Hi,
First HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!
Secondly, I noticed that many people write on my blog and
insist that a) some of the things that I say
can’t be followed because I am a son
and the people writing are spouses of someone
with bipolar disorder or b) that whatever
I say will not work for them.
I would like to address b) first. Where
did I ever say that 100% of the things
that I say will work for 100% of the people?
It’s very strange to me how some people
read things. It’s almost like some people
really try extremely hard to find a
reason that they will be stuck in
the current state they are in and
that there are NO possible solutions.
It’s interesting to note I have
annoyed many people over the
years for refusing to
go along with things that are deemed
impossible.
When I even first started this site
I was told it would be impossible it
would work. When I first started helping
my mom I was told:
We tried everything
There is no hope for her
Nothing can be done
She will never be out of de.bt
We should put her away
There is NO way you can get her into the hospital
When I decided to hire those with a mental
illness, I was told it was impossible
to “keep control of them.” I was told the
organization would fail.
When it comes to me…
I ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION NOT WHAT DOES NOT
WORK
There are people on my list focused on what
doesn’t work and that’s a huge waste of time.
Obviously bipolar disorder is complicated
and changes so there is no one size fits all
answer.
If you are reading my information and
you find yourself so quick to find
things that will not work, how about
focusing on the things that WILL work
for you. If I have 90,000 people on my
list, obviously everything can’t work
for everyone.
Here’s another point. I ask people
this all the time. If you are
following a certain course or strategy
with your loved one who has bipolar
disorder and it’s been failing and
failing for years on end, don’t you
think it’s a good time to consider
something new.
Some say the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over and
hoping for a different result. That’s
what many supporter find themselves in–
a position of insanity.
Okay now to address point a), that
I am my mother’s son and some people
on my list are the spouse of someone
with bipolar disorder and everything
I am saying can’t work because of this fact.
Here’s the thing, if you are a supporter
of someone with bipolar disorder, you have
to decide what’s going to work for you.
You get f.ree emails with tips and suggestions
and you can delete them or not follow them
at all or pick and choose what might be
helpful for you.
When it comes to the most recent email that I
sent out about bipolar stability through
strength, I received blog posts and emails
suggesting it’s impossible to be “strong”
when you are married to someone with
bipolar disorder.
I think this is totally incorrect. I know
of many people who are, some who work
for me that have strong spouses. Strength
doesn’t mean you are abusive or mean
to your spouse with bipolar disorder it means
that you set up a certain set of rules or
boundaries that can’t be crossed.
For example with my dad, it’s about
money, medication, going to the doctor
and therapy. These are some. My dad
will not allow my mom to spend money
like the world is coming to the end.
He will not stay around if my mom decides
to stop taking her medication.
When I am talking about strength, it’s
these type of things.
Someone wrote on my blog:
“A spouse has to achieve a balancing act with their
position of strength that a son/daughter does
not. A child will always legally be able to
come back tomorrow. Spouses may very well find
themselves in divorce court, dividing all the
assets they worked so hard to protect. Your
dad who always “gave in” did not have the same
advantage as you. HE could always be thrown out
of the family at her whim, but not you. So…
what is a spouse to do?”
========
I could write an entire book about this post.
I really believe it’s way off track. First
if you asked my dad, he is totally different
today and has said over and over he would
have saved probably a million dollars
if he would have been strong and not
given in all the time. My mom says the
same things.
Maybe I will do a f.ree podcast on
this but maybe not. It takes a lot of
time to create and set those up. Hmm.
We’ll see.
The bottom line is, if you have been
weak and let bipolar disorder run
all over you for years, you should
consider another strategy.
I know a person who has a wife with
bipolar disorder. He says to me he
needs help. I gave him all my material
and he read none of it. He currently
is staying with his wife because of
the kids. BUT, here’s a snap shot of his
life:
He is on medication because of his wife
He business is suffering
He has no savings because his wife has
spent it all.
