone
with bipolar disorder or b) that whatever
I say will not work for them.

I would like to address b) first. Where
did I ever say that 100% of the things
that I say will work for 100% of the people?
It’s very strange to me how some people
read things. It’s almost like some people
really try extremely hard to find a
reason that they will be stuck in
the current state they are in and
that there are NO possible solutions.

It’s interesting to note I have
annoyed many people over the
years for refusing to
go along with things that are deemed
impossible.

When I even first started this site
I was told it would be impossible it
would work. When I first started helping
my mom I was told:

We tried everything
There is no hope for her
Nothing can be done
She will never be out of de.bt
We should put her away
There is NO way you can get her into the hospital

When I decided to hire those with a mental
illness, I was told it was impossible
to “keep control of them.” I was told the
organization would fail.

When it comes to me…

I ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION NOT WHAT DOES NOT
WORK

There are people on my list focused on what
doesn’t work and that’s a huge waste of time.

Obviously bipolar disorder is complicated
and changes so there is no one size fits all
answer.

If you are reading my information and
you find yourself so quick to find
things that will not work, how about
focusing on the things that WILL work
for you. If I have 90,000 people on my
list, obviously everything can’t work
for everyone.

Here’s another point. I ask people
this all the time. If you are
following a certain course or strategy
with your loved one who has bipolar
disorder and it’s been failing and
failing for years on end, don’t you
think it’s a good time to consider
something new.

Some say the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over and
hoping for a different result. That’s
what many supporter find themselves in–
a position of insanity.

Okay now to address point a), that
I am my mother’s son and some people
on my list are the spouse of someone
with bipolar disorder and everything
I am saying can’t work because of this fact.

Here’s the thing, if you are a supporter
of someone with bipolar disorder, you have
to decide what’s going to work for you.
You get f.ree emails with tips and suggestions
and you can delete them or not follow them
at all or pick and choose what might be
helpful for you.

When it comes to the most recent email that I
sent out about bipolar stability through
strength, I received blog posts and emails
suggesting it’s impossible to be “strong”
when you are married to someone with
bipolar disorder.

I think this is totally incorrect. I know
of many people who are, some who work
for me that have strong spouses. Strength
doesn’t mean you are abusive or mean
to your spouse with bipolar disorder it means
that you set up a certain set of rules or
boundaries that can’t be crossed.

For example with my dad, it’s about
money, medication, going to the doctor
and therapy. These are some. My dad
will not allow my mom to spend money
like the world is coming to the end.
He will not stay around if my mom decides
to stop taking her medication.

When I am talking about strength, it’s
these type of things.

Someone wrote on my blog:

“A spouse has to achieve a balancing act with their
position of strength that a son/daughter does
not. A child will always legally be able to
come back tomorrow. Spouses may very well find
themselves in divorce court, dividing all the
assets they worked so hard to protect. Your
dad who always “gave in” did not have the same
advantage as you. HE could always be thrown out
of the family at her whim, but not you. So…
what is a spouse to do?”

========
I could write an entire book about this post.
I really believe it’s way off track. First
if you asked my dad, he is totally different
today and has said over and over he would
have saved probably a million dollars
if he would have been strong and not
given in all the time. My mom says the
same things.

Maybe I will do a f.ree podcast on
this but maybe not. It takes a lot of
time to create and set those up. Hmm.
We’ll see.

The bottom line is, if you have been
weak and let bipolar disorder run
all over you for years, you should
consider another strategy.

I know a person who has a wife with
bipolar disorder. He says to me he
needs help. I gave him all my material
and he read none of it. He currently
is staying with his wife because of
the kids. BUT, here’s a snap shot of his
life:

He is on medication because of his wife
He business is suffering
He has no savings because his wife has
spent it all.
She frequently lies about him to friends,
family members, his kids and the police
He has had the police called on him
numerous times
He has been attacked multiple times

The list goes on and on. He asked me
what I would do. I am not going to
tell you what I told him because it’s
complicated. BUT, if you are reading
this and this is your life, I would
ask, how many more years can you take
such treatment. This person’s wife
is destroying him.

NOW I know people will say, “Dave you
don’t understand…when you have kids…”

I DO understand and I will say there
is a strategy for this guy. It wouldn’t
be easy but I am sure there is no chance
that he will put the effort in because
it requires a lot of effort. He has
accepted the fact that he is stuck
and can’t better his life.

He is weak with his wife’s bipolar disorder
and as a result her bipolar disorder
is totally out of control.

Well I have to take off and head
over to the gym and then leave for NYC
for a meeting on Tuesday.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

Well I have to run.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

How’s it going? You know what’s funny, someone wrote
me yesterday that they wondered how I had so
much time to write emails about bipolar disorder
every day.

Well the answer is, I make time. NO I don’t
have bipolar disorder and I am not in a
long running manic episode writing emails
about the subject–just in case you
were wondering.

