Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re doing well.
Have you ever known someone who was always seeking the approval of other people? Could you even be one? Do you need the approval of other people? If you do, you may have more
problems than you need.
One of the biggest thrusts of bipolar disorder treatment is to get your loved one to become more independent. That won’t help you out if you are not independent. You need to be able to think for yourself.
I’ll give you an example: What if your loved one was in the middle of an episode and the bills need to be paid? You need to be able to pay them. You may also need to do other things independently when your loved one goes into an episode?
For example, if you have children, you need to deal with them. You will also have to make
good decisions, for both you and your loved one. You may have to deal with the consequences of what your loved one does during an episode. Now, if you are worried about what other people think, it’s going to affect that.
You need to be able to stand up against the stigma surrounding mental illness in general and bipolar disorder in specific. So you can’t be concerned with what other people think, especially
because stigma clouds people’s judgment.
Now yes, I am saying that you need to be independent in your decision making, but I’m NOT saying that you shouldn’t take advice when it is good advice. You might go to a support group meeting and learn about something that would be beneficial to your loved one. Then you should apply that.
You should have other people that you can go to for advice. Too many supporters tell me that they are all alone, and I don’t think it should be that way. You should have your own support system, so you don’t burn out. You can’t do everything by yourself. You need to find people
who know about bipolar disorder and can help you. Not the people who don’t know anything about the disorder but judge you anyway.
You just cannot be worried about what other people think. You have to do what’s best for you and your loved one. You and your loved one need to stand together on things. Especially their stability. You need to do whatever you can to help your loved one to reach stability with their
bipolar disorder. And STOP worrying about what other people think.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
When I first learnt of Rachel’s condition I was like everyone else – horrified , frightened and scared of Rachel, and I learn’t that all that fear of rejection was in my own head as well I was too afraid to tell anyone Rachel had BP.
The stigma of Bipolar is huge,and I notice people avoid Rachel like the plague – even now when she has stability and has been stable for the last 10 months ( with a glitch over Xmas)
I have found the only way to deal with stigma of BP is to be frank and honest with those we deal with. for instance -we are looking for another place to rent right now and it’s not easy here in Auckland when one has 2 rowdy young boys in tow. definitely hard if the landlord is uneasy about mental illness but we have a standard “to whom it may concern “letter that is brief succinct and to the point and honest “because it seemed to both my daughter and I ( since all reputable landlords want to know the backgrounds of their prospective renters)that the truth is the best policy and let the landlord chose us ,knowing what he does know. And then if he wanted to check our credentials there would be no surprises anyway We have in the past been successful in our endeavours because we believe in most instances it is better to be frank and honest ( about Rachel)Sometimes people less freaked about BP as a result.
Anyway Dave your emails as usual are food for thought
Regards
Shona
Hi, I just like to say how much your tips have help me with my bipolar. I now can help myself and not feel completely useless or hopeless.
but I always new it was more than bipolar as I have just been told that I also suffer from borderline personality
disorder which I don’t know much about.
only that I came across it when reading something you wrote. can’t remember as i was not well enough to take it in. can you please send me some info about borderline personality disorder.
To JOHN NEATON: “Wandering thoughts (conversation), “and constantly turning everything you say into something “sexual,” are two symptoms of bipolar disorder. Her thoughts might be “racing,” in which case, she can’t follow a conversation, or goes “off the wall” on a tangent about something completely unrelated to what you’re talking about. The sexuality issue is a symptom called “Pan sensuality,” in which the sufferer becomes EXTREMELY acute in their references to sex, or they may engage in reckless, sexual behavior. Only YOU know if she’s seeing a psychiatrist and is taking medication for her condition. I suggest a “sit-down” to find out where she is mentally; that you ARE concerned about her health, and want to support her in any LOGICAL way. She must be a very special lady for your relationship to have lasted 3 years; now is the time to get “re-acquainted.”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.