Hi, how’s it going for you today? Are you doing all right? I hope so.
Recently, I’ve been talking a lot about communication – good communication – and how important that is. Well, a key component to getting along with others is COMPROMISE.
I had shared about this guy I know who is always fighting with his girlfriend because he HAD to
be right! He didn’t realize that compromise was the key. So they kept fighting. But when I talked to him and explained about the AGREE TO DISAGREE concept, which IS compromise, I think he really listened, because I haven’t heard about any more fights lately!
Whether it is a relationship with your loved one or whoever, you need to learn the art of compromise. Whatever the situation, you may be called upon to compromise, and the more willing you are to do that, the less disagreements or uncomfortable situations you will have to face.
So the first thing is WILLINGNESS. You have to be willing to compromise.
Now, that’s hard for some people to do – Like the guy I told you about who had to be right all the time. At least until he became willing to compromise. Then he started getting along more not just with his girlfriend, but in other situations and with other people, too.
If you are willing to compromise, you will get along a lot better with your loved one who has bipolar disorder. Hopefully, you can teach your loved one about the AGREE TO DISAGREE
concept, or even show them the emails (that one and this one).
Then, as long as they are WILLING to compromise, especially if they agree with the concept, your communication will improve.
So, the first step is WILLINGNESS.
Then you have to have the DESIRE to have effective communication. Like this guy I had told you about, it was either learn how to compromise, or to have to break up with his girlfriend, because they couldn’t just keep going along fighting all the time. If you have willingness and desire to have good communication, you will be more apt to have it.
You also have to have a GIVE-TAKE attitude.
Like that guy who learned in the end that it was ok not to be right all the time! Having a give-take attitude means that you will have a more positive attitude, not shutting the other person out.
You also need to have an OPEN MIND.
Understand that it’s ok for your loved one to feel the way they do. If you keep an open mind, it will be easier to separate them from their disorder. It will also be easier to see where they are coming from. In turn, if they keep an open mind, they will be able to see where you are coming from as well.
If the two of you can do these things, you CAN have good communication, in spite of the fact that your loved one has bipolar disorder.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Hello David,
How do you get your parents that don’t want to take the time to learn about the illness? I have been fighting with my parents and family to where they don’t really want anything to do with me or keep me out of family get togethers. I am not dumb by all means. I have a picture of my family and I was not in it. When I go to my parents house they don’t even have pictures of me or my kids. I feel lost and confuse, I don’t think what they are doing is right and very degrading. I at the point in giving up on them. They make excueses why they don’t want to help when need be. What should I do I love them dearly.
Thank You, and God Bless
Denise K Zimmerman
As Dr. Phil says would you rather be right or be happy?
I would also like to mention that while I am on Zoloft & Clonazepam for my bipolar, recently I started electric shock therapy & Wow! what a difference it has made in my life! If you have insurance I highly recommend giving it a try. The only side effect I’ve encountered w/it is that it messes w/my memory at times.
And Dave thank you so much for all your emails, they are much appreciated.
Good luck to all~
Hi David,
I am the one with bipolar. My mom just acts like it is not real. I have been on Konopin for 15yrs. Last year switched to valium. Also on Depokote, Effexor ER, and too many. I quit (on my own, slowly) the Depokote, as I learned I have fatty lippid on liver and read Depokote CAN cause that. Also, I now find out out I have Lupus??
I do think your emails are on the “point!”. No one wants to discuss your illness (family). They act like it’s not there. I am divoriced, in debt, how much longer I can stand this I don’t know. I am in a situation as above, Denise…
Hi Dave, that’s so true. The willingness to compromise and to keep an open mind have kept many arguments and disagreements at bay. At least it is, in my own life. I think this is especially more important in a bipolar relationship. I’m a temperamental person myself and have to keep reminding myself to stay calm. My partner has bipolar.
Hi David,
I agree, attitude is the important thing. Respect for other people is vital. For Christians it is trying to see each person as a child of God. Sometimes it is hardest to do with members of your own family. I’ve been very thankful to find a good ‘church’ family. It could be that the answer to many problems lies in Jesus Christ. I expect that there will be many people who will agree to disagree on this topic too. My advice is to give it a try, remember to say your prayers, and give time for them to be answered.
Joan