It’s been hard these last few days to write
my daily emails on bipolar disorder because
I don’t feel well but I still get up and
do it.

Today I wanted to talk quickly about what
I call “bipolar stability through strength.”

This concept comes from a Cold War Strategy
called “Peace through strength.”

“Peace through Strength” is the doctrine that
military strength is a primary or necessary
component of peace. This philosophy is a major
reason cited for large militaries,
and also served as the primary motivation
behind the Cold War doctrine of building
up a huge military.

This isn’t an email about the Cold War or
military strategies BUT, this concept
is important for bipolar disorder.

Over the years, I noticed with my mom,
the weaker and the more we bent during
her episodes the worse they were and
became. The stronger we were or
recently since I am my mom’s primary
supporter, the stronger I was and
the less I bent, the more stable she
was.

For example, for most of my life, if
my mom was in an episode and demanded
this or that, let’s say a large expensive
purchase that was not necessary, instead
of my dad saying no, he would let her
make it and figure out a way to pay for
it later on.

This ultimately led to my mom demanding
another purchase and then years pasted
with many bad purchases which created
a huge financial loss.

It wasn’t just finances either. Things
like allowing my mom to dictate NO vacations
or not eating together during dinner
were the norm.

Each time, my dad never wanted to “upset”
or “argue” with my mom so he gave in,
which is a form of weakness.

As a result, there were no vacations,
we maybe eat dinner together outside of
Thanksgiving, 10 times in 15 to 20
years which is really strange.

When I started supporting my mom,
I realized that my dad’s strategy failed
and there would have to be a new one.

I was thinking about Ronald Regan one
day and about how he advocated “peace
through strength” when dealing with
with the Soviet Union.

That made sense to me and I adopted a
similar strategy.

I am not mean to my mom but there are
certain things I do not bend on no matter
what. No matter if my mom cries, screams,
yells, etc.

Things like spending money, not going
to the doctor, not going to therapy,
not taking medication, or not following
all the parts of her bipolar stability
equation. I never bend on these things.

There are thousands and I mean thousands
of people on my list that bend all the
time to whatever their loved one demands.

And generally these people have a nightmare
life. If you are a caretaker of someone
with bipolar disorder, you aren’t doing them
any good by not being strong when they
are in an episode.

My mom for example is HAPPY that I am strong
when she is in an episode. For example,
she realizes if someone was strong and
stopped her from spending money years ago,
she wouldn’t have had to pay off $30,000
of d.ebt.

OR if my dad had required vacations or
meals to be eaten at a table together she
would have memories of these things but
there aren’t any because they didn’t
exist.

I am not bashing my dad but he did make
a number of mistakes and you can learn from
him. He knows now what he did and encourages
me to let everyone know through my “thing”
as he likes to call it. He calls my
email list “that thing.”

Anyway, you’ll notice that in my courses/
systems, supporters are strong when they
need to be and those with bipolar disorder
who are interviewed are happy they have
strong supporters.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

If you find yourself bending, caving
in, always having to do what you
know is not right, then you have a serious
problem. You need to strongly consider
changing strategies. Other wise
your loved one’s bipolar disorder
will probably destroy you.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I have a new article that I wanted to share with you. I am going to be posting this on various places no the internet to help reduce the stigma of mental illness. Since it’s a holiday in
the US, many people are going to be out and about with their friends and family. This
is a great article to consider.

I wanted you to see it first.

Please pass this article to other people who could benefit.

Being labeled with mental illness has long been a stigma, and stigma often produces shame. Stigma, by definition, means disapproval and disgrace, and by practice stigma sets a person apart from a group, fostering an ‘us versus them’ mentality. Ultimately stigma means prejudice and discrimination in society.

Even when you have a loved one with bipolar, you have probably been conditioned by thousands of years of negative beliefs about mental illness that lead you to have a sense of shame. This shame is counter-productive to your loved one’s health and to your own ability to cope with and support them in their illness.

Shame leads to secrecy. Keeping quiet about your loved one’s disease and hiding it at any cost will isolate you from networks of support.[1] Imagine the difference if you were able to be open about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, without shame and secrecy. You may find that your neighbor, your co-worker, your boss, and so many other people in your world also are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder, or suffer from it themselves.

By sharing openly instead of hiding shamefully, you will have more potential of developing a helping network of support. Your neighbor may know of a good doctor or therapist in the area she can refer you to. Your boss may know of a support group. Your co-worker may be able to give you pointers on how to cope or how to help your loved one get and stay healthy.

If you go through my courses/systems, you will
see this is exactly what most people who I interview
say over and over and over:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

While you may have fallen into the age-old trap of feeling shame over your loved one’s mental illness, he or she most likely feels this shame much more intensely. Your negative perspective is enforcing their own shame and secrecy, leading to their further isolation. Your shame is neither healthy for yourself, or your loved one with bipolar.