She frequently lies about him to friends,
family members, his kids and the police
He has had the police called on him
numerous times
He has been attacked multiple times
The list goes on and on. He asked me
what I would do. I am not going to
tell you what I told him because it’s
complicated. BUT, if you are reading
this and this is your life, I would
ask, how many more years can you take
such treatment. This person’s wife
is destroying him.
NOW I know people will say, “Dave you
don’t understand…when you have kids…”
I DO understand and I will say there
is a strategy for this guy. It wouldn’t
be easy but I am sure there is no chance
that he will put the effort in because
it requires a lot of effort. He has
accepted the fact that he is stuck
and can’t better his life.
He is weak with his wife’s bipolar disorder
and as a result her bipolar disorder
is totally out of control.
Well I have to take off and head
over to the gym and then leave for NYC
for a meeting on Tuesday.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/
Well I have to run.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/
Hi David,
I don’t suffer from bipolar, I have the close and often mistaken for disorder, schizophrenia. However I do street ministry and have met many people who do have bipolar and may or may not be receiving help for this disorder. I have many problems with psychiatrists I meet because they will not believe me when I tell them that I have learnt (over a period of 37 years since my disorder was first diagnosed, I’m 52 now)what triggers an episode with me and how to minimise that happening. I now also have a malignant brain tumor (no, I’m not trying to associate one with the other and never have) and unfortunately having learnt from terrible experiences, will not go anywhere near a hospital…no matter what. You see, in this country, there are a huge number of ‘public’ psychiatrists who do not have the same understanding of the disease that I have. For instance, my medication for my disorder was withheld from me for over 12 hours when I was last in hospital, and combined with the stress (one of my three major triggers) of being there actually triggered an episode. I understand the hospital’s need to monitor medication, but I do not agree, and neither did my then doctor (she has since retired unfortunately), she knew how important it was for my medication routine to be upheld especially when I was experiencing a stressful situation, having already diagnosed that stress actually limits my metabolism of my medication. Yes, I agree with you about the importance of having a good doctor on one’s team, unfortunately in my country, when one is a pensionner on disability support, one cannot access these people as they are not willing to charge the ‘public’ fees that allow us to see them. Private health insurance will not cover us (even if we could afford it) because it is a ‘pre-existing’ illness. So you see, those of us who suffer mental illness in this country are largely left with inept doctors who have little understanding or ones that have just started their internships. I pray that at least some of these interns will come to understand that there are some sufferers who understand their own disorder and have worked out treatment regimes that best control it (prior to the last admittance to hospital for cancer related illness I had been episode free for over 7 years…in the two days I was in hospital I experienced three episodes, mainly because my medication regime was altered to suit the hospital). Yes, I know many will dismiss the above as the ramblings of a psychotic, but I know, as does God, that they are not. I realise that my faith too is considered to be a symptom of my disorder and needs to be medicated away…this has proven impossible in the past, because my faith is the only thing that keeps me going day in, day out, and enables me to reach out and help others who have not the advantage of receiving correct medication and treatment. I agree with you that there are way too many people who regard the medications for those suffering mental illness of any description as something to be avoided at all costs…and I am so sad that their loved ones are the ones who suffer as a result of this belief. Yes, of course there are side effects associated with any medication, but one has to weigh these against the benefits of having the disorder controlled, something that is impossible without these much needed medications given at the right doses for the individual concerned. God bless.
I totally agree.
However, everyone gets down supporting someone with BD or is married to one and they’re entitled to have a bad day too!! I had a bad weekend but now I’m fine again and so is my son. Thanks for my last blogg with no explaination to why although I do understand there must have been a valid reason.
Keep up the work David either way!
