Hi,
I have a new article that I wanted to share with you. I am going to be posting this on various places no the internet to help reduce the stigma of mental illness. Since it’s a holiday in
the US, many people are going to be out and about with their friends and family. This
is a great article to consider.
I wanted you to see it first.
Please pass this article to other people who could benefit.
Being labeled with mental illness has long been a stigma, and stigma often produces shame. Stigma, by definition, means disapproval and disgrace, and by practice stigma sets a person apart from a group, fostering an ‘us versus them’ mentality. Ultimately stigma means prejudice and discrimination in society.
Even when you have a loved one with bipolar, you have probably been conditioned by thousands of years of negative beliefs about mental illness that lead you to have a sense of shame. This shame is counter-productive to your loved one’s health and to your own ability to cope with and support them in their illness.
Shame leads to secrecy. Keeping quiet about your loved one’s disease and hiding it at any cost will isolate you from networks of support.[1] Imagine the difference if you were able to be open about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, without shame and secrecy. You may find that your neighbor, your co-worker, your boss, and so many other people in your world also are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder, or suffer from it themselves.
By sharing openly instead of hiding shamefully, you will have more potential of developing a helping network of support. Your neighbor may know of a good doctor or therapist in the area she can refer you to. Your boss may know of a support group. Your co-worker may be able to give you pointers on how to cope or how to help your loved one get and stay healthy.
If you go through my courses/systems, you will
see this is exactly what most people who I interview
say over and over and over:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
While you may have fallen into the age-old trap of feeling shame over your loved one’s mental illness, he or she most likely feels this shame much more intensely. Your negative perspective is enforcing their own shame and secrecy, leading to their further isolation. Your shame is neither healthy for yourself, or your loved one with bipolar.
The past few decades have brought to general awareness that bipolar disorder is a brain disease, like Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson’s disease. Logically speaking, there is no reason to feel shame or embarrassment about a physical disorder. If your loved one had MS, you would be less likely to be living in shame and secrecy.[2]
As a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder, it’s up to you to begin to break the cycle of stigma, prejudice and discrimination. As P. Byrne said, “Part of coping with stigma is fighting stigma.” And one of the first things you can do is fight it within yourself. Accept that you may have feelings of shame, but at the same time realize that they are illogical and based on prejudice. It’s time to let those feelings go. You don’t want to be a ‘psychophobe’, do you?
P. Byrne points out in his article that while we have words for every other prejudice we can think of, there is no word to describe prejudice against the mentally ill. He suggests adapting the word ‘psychophobic’, and points out that words of this sort have gone far in bringing awareness of prejudice.[3]
When you find yourself feeling shame about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, remind yourself that you’re buying into a culture of psychophobia, and that you are not a psychophobe. Begin to counteract those feelings by thinking about all the positive things about your loved one’s disorder.
Your loved one with bipolar is, by definition, emotionally sensitive. Though this manifests as a weakness in their disease, it can also be seen as a strength. They are possibly quite creative, based on observations and studies linking bipolar illness with creativity. They have the strength to admit that they are different, to carry the burden of this label, and to go on living despite this difficulty. How many ‘normal’ people do you know who could never admit their weaknesses let alone submit to openly revealing them?
Your loved one has the potential to get better. With the right strategies and support, this disease can be managed and even turned around. Many other physical illnesses do not have this potential for healing and change.
Most importantly, you love them. While there may be times that their struggle with bipolar disorder gets the best of them and negatively impacts you, you know that this disease does not define who they are. The fact that they suffer with bipolar disorder is just a small fraction of their being, and you love them in their totality.
Shame is an ingrained, automatic response to the stigma of mental illness. It’s time to take control of this negative and counterproductive emotion, and to become an advocate and supporter of your loved one with bipolar disorder instead of a co-conspirator in prejudice. Any small steps you take within yourself to battle the shame of stigma in mental illness will begin to ripple outwards into the world around you. This can go a long way in helping your loved one, and others who suffer with bipolar disorder.
Well have a good day today.
Dave
REFERENCES:
[1] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72
[2] Fuller Torrey, E., MD & Knable, Michael B, D.O. Surviving Manic Depression. Basic Books, 2002, p.1.
[3] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72
I have suffered guilt, shame and isolation from the stigma of mental illness for over ten years and your article is giving me much needed support to stay sane. Thanks Mr Oliver.
I’m a special ed teacher and the mom of a teen with bipolar disorder. My students have cognitive disabilities and they are very sensitive to terms like ‘retard’ and ‘mental.’ Because of stigma, professionals no longer use the term ‘mentally retarded’ for those with lower IQ’s. Unfortunately the term ‘mental illness’ also carries stigma because people who are not educated in this area think that if it’s “just mental” it can be overcome by positive thinking, better parenting, prayer, etc. People with these illnesses are also hurt by being called ‘mental’ or ‘psycho.’ Bipolar is a physical illness that affects energy, thinking, and behavior- just like diabetes. Language can be used to fight stigma. I think that professionals and supporters need to move toward language that reflects that these illnesses are physical by using terms like ‘biochemical imbalance,’ ‘brain disorder’ or ‘neurological disorder.’
SINCE SO MANY OF US ARE IN SOME KIND OF DEBT, WHY DO YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO PURCHASE ANY OF YOUR COURSES?? IF IT IS SO IMPORTANT AND IMPERATIVE FOR US TO HAVE THIS INFORMATION, WHY CAN’T YOU OFFER IT AT A LOWER COST, OR, ON A FEW PAYMENTS? I THOUGHT THAT, YOU WERE IN THIS BUSINESS TO HELP PEOPLE, NOT PUT THEM INTO DEEPER DEBT!
To Marcy
Write jenifer@leverageteamllc.com for a payment plan.
Dave
i never knew anything like this existed. i’ve had my life and family ripped apart by a wife with bipolar disorder, add-rt, personality disorder, ocd, and so on. i didn’t know what to do. i was always the bad guy it seemed, even through the divorce no one would listen or even consider that bipolar disorder might be an influencing factor. i had two kids, she left one with me but claimed that i was abusive…my son, the one with me hasn’t spoken to or seen his mother in five years…he was 12 when she left. i’ve not seen or spoken to my daughter, or been allowed to for all that time…every time i tried to have any contact i would end up with a warrant out for my arrest or a summons for an order of protection. everytime i tried to show them the written diagnosis from her pschyciatrist, they would throw it out or claim it irrelative. she was very physically abusive during the marriage and was taken into custody twice for domestic violence. i have been to the hospital because of her attacks. i am 6’4″, 250 lbs., very physically fit, and a former marine infantryman. we lost everything in the divorce…our business, rental property, the kids college fund, all savings, etc. she hasn’t spoken to me years…i don’t know where they are or how to contact them if needed. it’s as if my life just ended that day. i didn’t know what to do for her. i was never allowed to speak with her doctors and the few times i did get some information it was lies that she was telling them about all aspects of her life…marriage, work, etc. i felt helpless…and now i feel like 20 years of being eith this woman has made me sick emotionally. i can’t possibly be the only person who feels this way…
Mr. Oliver,
Thank you for all your valuable information that you provide on bipolar. Sometimes, I feel that it is very misunderstood disease.
Your article posted on shame really hit home with me. I am bipolar, been living with my disease for almost 20 years. For the last 18 I have felt intense shame. Just in last couple of years I have talked openly about my disease. Now I know that my sickness is beyond my control. With meds, support and awareness I live a happy, productive life. Recently I have led a support group for people with mental illness at my church. It is very therapeutic for me. Anyway, the stigma around mental illness is very real.
Let’s do our best to fight it and make people aware that it is not our fault. God blesses everyone that supports.
Thanks again.
Dave thank you for today’s very needed and helpful info.
Get well soon. We need you.
Good work, David, on spotlighting what most of us with bipolar have been feeling ever since diagnosis. When I was first hospitalized, my parents referred to it as “exhaustion,” never fully understanding that it was mental illness. My Dad died the spring after my hospitalization that summer, without ever acknowledging that what I was going through was beyond my control. My Mother continued to support me until I got on my feet and became a high-functioning bipolar, but she, too, never acknowledged that her daughter was a “maniac” (her term, not mine). I have been very assertive in letting new friends (either a potential boyfriend, or a lady friend I met at jury duty), know that I am “not normal.” I have been lucky in finding such friends who say, “No such thing!”