The past few decades have brought to general awareness that bipolar disorder is a brain disease, like Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson’s disease. Logically speaking, there is no reason to feel shame or embarrassment about a physical disorder. If your loved one had MS, you would be less likely to be living in shame and secrecy.[2]

As a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder, it’s up to you to begin to break the cycle of stigma, prejudice and discrimination. As P. Byrne said, “Part of coping with stigma is fighting stigma.” And one of the first things you can do is fight it within yourself. Accept that you may have feelings of shame, but at the same time realize that they are illogical and based on prejudice. It’s time to let those feelings go. You don’t want to be a ‘psychophobe’, do you?

P. Byrne points out in his article that while we have words for every other prejudice we can think of, there is no word to describe prejudice against the mentally ill. He suggests adapting the word ‘psychophobic’, and points out that words of this sort have gone far in bringing awareness of prejudice.[3]

When you find yourself feeling shame about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, remind yourself that you’re buying into a culture of psychophobia, and that you are not a psychophobe. Begin to counteract those feelings by thinking about all the positive things about your loved one’s disorder.

Your loved one with bipolar is, by definition, emotionally sensitive. Though this manifests as a weakness in their disease, it can also be seen as a strength. They are possibly quite creative, based on observations and studies linking bipolar illness with creativity. They have the strength to admit that they are different, to carry the burden of this label, and to go on living despite this difficulty. How many ‘normal’ people do you know who could never admit their weaknesses let alone submit to openly revealing them?

Your loved one has the potential to get better. With the right strategies and support, this disease can be managed and even turned around. Many other physical illnesses do not have this potential for healing and change.

Most importantly, you love them. While there may be times that their struggle with bipolar disorder gets the best of them and negatively impacts you, you know that this disease does not define who they are. The fact that they suffer with bipolar disorder is just a small fraction of their being, and you love them in their totality.

Shame is an ingrained, automatic response to the stigma of mental illness. It’s time to take control of this negative and counterproductive emotion, and to become an advocate and supporter of your loved one with bipolar disorder instead of a co-conspirator in prejudice. Any small steps you take within yourself to battle the shame of stigma in mental illness will begin to ripple outwards into the world around you. This can go a long way in helping your loved one, and others who suffer with bipolar disorder.

Well have a good day today.

Dave

REFERENCES:

[1] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72
[2] Fuller Torrey, E., MD & Knable, Michael B, D.O. Surviving Manic Depression. Basic Books, 2002, p.1.
[3] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news.

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews327

There’s some really interesting news stories this
week. Take a look at them. Also, write me some
feedback by visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

Overnight walk aims to raise suicide awareness

Man who stomped cats gets 2 years

Conventional wisdom says psychiatric drugs save lives, but for some
San Franciscans the pills are a prescription for …

Organon’s Asenapine Effective In A Phase III Study For The
Treatment Of Bipolar I Disorder; Results Unveiled At 2007 …

Akzo Nobel’s Organon says Asenapine effective in Phase III study
for Bipolar I

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews327

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To People
Go here for more information.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing With
Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With Bipolar
Disorder?
Go here for more information:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you?

I have a REALLY important lesson for you today
about bipolar disorder. It’s something I have
never really focused on.

There’s a quiz at the bottom related
to bipolar disorder make sure you take it.

I am not sure because it’s really important.
I started thinking about this because
of an incident I saw when I was coming
back from Pennsylvania.

Here’s the story and how it relates
to bipolar disorder.

Okay I had to go to check out my
new POTENTIAL furniture. Right now
my desk that I am typing on is
falling apart.

I found a person in PA that sells furniture.
I wanted to make sure that I got a great deal
AND that the furniture would last for several
life times (just kidding for at least 10 years
or so).

Anyway the top selling furniture person
who by the way use to work in a mental
health facility and told me many things
that you should read about concerning
mental health facilities. If you missed
that or want to reread it again, visit
my blog below and look for “Lesson
learned from stuttering furniture
sales person.”

Okay, so I drive all the way there.
I noticed on the way driving there,
there seemed to be some traffic going
the opposite way (the way I would
have to go back home).

That was strange to me because the traffic
never goes through that way. Anyway,
I made it to the store, ran in and found
the guy.

I looked at what I had and then I left.
I started driving back and guess what?

Traffic started slowing. Then it was slower
and then slower.

Then traffic was DEAD STOPPED. Nothing was
moving.

I thought to myself that in a minute
it would move.

BIPOLAR DISORDER LESSON IS COMING SOON

Hey, there’s a bipolar lesson coming don’t
worry.

So I sat there for like 10 minutes. I couldn’t
believe it. I didn’t move one inch.

25 minutes went by and I saw the same thing.

Then I saw people in front and behind me looking
out their car doors to see what the heck was
going on. I did the same you couldn’t see
anything. Then after like 31 minutes we moved
maybe 5 feet.