Finally someone who shares my positive attitude to having mental illness. Forget about following implicity information given by ‘experts’ if it doesn’t work, why continue failing??? Look around you, do something and see if it works, if it doesn’t ditch it, no matter who told you to do it in the first place or how high the qualification. Each person is an individual, the diagnosis may be the same, but the way it affects the individual varies, as do dosages of medication etc. I found that my current medication worked well, but not at the dosages recommended by the pharmaceutical company, they were too high for me. So despite my doctor assuring me that it was useless to remain on a dose that was half that recommended but that enabled me to function (whereas the recommended dose knocked me senseless), I continued taking the lower dose and am now fully functional. Use your brain, that’s why you have one…if something works for you then do it regardless of professional opinion. God bless you David. Keep up the good work
Isn’t it ironic that those who are the most critical are the ones that are the most clueless? I agree that if you are doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same result you literally ARE driving yourself insane. I have always kept in mind when dealing with ANY individual that the only person you can change is yourself…no one else. Boundaries are not bad things, I admit that with my fiance, who is acutely bipolar, she has her moments of spending or obssessing that gets out of control and I am stern in reprimanding her for it. To her the boundaries I set are a comfort thing for her. Even though it upsets her when she is told no and denied anything, later, when it is discussed, she thanks me. But, to the issue at hand of thinking one thing cures all by repeating something that DOESN’T work, you would do better to do as my mom used to say “go argue with a fencepost!” And no ONE thing can fix EVERYTHING, or everyone as this case would be…we are all very different in many ways, so no one thing could possibly resolve, solve, or cure every person. Dave, please don’t be discouraged by those who won’t listen, there are plenty others who are listening…
Hi David, I am a disabled single mother of a teenage son. I was diagnosed years ago when it was refered to as maniac depression. I recently found out when I took my son to the doctor that it is now called bipolar. I learned to deal on my own with no support and trust me I could probably write a book on all of my mistakes. I got to a point when I thought all the mood swings that my son was having were caused by me but then his friends would call me and talk about how worried they were about my 16 year old son. So I asked the doctor if my son could be bipolar. He asked was there bipolar in my family and I told him that I was Maniac Depressive. He then said that we needed to get him checked because I was bipolar. We went to several doctors and I was not pleased with them at all. So I started checking natural remedies. I found St. John’s Wort which is a mood stabalizer and it has really helped my son. He did not know what was going on with him so I let him read the copies of your emails that I have printed and saved and he has a better understanding now of what he is going through. I normally don’t email but today I felt compelled to because of your email. The only thing I have to say is trial and error or learn the hard way. Your tips have really helped in my situation, of course not all your tips work for me (or anyone else) but try, try, try again. If you give up when the first one fails why try at all. Before I close I would like to thank you for all your emails and let you know that you have helped to save my family. Thank you again.
David,
You are a good man. Thanks for your efforts. I know you have probably heard it all, having 90,000 people on your list and all. I frequently hear you say that people with BD and their supporters get your material and then do not read it. I know that must be the most frustrating thing for you when you are just trying to help. Please permit me to offer some personal insight on this.
My wife is diagnosed BD type 2. She is constantly reading books that are recommended by her therapists and friends. Right now on her nightstand, she has 10 books like “How to be an Adult”, “Critical Conversations”, “You’re Late again, Lord”, “Women Power”. If I were to suggest anything for her to read, it would NOT be read! Also, for years, she fought the idea that she had BD. She would, and still does, get angry when the subject is brought up. Secondly, I myself, suffer from bouts of depression as a result of having lived through this hell for the past 23 years. I read at work because I have to and it is actually a diversion from my home problems. I do want to read your material. I do want to improve the situation I am in. I do want to help my wife. And, I do want to save my marriage. But, I can’t sit and pay the bills for an hour, let alone something that deals with BD or most other subjects for more than 15 minutes at a time. David, When I first attempted to read your e-mails and the links, I failed to get through it all. I thought I would print it out and try to read bits of it until I had read it all. Do you realize that your link to a person suffering from BD is 31 pages long?!? That is by far the longest sales pitch in history!I only tell you this as constructive observations, David. Please understand that there are people out there who are still in denial, people with anger issues, people suffering from depression and such that make it hard, if not impossible for them to read long passages, technical information , etc. It is as helpless for them, as it is for you, the bearer of help that is refused or put off and not used. I pray that you will continue your work and that you will continue to be strong and not get discouraged. I hope my ramblings make some sense to you. Sam
David,
My name is Lawana. I was Manic depressive before Bi-Polar. I probably would have stayed on meds if they would have targetted the depressed part and left my manics alone. For years I was on and off meds, hospitalized, jailed, divorced and remarried several times. In the last ten years I have had no meds. And somtimes it is hard. Everything must be analized,how I feel,how I react,when to withdraw from people. I am currently in my second year of college doing pretty good. E-mail me if you want
I have been involved with a bipolar guy for 3 & 1/2 years and I have lived in moments of insanity doing the samething over and over with not change in site. In fact I think that it actually made things worse at times to simply do the same thing over and over. Its not been easy for either of us. As of January of this year I have taken a simple but different perspective towards dealing with “J” and alot of the “bad things” that use to happen haven’t been happening. So I thought maybe we found “the way”. Sadly my efforts are just that, MY EFFORTS not his and he has chosen to go off his meds cold terkey, do the coke thing again as well as drink his face off again. Back to the drawing board. What more can one person do. I don’t think its impossible to “fix” this problem but ONE person alone can not, especially if its not the one with the illness. We are not a couple any more as I have told him the ups and downs, the sober and clean change for a month or two and then something sets him off. I can’t and won’t live like this any more. I love him with all my heart but I can’t do his work for him. And that makes it feel impossible to change.
