Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How’s it going?

You know that friend I was telling you about recently?

The one who just doesn’t “get” his girlfriend and is ready to give up on women altogether?

Well, you wouldn’t believe the latest thing that happened!

I’m still laughing so hard I’m not even sure I can tell you about it!

Ok, I’ll try…

Well, he was watching Nascar racing on TV.

And he wanted his girlfriend to watch it with him.

As they were watching, he was trying to explain it to her.

Well, he really thought she was getting it, but then…

She said, “Ok, let me get this straight.”

“These cars all gather at the track.”

And my friend said, “Yep.”

And she said, “Then they make a left turn.”

And he thought about that, and said, “I guess you could put it that way…”

Then she said, “And then they make another left turn, right?”

“Uh…yeah…” my friend answered, as he started to feel himself heading for the “uh-oh”
zone.

“And then they make another left turn and another left turn… so basically all they’re doing is going around in this big circle,” she proclaimed triumphantly.

My friend told me he just had this dumb look on his face, not knowing how to answer.

“And they do this for how many hours?” she asked him.

My friend knew he was in trouble by then.

Because how do you explain Nascar any differently?

It’s like trying to explain golf any differently than saying that you hit a little white ball with a club!

Could he explain that there is really some strategy to Nascar?

Then, just as he thought he could explain it, he heard her exclaim…

“Oh, look honey, another left turn!”

That’s when I totally lost it! I cracked up so bad, I didn’t even care if my friend got mad at me. I thought this story was hilarious!

So how can I relate this to bipolar disorder (as you know I always do)?

Scroll down and I’ll tell you…

Keep scrolling…
Keep scrolling…

Last time…

Ok, I’ll tell you.

You can either go around and around in circles, going nowhere…

Or you can get off the track…

Making progress and getting somewhere.

It is about making plans and strategies.

If there are even strategies to Nascar, there are definitely strategies to getting better with bipolar disorder.

I discuss the idea of strategies in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Set up your strategies, and then stick to them.

Face it, you are in a war against this very powerful disorder, and in any war you have to have strategies.

What are some of yours?

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

How are you?

I am late kind of with the news.

I have to get going so let me get you
the news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews434/default.shtml

FDA Committee to Rule on Psych Meds for Youths
DO> Wow, what do you think of this article?

Bipolar Disorder ‘Misdiagnosed In a Quarter of Cases’
DO> Holy cow. Isn’t this amazing?

Early Signs of Bipolar Trend at National Level
DO> Hmm. Do you think this is good or bad?

Resources for Parents and Children with Mental Illness
DO> Take a look if you are a bipolar parent.

Activities for Reducing the Stress of Bipolar Illness, Part I
DO> Great article and very important. Natural solution.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews434/default.shtml

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I hope you’re doing ok.

I got an email from a man named Matthew that I need to share with you.

He wrote me:

“I know you support your mom who
has bipolar disorder, so you may not
know what it’s like from the inside out,
but let me tell you, it’s really tough. I
have good days, but then some days
are so bad it feels like I want to kill
myself.

I mean my wife is a pretty good
supporter, but I think she loses her
patience with me a lot, because she can’t
see the big picture. She only sees the
day to day, she doesn’t see what I will
be after the long term. I still have a ways
to go, and I know it, but I’m really trying
hard to be the man she wants me to be,
but I also have to struggle hard with my
bipolar too, you know?

And that’s really hard. The medication his
side effects that make things hard for us as a
couple and other things. We’re just not as close as
we used to be, and that makes me even
more depressed. If she could just be more
patient with me, I could maybe try harder,
if she could just see the way things will
be and hang in there with me, I don’t thing
either of us would be so mad at each other
all the time, either. Has anyone else gone
through this?”

———————————————————

The reason I wanted to share this email with you is that I get a lot of emails just like
this one.

Matthew’s problem is not unique.

It’s not unusual for someone with bipolar disorder to struggle in the ways that he describes…

But it’s also not unusual for a supporter to struggle in the ways that he describes, either.

One thing’s for sure, living with bipolar disorder, whether you have it or are supporting someone who does, is difficult at best.

Let’s talk about some of the things that he describes.

He says that his wife loses patience with him because she only sees the day to day him and not the him that he will be in the long run.

Well, I’ll tell you right up front that loss of patience is only one of the negative feelings that it’s
common for a supporter to have.

