Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a good day.
There are two types of people:
1. People who complain about their problems but do nothing to resolve them.
2. People who rise above their problems and become successful.
Which type are you?
Nobody likes to hear other people complain. At best, it makes you feel sorry for the person, but you still can’t help them. At worst, they can bring you down with their complaints. And you might resent them, because you have problems of your own!
I hope you’re the second type of person.
I know you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, and that’s a big problem. But is just sitting around complaining about it going to do anything to change your situation? No.
Just remember, you are NOT your disorder. Supporters, your loved one is NOT their disorder.
Bipolar disorder can make you do some things sometimes that may become problems because of the consequences, but you need to separate yourself from the disorder (identity-wise) and still take responsibility for consequences of episodes.
Still, you have a choice as to which type of person you want to be. Some people say they can’t help themselves, but I disagree. I think you can take control of your problems. I think you can take control of your bipolar disorder and the problems that it brings.
Like I was just saying about taking responsibility for the consequences of things that you do during an episode. If there’s something you CAN do, I think you should do it.
Too many people with the disorder depend too much on their supporters.
As a supporter, you should have boundaries (limits) in place, and be sticking to them, so that you don’t enable your loved one. Enabling is doing things for them that they can do for themselves.
You also don’t want them to be too dependent on you. That’s not healthy for either one of you.
It can even lead to codependency, which is a whole other problem in itself.
You want to be partners. Co-workers in the fight against bipolar disorder. You have a great deal to do with your loved one’s stability. You are an invaluable help and source of support for them.
But if you just sit around and complain that your loved one has bipolar disorder, you will not be helping them (or yourself) at all.
If you both work together to deal with your loved one’s disorder, you can be successful in your efforts. Stability is the ultimate success, and stability is possible if you just don’t give up.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I don’t know for sure if you can control a disorder, but i agree you can do everything that is possible to try to control it.
Hello David,
I am not the type of person that would like to cause harm. Yet harms finds me. I don’t ask for it. I deal with it everyday. I bring postive out look to my friends and support. I have a business that I enjoy doing. I am well educated,and always learning. I don’t want to hurt know. Yes I am complaining. Cause I have to do something I don’t want to do. I believe it is wrong. I believe people should help one another why create harm just to prove your self that your human too. I am talking Legal situations, Im not a viloent person. I am always miss understood. Always having to prove myself. I should not have to.
If this don’t make since it is cause I am wore out.
Denise K Zimmerman
Dear David Oliver,Like always I realy injoy your letters,this one seems like it was just for me.I don’t know which one I am.I don’t realy complane about my disoder.I have found that if I just stay away from people it don’t interfear with anyones life.I live on the back porch of a eldery lady that is fighting cancer and besides going to the doctor with her and foodstamp day,I am alone and away from everone.After having to withdraw from my med’s(which was hard like always)3 times now,I find that this work good for me. Cleetis Massey
Dear David: I would like to ask a question of you and those out there that have to deal with bipolar loved ones:
WHAT DO YOU DO AND HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE LIES AND SLANDER THAT YOUR BIPOLAR LOVED ONE SPREADS ABOUT YOU AND THE FAMILY?
Some of the things are very damaging but my bipolar loved one cannot recognize NOR accept responsibility for his actions instead he makes more problems by making up additional stories to protect himself and his feelings.
Thank you for your experiences and advice. Natalie
I am not sure about many things, but I now that I can contribute and keep working towards my goals. It feels so much better to
accomplish any small task than to complain. I am choosing to notice and reward myself for small and larger things done. I also compliment others when I feel they have done a good job. Doing this keeps me motivated.
This was great for today. I suffer from Codependency and I am an enabler. My loved one is totally dependant on me and I have a full life/schedule on my own. However I still do and do and do for her. She has so many expectations on me and I don’t have a life of my own. I am on the road to recovery and freedom from Codependency. Baby steps……….crawling………