Hi,
I hope you’re having a good day.
What’s going on?
I actually am working on a whole bunch of things related to this organization.
We are working on 4 new major courses and also something called “The Ultimate Home Business” for people with bipolar disorder.
I know one incredible business for people with bipolar disorder and even bipolar supporters.
Actually I have been quietly working on this for about 8 months.
It’s really difficult to put these courses together and they require a lot of team work.
In the old days it was just me today there are more than 10 people who can be involved.
Anyway that’s what I have been up to.
Let’s jump into today’s topic.
I just have to tell you this story.
I know this supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, right?
And no matter what happens, she is literally whistling.
I mean, whistling!
So one day I went up to her and asked her about it (I just had to!).
I said, “Doesn’t your husband have bipolar disorder?”
And she said, “Yes, he does.”
So I said, “Well, that must mean some pretty hard problems for you.”
She answered, “Sometimes it gets pretty rough, yes, it does.”
“So how can you go around whistling all the time, like nothing bothers you?” I asked her.
“Well,” she said. “It’s all in your attitude. I figure things are gonna happen the way they’re
gonna happen no matter what I do, so I may as well try and make the best of it.”
I couldn’t believe it!
But then she went on…
“Some of us don’t have choices in our lives. Like my husband. He has bipolar disorder, which
he didn’t choose. But I do have a choice. I can choose to support him or not. I choose to stay with him. Because I do, I have to have a good attitude, because things aren’t always so good.”
Let me tell you, I have never met a supporter with such a positive attitude as this woman!
Usually all I hear at these support group meetings are complainers, truly.
But this woman really impressed me, and that’s why I wanted to tell you about her.
I wish every supporter could be like her.
Even me, when my mom was at her worst.
If, instead of complaining, we all had positive attitudes, it would not only help our loved ones to get better, but it would help ourselves, too.
Can you imagine how much less stressed we’d be?
I mean, look at this woman! She was even whistling!
If your loved one sees you have a positive attitude, then they might have a more positive attitude, too.
Does your loved one complain a lot?
Like about having to take their medication?
What about having to see their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist?
Or maybe going to their bipolar support group (where there might be other complainers, which might just feed into their negative attitude as well)?
What are they surrounding themselves with?
Negative things?
Like what type of shows do they watch on TV?
Uplifting ones or ones that bring them down (like ones about the recession)?
What types of books do they read?
Do they have negative friends that complain all the time?
Because this can cause your loved one to do the same thing.
And not just your loved one!
All these things can happen to you as well!
You need to surround yourself with positive things, positive people, and positive situations, in
order for you to be positive yourself.
What about you?
Are you a complainer or a whistler?
Post responses below
I am very interested in the home business for people with bipolar. Please send me more information on how I can work with you.
I enjoy the emails you send. They have helped me in dealing with my 15 year old daughter.
I was a whistler until I realized it was affecting my son’s health and my own too. After a very long mania that has lasted almost 2 years, it is very exhausting and to become whistlers again, both my sons and myself, we had to take a break away from the whole situation until our special person with BP gets real about how his behavior affects us. But there were 17 years of it so it has been a much needed break. We are still whistlers but we had to get back our own health and balance.
YO….I dont no dave why dont you have a look through the bloggs and that will give you some idear to wether I am a complainer or a whistler.i think wot makes you a complainer it plays up in your head and you carnt let things go. To be a whisler you have to go with the flow.
Take Care Mentel Health……
This is the first post I read that I feel compelled to answer because although many comments are made about Bipolar Disorder, either what is said is not an accurate replication of what I have experienced with the disorder or I find what is said to be quite a turn-off! I have been supporting someone with BP for one year now and although there have been challenging times, I feel that the most important aspect of this disorder is getting the person to recognize their triggers,stay away from them, take their medication and keep their doctor’s appointments. I responded to this post because I wanted you the reader to know that it is not I who whistle ocassionally but my loved one with the disorder!!! – Thank God for his tender mercies – I rely totally on God! BP is no more devastating than Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Anemia (all of which I have) if not properly managed, can be quite fatal – sooooo…..cheer up everbody and instead of absorbing all of this information, choose only what is positive and digest it – everything else is OPINION!!!