Nobody’s perfect.

And supporters will experience negative feelings when dealing with a loved one who has bipolar
disorder.

In fact, I even talk about those in my courses/systems, and how to deal with them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
It’s hard to, as they say, “see the forest through the trees,” when you’re right in the middle of things.

It seems like it’s also hard for Matthew to see his wife’s point of view, although he seems to be trying.

For instance, he realizes that the side effects of his medications are at least one of the reasons
that they are having problems.

And that is a common problem.

But they need to talk about it, and maybe his doctor can help with that as well.

But here’s the point I want to make:

Did you ever sleep under Grandma’s quilt?

Or even have a Grandma who made a quilt?

Even if you didn’t, most people have at least seen a homemade quilt.

So picture this:

If you look at the wrong side of the quilt…

You see all the unmatched patches…

All the uneven stitches…

Things that look like they would never go together in a million years, right?

But if you turn it over, you see a quilted “masterpiece.”

You don’t see any of the things you see on the back, the errors, the patches, the bad stitches, any of the things it took to make that beautiful quilt.

So all I’m saying to supporters is, take a lesson from that quilt.

Your loved one isn’t going to become a bipolar “masterpiece” overnight. It’s going to take some time, some mistakes, some patience, and a whole lot of loving, just like Grandma put into that quilt.

Of course, they will have to cooperate as well, allowing themselves to be “sewn,” but working together, the two of you can help your loved one to attain and maintain the stability that you want.

Hi,

How’s it going?

You know how some things change?

Sometimes they can be small changes, and sometimes they can be big changes. Small changes might be just buying some new clothes, or something like that.

That doesn’t take a lot of getting used to.

Now, something like dying your hair might take a little more getting used to (if you’re going from dark hair to blonde, say, for instance).

Or buying a new car when all you’ve ever driven were second-hand cars…

Or going from living in an apartment to buying a new house, now that might be considered a big change, and take a little more getting used to.

Or getting married, when you’ve always been a confirmed bachelor…

Or having a baby…

Or moving to the city from a small town…

Well, you get the picture.

Big changes can take a lot of getting used to.

It’s the same with bipolar disorder.

For you and your loved one, getting used to the diagnosis may be a little difficult at first, but then you make the adjustment, and it’s not too bad.

But getting used to living with the disorder might be a little more difficult.

Getting used to taking medication might not be so difficult (although for some people it is)…

But the side effects may be a little harder to deal with.

But after time, even those can be dealt with, especially with the doctor’s help.

Going to doctor’s appointments may be different at first, but you can get used to that change.

Just the fact that, once your loved one is diagnosed with bipolar disorder means that changes have to be made in your life is a big deal, and those changes are what I teach about in my courses/systems. I talk about what changes you have to make and how to deal with them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Another change your loved one has to make when they have bipolar disorder is to live a healthy lifestyle, but you can help with that by making sure they eat a good diet, exercise, and keep to a regular sleep schedule.

These are relatively easy changes to make.

Building a strong support system may seem difficult to do at first, but once it’s in place, and your loved one lets their supporters (especially you) help them, their support system just kind of runs itself, so it’s not such a difficult change in the long run.

After awhile, the changes that you and your loved one have to make because they have bipolar disorder are not that difficult to live with.

What started off as big changes are not as big in the long run –

You get used to them.

But I’ll tell you what is the most difficult change of all:

Getting used to a new normal.

That’s right – a new normal.

In the beginning, your loved one struggled with their bipolar disorder, and you struggled right along with them.

Getting everything in order, making all the changes that needed to be made, then getting used to all of them.

Things definitely weren’t normal for awhile, were they?

But now you have reached a new normal for the both of you.

And now you have to get used to it.

And that may not be as easy as it seemed at first.

Some things may seem quite new, actually.

At first, your loved one may have had more episodes, and you had to learn to deal with them.

You had to learn to deal with their bipolar behavior even between episodes.

But if they have been doing what they need to do in order to attain and maintain stability, they aren’t having those episodes any more (or at least not often).

And the two of you should be living a relatively normal life.

That’s what I mean by getting used to a new normal.

A new normal loved one (stable) and a new normal life (without an episode around every corner).

How does it feel to be living with a new normal?

Hi,

How’s it going?