I belive he can change, I know it will take help and support, but if the help and support he gets is from other drunks and addicts, not from family and sober people I can’t see that this will be any different. He seems to choose the insanity when normal comes back into his life.
I feel defeated.
mel.
I live with a person that is a nightmare.Anybody would sware he’s bipolar.He cusses me,verbally abusive.He was abusied growing up and different race from me.We’ve been together 3 yrs to long.He’s angry and heartless towards me and why he can’t hold down a job long.My kids hate him and so do I.Joann
Hi
After rerading todays mail. I want to say that i find alot of Dave`s writings very helpful he may not be supporting his mother. I`am finding alot of his stuff working with my wife
Thanks Dave
Hi David,
I have not yet ordered your course, but am indeed going too! I have been getting your emails for about a month. Your advise has been very helpful. I have an adult bd daughter, we have know for about 4 years, with now clue how to deal or cope, no one else teaches you that. I wish we had know about bd when she was a teenager, it would have made a huge difference in our family dynamics. Now that we do know about bd, I need to learn how to teach my grandchildren and son in law how to survive and thrive. My daughter has been under physicatric care for about 3 months now and he requires bloodwork to monitor meds. I am going with next visit. After many years of tears I now see hope for a better future in no small part to your advice. Thanks David!
Hi Dave,
Didn’t mean to criticize your last e-mail on strength. All I was saying was that what works for mother doesn’t necessarily work for spouses. As far as not trying other approaches, I have tried many different ways to handle my bipolar husband and it may work for a while but not for long. I can totally relate to “Mel”, it sounds like she’s talking about my husband. I have been married for almost 35 years before our separation this month and believe me I have researched almost everything available for bipolar, alcoholism and drug addiction that I could get my hands on. I grew tired of the cuts and bruises I received while trying to take knives and razors away from him as he tried to kill himself. Also dragging him out of the closed garage with the motor running as he sat in the car, then his changing mood to total elation as he spent every penny we had until we are in debt over our heads. It is an ongoing stress also for our son who, despite all of this, is a wonderful, successful person. I am not giving up on my husband but I do feel defeated at times. It breaks my heart to think of the person he was when I married him and how this disorder took over him and everyone around him. He has to be willing to help himself and that is what we still hope for.
Michele, I am just like you.My husband was just diagnosed and tried to kill him himself.He got out of the hospital, packed his bag and left me.I am in shock! This is all new to me.I dont know how I will breathe without him!
