Hi, how are you? I hope you’re fine.
I have this guy who works for me, and I’d have nothing to complain about, EXCEPT…Working with him is like a battlefield. I feel like I’m always walking through a mine field whenever I talk to him, because sometimes he just explodes in anger at me! And he isn’t consistent. So what made him mad last time is not necessarily what he’s mad at me for this time!
It’s really a problem working with him, since he is so unpredictable in his mood swings and anger. I probably wouldn’t keep him on staff, except that he is a genius at what he does. So I’ve learned to take the good with the bad whenever I need some work from him.
It’s the same way I look at bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a battlefield. There are mines everywhere you look, if that’s what you look for. But if you think of those mines as episodic behavior, there’s a chance you can get around them.
Of course, it means monitoring your loved one’s behavior and moods and having a plan of action in place to battle them.
In any battle, you need to have ammunition. Your ammunition is knowledge. And, hopefully, a close relationship with your loved one’s doctor, psychiatrist and therapist, as well. That way, they’re on your side. So let’s look at those land mines. And compare them with your ammunition.
Many people with bipolar disorder don’t want to take their medication, or put up a fuss about taking it, or some even just forget to take it. Many supporters have reported to me that they struggle with getting their loved one to take their meds.
So what ammunition do you have?
You have the doctor on your side – the one who prescribed your loved one’s medication and hopefully is following their progress on it. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to ask for help from your loved one’s doctor or nurse to get your loved one to take their medication.
You should have their therapist on your side as well, and maybe they can talk to your loved one and get through to them the importance of taking it. If your loved one is not sticking to their treatment, that can be a big problem. And a big area to fight, according to supporters I know.
The problem is, you can’t force your loved one to WANT to adhere to their treatment. But you DO have to deal with the consequences of their episodic behavior, so you should have a say in the matter. That’s one thing you should try to get across to your loved one, in the least threatening way possible. Show them the statistics on bipolar disorder. Tell them you don’t want them to be a statistic (20% of people with bipolar disorder will kill themselves), so you want them to adhere to their treatment. Tell them in a loving way that you want them to get better.
The more people you have behind you, the more ammunition you have to fight this bipolar disorder. Get your loved one’s family involved if you have to. If you go to church, get your pastor or minister or priest involved. Or your loved one’s friends. Just someone your loved one will listen to if they won’t listen to you.
The good news is – Bipolar disorder is a battlefield upon which you can emerge the winner.
NOTE: Always remember that it is the bipolar disorder that you’re fighting and NOT your loved one!
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I wish I had some words of wisdom for everyone but I am seeking guidance myself. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago with bipolar when he was hospitalized. Since than he says he was misdiagnosed and was “faking it”. He won’t discuss anything related to it with me and just gets mad and aggressive. I found out a few months ago he was seeing a therapist for his panic attacks and anxiety. My therapist recommended I contact her and let her know that he was diagnosed with bipolar and hospitalized because I believe that he would not tell his therapist that. When I did and told her she said that she could not talk to me without him signing a waiver. I told her if he knew I was talking to her he would never come back to see her again and to nevermind because I was happy he was seeking treatment and did not want to mess that up. Apparently she did not believe me or thought I was crazy because she told him word for word what I had said. Needless to say he was furious and accused me of being nosey and invading his privacy. He got violent and mean and I am the enemy again. He does not trust me. I thought I was being helpful because his moods and behavior do affect me and our 3 kids but it has caused more problems. We have been together 17 years and split up for a year 4 years ago. This is the worst it has ever been. He said that he needs to start over with new people in his life and the only people he still wants to keep in his life are our 3 kids and a few of his old friends. He is “disowning” anyone who has hurt him or gives him stress including all of his family and me. I am at a loss as to what to do. :o( Jean
Its always easy to talk from a position of strength, but its never easy to suffer and no one will help you and since i can’t afford professional help then its a never ending battle, I lost my current job with Dial America because they closed the call center in Greenville, SC and because we suffer from the fourth highest unemployment rate in the nation jobs are few and far between, yes its very hard and I’m not sure what I will do trying to get disability is rough and my work history is not the best. I also am HCV which is a bad enough thing itself, a doctor said I am dying so where does one go from there. Yes, I have tried suicide and who knows maybe one day i will be successful. I know you are doing a lot of good and I wish you well.
I’m afraid my temporary roommate is a “closet” bipolar. She suffers from TBI, complex partial seizures, and epilepsy, but her MOOD swings are driving ME crazy. There are times when we care about each other, and have long talks about our day and our distaste for doctors, SS, etc., and then there are ugly words out of her mouth towards me, after which she says she goes through these “angry” moods…Ijust wish she wouldn’t take them out on ME. Dealing with her in her “bad” moods is bad enough; I go through terrible anxiety attacks while she’s here (in her room), and when she’s gone (I worry about her out at night). My head hurts, and my stomach gets upset. I almost have panic attacks over them. This morning was particularly bad, because I was awaiting delivery of my Klonopin, which comes every other week. Fortunately, everything calmed down, and we’re back on speaking terms. “When she’s good, she’s very, very good, but when she’s bad – she’s HORRID!” The only way I know how to handle her moods is to stay in my room and her in her room, until she “comes to her senses” and decides that living here isn’t so bad after all.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
I have made a “game” hiding my daughter’s meds during the day since I have to work. She is on so much medication that she would overdose if she was given her morning and afternoon meds at the same time. I find unusual hiding places and she calls me during my lunch to find out where they are.
Hey Dave… you talk about the employee with whom you walk on eggshells but accept because he’s a genius at what he does.
Firstly, please understand that I completely appreciate what you do. I have a relative with untreated mental illness of some sort (don’t know what kind, since she refuses treatment! ;-)) and I’ve found your advice useful from the beginning, even in the circumstances I’m in.
But in this case… I feel I have to speak up. Forgive me here, but aren’t you *part of the the problem* in his case? You are essentially telling this guy that it’s *okay* for him to be moody, disrespectful and have explosive anger. So he’s essentially a bully, and you’re saying “no problem here, since you do such good work!”
The reason this surprises me is because you, of all people, are the best at telling us that we cannot put our heads in the sand with mental illness – it *must* be dealt with.
Well, it really should be no different with bullies, should it?
Anyhoo, that’s my two cents. Again, thanks for all you do. Keep up the good work!