Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi, how are you today? I hope you have a good day.

You know, in everyone’s life there are milestones – those events that mark time or progress in something. For example, your first milestone was, as a toddler, learning to talk. Then walking was probably your next milestone. Then maybe your next milestone was just getting through adolescence (which is a job in itself).

A milestone in adolescence might have been getting your first girlfriend/boyfriend. Another milestone might be getting your first job. Then your first car. Then your first apartment. Then (maybe) your first credit card. These are all milestones to becoming an adult.

Then when you’re a young adult, a milestone might be getting engaged, and another one the wedding itself. Then come children. Many parents think just getting through the “terrible twos” is a milestone in itself.

You should also have milestones to cross at work, if you plan to get ahead. You might work as stock boy in a grocery store…Then your next milestone might be a clerk, then head clerk, etc.

Milestones are goals that we set for ourselves. You may set a long-term goal, and the milestones are the short-term goals you have to reach to get there. That goes for bipolar disorder as well as in life in general.

Your loved one’s first milestone was probably just accepting the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. For many people, this is a very hard task. But once they accept it, they can go on to other milestones.

For example, getting used to taking their medication (without complaining). Or finally finding that right combinations of medications could be a milestone. Finding the right professionals is another milestone your loved one will have to reach on their way to stability. Your loved one’s learning how to communicate their needs to you might be a milestone. Going to a bipolar support group could be another milestone. Then charting their progress on the way…There will be several more milestones before they reach stability.

Hopefully, the medication will make this easier. Sometimes getting over the side effect hurdle from their medication is a milestone. And especially having the right medical and mental health professionals. They will have milestones to cross in therapy alone. So they will have professional or business milestones.

They will have financial milestones to cross if they go on disability, because it’s hard to live on that limited income, and some spending habits will have to change.

And also personal milestones to cross along the way. Getting through a bad bipolar episode is a milestone. But once they cross their bipolar milestones, the result is stability. And that is the result you’re looking and waiting for.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re doing well.

Have you ever known someone who was always seeking the approval of other people? Could you even be one? Do you need the approval of other people? If you do, you may have more

problems than you need.

One of the biggest thrusts of bipolar disorder treatment is to get your loved one to become more independent. That won’t help you out if you are not independent. You need to be able to think for yourself.

I’ll give you an example: What if your loved one was in the middle of an episode and the bills need to be paid? You need to be able to pay them. You may also need to do other things independently when your loved one goes into an episode?

For example, if you have children, you need to deal with them. You will also have to make

good decisions, for both you and your loved one. You may have to deal with the consequences of what your loved one does during an episode. Now, if you are worried about what other people think, it’s going to affect that.

You need to be able to stand up against the stigma surrounding mental illness in general and bipolar disorder in specific. So you can’t be concerned with what other people think, especially

because stigma clouds people’s judgment.

Now yes, I am saying that you need to be independent in your decision making, but I’m NOT saying that you shouldn’t take advice when it is good advice. You might go to a support group meeting and learn about something that would be beneficial to your loved one. Then you should apply that.

You should have other people that you can go to for advice. Too many supporters tell me that they are all alone, and I don’t think it should be that way. You should have your own support system, so you don’t burn out. You can’t do everything by yourself. You need to find people

who know about bipolar disorder and can help you. Not the people who don’t know anything about the disorder but judge you anyway.

You just cannot be worried about what other people think. You have to do what’s best for you and your loved one. You and your loved one need to stand together on things. Especially their stability. You need to do whatever you can to help your loved one to reach stability with their

bipolar disorder. And STOP worrying about what other people think.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope this is a good day for you.

As you know, I work out a lot, so I’m around guys who talk to me at the gym. I know why they work out. Some of them have told me they work out because they want to be “buff.” Others work out because they want to look good for their girlfriend. Others work out to compete in bodybuilding contests. But this one guy I know, he says he works out to get out his frustration.

There is frustration that comes along with being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder. It’s inevitable. I know, not only because of all the people who write to me and tell me about their frustration, but also because I went through a great deal of frustration with my mom.

One of the problems that leads up to frustration is when you want your loved one to be better faster. The problem is that everyone is different, and it may take your loved one longer to master

their bipolar disorder.

It’s hard to sit back and to be patient, when you see the bad part of the disorder influencing them every day and you think to yourself, “I just wish I could make it better for them.” Although it is admirable that you want to make things better for your loved one, it just may not always be a reality. They may be struggling, but they may have to go through that struggle to get through to

the other side of it.