Hi David,
Thank you for your articles. I never thought or expected your experiences or help to be 100%. They are very helpful, and bring hope. No one in my immediate family has been diagnosised with bi-polar. But, my husband’s aunt has it, and I think there is more mental health issues in his family. Including him. self medicates. Over 20+ years and in and out of prison over 20 years. I have been with him 11. Our son now at 8 has lots of issues. In school. At home too. But not as extreme as school. Doctors are throwing out a lot of terms, diagnosis etc… So we are in the process of narrowing things down. The ADHD doctor, after 15 minutes decided he could not even work with my son. Go figure… And refuses to try it again. So, I have alot of work ahead of me. By myself. I do have support of the school. Which are trying to get us help, to get diagnoised and get him into a special school. He rages. He leaves the class, won’t do his work etc… But when he is not in this state he is wonderful, delightful, and a caring young boy. I read your articles because they are interesting. I take what relates to me, and my situation alone. And do with it what I can. And thank you. Please don’t give up by listening to the negative.
I’m not sure if I’m bipolar or not but a friend mentioned that she got diagnosed bipolar. Then my dad said that I was bipolar too. When I was in high school sometimes had mood variations with corresponding intelligence variations to match. Anybody else with bipolar find the manic equals much higher IQ levels than the depressed part of this? I scored very high when tested on IQ while feeling “up” that day. Other days when mood was depressed or it just wasn’t up enough I couldn’t get the grades my family expected me to get. They took me to shrinks who just had valium prescriptions which I wasn’t getting benefits from & quit taking it. They made me put it in my face while they watched. I spit it out after I’d got where they couldn’t see it. Later found out there were people who would have wanted to buy them off of me except I didn’t have any left! Don’t know if anything they are prescribing today would be worth taking or not. Any remedies that aren’t prescription meds for keeping the moods & IQ levels up?
Dave… please consider a “Blog 101” mini course.. its taken me weeks to figure out the system !!
linda… he may have done you a big favor, and i am not trying to be mean. The first few months after diagnosis are the hardest on a couple because there are many things that can happen now
1. He starts trying medications and many wont work and some will make him worse.
2. He now knows what is wrong and will use this as an excuse for his behavior for a while before deciding to try getting help.
3. Even if he trys really hard to get better and work with you, the first few months of knowing what you have are the hardest because he hasnt figured out how to see his triggers or how to deal with his episodes.
Honestly i believe that once he gets some help he will come back to you if you were truely supportive of him and loved him and if he loved you. This if probably just an episode.
Back to the e-mail for today… I think that this has helped me more than any of your other e-mails. I cannot afford your courses because I am only 20 years old with a 19 year old fiance who was diagnosed about a year ago. We are already in debt about 1500 and are living with his parents because we cant afford to live anywhere else because of his drug debts. When I met him he was on crystal meth and has now graduated to crack cocaine. He has been clean for 23 days but this isnt the first drug binge and i am scared for him. His doctor said that if he did any more drugs that he would be dropped from his psychiatrist for legal reasons. Rehabs wont take him because we couldnt get him to go until a week after his last use (we kept him locked in the house so that he couldnt use or hurt himself)… they will only take a user if it has been 3 days or less since your last use… i honestly think he needs to be in rehab but i dont want to risk him having to use again just to get in because then he wont go… i dont know what to do about the drugs because i havenever done them.
I am trying to be strong. I take prozac and he is always asking for it so i refuse to allow him in the room when i take it so that i can hide it from him after. I hide my money and do not allow him to hold more than ten dollars at a time and he must spend it with me there so that i know he isnt getting drugs. It is hard because sometimes i feel that i am his mom or his babysitter more than i am his partner.
Thank you for offering these free e-mails, they are the only things keeping me sane (oh and the prozac).
Jeze.. God bless you dear. Have so struggled with my daughter getting her meds down. FIguring out there really is a BIG difference between an anxiety disorder and depression AND bipolar is HUGE.
HINT: I’ve had a number of hospitalizations for weak lungs. For some reason the first hospitalization I’d just grabbed all my meds and put them in my purse. There seems to often be a big lag between admitting and getting the meds on track, so i was encouraged to take my own. Second time they were not quite so liberal.. i still had my meds and if they were late, i took ’em. And there were times, they never did show up with the basic drugs or were hours late. Of course, the steroids and other meds used to quiet touchy lungs were late, but i had regular breathing treatments to offset that.