I USED to be a “complainer,” but realized I didn’t get anywhere by being miserable – and making those around me miserable, as well. And while I don’t “whistle” (I can’t!), I try to take the “high road” and reply – when asked, “How are you?” – “I’m FINE!” Nobody wants to hear a litany of physical OR mental problems that you might be experiencing that day. They just want to get on with THEIR day, and if I leave them with a smile – more the better!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
hi Dave , well I think most days Im a whistler – no more like a hummer of off key melodies.the lady you write about is right – when it comes to choosing we supporters have the choice to stay or to go.
It really is that simple- I agonized for the amount of time it took for me to pack my bags and house up, in Wellington, and head back to Auckland. Was I making the right descision? – there were a couple of periods when things with my daughter( who has BP) were particularily bleak when I thought beam me outa here Scottie!!- I now look back on those periods and think gosh I am strong I can do it ( be a supporter)
There are amazing qualities my daughter has: like her ability to have few value judgements about anyone. Rachel has an extraordinary ability with maths and physics.she has a great eye for design that works She makes any place she lives in a home. Her enormous ability to empathise with human and animal alike can be quite astounding. She never raises her voice to her two sons and they are devoted to her.Her ability to access potential can be truelly uncanny.
I think of these extraordinary qualities in my daughter every time I venture into a bleak period and I cannot give up on such an extraordinary person.So the lady you write about is right -we choose to be supporters, as supporters we also need to hunt down every available bit of information on to how to be great supporters.
I love my daughter.
Regards
Shona
To Linda,
Yes, thank you, thank you, SO much for stating what is true for you and your experience with the effects of bipolar disorder.
I continue to write and respond with respect and compassion to others, but I also insist upon sharing what is true for me when so frequently it simply doesn’t match up to what is so commonly portrayed here.
Again, let me stess, I will never, ever invalidate someone’s feelings, disregard or disbelieve their experience, or consider myself anything but an equal to any participant here.
That said, TYPICALLY (meaning, if we evaluate statistics and study the ENTIRE poplulation of people who have this disorder, we will find no evidence that it is “normal” for people to have a baseline life experience fraught with dramatic, frightening, violent events in their families which is due to the effects of the illness)
Notice the terms doctors and therapists use to describe those periods of time when symptoms intensify. We call them “episodes” for a reason. An episode, by definition, is a specific period of time. It is one we can identify when it begins. We can estimate, based upon experience or solid medical research, an approximate time period during which it is likely to last. And, we can tell when an episode concludes, most of this based upon self-awareness and/or the observations of others who spend time around us.
There is something amiss if you have bipolar disorder, but your symptoms 1) run at such an intensity that your life is absolute chaos, 2) you have lost your capacity to function as the adult you are, and you think it might be because you have this illness, 3) you are repeatedly, hospitalized with such high frequency that your personal and home life are significantly affected, and/or 4) You are truly at a point, because of symptoms of bipolar disorder, that you simply would not be safe, or healthy if you did not have someone who designated him/herself as a “caregiver”, whose full time job it is to tend to your basic needs, assured that your activities of daily living were completed, that you slept properly, that you took your medicine, that you made the “right” choices about what to watch on tv, or whether or not you attended a support group, and made sure that the “right” people were at your support group so that they could filter for you what was good or bad for you.
If those kinds of things are true for you, as a baseline condition, then your circumstances are unusual. Yes, I know they are real. I know you are suffering, but this sort of lifestyle, day in, day out, is not typical.
Why would it be a surprise that the spouse of a person who has bipolar disorder is happy? Could it be that the person with bipolar disorder is wonderful and she loves him?
Agree 100% – I would no sooner want or need someone trying to keep me away from what they thought was negative tv, or, by all means, support groups, than I would if I had diabetes.
Let’s CELEBRATE the fact that people with bipolar have not only the ability, but the right to think for themselves.
If the support group is for people who have bipolar disorder, then people with bipolar disorder decide whether or not they wanat to participate.
If, as a supporter, it is your opinion that a support group for your loved one is not a good idea, that’s ok. But it is the choice of your loved one.
It is your choice whether or not you participate in a supporters group. If it’s not your thing, great! Skip it. But would you let any other adult tell you not to go?
Or, would you expect any other adult to assume that you can use your mind and your judgment to go there and decide for yourself if it was for you?
There is so much potential…I’m sharing some positive things, beccause while your experiences are true and real, and sometimes awful, I really want you to hear some positive things about where things can go.
You know there are various stages you will find yourself working through during the course of this illness. And of course it truly depends on when you found out for example were you together a week when you found out or were you together for a dozen years before it began to fall apart you realized something was drastically wrong? Did you give yourself some time to mourn the loss? Is the bipolar person helping themselves or fighting the disorder? Did they ruin your finances? I mean to deny that we have a full spectrum of emotions is really salt the wound. Come on David you sound like a co-dependant in denial about bipolar and it’s devastation? Who on earth can live all the time in a happy bubble? Life isn’t like that and it isn’t as easy as chosing to live as a supporter or not. Goodness sakes sometimes you are knee deep with the situation and can’t just leave em for one reason or another. Yes you can be an unhappy supporter during one stage or another (obviously as you come to terms with the situation or when there are major events). Honestly you shouldn’t pressure people to deny their very real feelings at times it is victimizing the victims.
This is my first time blogging so it is great to know I have friends and fellow BPs. I want make this comment too long. Today is my “m” day–the mania maddness. I like it better; but my mom says, “have you taken your meds?” One time the doc trying about 5 years ago tried to pull me out of the depression day, which is tougher for me. We were “phone buddies”. I will check in every money as he experimented with the medicine cocktail. I FINALLY woke up feeling great. He listened and listened and listened and than said,” Kathy–are you manic; I said no doc–no! I am just have a good day for a change. Point to be made: when people call me crazy–I say, yeah but I am certified with papers and its YOU People who are crazy, in denial and without treatment that I worry about! Have a great and wonderful day. When I lay my head on the pillow tonight and if I don’t wake up–well, God, it’s been a good run! Much love to all of you BPers and their caregivers. kj
I want to clarify some of the things I have written here lately. (In fact, there is one post, in which I addressed the idea of “positive” vs “negative” people, that does not appear here, but perhaps that is best…it was characteristically long, and it might or might not have been as useful as I intended)!
In any case, no one, whether they have bipolar disorder, is 100% “positive” or 100% “negative.” Feeling and expressing both of those is natural and adaptive.
Rather than label one’s self, or others as being at one extreme or the other, I think it’s important to observe behaviors, moods, and reactions without judging. It’s our right, and our nature to have a wide range of emotions. It’s adaptive.
I think awareness is the most important thing. If I’m in a bad mood, it’s good for me to notice that. If I feel fantastic, it’s good to note that as well. And I can do that without basing my self-concept upon moods and reactions that are temporary.
Awareness of my thoughts and reactions frees me to act. I am doing something that inspires me to have positive thoughts or negative ones. A behavior I can sometimes change, if I wish. If however, I determine that I am “a negative person,” (or, for that matter, that someone else is) I’m more likely to leave things as they are.
“This is who I am – a negative person, it’s part of my being, I can’t change.”
OR
“I’m in a really bad mood. I’m suffering, I’m exhausted, I’m angry, I’m afraid, I’m sad. I know that, and I know it’s valid. I know it’s normal, and I will honor that feeling, even if no one else does.
But this feeling, this reaction, this impulse, is separate from me as a person. I am probably thinking about some things that evoke this feeling. I might have done something that added to it, or took away from it. This is natural. But I know this feeling does not define ME. It is an expereince, not a hard-wired character trait.
There might even be times when I can be with other poeple who I label as “negative” people, but I can stop myself and remember that they, too are just as likely as I am to experience pain. When they do, sometimes I can remember that their pain affects their experience, which influences “negative” behavior. I can separate their experience, and their behavior, from their identity as a person.
I say, honor all of it. Put yourself in a position of power…know that you do have some choices about how to handle your feelings and experiences, but don’t judge yourself. Don’t label yourself, don’t label others.
At the end of the day, know that you accomplished something, and congratulate yourself. This business is far too messy to hold yourself (or others) to a scorecard.