Then I almost was getting claustrophobia AND
I had to go to the bathroom really, really,
really bad. Since I drank too much water
before I left. I have to drink 1.2 gallons
a day for my training.

Then I started to get mad. I wanted to complain
but to who? I called my friend Tony and he
laughed at me.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED. About one hour
and 15 minutes had gone by and I moved
maybe 15 feet.

People started driving on the shoulder where
you aren’t suppose to drive to try to get ahead
but then the shoulder turned into bumper to
bumper traffic.

There were no exits you had to sit. It was a nightmare.

ONE MAN TAKES ACTION

One guy tried to go around somehow and he almost
hit another guy. The guy he almost hits gets
super mad and starts screaming at him. The
other guy says something and the guy almost
hit tells him I think to get out of the
car.

I was like, “Oh, no, there’s going to be a
fight.” So I sat and hoped that these ADULTS
would sit in their cars. Then I thought, I
hope that I don’t have to get involved
like if one guy beats up another and someone
has to break it up.

Well the guy that almost hit the guy wouldn’t
get out. The other guy that wanted him to
get out started screaming at him.

I heard little kids start to cry because you
could hear it all since there was no movement
and their was dead silence.

Part of me was super mad that this one guy
kept trying to provoke the other guy.

This lady next to me said to me across the
way, “That guy’s crazy. He is insane.”

I didn’t say anything at all. It was very odd.

Then after like 1 and half hours, the traffic
started to move.

STRANGE BIPOLAR DISORDER LESSON

There’s something called IED. Intermittent
Explosive Disorder also known as road rage.

Mayo Clinic says:

“Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is
characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive,
violent behavior that are grossly out of proportion
to the situation. And, according to a June 2006 study
funded by the National Institute of Mental Health,
intermittent explosive disorder is more common
than once thought. Intermittent explosive disorder
occurs most often in young men and may affect as
many as 7.3 percent of adults in the United States.”

DID THIS GUY HAVE THIS OR BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Think for a second and then scroll down
after you formulate an opinion…

HAVE AN OPINION YET? SCROLL

Here’s my thoughts. First, I know
people may say, “YES!” he does
and some may say “maybe he
has bipolar disorder.”

BUT, this is the thing. We do NOT
know. If you are NOT a doctor
you should not be diagnosing people.

AND even more importantly, this entire
incident reminds me of a huge problem.

REPEATED PATTERNS VERSUS ONE TIME EVENTS

With IED, which this newsletter is NOT
about, and bipolar disorder, doctors
look for repeated patterns of behavior
to form a diagnosis not one time
events.

If the fighting guy in the car did
this once, that’s one thing. If he
starts fights on the highway all
the time that’s another.

When you are supporting someone
with bipolar disorder it’s important
to track patterns and report them to
the doctor and therapist so these people
can help make a proper diagnosis AND
treatment plan.

When I was seeing this guy, the entire
thing made me think of how important
it is. I know people on the road with me would think
the guy was crazy, had IED, bipolar disorder
schizophrenia, etc, but we would not know
his history.

One of the things lacking with doctors is
patients history. If patients come in and
the doctors asks for history, the doctor
normally gets what I call the “snow job”–
which is basically when a patient says
whatever they think they should say so
the truth about their condition is not
revealed.

It’s up to YOU the supporter to reveal
the patterns. Doctors then take this into
accountant along with a number of other things
doctors look at to make a correct diagnosis.

People write me all the time about how to figure
out if someone has bipolar disorder. I am NOT
a doctor or therapist but I know it’s a doctor
that has to make a diagnosis.

And you can help them by reporting signs and symptoms,
history and patterns you see.

So many supporters don’t do this.

DISTURBING THINGS AT SUPPORT GROUPS

I do a ton of volunteering and one of the most
disturbing things that I see is when people
try to treat and diagnose one another. I think
in my head, “these people have no clue and
are dangerous.”

Many supporters get a little knowledge and
then they run around and try to diagnosis
people AND sometimes talk about what medications
are good and bad.

This is a HUGE, and I mean HUGE and I mean HUGE
NO NO!

If someone who is not a doctor starts acting
like a doctor, run and don’t listen. Most of
these people really have no idea what they
are talking about.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to run, have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi.

Today is going to be an interesting
day for me. You remember how I had all
those problems with my printer who
made all the printing for my bipolar
disorder material? Well I am in the
process of moving to another printer.

NOTE-You can catch up on this story
by reading my blog at the end of this
email.

After I started to take all my business
away from the first printer, they realized
it seriously hurt their sales. Anyway,
to make a long story short, they (
like 5 people) want to talk about my leaving
and going to another printer. The meeting
is at 10:00am this morning.

Over the next few days, I am going to
tell you how I dealt with this printer
and why you will have to use the
SAME exact strategies when dealing
with the mental health system.

I used the same exact strategy with
the printer I used with my mom’s outpatient
program she was at. The one that wasn’t
wasn’t helping her.

You’re going to like it. But today
I want to tell you a quick story of
someone that I spoke to yesterday
in the store.

I was in the store, looking for some
stuff for my office. I was looking
for one of those “things” that you
can put a bunch of stacks of paper
in. I have no idea what it’s called
and I am sure that the people didn’t
like the fact I asked for a “thing.”

So anyway, I wound up mentioning
to someone that I had a number of websites
online related to disorders like bipolar
disorder and that I wanted to use this
thing to organize the papers and stack
them in groups vertically.

Someone overheard me and asked
if I am a psychiatrist. I told him
that I wasn’t a doctor, therapist,
lawyer, accountant, insurance agent,
dentist, etc.

He looked at me strange and I explained
why I tell people all the stuff that
I am not so they don’t get the
wrong idea that I am a doctor, lawyer,
therapist, ect. He said “oh I see.”

So then I gave him
the short version of why I know about
bipolar disorder. I told him about
my mom, the websites, my list, etc.
etc.

He was excited. He then pulled me ahead
and said that someone in his family
who he would not tell me who it was,
was in trouble.

Hmm. I listened. I told him I really
had to go but I would give him
5 minutes but he could send me a fax
later on and I would answer any non
medical and non legal questions.

He said fair enough. So he basically
told me how someone was having all this
trouble for years and how doctors
“suck” and therapists “steal money.”

Hmmm. I listened. He then said that
no one can “fix” his loved one
and it’s terrible. He said, “I know
you aren’t a doctor but what would
you do.”

I then asked him a series of questions
and since I have to go really soon
I will have to give you the short version
of the questions.

To make a long story short, he
did what I call “the dump off.”

THE DUMP OFF is BAD!

I told him all about the dump off
and explained what he should be doing.
He thought about it and said, “you
are so right, that makes total sense.”

You probably thinking, “Hmm
Dave, what the heck is the dump off.”

If you are new to my list you may
be thinking, “This guy sure is
odd, first he tells me about his
printer then he tells me a story
and then he uses a term which I have
never heard about or seen…Maybe
he’s crazy??”

I am not crazy. Actually crazy isn’t a
disorder either as a side note.

But let’s get back to the lesson.

The “dump off” is when a caregiver
takes a loved one with bipolar disorder
and simply “dumps” them off at a hospital,
group, doctor, or part of the mental
health system with NO follow up
and assumes the system will take
care of everything from a to z
and the caregiver or supporter has
to do nothing else.

I have NEVER ever seen or heard this
working well.

When you take someone to a doctor,
therapist, hospital, you can’t dump
them off.

You have to follow up and follow through.

You have to stay on top of things. You know
now that I am writing this, I realize why
someone would think that the “professionals”
should do a good job and “handle” everything
from a to z. That’s the way it should be.

But the reality is, it’s NOT that way.

Instead of just dumping a loved one off
you should take them to where they
are suppose to go and then

-Ask questions

-Act like you are in the know and have ways to figure
out and verify any information given

-Check on things

-Report signs and symptoms you are seeing

-Make sure the person is in the 5% group not the
95% group.

-Make your loved one is NOT getting AL treatment. This
is a huge problem

-Demand proper treatment for your loved one

This is just a few things you have to be doing
as a caregiver of someone who has bipolar disorder.

I don’t have any kids. But I think with kids
you have to check on them and make sure they
are not doing bad things.

I do that myself with the people in the mental
health system. I am always checking. They
know it.

It’s NOT LIKE FIXING YOUR CAR

My blinker is blinking really, really, really
fast. And my back light is out. So I took my
car to the shop. Luckily for me, I got there
with only 7 miles left on my warranty. Great
for me. But anyway, I dropped my car off
and in one day it will be fixed. I don’t have
to do a lot of work to work with the car fixing
people.

Some people think that bipolar disorder is like
having a car fixed. Dump off your loved one
and then they are “fixed” in a certain period
of time without any assistant on the part of the
caregiver.

I have found this not to be true.

In all my courses/systems, people repeat this
theme over and over again talk about exactly
what to do.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to get ready for my meeting. I will
write you more tomorrow. Have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I must say I am dead tired today. I was at a meeting
really late last night. Anyway, today I want to
tell you something really, really important
about bipolar disorder.

I called someone yesterday who had ordered
one of my courses. He had filled out
my f.ree consultation form for NON
medical and NON legal questions (because
I am not a doctor, lawyer, therapist,
insurance agent, etc).

I couldn’t read what he wrote he had
hand writing me :). I called him
to ask what he wrote so I could
take some notes and then I could
follow up with him later on after I thought
about his NON medical or NON legal question
Note-I keep writing this so you are clear
that I don’t offer this kind of advice.

Anyway, he told me and basically he said
he went through my materials from a to z
and was starting to implement what I
recommended BUT he said he didn’t know what
to do.

I was thinking, “This is great, I love
when people do well.” I asked him
what the problem was. He said that all
of his friends and many family members
said that he should divorce his
wife immediately because of all of what
she did.
I listened carefully. I asked him to
quickly explain what she had done and
give me a brief summary. She basically
has been totally out of control and cost
him a ton of money. Made him look like
a fool. Possibly cheated on him, etc.

She did many things that my mom did
in my story at
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

So lots of bad things. I asked how long
they had been married he said not that
long. For some reason he didn’t want to
tell me the exact time so I didn’t press it.

I then asked when was she diagnosed and he
said like a week ago. I asked how long she
knew she had bipolar disorder. He said she
still really doesn’t know. He just found
out a week ago.

Then I remained silent and he said, and
I must laugh at the following because it’s
kind of funny, he said and I quote, “I
know you are not a doctor, lawyer, accountant,
tax person and all that stuff but I want
to know what you would do and I know that
you can’t give out legal, medical, tax,
and advice like that.” He laughed because
he said he follows my emails every day
and he thinks it’s funny how my list
of what I am not gets longer.

I told him I was going to add this week
that I am not a dentist, and chiropractor
either.

As a side note, when you are dealing with
supporting someone with bipolar disorder
you have to laugh some times and not
be so serious. I learned the humor
technique from my friend Stacy. Just
realize that you can laugh and don’t
have to be so serious.

Anyway, after we talked about all the
things that I am not, I said to him
that basically I would never leave someone
with bipolar disorder that just found out
and has no time to even comprehend what
they have.

Since I am “not running for office” so to
speak, I pointed out his friends were giving
bad advice in my opinion.

I then went on to tell him how much bad advice
I got from many of my friends about my mom.

All my friends basically told me to let
my mom go homeless.

The guy said that he felt that what I was
saying was right but he just needed some
confirmation from someone and that he
was excited to help his wife. He felt
that the material in my bipolar supporter
course would help him find a great
doctor and get his wife back on track.

We hung up and then I had to go eat
my burnt lunch that I made myself.

I wish someone would make a how to
cook if you have no idea how to cook
course which I would buy right away.

BIG BIPOLAR DISORDER WARNING!!!

Beware of friends advice. Many friends
love to give advice when it comes to
bipolar disorder and they have no clue.

I am not sure why this is. I find
that many friends look for quick
solutions to bipolar disorder. The quickest
solution is to not to deal with the person
ever

You have to be careful who you are getting
your advice from. Be careful of friends.
Many times friends are sincere but sincerely
wrong. They just don’t know. They don’t
want you to suffer as a supporter of
someone with bipolar disorder so they
look for a quick fix. The quick fix
is to walk away from the person.

I have also heard many other stories
of people getting advice from friends
that is really disturbing. Too disturbing
to write about.

One of the things that I did when I put
together my courses/system was to find
people who really have bipolar disorder
and are successful OR people who really
do support people with bipolar disorder
well. I wanted to hear about real strategies
and techniques not theory.

Just be careful. Even if you hear something
from me. Think about it. Talk to people
about it. See if it make sense. Always
think about what you hear. Don’t just
run with what any old person says.

Well that’s what I have to say today.

I have to take off. Have a great day.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you have a good day
today. Thanks to everyone who wrote me
yesterday with a number of remedies
to fix a bad back.

I tried a number of suggestions and
my back feels 10 times better.

Thanks. Okay on to the topic
today related to bipolar disorder.

I have noticed, that many people on
my list have unrealistic goals,
aspirations and demands with people
who have bipolar disorder and are in
episodes or just getting out of
an episode.

I was thinking of this because I was
reviewing my emails for the last week.

And there are a ton. I noticed there
were a number of:

Take me off your list, my loved one
won’t listen about bipolar disorder

I need help, how do I get my loved
one to start reading your material

My loved one is lazy, she won’t work
any more. She has been in an episode
for a month.

THIS ONE WAS REALLY ODD
I bought your bipolar success
course to give to my brother who
has bipolar disorder. He won’t
listen or read it. He demanded
that I send it back and get my
money. Where do I return it?

The last comment was so strange
I had to call the person. I found
out this person bought my bipolar
success course which is for people
with bipolar disorder. The person
did not buy my bipolar supporter
course. Her plan was to give the
success course to her brother
so he could “find out about
the illness and fix himself.”

That was the strangest thing
I have ever heard in my life.

You are going to give a course to
someone who is not in their right
mind and expect them to review
it. And when they say no, you
just go along with what they are
saying?

I told the person that is truly “crazy.”

I said, “I don’t care about your money
but I want you to do things that make
sense.” I then asked if it made sense
for her to follow instructions from
her loved one who she said is totally
out of his mind?

After a few minutes, she said no. I
then asked, “why didn’t you get my
bipolar supporter course instead?”

She said, “I am busy and just wanted
to hand something to him and figured
since he had the illness, he should
be the one who is doing the research.”

I was like H E L L O!!!!!

Then I asked “Does that make sense
to you?”

After thinking about it, she said
it didn’t and said she felt dumb
for writing me the email and dumb for
listening to her brother and dumb
for expecting her brother to have
to figure out his own illness when
he is seriously ill.

Wow. It’s not just her others think
like this as well.

I call it Unrealistic expectations.

Remember the points I wrote about earlier,
those are all unrealistic as well. You
MUST have REALISTIC expectations with
someone with bipolar disorder.

I am going to tell you some from
my course but I can’t get in much detail
because I have to take off for the day.

Your loved one can’t make good decisions
and probably won’t

Your loved one can’t fix him/herself

Your loved one won’t drive him/herself
to the doctor by him/herself

Your loved one won’t handle money well.

You can’t expect your loved one get
get well after a major episode in a week
or two. If you listen to “my mom’s story”
in my courses, you will see how long it
takes. NOTE-We wouldn’t ask the stroke
victim to get up and start working and
call the person lazy if when he/she couldn’t
work.

WARNING!!!!!

This is with someone with bipolar disorder
that is in an episode not well and stable.
I repeat when they are in an episode NOT
well and stable.

There are many thing you have to learn about
this illness if you are support. BUT you
have to be realistic and fair with your
loved one. You can’t make ridiculous
demands on them when they are in episodes
and not in their right mind. That’s not
fair.

Don’t pressure them. I never did that with
my mom. I knew that it would take time
for my mom to get back to normal.

This is a really complicated subject that
I cover more in my courses/system if
you are interested.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

There is a HUGE bipolar disorder lesson at the
bottom of this email. I mean it. Read this
entire thing carefully.

I am serious and not kidding around.

Okay.

What a day it was yesterday. I had a hurt back. A huge
headache. I was all bipolared out by the end of
the day. I know “bipolared” out is not a word
so you don’t have to write me and let me know 🙂

I want to use it because this this is my
daily email, I can make the rules 🙂

Anyway, some good news and bad news. You remember
the person that worked for me that had to go
into a psychiatric hospital well she
is out now and doing well. She should be
all back and working in about 12 days or so.

She is working on articles titled “From
the inside out–real stories from
in a mental institution.” These articles
will be free for you to read and tell
others about. I will drop you an email
when they are up and where they are posted.

The stories she told me were amazing.

Okay, like I said, I heard my back
and it feels like someone is stabbing
me. Why I am telling you this? Just
so you know :).

Then I had many calls yesterday. One
from a person in d.ebt that needed
URGENT advice which I gave only to
realize this person took know notes
and then called back later to ask
the same questions again. NO this
person did not have bipolar disorder.

This was a supporter of someone with
bipolar disorder.

Then I got another call and this one
kind of annoyed me.

I picked up the phone because I thought
it was a friend of mine. Anyway it wasn’t.

It was someone calling from Brazil. I could
barely hear the person. It sounded really
really really far away.

I said “hello………….” and then after
a minute I heard “Are you there……….”

This went on for like 8 or 9 minutes. Finally
I heard the person ask if it was me, David Oliver,
I said yes. She then proceeded to ask me for
help.

Then I was worried because I had to leave
to go out with a friend and I knew it
was going to be tough to get off the phone,
or even hear or even understand because the
person told me they “spoke little English.”

I must say, I am not sure what was even said
or asked. I believe the person wanted some kind
of help. What kind I am not sure. I think she
had a boyfriend with bipolar disorder. She
wanted to know possibly some hospital he could
go to. I told the woman I don’t know of any.

She said, “You can’t help????” I said “no
I can’t. I don’t know any hospitals.”

Then I made the HUGE and I mean HUGE mistake
of trying to explain my philosophy of doctors,
hospitals, and therapists that I explain
in all my courses/systems. I don’t think
she understood or heard me. I am not sure
which one. But she kept asking me for I guess
a name.

I don’t even know the names of hospitals in the
US or even in my own state let alone Brazil.

I did tell her to call 911 or help or whatever
system there is in Brazil if there is an emergency.

Then I said that I really have to go because
someone is waiting for me.

Then she said “You won’t help me?” I said, “
I am unable to tell you a hospital in Brazil.”

Then she said she needed one in San Diego, CA.
I said that I didn’t have names there and tried
to explain that she needed to call the police
for a possibly list. She said that wouldn’t help.

Then she said to me, “You are not like your
website. You say you want to help people. I
ask for help and you no help me. You
don’t want to help people. You are different
than your website and emails. It’s not true.”

I was like, “What are you talking about?”

So then I wound up “defending myself” about
how I really did have to go, I don’t know
any hospitals and I can’t really understand
or hear her. I tried to explain that if she
could fax me with a clear list of questions
she had in English, I would respond in writing
with what I thought.

Then she started yelling at me saying all
kinds of things. Some I didn’t understand
some I did. Nothing nice. Bad things
about me.

Then she said and I will never forget
this, “I hope you don’t have a nice
day tomorrow because you didn’t
help me.”

She then hung up on me. After all
of this, the person waiting for me
was gone. So I wound up doing nothing.

BIG BIPOLAR LESSON

First, this lady clearly tried to manipulate
me into staying on the phone. Which I fell
for because I spent more time than I should
have.

If you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder I am sure you are familiar with
this technique a person with the disorder
uses if he/she is not stable.

NOTE the person who called said she
didn’t have bipolar disorder. I find that many
supporters call and try to manipulate me into
staying on the phone and answering every
single last question they would possibly
think of. Back in the day I would spend
hours and hours on the phone and
sometimes I would call back and find that
the vast majority of people NEVER remembered
or used any of the information I gave them.

HUGE BIPOLAR LESSON FOR EVERYONE

I am going to try to make this really
clear because it’s confusing. I think what
I am about to say will generate hate mail
to me. You know the “you’re going to hell,
shame on you, God hates you, you are a terrible
person, you’re the worst, I hope you die,
etc.”

But you need to know. I think this is
so important. I don’t know why or how
I learned this.

Let me try to explain.

Nobody HAS TO help you with anything
related to bipolar disorder whether
you have bipolar disorder or you are
supporting someone with bipolar disorder.

Please read this again slowly and carefully
and then we will talk about it.

Nobody HAS TO help you with anything
related to bipolar disorder whether
you have bipolar disorder or you are
supporting someone with bipolar disorder.

Now before you get super mad and say, “What
the heck Dave, I thought you were going
to help me.” I am to some extent.

But listen to me carefully. Obviously
bipolar disorder can be a nightmare to
deal with. Both supporters and survivors
need a lot of help. Right? Right.

BUT I notice that many people and this
includes both supporters and survivors
believe that EVERYONE and anyone needs
to help them and is obligated or suppose
to help them.

I hear people demanding doctors take them
in for f..ree. Or therapists offer f.ree unlimited
therapy. People demand f.ree. medication.

People demand that doctors, friends, family
members, therapists listens for hours and
hours and hours to all their problems. This is
both supporters and survivors.

These two groups demand lots of attention and
then get super mad when someone doesn’t want
to help, listen or have anything to do
with it.

For example, people think if they reach me,
at 1:00am I should stay on the phone all
night long listening to stories and offering
help. I use to do this and I got so mad
and frustrated that I started hating doing
all of this. I almost one day ordered every
thing to be taken done. That was like a year
ago.

Then Michele who has bipolar, adhd, ocd and
borderline personality disorder told me I was
“out of my mind” and “crazy” and that she
was going to put new systems and rules in
place that I better follow and that if I
did I would start really liking all of this
again.

She put the rules in place and it started working
great. Because people were demanding so much
time from me, I thought my brain would explode.

On a side note, it’s funny that Michele tells
me that I am crazy sometimes. She is super
smart. She has this amazing ability to simplify
complex problems. Problems we sit around
trying to figure out for days she figures
out in 15 minutes so then it’s like
she is a nuclear scientist coming into
the kitchen and helping his kids add and
subtract for school.

Actually yesterday I spoke to her after this
incident and she said she is going to “make
more rules and systems” while she is on
vacation. She said that there will be no
more phone calls to me when she is done.

Which I have to agree, many people
are abusing this. People call me almost
24 hours a day on every line, fax, cell,
work, home, and another line. I have
no idea how people get my numbers.

The problem is, I never know what
people are calling for what. Sometimes
my consulting clients call and I have
to take their phone call because
they pay really, really, really
well 🙂

But back to what I was saying so you
don’t think I have ADD.

There are many people that can help
you and will help you. But there are many
people who won’t. You can NOT force
people to help you. If someone doesn’t
want to help you or have the time, simply
move on to some one or something else.

And never use the “God is going to get
you. You are mean or an evil person” strategy
to force people to help you. If you ever
did that shame on you. I get that a lot.

You should NEVER guilt someone into helping
you out with bipolar disorder.

For example, my brother offers no help
whatsoever to my myself or my mom. He will
not lift a finger. No matter what he
will not help. I accepted that and
don’t ask ever. Why? Because he won’t
help. Should he help his mother and his
brother? One could probably make a strong
argument about this but I choose to
spend my time finding people who do
want to help not the ones who don’t.

You’re going to get really frustrated
if you focus on who refuses to help
you instead of who may help you.

Make sense?

I know I can sit on the phone for 20
hours a day helping people long distance.

If I did, I would go insane. Then you would
see no daily emails, no websites, nothing.

I put together courses/systems so people
could get all the information in one spot
quickly and easily. Can you believe people
call me and ask if I will send 10 cds and
all my courses/systems for f.ree and
I should because I am suppose to be helping
people?

It’s the strangest thing.

You can help yourself by getting my
systems/courses. OR you can choice
to figure it all out on your own.

It’s up to you.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com