Bottom line: our hospitals are staffed with way too many hm.. gonna say it “LAZY” people who can so easily kill you, they really should be in prison.
And, of course, on the psych ward, you’re not allowed to have access to your meds.. duh. I wonder tho, if on admitting one could say there were problems in the past.. its very importnat i take XYZ on time and i know you get busy. In the past there has been a problem in getting my regular meds to me on time, which is critical, so i will come to the desk and sign for taking my own pills.. and then hand them a hand made sheet with columns for drug name, date/time, dose and amount taken. Yeah its pushy, but WE come first.. let them figure out how to copy it into their records.
Good work Jeze and thank you for the reminder !!
ok, i need some help… so often i see someone’s comment and would like to respond directly to them.. how do i do that ???
Angelbets@aol.com HELP! !!!!
Well this is my first time responding to your email. I am not BiPolar, however, I have a husband who is BiPolar, a 19 year old son who has Down Syndrome, a 17 year old son with ADHD and a 21 year old son in college and doing very well, but can at times be more stress than the others. I believe I am a very strong person. I am not mean or abusive. I am very even tempered and have a fuse that is extremely long. I am a constant researcher and an investigator of these disabilities and nutrition-vitamins-herbs and minerals, I don’t give up and if something doesn’t work I must find a new way and try it. I have spend years in counseling, training, learning about all these disablities, but also at the same time working on myself and my additude, my expectations, my beliefs, my understanding of my self, bounderies and many other things about life. Life is very difficult, however, it is also very rewarding. This is one of the most excellent sites for me. I find information. relief and quite a few giggles. It is refreshing to see this site in my email everyday. And know that there are others out there like me. I have only been into this site for a short time and have gained much knowledge. I really appreciate all the work you have done to help others. Heaven knows there isn’t many other places to go to and professionals are not life-smart, they are book-smart. They don’t have the knowledge from living it (which by the way is extremely important.) Good professionals are necessary though. This probably doesn’t have much to do with the email as I intended it to, but I thank you just the same. Now if somebody could just knock some sense in to me about me taking better care of me. I might just be a master of this one day after all.
Thank you so much!
My heart just bleeds for you (us). It so very hard to figure out how to work ‘with’ this disease; and get back a reasonable life !! i too struggle with a loved one with dual diagnosis. The alcohol/drug treatment places wont take her til her bipolar/depression is stable and the mental health places want her off drugs and alcohol before they’ll work with her. my favorite comment was “She needs long term residential treatment… oh and there’s a 3-4 week wait.. here’s the drugs, oh and try to find her a psychotherapist (another 3-6 week wait) And of course by the time the time comes, the person says “i got through the past month ok, i don’t want those people monitoring my evey mood’ and so the cycle goes. It realy is so important we find some place to give them control… my daughter will sob, “mom, i have control over NOTHING, give me something”. So we contract. Ok, you don’t want to do rehab now; you know if you wait that will mean another referral, another 3-4 week wait… so will you sign and truly promise when the time goes, no matter what you’ll go and you’ll go to AA/NA, a NAMI support group, SOMETHING… well, sometimes it works 🙂
Dave;
If people wold just try any of your advice they just might find something that works for them instead of bitching that it hasn’t worked for them, after all a child doesn’t just stand up and walk, they fall on thier butts first. Keep up the GOOD work. janet D.
…the naysayers u mention are just trapped in their own helplessness and think they can never b helped x they dismiss ur research easily because it is safer and more comfortable for them to remain without hope…
…constructive changes can arouse fear.. fear of having to start over and change the way one thinks about things…
x stay positive david.. and have a wonderful week people x
Hi David,
My husband and I are in our seventies and are caring for our 48-year-old son, who in addition to his mental problems, has cerebral palsy. On medication he is pleasant, but even on medication he can be a tyrant about the detailed way he wants me to do things for him. I don’t know whether he is bi-polar or not, but he is certainly obssessive compulsive. He has not been physically abusive, however, but we have never made him feel threatened. Recently, he has developed Tourette’s-like motion symptoms. He has intermittent episode of tremors in his limbs that make it difficult for him to do anything, even eat or drink. During these episodes, he sweats profusely. We cannot get him to go to a doctor for diagnosis of this. Saturday, he was in MY bedroom, sitting in a chair, having an episode. It was so severe for him that he was slamming his foot on the floor every 20 – 30 seconds. My husband looked in on him and he got to his feet and slammed the door shut, yelling, “Don’t come in here!” After an hour of this, we called the police to come out. Having them out to talk to him seemed to break the episode and he got control of his body. After the police left,I told him that I wanted to get some books out of my room. He said, “Maybe later.” I said, “The police said that I have a legal right to go into any room in this house at any time, because it belongs to me. So I am going to get some books to read, and you may stay in here awhile longer, if you wish.” So my son said, “All right. Get the books, and I won’t be long.” Now, if I could only think of something strong to say to get him to go to a doctor for diagnosis of these tremors. And to the pyschiatrist. And to take his medicine, willingly. He has been variously diagnosed with first one and then another mental illness–he has lesions in his brain from his Rh Factor-caused athetoid cerebral palsy. Oh, yes, he sweats profusely during these tremor episodes, and sometimes they go on for so long that he cannot manage to eat or drink for up to 10 hours. Afterwards, he drinks glasses and glasses of fluids. I wonder if anyone who reads this, has had a similar problem with their patient. We live in a small town. No support groups. Just us, and the psychiatrist, whom our son gives us permission to visit. Thank God for that! (Our son is very bright, gifted, as you remarked many mentally disturbed people are.) I am looking forward to your e-mails. Perhaps there will be other statements of strength that will work for us. I just stumbled on that one about the police telling me that I had a legal right to enter any room in the house. That’s all for now.
Thank you.
Hey Dave
Im just going to jump right in and tell you that while i am reading your emails i still need some answers and i realize you want us to buy your kit but heres where im at, Ive been with my girlfriend for over 6 years and I Love Her never endingly but we have been apart about 3 months partly 6 total months and she started trying to work things out between us and i felt that we were making progress so did she then her mother came to visit and she again is doing things that a grade schooler would do. she is off of her depakote which is the one that shall i say uncrosses her wires. now i feel that we are back at square one i need to know what a good way to get her to go back to her doctor i think she is afraid that the doc might make her do the drug levels as an inpatient and is fighting me on going to talk to her physc how do i get her to understand that i care about her and i want the best for her as well as me? i would love for us to get back together she took advice from her alchohalic mom and i feel worn out im not giving up i just need help to figure out the best way to get her to the doc she was so close to going till mommy came to visit. any thoughts ?
I feel what you are going through. Some people regardless of all the help in the world are afraidof chanre even if if is positive. I have BP plus Fibromyalgia. And I am pro active in both of the diseases. My husband is a sociopath.Passive aggressive, compliant. If I could work I’d leave, but my cognitive and spacial skills are way off. I see my shrink every week we are working on new ways to make them stronger, Thanks for all of tou help. vediva
David…anyone who cares…I am a recovering alcoholic of almost 4 yrs. I had 3 major relapses with 1 almost killing me. These relapses happened once a year and happened to be during manic episodes. My soul is lost as the system took my son away as a result of last relapse. For 4yrs I have tried to get him back and now they are terminating my parental rights. Tey haven’t allowed my son and I any contact accept via mail. He doesn’t write me anymore and I found out they are keeping my mail to him and not transfering to him. I am not looking for sympathy but I wonder if anyone would write to me regarding my situation. I operate my own pressure washing business and strive through each day a lost mother still needing her son.
I haven’t had contact with him for a year. They have brainwashed him to believe I cannot take of him. My wife and I are both bipolar / manic depressive. Myself with post tramatic stress from my childhood and also from what the system has done to me.I am also diagnosed with social anxiety. The system has made me suffer cruel and unusual punishment by keeping us apart. I try to be strong and but I am scared of what will happen to me should I loose my parental rights and be forced to never seeing my son again. I am on the edge every day. Someone have any encouragement for me ? Please help me….
Marika
You have to be strong when you are married to someone with bipolar or the stress of it all will disolve you into a gelatinous mess. Being strong is part of caretaker self care. Take care of yourself. If you do not have a system, you have chaos.Sure people will say you are controlling. What is the alternative? You can bet your critics would not handle the chaos well or even bother to figure out a system. More like kick ’em to the curb. BP’s have many redeming qualities. It is getting through the chaos.
hey dave, dont get in youre “crazy bipolar hitter mode” i know you could be pissed off but if you notice some people dont know how to read…
i know is frustratign when you try to help and people is waiting to solve their hole problem instead on solving it themselves. Besides you have mentioned than they do many things wrong, ic an bet they are doinf the same stuff waiting for diferent result, thats stupid they are getting the same result.
well man thax for youre help o this stuff but i would like if you help me a lil i have bd any coemnt for a bipolar geek?
finally cheers man and take care,
edge
David,
I am bipolar type1
I commend you for what you are doing to try and help others.I know from my own experiences that someone with this illness cant handle it alone for too long before things are going to start happening that will affect them negatively and we need more people like you to help educate family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Keep up the work that God has blessed you with.
And by the way,do you have any more job openings for someone like me?I also have social anxiety disorder.
My illness has totally devastated my work life and I really would like to be happy again instead of tormented.
Thanks
On thing I’ve learned in life that is an ABSOLUTE truth is “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got” — change in life is inevitable. To fight it is to drown, to swim for awhile will save your life. So much for my philosophy.
All I have to say is that it’s easier to put the blame on others – “my friends don’t understand” or “Dave’s an idiot”. Much more work is involved in putting your good advice into practice. So for those that WILL listen, please don’t give up! and for goodness sake, Dave, stop wasting so much of YOUR precious energy by bothering with the negative people. Focus on those that appreciate you, and I’m sure you too will find more pleasure in your work!
Rustic
Hello David,to get to the point,up until about 2 months ago i was dating a lady whom i loved and still love very much.our relationship was up and down and i saw red flags on different things.on my last contact with her i went to her home after not hearing fron her for about 2 days and demanded that she let me in to discuss where she had been and she called the sheriff on me.I didn’t know anything about being bipolar and consequently handled the relationship badly,always mis-construing her actions.at this point i don’t know because i don’t know if she is bipolar or if am i justifying her behavior with bipolar.her mom informed me that my girl’s dad,had mental issues and her brother and she asked me to talk to her and try to convince her to get help.I’m reluctant thinking that she would take it as me being bitter from the break-up.once,i did convince her to get help,but she focused on me and she never went back after i attended a session with her.she is really a beautiful person and i could kind of see episodes coming on or maybe i imagined that.I have not had contact with her and surprisingly i’m not upset about her calling the sheriff on me and being put in cuffs.i’m at a lost:my heart telss me not to give up,but my mind tells me to flee expeditiously.i feel bad about the entire relationship,but i really didn’t know.i know there’s hope because i believe in “GOD”.
Sam,
I have a very similar situation with my wife and have been married the same amount of years. How can I contact you to share war stories and ideas?
Bob
the sad fact is that 90% of all marrages with bipolar involved end in divorce. the hardest thing for me is that my wife says its my problem go fix it and dont bother her with it. makes it tough.
I am a supporter. My fiance’ has type 2 by-polar and mood disorder along with some other issues. I have six children from my first marrige and he has 3 from his previous. I was/is tough from time to time, every other day is good. His mood swings are hard. We decided to do couples councling and it seems to be working. It allows me to get out what I need to with a third party and not feel as though I am attacking him as he often makes me feel. I always feel guilty when I try to discuss anything with him. Not sure if that would help anyone. just thought I would let someone know what we are trying.
Sharon
I have mental disabilities…I am a hard working female with 20 years roofing experience. I presently own and operate my own pressure washing business. My son was taken away from me because of a relapse with alcohol. I was in a manic stage during the relapse. They will not give me my son back for fear this may happen again. What ever can I do ?
Any suggestions ? I feel my parental rights are severely violated. Any suggestions ?
Marika
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