I have a strong “support unit” of caring individuals who don’t let me get too “into” myself. I don’t feel the stigma like some other people do, because all potential friends have to do is accept that “what they see is what they get!” Keep up the good work, and let’s get rid of the “psychophobes!”
I am bipolar and there are other members of my family that have been diagnosed. So there has been alot of guilt, shame and blame in the past but we are Overcoming those areas of our life and living successfully. Thank you for what you shared today.
Dave, seriously you are an inspiration. I am not bipolar, but I know two people that are & all the emails I get from you help me understand them more than you will ever know. Knowledge & patience people….I just wish I could do something to help you too Dave.
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Diagnosed mistakenly as Schizophrenic in 1970..it wasn’t until this past year with medical assurance that I was actually not schizophrenic but actually bi-polar1 with maybe a hypo-manic bent that I gained the courage to complete my Under-graduate Degree
with a major in Psychology..I would do more…37 years of mostly maybe wrong meds has weakened me!
Frank
Hi – I am the the mother of a wonderful 22 year old young man, just diagnoses with Bipolar last year. He has been in and out of jail, psch wards, hospitals, and programs, and is now home living with me. He is fairly stable on meds, and going to Dr’s. However, my son is not happy with his psychiatrist and wants to change. He is on Lithium, Geodon, Seroquil, and has just been put on Provigil – to keep him from sleeping so much, but he says it makes him feel like, “he’s on speed”. The good part of it is that it has helped him loose weight – which he really needed to do, and he is not sleeping all the time. I think my son will not be happy with a Dr. until he finds one who will put him on an ant-depressant, but this Dr. (and many oters) have been reluctant to do that because it mught throw him into mania. I know we are not Dr’s, but I really need some advice here. So many Dr’s have conflicting ideas. If anyone has any advice about being on anti-depressants, and being Bipolar, let me know. Thank – you from Lynne, mother of Forrest – still searching for a balance in Naples, Florida.
I have felt that way sometimes and maybe that is why my mom never said anything to me about my dad being BiPolar until I was 30 yrs old then later when I had called and told her that I was sorry for all the times I hurt her and for being such a louzy daughter and that it wasn’t that I was trying to be that way but that I have an illness and was diagnosed as bipolar and ADHD and said something about dad then she denied ever saying anything to me and told me never call her again and dissowned me I hope that I didn’t make my sons feel that way I have tried to help them to understand and not let it take them down as much as I could I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my fortys but I new something was wrong with me when I was five years old I new my kids were the same when they were babies but still didn’t know what and I didn’t start taking meds until after I was diagnosed now I take two and you are right the doctors don’t really know how to help if you are poor have no medical then they will put you on what ever they want wether it works or not oh well they won’t give anything that cost much so you suffer I fear the day when they want to pass laws that hurt us because they think we are a danger to sociaty and they listen to people that don’t know nothing about BiPolar or ADHD and use scare tactics like they do when ever they want to sway the public to their way of thinking so they can pass laws that would just hurt more then would do any good. sandra
The reason I’ve been afraid to tell people is the way they view any kind of mental ilness. I know when I didn’t know anything about b/p, I would shy away from those with any kind of mental illness, fearing they might ‘go off’ and I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve even been told by those that knew a person I happen to know that was b/p and she said “be careful around her, she has a mental problem” — I was scared to even talk to her. When I did, my heart went out to her plight. I don’t want people looking at me in a negative way–how can you function with people treating you like you have a really bad body odor?
Hi, David
I am in full agrement with you regarding telling friends and family about “J”‘s bipolar, however he insists that no one and I mean NO ONE talk about his illness. Infact when I see him in a manic state when he’s agressively seeking someone, (namely myself) to yell at, acting distructive, (drinking, getting high) I suggest that he speaks to his doctor or go and get some help. He freaks on me and tells me that if I stoped thinking I was better than him than maybe we could get along. I want to tell his family when he’s manic, or depressed. I see him more than any of them. I want to tell my friends so that they can have compassion for our/his situation and his illness. He tells me I am not to say anything.
NOT A THING!
TO ANYONE.
NO TALKING WHAT SO EVER!!!!
Where do I go from here?
mel