Hi, how are you today? I hope this is a good day for you.
As you know, I work out a lot, so I’m around guys who talk to me at the gym. I know why they work out. Some of them have told me they work out because they want to be “buff.” Others work out because they want to look good for their girlfriend. Others work out to compete in bodybuilding contests. But this one guy I know, he says he works out to get out his frustration.
There is frustration that comes along with being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder. It’s inevitable. I know, not only because of all the people who write to me and tell me about their frustration, but also because I went through a great deal of frustration with my mom.
One of the problems that leads up to frustration is when you want your loved one to be better faster. The problem is that everyone is different, and it may take your loved one longer to master
their bipolar disorder.
It’s hard to sit back and to be patient, when you see the bad part of the disorder influencing them every day and you think to yourself, “I just wish I could make it better for them.” Although it is admirable that you want to make things better for your loved one, it just may not always be a reality. They may be struggling, but they may have to go through that struggle to get through to
the other side of it.
For example, with their medication. Not everyone gets stable on the first round of medications prescribed for them. It’s usually a trial and error to get on the right combination of meds, and in the meantime, your loved one might go through some side effects from it.
This isn’t something you can help them with, and it might be frustrating for you to watch your loved one struggle. Especially when you can’t do anything about it.
So you’re frustrated. What can you do about it?
Well, for one thing, you could try to talk with your loved one about it. They should know how you’re feeling, and may even share your frustration. Then together you can work out a way to deal with that frustration. You can talk to a friend or family member about your frustration. You can write about your frustration in your journal. You can even see your own therapist to discuss your frustration.
But the one thing you shouldn’t do…Is to let your frustration fester without doing anything about it. If you do, you could even have physical consequences from it, like headaches, stomach aches,
etc. And then you won’t be able to help your loved one.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
The letter is ok. However, it would be more ok if it were poised on a more academic level.
My wife has moved out six times in the last six years,
usually gone a month. In Oct while on meds gave me a hug
and see you tonite when I left for work but had moved out when I got home.
It has now been four months, I have learned not to
contact her when she is like this. I don’t know whats
ahead but I walk and exercise every morning and evening
which really helps. She says she loves me but blames
me for how she feels and is full of anger.
Hi Dave,
Well I didn’t handle my frustration at first.
I took it out on my fellow colleagues at work
I overate trying to stuff my frustration down and put on huge piles of weight.
I took my frustration out on the check out girl at the local food town
I yelled so much at the doctors in the hospital my throat hurt.
until finally I had a heart attack – that stopped me.
Then I started reading your blog David- and I could see a glimmer of hope.
There was an article about supporters looking after themselves first and I went “huh?????I had got it into my head that in order to support my daughter I had to sacrifice myself,in every way.I have since learn’t that that way is not only totally ineffective it is also very dangerous to all sides.
So I have a whole heap of coping mechanisms under my belt like walking my grandson to school every day , Ive also taken up beading ( great hobby I can also sell my stuff at the local markets , Rachel still has her bad days,and yep I’m concerned but we have plans ABC in place and prompting phrase like “can we talk?”as signals and I am learning everyday that there are things Rachel must do for herself and there are things I must do for myself I use to think that was called selfishness now I realise its called common sense
Thank you Dave for all your help
Regards
Shona
My mom and dad had to manage with their frustration for a long time and before I left I had to also share in that. I recieved the LORD Jesus when I was in my freshman year in college, though I had made other commitments, the last one had made the Final impression on my soul and heart. I learned that there are times that you don’t approach when the bi-polar relative is in a ‘phase’ of disrespect, and not able to reason with you. You don’t get them mad at you either as things can escalate quickly if you do. But what you can do is pray for them, and do your best to try to calm them down when upset. Scripture does help! Getting others to pray for you and with you also helps a lot . My sister does have faith in God, but it is very weak, and she needs a lot of reassurance and often, as she had trouble retaining anything she hears and that is the trial that she goes through as a Christian. It is a life long struggle, and the meds only have a moderate to mild affect on her emotional condition. She has learned alot through the years too. Been on alot of different medicinces through the years too. Now that she is a dialasys patient it is harder in some ways, as she has to go three times aweek no matter the weather. So when it’s cold, snowy and nasty outside then it’s hard for her to want to go, but she has to be encouraged to go for her life’s sake. I am grateful for the encouragement that she recieves from the people who are able to help her from the home health agency. In a way they too are her supporters, and get paid for it. But they rotate in the ones that come to be with her,and my mom, as they have to have 24/7 care. My mom is in her 80’s and not able to manage her anymore,being one who has osteoporosis and has had three sets of broken bones over the spring into the late summer. So she needed to have help also. I thought that once her bones had healed she could be managing again, but the ‘age’ factor has come into play, as in having had a slight stroke that had affected her short term memory, and so on, so now she has to be carefully managed for her own health needs. I again, am grateful for the help that they are both recieving . Hope this is helpful to any who are able to read it.