Well, it’s Springtime, and actually, a lot of people do much better in Springtime and Summer than they do in Winter, because of being in the natural sunlight.

Really! There have even been scientific studies to prove this. They say that people with bipolar disorder have less episodes in Spring and Summer than in Winter – you can check it out.

Speaking of bipolar episodes, that brings up today’s topic, which is what I call PEA – which stands for Post Episode Analysis.

PEA is one of the ways I used to start to figure out what went wrong with my mom during various bipolar episodes.

Here’s how it works:

You take an episode and then you look back and analyze every single thing that you can see and think of as to why it occurred.

You ask questions like:

Who was the doctor? (and were they good or bad)
Was medication taken? (and did it work or not)
Did your loved one see the doctor regularly?
Did your loved one go to therapy?
Were there any external triggers?
Were there changes in diet, exercise or routine?
Were they sleeping too little (or too much)?

You look for everything big and small.  After you have the list, you start to look at what you think the problem was and then moving forward you work to correct it with your loved one.

Let me give you an example. About a year ago, my mom started to go into an episode but she and I caught it. I did do my PEA and discovered the following:

-She cut way back on her therapy
-She stopped exercising
-She missed church several times
-She started eating sugary foods
-She was going to bed really late
-She was getting up around the same time
each day (which meant she was losing sleep)
.
But after I did this PEA and a lot of thinking, it was clear why my mom went into the episode.

I have found, that in virtually every case, there is a cause to an episode and it’s not like a lottery like some people would like to believe.

I mean there is a cause and an effect to every episode, which you can find through “hindsight” by using the PEA.

You can find that your loved one does things that lead to an episode. It may be several simple things or one big thing. But there are things done that trigger most (all) episodes I have seen and/or heard about.

NOTE: I am NOT a doctor, therapist or “professional” in any way and this information is not to diagnose, treat or cure any disease.

When I ask questions like I am telling you to ask yourselves in the PEA, the cause of the episode becomes clear.

BUT I should warn you, many times you have to dig for the cause or causes. Your loved one may not even be aware of what was done.

In the case with my mom that I spoke about, she didn’t even realize that she was doing several things that would potentially trigger an episode.

When you look at small things like “eating sugary food” you may think, “that’s such a simple thing, how does that create an episode?”

Well it’s not just that one simple thing, it’s that combined with other simple things that creates a bigger effect. Like 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 should equal 4 but it really turns out to equal 10 because the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.

I hope that makes sense?

What do I mean? Well let’s say my mom discovers she can’t eat sugary foods, has to go to bed before 10 pm, take her medication, has to see her doctors, and has to go to church each week to stay stable.

Now to some, that might not make sense. You probably can’t find medical studies that say these concepts are important. BUT, for my mom, she has done her own experiments and found it is important so she has to stick to it even though it doesn’t make 100% sense as to why that’s true (for her).

Meaning we might not be able to know exactly why a combination of certain things leads to stability (or why different combinations work for different people) but we do know it does so we just have to go along with it.

Also, NOTE- with whatever my mom is doing, medication is 100% the foundation of her stability.

In every PEA I ran, my mom was always taking her medication. BUT, she can run into problems even if she is taking her medication but not doing the other things.

That’s why I say in my courses/systems that medication is SO crucial to stability with bipolar disorder.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

It’s kind of strange to me that when I asked my dad in like 2005 if he ever had thought about why all my mom’s episodes occurred, he had said, “Not really…they just do.”

I guess the economist in me strives to figure out patterns and formulas for why something occurs.

That’s what got me started on developing the Post Episode Analysis, or PEA, to use after a bipolar episode.

It’s best if you can sit down with your loved one after their episode is over, and look back over to see what happened, what went wrong. This way, you can try to avoid the same things happening again.

You may be surprised that many times doctors are quick to dismiss many of the “little things” you may find that cause episodes, because they are only focused on medication (which is VERY important, and you know I believe that, but so are these other things).

Try using the PEA approach BEFORE your loved one has another episode.

Base it on their last episode, and maybe you can use it to avoid another episode!

What do you think about this idea?

Hi,

How’s it going?

I wanted to tell you something important.

If you have been on my list for a while, you know that there was a company that did my shipping that almost destroyed this entire organization.

They lied. They cheated. They didn’t ship stuff. They were horrible. This started about 2 years ago and went on for about 7 months.

Now I have had a great shipping company for over a year.

Anyway, the reason why this company could get away with it is because nobody ever reported them and new people who replaced the old people wound up not knowing or being able to look to find out if they were a scam.

Many people who were scammed got mad but never told any body.

This happens with mental health places and doctors as well.

If you seriously believe you or your loved one with bipolar disorder has been mistreated, treated way unfair, or abused, etc. report it.

Don’t just keep your mouth closed.

Why?

Well because this will help the system get better.

There is still a stigma in this country against the mentally ill.

I talk about this in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Stigma is one of the reasons that people with mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, don’t say anything about their disorders, for fear of what other people will think of them.

So, instead, they allow themselves to be mistreated by “the system” and other people and not say anything.

They don’t know that they have rights.

Or, even those that do know it, don’t say anything about it, because they’re scared of what would happen.

Many people with bipolar disorder just “don’t want to make trouble.”

But if you don’t make “trouble” sometimes, if you don’t make your voice heard, how are things going to get better?

How will things not only get better for you, but for other people with bipolar disorder as well?

You might think, “Well, that’s easy for you to say, you don’t even have bipolar disorder!”

But don’t forget a couple things:

1. I am, and have been for a long
time, a supporter of a mother
with bipolar disorder.

2. I volunteer for several bipolar
support groups and listen to what
hundreds of people with bipolar
disorder and their supporters have
to say about things like this (and
other things as well) every month.

3. I started and still run the largest
website for bipolar disorder in
the world.

4. I have a HUGE mailing list that
is growing every day!

5. I have over 6,000 testimonials.

6. Over half the people who work
for me have bipolar disorder or
some kind of mental illness.

7. I am constantly reading the news
and researching for new information
that I can pass onto you so that you
have the most up-to-date information
there is on bipolar disorder.

I didn’t say any of those things to brag.

I said them so that you could realize that I know what I’m talking about.

I understand, from all the people that have talked to me, written to me, emailed me, or somehow have reached out to me, that things are not all that great sometimes for people with bipolar disorder.

Sometimes people have bad experiences.

Have you had any bad experiences you want to share?

Post them below.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

What’s going on?

I actually am working on a whole bunch of things related to this organization.

We are working on 4 new major courses and also something called “The Ultimate Home Business” for people with bipolar disorder.

I know one incredible business for people with bipolar disorder and even bipolar supporters.

Actually I have been quietly working on this for about 8 months.

It’s really difficult to put these courses together and they require a lot of team work.

In the old days it was just me today there are more than 10 people who can be involved.

Anyway that’s what I have been up to.

Let’s jump into today’s topic.

I just have to tell you this story.

I know this supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, right?

And no matter what happens, she is literally whistling.

I mean, whistling!

So one day I went up to her and asked her about it (I just had to!).

I said, “Doesn’t your husband have bipolar disorder?”

And she said, “Yes, he does.”

So I said, “Well, that must mean some pretty hard problems for you.”

She answered, “Sometimes it gets pretty rough, yes, it does.”

“So how can you go around whistling all the time, like nothing bothers you?” I asked her.

“Well,” she said. “It’s all in your attitude. I figure things are gonna happen the way they’re
gonna happen no matter what I do, so I may as well try and make the best of it.”

I couldn’t believe it!

But then she went on…

“Some of us don’t have choices in our lives. Like my husband. He has bipolar disorder, which
he didn’t choose. But I do have a choice. I can choose to support him or not. I choose to stay with him. Because I do, I have to have a good attitude, because things aren’t always so good.”

Let me tell you, I have never met a supporter with such a positive attitude as this woman!

Usually all I hear at these support group meetings are complainers, truly.

But this woman really impressed me, and that’s why I wanted to tell you about her.

I wish every supporter could be like her.

Even me, when my mom was at her worst.

If, instead of complaining, we all had positive attitudes, it would not only help our loved ones to get better, but it would help ourselves, too.

Can you imagine how much less stressed we’d be?

I mean, look at this woman! She was even whistling!

If your loved one sees you have a positive attitude, then they might have a more positive attitude, too.

Does your loved one complain a lot?

Like about having to take their medication?

What about having to see their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist?

Or maybe going to their bipolar support group (where there might be other complainers, which might just feed into their negative attitude as well)?