For example, with their medication. Not everyone gets stable on the first round of medications prescribed for them. It’s usually a trial and error to get on the right combination of meds, and in the meantime, your loved one might go through some side effects from it.

This isn’t something you can help them with, and it might be frustrating for you to watch your loved one struggle. Especially when you can’t do anything about it.

So you’re frustrated. What can you do about it?

Well, for one thing, you could try to talk with your loved one about it. They should know how you’re feeling, and may even share your frustration. Then together you can work out a way to deal with that frustration. You can talk to a friend or family member about your frustration. You can write about your frustration in your journal. You can even see your own therapist to discuss your frustration.

But the one thing you shouldn’t do…Is to let your frustration fester without doing anything about it. If you do, you could even have physical consequences from it, like headaches, stomach aches,

etc. And then you won’t be able to help your loved one.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews468/

Here are the news headlines:

Mood swings may reveal issues with bipolar disorder
DO> This is obvious right?

Even meds don’t make bipolar disorder easy
DO> Do you agree with this?

Straight-A schoolchildren at higher risk of bipolar disorder, research claims
DO> WOW, this is really interesting. I would have guessed this.

Winter blues or SAD?
DO> Great article.

“Brain Bank” To Foster Research, Treatment of Major Psychiatric Diseases
DO> Wow, this is great, don’t you think.

Fish Oil to Prevent Psychotic Disorders?
DO> Seems far fetched to me, what do you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews468/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re feeling fine.

I have to share this email with you, because it concerns me:

“Dear Dave, Things are really bad for us right now. My husband lost his job, and hasn’t been able to find another one. They are getting ready to foreclose on our house. Because of things he has done in his bipolar episodes, our boys aren’t even talking to him. And I get so frustrated day after day working hard and coming home to find out that all he did was sleep all day. The house isn’t clean, there is nothing for supper, and he hasn’t even taken a shower.

This has to be because of his bipolar disorder, right? Because he never was a lazy person before. Well, at least not before he lost his job. He’s getting so

discouraged that he hasn’t been able to find another one, and I feel guilty that I’m working and he isn’t.

He misses appointments with his doctors and therapist because he says we don’t have the money for it, but I think that is just making him worse. I have to believe him when he says he is still taking his medications, but I’m not sure because I don’t watch him take them. And things between us aren’t good at all either. He just won’t talk to me. And I have a hard time talking to him because I don’t want to say anything to upset him. So we really don’t have any communication any more.

I know you’ve probably heard all this before, like I did at support meetings, but I never thought it would happen to me and my husband. I’m about ready to give up. Any suggestions?

Keep up the good work,

Sarah

What an email. But she’s right about one thing – this doesn’t surprise me, because I do get a lot of emails from supporters struggling through the things that Sarah is going through right now.

I’m not a lawyer or realtor, so I can’t comment on her losing her house. I’m not a therapist or counselor, either, so I can only give my opinion based on what she said in her email. I’m not a magician either, though, so I don’t have a magic word to give her to make everything ok for them.

A lot of people come to me and want me to solve their problems for them. Some even get mad when I tell them that I don’t have any pat answers that will change things. However, when I can, I try to help people by giving practical advice, because that’s the only advice that can really help them. Then it’s up to them whether they follow it.

You can tell how stressed this woman is, and I can understand that. To her, she is doing all the work and her husband isn’t doing anything to contribute. But there are practical ways to fix that, like making him a To-Do List.

The biggest point, first of all, is that it sounds like her husband is in a bipolar depressive episode.

The fact that he isn’t doing anything with his time…The fact that he is isolating…The fact that he is sleeping all the time…The fact that he has stopped communicating with his supporter…These are all signs of a bipolar depressive episode.

In my opinion, the best thing for her to do is get her husband to seek help, however she has to do it. But she also has to NOT give up! That’s one thing I always tell people: NEVER give up! The next day might be the day that her husband comes out of the episode.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re fine.

I have this guy who works for me, and I’d have nothing to complain about, EXCEPT…Working with him is like a battlefield. I feel like I’m always walking through a mine field whenever I talk to him, because sometimes he just explodes in anger at me! And he isn’t consistent. So what made him mad last time is not necessarily what he’s mad at me for this time!

It’s really a problem working with him, since he is so unpredictable in his mood swings and anger. I probably wouldn’t keep him on staff, except that he is a genius at what he does. So I’ve learned to take the good with the bad whenever I need some work from him.

It’s the same way I look at bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a battlefield. There are mines everywhere you look, if that’s what you look for. But if you think of those mines as episodic behavior, there’s a chance you can get around them.

Of course, it means monitoring your loved one’s behavior and moods and having a plan of action in place to battle them.

In any battle, you need to have ammunition. Your ammunition is knowledge. And, hopefully, a close relationship with your loved one’s doctor, psychiatrist and therapist, as well. That way, they’re on your side. So let’s look at those land mines. And compare them with your ammunition.

Many people with bipolar disorder don’t want to take their medication, or put up a fuss about taking it, or some even just forget to take it. Many supporters have reported to me that they struggle with getting their loved one to take their meds.

So what ammunition do you have?

You have the doctor on your side – the one who prescribed your loved one’s medication and hopefully is following their progress on it. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to ask for help from your loved one’s doctor or nurse to get your loved one to take their medication.

You should have their therapist on your side as well, and maybe they can talk to your loved one and get through to them the importance of taking it. If your loved one is not sticking to their treatment, that can be a big problem. And a big area to fight, according to supporters I know.

The problem is, you can’t force your loved one to WANT to adhere to their treatment. But you DO have to deal with the consequences of their episodic behavior, so you should have a say in the matter. That’s one thing you should try to get across to your loved one, in the least threatening way possible. Show them the statistics on bipolar disorder. Tell them you don’t want them to be a statistic (20% of people with bipolar disorder will kill themselves), so you want them to adhere to their treatment. Tell them in a loving way that you want them to get better.

The more people you have behind you, the more ammunition you have to fight this bipolar disorder. Get your loved one’s family involved if you have to. If you go to church, get your pastor or minister or priest involved. Or your loved one’s friends. Just someone your loved one will listen to if they won’t listen to you.

The good news is – Bipolar disorder is a battlefield upon which you can emerge the winner.

NOTE: Always remember that it is the bipolar disorder that you’re fighting and NOT your loved one!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I have some great news. I have a brand new DVD out for those living with bipolar disorder. You can get it for F.REE.

You can get more information by visiting:

http://www.survivebipolar.net/signup1/

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a good day.

There are two types of people:

1. People who complain about their problems but do nothing to resolve them.

2. People who rise above their problems and become successful.

Which type are you?

Nobody likes to hear other people complain. At best, it makes you feel sorry for the person, but you still can’t help them. At worst, they can bring you down with their complaints. And you might resent them, because you have problems of your own!

I hope you’re the second type of person.

I know you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, and that’s a big problem. But is just sitting around complaining about it going to do anything to change your situation? No.

Just remember, you are NOT your disorder. Supporters, your loved one is NOT their disorder.

Bipolar disorder can make you do some things sometimes that may become problems because of the consequences, but you need to separate yourself from the disorder (identity-wise) and still take responsibility for consequences of episodes.

Still, you have a choice as to which type of person you want to be. Some people say they can’t help themselves, but I disagree. I think you can take control of your problems. I think you can take control of your bipolar disorder and the problems that it brings.

Like I was just saying about taking responsibility for the consequences of things that you do during an episode. If there’s something you CAN do, I think you should do it.

Too many people with the disorder depend too much on their supporters.

As a supporter, you should have boundaries (limits) in place, and be sticking to them, so that you don’t enable your loved one. Enabling is doing things for them that they can do for themselves.

You also don’t want them to be too dependent on you. That’s not healthy for either one of you.

It can even lead to codependency, which is a whole other problem in itself.

You want to be partners. Co-workers in the fight against bipolar disorder. You have a great deal to do with your loved one’s stability. You are an invaluable help and source of support for them.

But if you just sit around and complain that your loved one has bipolar disorder, you will not be helping them (or yourself) at all.

If you both work together to deal with your loved one’s disorder, you can be successful in your efforts. Stability is the ultimate success, and stability is possible if you just don’t give up.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

I am getting the news out early today because I have a million things to do today.

Anyway, with that said, here’s the current news on bipolar disorder

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews467/

Here are the news headlines:

Fighting bipolar with art
DO> Wow, great article, take a look.

Toledo woman describes her battle with bipolar disorder
DO> What do you think of what she is saying?

Service dog helps woman fight mental illness
DO> Inspiring article, take a look.

Excessive substance use in bipolar disorder is associated with impaired functioning…
DO> I hope that you knew this, if you didn’t read this article right away.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews467/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave