Hi,
How’s it going?
You know that friend I was telling you about recently?
The one who just doesn’t “get” his girlfriend and is ready to give up on women altogether?
Well, you wouldn’t believe the latest thing that happened!
I’m still laughing so hard I’m not even sure I can tell you about it!
Ok, I’ll try…
Well, he was watching Nascar racing on TV.
And he wanted his girlfriend to watch it with him.
As they were watching, he was trying to explain it to her.
Well, he really thought she was getting it, but then…
She said, “Ok, let me get this straight.”
“These cars all gather at the track.”
And my friend said, “Yep.”
And she said, “Then they make a left turn.”
And he thought about that, and said, “I guess you could put it that way…”
Then she said, “And then they make another left turn, right?”
“Uh…yeah…” my friend answered, as he started to feel himself heading for the “uh-oh”
zone.
“And then they make another left turn and another left turn… so basically all they’re doing is going around in this big circle,” she proclaimed triumphantly.
My friend told me he just had this dumb look on his face, not knowing how to answer.
“And they do this for how many hours?” she asked him.
My friend knew he was in trouble by then.
Because how do you explain Nascar any differently?
It’s like trying to explain golf any differently than saying that you hit a little white ball with a club!
Could he explain that there is really some strategy to Nascar?
Then, just as he thought he could explain it, he heard her exclaim…
“Oh, look honey, another left turn!”
That’s when I totally lost it! I cracked up so bad, I didn’t even care if my friend got mad at me. I thought this story was hilarious!
So how can I relate this to bipolar disorder (as you know I always do)?
Scroll down and I’ll tell you…
Keep scrolling…
Keep scrolling…
Last time…
Ok, I’ll tell you.
You can either go around and around in circles, going nowhere…
Or you can get off the track…
Making progress and getting somewhere.
It is about making plans and strategies.
If there are even strategies to Nascar, there are definitely strategies to getting better with bipolar disorder.
I discuss the idea of strategies in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Set up your strategies, and then stick to them.
Face it, you are in a war against this very powerful disorder, and in any war you have to have strategies.
What are some of yours?
Post responses below
O.k. Dave ! I don’t usually respond to articles ,I just read and hope I learn,BUT I just had to tell ya the Nascar story was (and if it wasn’t sorry Blondes )the BEST blonde joke I’ve heard in a while !I just keep on chuckleing everytimr I think about it ! But you made an excellant point about going around in circles !I have a bi-polar friend (I being bi-polar myself ) and we talk a lot about the disorder (I will not call it a DISEASE)!A she said the same thing about it ! Really enjoy reading the articles ,and think you are doing a wonderful service to my fellow suffers ! Have a CALM day! L. A. G.
Sorry for typing boo-boos ! I guess we must have gone to different/same schools together at differnt times!HE!HE!
Ha!
Interesting. I think she was being playful with her boyfriend, pointing out to him by using a benign touch of sarcasm that there really wasn’t anything for him to “explain,” NASCAR isn’t brain science (I mixed the metaphor deliberately, Larry, and I’m a brunette)!
NASCAR isn’t hard for her to understand, it just didn’t seem terribly interesting to her, and she made the point by getting at the basics–it’s just a bunch of left turns!! Nothing changes!
In any case, it’s a keen observation. The first challenge would be to do exactly as the girlfriend does. She realizes the drivers are simply going in circles. Then, she tells him so.
And she does it in a way that’s funny. There are lots of ways to point out a truth that is obvious to you without insulting your friend who doesn’t quite see it yet. Using humor is one of them.
Then, she gives him a chance to think about what she said. She doesn’t say, “Hey, this is really stupid! How can you sit there all afternoon and watch them drive around in circles?
Nope, she just points out what she sees. She has a different perspective. She’s not pressuring him into seeing things in the same way she does. She’s not demanding that he gives up NASCAR, or insulting him because he likes it.
So I think it does illustrate a really positve way for people who have bipolar disorder and their loved ones to communicate.
But when I apply the metaphor to all of us, with bipolar, or loving a person with bipolar, I have no assumptions about which of the two family members is watching things go around in that same circle, and/or which family member points out to the other that, indeed, their family member is only watching things continue to cycle, with little change.
We are all prone to a kind of tunnel-vision at times, and at other times, we are able to offer another perspective.
Whether or not we have bipolar disorder, we can keep driving in a circle, or we can nudge someone we care about–and maybe they’ll take the opportunity to think about something they’re used to in a different way.
Good for his girlfriend! She handled this with wit and class. Hopefully I’ll remember to follow her example…
Hi Dave, great blog by the way! There are stategies for recovering from BP , the crucial factor with my daughter is – how far / how fast: She like so many BPs is very intelligent, added to this she is 36 years old : so things can be a little complicated.
Rachel decides daily how far and how fast she will go that day that hour: and it is only with constant encouragement and positivity that she can get out of bed and face the world – she struggles to get up then she will struggle to bathe , dress and make her breakfast, then she waits until she has enough courage to face the gym. Rachel will fight past her fears and negative processes to be with and play with the boys in the afternoon. Then by tea time she can face making dinner for us all: and I’m amazed , she will attempt to go to the gym again. This is the sort of pattern she has going through every day little steps little steps – for now : She has told me of her dreams for the future – lose weight get fit, a job at the university ( the university have rung her to say she is on their list of applicants and we wait:
The point is this: every little step my daughter makes is a huge one for her in reality and I am blown away by her courage and fortitude and determination , and I am humbled by this daily engagement with the enemy she does single handed with determination and each engagement she wins she fells more self confident that is palpable – I love my daughter
Thank you for your emails thaey are inspiring
Regards
Shona
Dear DAve,
by boys I meant Rachel’s 2 young sons both under the age of 5
Regards
shona
Oh, Larry I had a different take on the NASCAR story…
I thought his girlfriend was being a little sarcastic, but pointing out in a teasing way that NASCAR isn’t complicated, there wasn’t much he could say to explain it…there’s nothing to explain about a bunch of cars going around in circles! She covered it with the left turn after left turn description!
I wrote some comments about how this is a good analogy earlier, but they didn’t post, so I’ll see if this one does.
Oops! Well indeed, there’s the first one!
J
Hello David,
I am a Bipolar Supporter for son who is 19 years old.
We have developed some strageties to help with his treatment. Currenty he is stable. He understands that we are partners in his treatment.
First of all we have develpoed a trusting relationship and talk about his day and how the bipolar disorder is treating him. He has ageed to listen to my observations about when he is not feeling well and to make changes in his treatment.
We agree that medication is a vital part of his treatment. We agree that he must know the names of his medication and the dosage. I prepare his medication and place it in a medication caddy for the week. Each day the medication is prepared with a glass of water on the kitchen table for him to take. He takes the medication on his own.
We are working toward him preparing his own medication. This is still a work in progress.
We agree that he goes to bed at a reasonable hour. If he can’t sleep he needs to let me know so that we can address it with the psychiatrist.
We monitor and agree that he needs to eat healthy with a sugary snack once in a while and to exercise.
We agree that he needs to keep a routine. He is currently employed and enjoys working. If the job gets to stressful we need to talk about it.
He maintains a supportive network of friends and he brings them home for the famiy to meet.
He maintains his blackberry and we agree that when I call he is to answer and that if he is ever in trouble or needs his parents for support he should call any time of the day or night.
We maintain a nurturing home enviornment where he can feel supported. Our home is a place where he can rest recooperate and prepare for the next day.
I keep a daily log of his behavior to review his progress.
When he is not feeling well I don’t take his behavior personally. I examine the behavior for a possible Bipolar episode and makes plans to deal with it appropriately.
These strageties keep us from going around and around in circles wih my Son’s Bipolar Disorder.
It seems to have brought positive results.
To JANE: You are an inspiration to me! Imagine having C/P AND bipolar!! You GO, girl!! And your emails to this blog engage EVERYONE, and I await with bated breath your next post. I am NOT talking down to you, nor am I belittling your accomplislhments; I am TRULY in AWE of you. You express yourself so well, and make everything clear-cut. Besides bipolar, I also have chronic sacroiliitis, which requires a regimen of opiates that I take daily (with the Fentanyl patch), but I have discovered that I can drive 115 miles on my own…it’s just a matter of “will power” and determination; all with the expectation of a reward at the end. You sound as if you have a full and meaningful life – keep up the good work!!
To SHONA: I admire you being a Supporter of Rachel. Taking “baby steps” is what it’s all about being a bipolar. I no longer “rush” through life as I do in a hypomanic or manic state. I take life a little easier, though I’m probably old enough to be Rachel’s grandmother! I hope and pray that she continues with her healthy outlook on life, as well as getting along well with you. You, too, are an inspiration to me; your love for your daughter shines through every post you make on this Blog.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
hello somebody ihave beenmarried less than ayear. my husband had his first episode a few weeks after were married. it was bad he said things to me very personal. i cryed for days. we fially went to a psych. he told her he married for a companion–i was shocked — anyway the episodes have beengetting closer together. always attacking me! i had to star taking meds to calm me down. noew the last eppisode he told me he doesnt want to hug me or kiss me- he has a prolem with sex—he doesn’t like it in his words. isaid to him yesterdy that i wasn’t goin to leave-this is my home too-he said it was his house. it could go on and on. i would like to have somebody to answer me,please thanks mary
It shows great creativity and insight to think of bipolar disorder and its symptoms as things that do have a being, or that exist as an entity that is separate, but related, to the people they affect (including both people with the disorder, and others in their lives)!
First, it underlines the crucial point that YOU are YOU, and bipolar disorder is bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is not who YOU are, it is a condition you have. It is not who your loved one IS.
Suppoters, your role as the loved one of a person with the disorder does not define YOU, it describes what you do for your loved one. It doesn’t define your being, and for all you do, YOU as a human being are also so very much more than the sum of what you do.
Secondly, I want to point out that “denial” of illness and its symptoms is very human, and that this phenomenon plays out in many scenerios. People with bipoar disorder have not cornered the market on neglecting medical regimines, in the belief or the hope that they really do not have an illness, and/or need a particular treatment!
I say this only to call attention to the common ground we all share as human beings, regardless of whether we have bipolar disorder, an ear infection, an unhealthy body weight, or high cholesterol.
There is nothing inherent to an ear infection, being overweight, or having clogged arteries that directly interferes with our capacity for rational thought, or plays absolute havoc with our emotions.
Yet, it is very common for us to deny that we have these conditions, even in the face of clear, objective evidence that they are real, and that we deliberately place ourselves at risk when we do not tend to them.
An ear infection? Sounds simple enough, and it’s not so threatening a condition that anyone would go into “denial” over that.
But then, why, when we get a ten day course of antibiotics, does the bottle invarably practically scream a warning at us?
PLEASE TAKE EVERY TABLET IN THIS BOTTLE! DO NOT STOP TAKING THIS MEDICATION WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER! DOING SO COULD CAUSE A RETURN OF SYMPTOMS THAT ARE OF GREATER SEVERITY!
Pharmaceutical companies know that it is human nature to believe we no longer need to take medication once we feel better. It’s been four days, our ear no longer hurts–so why take those pills any longer, especially since they have side effects, like causing nausea?
Anyone else ever get the idea that they’ve put on some extra pounds, which they know is not the healthiest thing for them? Ever notice you just lack energy, and your muscles and joints hurt a little?
I’ve been there!! And I know I could help myself to feel better if I just get back on track with a healthier diet. But I put it off. Because, it can’t be more than five pounds I’ve put on. And if it was really a big deal, I wouldn’t be able to fit into my clothes. I can, so I’ve convinced myself I don’t need to watch my diet.
Oh, but THEN…I see a snapshot of myself! DENIAL, indeed! But the camera doesn’t lie. I can’t rationalize anymore!
So, when I think of these comparisons, it makes all the more sense that people who are coping with an illness that also affects the way they think and reason can have a really difficult time being able to see their “snapshot” and to interpret it in a way that motivates them to seek or resume treatment.
One more idea I had about this really cool idea of considering bipolar disorder an entitiy that is separate from all of the individuals it affects.
Yes, I see why one way to think of this separate entity, bipolar disorder as a “liar.” No contest–it’s tricky, it’s unpredictable, and it’s not the kind of “being,” or “persona” that’s easy to get along with. Yes, it can lie.
But in addition to its propensity to lie to us, it can do many other things. Maybe my other idea will sound very odd…but it might make sense. Or it might be both odd and sensible.
I think it’s reaching a bit to think of bipolar disorder as the kind of being that could be your friend. You all did a great job convincing me that this condition has a sort of separate being. But it also sounds like we agree that bipolar disorder is an experience that’s not going to go away.
So we, who have bipolar disorder, and those who support us, will have a relationship with this “being” for the rest of our lives. We’re learning how to get along with bipolar disorder.
We know it can lie to us. We do our best to head off the problems that come along with that. But I wonder if it would be helpful to think about what else this “being” is all about.
When I have symptoms, I wonder if it would be easier to get along with my lifelong neighbor, “being” if I thought about this “being” sort of tipping me off that I need to do something different.
EX: Say I am seeing signs of a depression coming on. What if I think of it this way:
“Oh, it sounds like my neighbor, this “being”, this “guy” Bipolar knocking on my door again. Whenever he comes around, peeking in my window, it annoys me. I’d rather dodge him. If he doesn’t know I’m home, maybe he’ll go away.”
But then, say I think about this “guy” Bipolar a little more. I think, “You know, even though I don’t usually like to see Bipolar, he might have come to give me a “heads-up,” Maybe he’s trying to warn me so that I DON’T deny that I need to do something different?”
I know this doesn’t turn this “being,” this “guy” Bipolar from a “Liar” to my best friend, but my idea is, just wondering, what happens if I don’t necessarily judge the “guy”, Bipolar disorder, as a totally BAD entity.
Maybe I should listen to it. And because I know this “being” lies sometimes, I try my best to keep on top of that….
This is a very interesting way of looking at things. Again, I think it’s a fabulous idea to separate the person from the “being” of this illness.
This way, we can negotiate with it, rather than believing or feeling as if the condition can take us over….
Hi David
You are good because you explain the differnt aspects of a bipolar and a bipolar supporter by making us laugh.. Sometimes I see the light and get out of the left turns then everything seems like huge mountains to climb. I try to build up strategies. I write them down, keep a diary….then a down mood sets in….I want to hide.’
Thank you for being there for all of us.
Blessings to everyone out there.