What are they surrounding themselves with?

Negative things?

Like what type of shows do they watch on TV?

Uplifting ones or ones that bring them down (like ones about the recession)?

What types of books do they read?

Do they have negative friends that complain all the time?

Because this can cause your loved one to do the same thing.

And not just your loved one!

All these things can happen to you as well!

You need to surround yourself with positive things, positive people, and positive situations, in
order for you to be positive yourself.

What about you?

Are you a complainer or a whistler?

Hi,

Hope you’re doing well today.

Hey yesterday I saw a good movie. It was called Elsewhere.

I know there’s tons of people that like watching movies on my list so that’s why I always post this kind of stuff.

I am going hiking today so I have to get going really quick.

Before I go, I want to tell you a story about a woman.

Let’s call her Susan.

Well, Susan wakes up.

She juggles her coffee while getting dressed for work (at the same time, trying to get the kids
dressed for school).

Then she feeds the kids breakfast while sneaking glances at her presentation for work, which she
should have had prepared last night.

At the same time, she is preparing the kids’ lunches for school, and the phone rings.

It is her friend Margie, reminding her that it is her turn for the carpool this morning, and she has to pick up all the kids and take them to school.

She quickly gives her husband a peck on the cheek, gathers up her kids, and gets in the car.

In the car, Susan realizes that she needs to get gas, because she forgot to get it yesterday, which will make the kids late for school and her late for work.

She feels frazzled and stressed.

————————————————————————

Now, let me ask you a question:

Is this an example of multi-tasking, that we hear so much about, and many people think is so great?

Or is this an example of someone who just doesn’t know how to prioritize?

Imagine how neglected those children must feel!

Now imagine how her loved one with bipolar disorder must feel!

What if instead of multi-tasking, Susan learned how to: PRIORITIZE

Here’s the difference:

Let’s look at the same story again, only this time we’ll look at it in light of prioritizing instead of multi-tasking:

The day before, Susan makes sure that there is enough gas in the car.

She works on her presentation, making sure it is ready to go for the next day.

That night, she makes her children’s lunches for the next morning.

She also checks the calendar to see if it is her turn for the school carpool. This way, she knows she has to wake up about 30 minutes earlier in order to be on time.

The next morning… While the children are eating their breakfast, Susan has coffee with her husband and he does not feel neglected. In fact, they can enjoy this time together before they go their separate ways for the day.

She feels organized and prepared for the day.

——————————————————

Do you see the difference?

Multi-tasking does NOT work unless you have learned to: PRIORITIZE

In the second case, Susan has her priorities in the right place.

Yes, she still has a husband with bipolar disorder, but she knows she doesn’t have to babysit him.

She can still take care of her other responsibilities, but she still makes time to be with him, by having coffee with him, showing that she cares for him.

She does the same thing for her children.

Although she has to work, she is not letting that interfere with her family (as in the first story, where she was working on her presentation in the morning).

Also, note that in the first story, at the end, we leave Susan frazzled and stressed. Where in the second story, we leave her organized and prepared.

That’s what I show you how to be in my courses/systems. I show you how to set up systems to manage not only your bipolar disorder, but your life as well.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
We all have busy lives these days, especially when we’re dealing with bipolar disorder.

Then add professional, family, financial, personal, and other responsibilities onto that, and you can be one stressed-out supporter.

The key is not to be a multi-tasker.

The key is to learn to: PRIORITIZE

Make sure that you take care of the most important things.

Yes, work is important, but don’t neglect your loved one with bipolar disorder or your family.

So, are you stressed and frazzled because you are still a multi-tasker?

Do you think you can learn how to prioritize?

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

How are you?

I am late kind of with the news.

I have to get going so let me get you the news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews433/default.shtml

Bipolar Disorder Costly to Treat
DO> Isn’t this the truth?

Treatment of Bipolar Includes Many Coping Measures
DO> Absolutely, great article.

Racing Thoughts can be Sign of Mood, Anxiety Disorder
DO> It is. Kind of obvious article.

Trials of Torment
DO> Wow, what do you think of this?

Skin Cells Provide New Knowledge about Brain Functions
DO> Very interesting article.

Volunteers are Good Listeners for Mentally Ill
DO>This is the truth. You should look into this.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews433/default.shtml
==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave