Hi.

Today is going to be an interesting
day for me. You remember how I had all
those problems with my printer who
made all the printing for my bipolar
disorder material? Well I am in the
process of moving to another printer.

NOTE-You can catch up on this story
by reading my blog at the end of this
email.

After I started to take all my business
away from the first printer, they realized
it seriously hurt their sales. Anyway,
to make a long story short, they (
like 5 people) want to talk about my leaving
and going to another printer. The meeting
is at 10:00am this morning.

Over the next few days, I am going to
tell you how I dealt with this printer
and why you will have to use the
SAME exact strategies when dealing
with the mental health system.

I used the same exact strategy with
the printer I used with my mom’s outpatient
program she was at. The one that wasn’t
wasn’t helping her.

You’re going to like it. But today
I want to tell you a quick story of
someone that I spoke to yesterday
in the store.

I was in the store, looking for some
stuff for my office. I was looking
for one of those “things” that you
can put a bunch of stacks of paper
in. I have no idea what it’s called
and I am sure that the people didn’t
like the fact I asked for a “thing.”

So anyway, I wound up mentioning
to someone that I had a number of websites
online related to disorders like bipolar
disorder and that I wanted to use this
thing to organize the papers and stack
them in groups vertically.

Someone overheard me and asked
if I am a psychiatrist. I told him
that I wasn’t a doctor, therapist,
lawyer, accountant, insurance agent,
dentist, etc.

He looked at me strange and I explained
why I tell people all the stuff that
I am not so they don’t get the
wrong idea that I am a doctor, lawyer,
therapist, ect. He said “oh I see.”

So then I gave him
the short version of why I know about
bipolar disorder. I told him about
my mom, the websites, my list, etc.
etc.

He was excited. He then pulled me ahead
and said that someone in his family
who he would not tell me who it was,
was in trouble.

Hmm. I listened. I told him I really
had to go but I would give him
5 minutes but he could send me a fax
later on and I would answer any non
medical and non legal questions.

He said fair enough. So he basically
told me how someone was having all this
trouble for years and how doctors
“suck” and therapists “steal money.”

Hmmm. I listened. He then said that
no one can “fix” his loved one
and it’s terrible. He said, “I know
you aren’t a doctor but what would
you do.”

I then asked him a series of questions
and since I have to go really soon
I will have to give you the short version
of the questions.

To make a long story short, he
did what I call “the dump off.”

THE DUMP OFF is BAD!

I told him all about the dump off
and explained what he should be doing.
He thought about it and said, “you
are so right, that makes total sense.”

You probably thinking, “Hmm
Dave, what the heck is the dump off.”

If you are new to my list you may
be thinking, “This guy sure is
odd, first he tells me about his
printer then he tells me a story
and then he uses a term which I have
never heard about or seen…Maybe
he’s crazy??”

I am not crazy. Actually crazy isn’t a
disorder either as a side note.

But let’s get back to the lesson.

The “dump off” is when a caregiver
takes a loved one with bipolar disorder
and simply “dumps” them off at a hospital,
group, doctor, or part of the mental
health system with NO follow up
and assumes the system will take
care of everything from a to z
and the caregiver or supporter has
to do nothing else.

I have NEVER ever seen or heard this
working well.

When you take someone to a doctor,
therapist, hospital, you can’t dump
them off.

You have to follow up and follow through.

You have to stay on top of things. You know
now that I am writing this, I realize why
someone would think that the “professionals”
should do a good job and “handle” everything
from a to z. That’s the way it should be.

But the reality is, it’s NOT that way.

Instead of just dumping a loved one off
you should take them to where they
are suppose to go and then

-Ask questions

-Act like you are in the know and have ways to figure
out and verify any information given

-Check on things

-Report signs and symptoms you are seeing

-Make sure the person is in the 5% group not the
95% group.

-Make your loved one is NOT getting AL treatment. This
is a huge problem

-Demand proper treatment for your loved one

This is just a few things you have to be doing
as a caregiver of someone who has bipolar disorder.

I don’t have any kids. But I think with kids
you have to check on them and make sure they
are not doing bad things.

I do that myself with the people in the mental
health system. I am always checking. They
know it.

It’s NOT LIKE FIXING YOUR CAR

My blinker is blinking really, really, really
fast. And my back light is out. So I took my
car to the shop. Luckily for me, I got there
with only 7 miles left on my warranty. Great
for me. But anyway, I dropped my car off
and in one day it will be fixed. I don’t have
to do a lot of work to work with the car fixing
people.

Some people think that bipolar disorder is like
having a car fixed. Dump off your loved one
and then they are “fixed” in a certain period
of time without any assistant on the part of the
caregiver.

I have found this not to be true.

In all my courses/systems, people repeat this
theme over and over again talk about exactly
what to do.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to get ready for my meeting. I will
write you more tomorrow. Have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I must say I am dead tired today. I was at a meeting
really late last night. Anyway, today I want to
tell you something really, really important
about bipolar disorder.

I called someone yesterday who had ordered
one of my courses. He had filled out
my f.ree consultation form for NON
medical and NON legal questions (because
I am not a doctor, lawyer, therapist,
insurance agent, etc).

I couldn’t read what he wrote he had
hand writing me :). I called him
to ask what he wrote so I could
take some notes and then I could
follow up with him later on after I thought
about his NON medical or NON legal question
Note-I keep writing this so you are clear
that I don’t offer this kind of advice.

Anyway, he told me and basically he said
he went through my materials from a to z
and was starting to implement what I
recommended BUT he said he didn’t know what
to do.

I was thinking, “This is great, I love
when people do well.” I asked him
what the problem was. He said that all
of his friends and many family members
said that he should divorce his
wife immediately because of all of what
she did.
I listened carefully. I asked him to
quickly explain what she had done and
give me a brief summary. She basically
has been totally out of control and cost
him a ton of money. Made him look like
a fool. Possibly cheated on him, etc.

She did many things that my mom did
in my story at
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

So lots of bad things. I asked how long
they had been married he said not that
long. For some reason he didn’t want to
tell me the exact time so I didn’t press it.

I then asked when was she diagnosed and he
said like a week ago. I asked how long she
knew she had bipolar disorder. He said she
still really doesn’t know. He just found
out a week ago.

Then I remained silent and he said, and
I must laugh at the following because it’s
kind of funny, he said and I quote, “I
know you are not a doctor, lawyer, accountant,
tax person and all that stuff but I want
to know what you would do and I know that
you can’t give out legal, medical, tax,
and advice like that.” He laughed because
he said he follows my emails every day
and he thinks it’s funny how my list
of what I am not gets longer.

I told him I was going to add this week
that I am not a dentist, and chiropractor
either.

As a side note, when you are dealing with
supporting someone with bipolar disorder
you have to laugh some times and not
be so serious. I learned the humor
technique from my friend Stacy. Just
realize that you can laugh and don’t
have to be so serious.

Anyway, after we talked about all the
things that I am not, I said to him
that basically I would never leave someone
with bipolar disorder that just found out
and has no time to even comprehend what
they have.

Since I am “not running for office” so to
speak, I pointed out his friends were giving
bad advice in my opinion.

I then went on to tell him how much bad advice
I got from many of my friends about my mom.

All my friends basically told me to let
my mom go homeless.

The guy said that he felt that what I was
saying was right but he just needed some
confirmation from someone and that he
was excited to help his wife. He felt
that the material in my bipolar supporter
course would help him find a great
doctor and get his wife back on track.

We hung up and then I had to go eat
my burnt lunch that I made myself.

I wish someone would make a how to
cook if you have no idea how to cook
course which I would buy right away.

BIG BIPOLAR DISORDER WARNING!!!

Beware of friends advice. Many friends
love to give advice when it comes to
bipolar disorder and they have no clue.

I am not sure why this is. I find
that many friends look for quick
solutions to bipolar disorder. The quickest
solution is to not to deal with the person
ever

You have to be careful who you are getting
your advice from. Be careful of friends.
Many times friends are sincere but sincerely
wrong. They just don’t know. They don’t
want you to suffer as a supporter of
someone with bipolar disorder so they
look for a quick fix. The quick fix
is to walk away from the person.

I have also heard many other stories
of people getting advice from friends
that is really disturbing. Too disturbing
to write about.

One of the things that I did when I put
together my courses/system was to find
people who really have bipolar disorder
and are successful OR people who really
do support people with bipolar disorder
well. I wanted to hear about real strategies
and techniques not theory.

Just be careful. Even if you hear something
from me. Think about it. Talk to people
about it. See if it make sense. Always
think about what you hear. Don’t just
run with what any old person says.

Well that’s what I have to say today.

I have to take off. Have a great day.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you have a good day
today. Thanks to everyone who wrote me
yesterday with a number of remedies
to fix a bad back.

I tried a number of suggestions and
my back feels 10 times better.

Thanks. Okay on to the topic
today related to bipolar disorder.

I have noticed, that many people on
my list have unrealistic goals,
aspirations and demands with people
who have bipolar disorder and are in
episodes or just getting out of
an episode.

I was thinking of this because I was
reviewing my emails for the last week.

And there are a ton. I noticed there
were a number of:

Take me off your list, my loved one
won’t listen about bipolar disorder

I need help, how do I get my loved
one to start reading your material

My loved one is lazy, she won’t work
any more. She has been in an episode
for a month.

THIS ONE WAS REALLY ODD
I bought your bipolar success
course to give to my brother who
has bipolar disorder. He won’t
listen or read it. He demanded
that I send it back and get my
money. Where do I return it?

The last comment was so strange
I had to call the person. I found
out this person bought my bipolar
success course which is for people
with bipolar disorder. The person
did not buy my bipolar supporter
course. Her plan was to give the
success course to her brother
so he could “find out about
the illness and fix himself.”

That was the strangest thing
I have ever heard in my life.

You are going to give a course to
someone who is not in their right
mind and expect them to review
it. And when they say no, you
just go along with what they are
saying?

I told the person that is truly “crazy.”

I said, “I don’t care about your money
but I want you to do things that make
sense.” I then asked if it made sense
for her to follow instructions from
her loved one who she said is totally
out of his mind?

After a few minutes, she said no. I
then asked, “why didn’t you get my
bipolar supporter course instead?”

She said, “I am busy and just wanted
to hand something to him and figured
since he had the illness, he should
be the one who is doing the research.”

I was like H E L L O!!!!!

Then I asked “Does that make sense
to you?”

After thinking about it, she said
it didn’t and said she felt dumb
for writing me the email and dumb for
listening to her brother and dumb
for expecting her brother to have
to figure out his own illness when
he is seriously ill.

Wow. It’s not just her others think
like this as well.

I call it Unrealistic expectations.

Remember the points I wrote about earlier,
those are all unrealistic as well. You
MUST have REALISTIC expectations with
someone with bipolar disorder.

I am going to tell you some from
my course but I can’t get in much detail
because I have to take off for the day.

Your loved one can’t make good decisions
and probably won’t

Your loved one can’t fix him/herself

Your loved one won’t drive him/herself
to the doctor by him/herself

Your loved one won’t handle money well.

You can’t expect your loved one get
get well after a major episode in a week
or two. If you listen to “my mom’s story”
in my courses, you will see how long it
takes. NOTE-We wouldn’t ask the stroke
victim to get up and start working and
call the person lazy if when he/she couldn’t
work.

WARNING!!!!!

This is with someone with bipolar disorder
that is in an episode not well and stable.
I repeat when they are in an episode NOT
well and stable.

There are many thing you have to learn about
this illness if you are support. BUT you
have to be realistic and fair with your
loved one. You can’t make ridiculous
demands on them when they are in episodes
and not in their right mind. That’s not
fair.

Don’t pressure them. I never did that with
my mom. I knew that it would take time
for my mom to get back to normal.

This is a really complicated subject that
I cover more in my courses/system if
you are interested.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

There is a HUGE bipolar disorder lesson at the
bottom of this email. I mean it. Read this
entire thing carefully.

I am serious and not kidding around.

Okay.

What a day it was yesterday. I had a hurt back. A huge
headache. I was all bipolared out by the end of
the day. I know “bipolared” out is not a word
so you don’t have to write me and let me know 🙂

I want to use it because this this is my
daily email, I can make the rules 🙂

Anyway, some good news and bad news. You remember
the person that worked for me that had to go
into a psychiatric hospital well she
is out now and doing well. She should be
all back and working in about 12 days or so.

She is working on articles titled “From
the inside out–real stories from
in a mental institution.” These articles
will be free for you to read and tell
others about. I will drop you an email
when they are up and where they are posted.

The stories she told me were amazing.

Okay, like I said, I heard my back
and it feels like someone is stabbing
me. Why I am telling you this? Just
so you know :).

Then I had many calls yesterday. One
from a person in d.ebt that needed
URGENT advice which I gave only to
realize this person took know notes
and then called back later to ask
the same questions again. NO this
person did not have bipolar disorder.

This was a supporter of someone with
bipolar disorder.

Then I got another call and this one
kind of annoyed me.

I picked up the phone because I thought
it was a friend of mine. Anyway it wasn’t.

It was someone calling from Brazil. I could
barely hear the person. It sounded really
really really far away.

I said “hello………….” and then after
a minute I heard “Are you there……….”

This went on for like 8 or 9 minutes. Finally
I heard the person ask if it was me, David Oliver,
I said yes. She then proceeded to ask me for
help.

Then I was worried because I had to leave
to go out with a friend and I knew it
was going to be tough to get off the phone,
or even hear or even understand because the
person told me they “spoke little English.”

I must say, I am not sure what was even said
or asked. I believe the person wanted some kind
of help. What kind I am not sure. I think she
had a boyfriend with bipolar disorder. She
wanted to know possibly some hospital he could
go to. I told the woman I don’t know of any.

She said, “You can’t help????” I said “no
I can’t. I don’t know any hospitals.”

Then I made the HUGE and I mean HUGE mistake
of trying to explain my philosophy of doctors,
hospitals, and therapists that I explain
in all my courses/systems. I don’t think
she understood or heard me. I am not sure
which one. But she kept asking me for I guess
a name.

I don’t even know the names of hospitals in the
US or even in my own state let alone Brazil.

I did tell her to call 911 or help or whatever
system there is in Brazil if there is an emergency.

Then I said that I really have to go because
someone is waiting for me.

Then she said “You won’t help me?” I said, “
I am unable to tell you a hospital in Brazil.”

Then she said she needed one in San Diego, CA.
I said that I didn’t have names there and tried
to explain that she needed to call the police
for a possibly list. She said that wouldn’t help.

Then she said to me, “You are not like your
website. You say you want to help people. I
ask for help and you no help me. You
don’t want to help people. You are different
than your website and emails. It’s not true.”

I was like, “What are you talking about?”

So then I wound up “defending myself” about
how I really did have to go, I don’t know
any hospitals and I can’t really understand
or hear her. I tried to explain that if she
could fax me with a clear list of questions
she had in English, I would respond in writing
with what I thought.

Then she started yelling at me saying all
kinds of things. Some I didn’t understand
some I did. Nothing nice. Bad things
about me.

Then she said and I will never forget
this, “I hope you don’t have a nice
day tomorrow because you didn’t
help me.”

She then hung up on me. After all
of this, the person waiting for me
was gone. So I wound up doing nothing.

BIG BIPOLAR LESSON

First, this lady clearly tried to manipulate
me into staying on the phone. Which I fell
for because I spent more time than I should
have.

If you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder I am sure you are familiar with
this technique a person with the disorder
uses if he/she is not stable.

NOTE the person who called said she
didn’t have bipolar disorder. I find that many
supporters call and try to manipulate me into
staying on the phone and answering every
single last question they would possibly
think of. Back in the day I would spend
hours and hours on the phone and
sometimes I would call back and find that
the vast majority of people NEVER remembered
or used any of the information I gave them.

HUGE BIPOLAR LESSON FOR EVERYONE

I am going to try to make this really
clear because it’s confusing. I think what
I am about to say will generate hate mail
to me. You know the “you’re going to hell,
shame on you, God hates you, you are a terrible
person, you’re the worst, I hope you die,
etc.”

But you need to know. I think this is
so important. I don’t know why or how
I learned this.

Let me try to explain.

Nobody HAS TO help you with anything
related to bipolar disorder whether
you have bipolar disorder or you are
supporting someone with bipolar disorder.

Please read this again slowly and carefully
and then we will talk about it.

Nobody HAS TO help you with anything
related to bipolar disorder whether
you have bipolar disorder or you are
supporting someone with bipolar disorder.

Now before you get super mad and say, “What
the heck Dave, I thought you were going
to help me.” I am to some extent.

But listen to me carefully. Obviously
bipolar disorder can be a nightmare to
deal with. Both supporters and survivors
need a lot of help. Right? Right.

BUT I notice that many people and this
includes both supporters and survivors
believe that EVERYONE and anyone needs
to help them and is obligated or suppose
to help them.

I hear people demanding doctors take them
in for f..ree. Or therapists offer f.ree unlimited
therapy. People demand f.ree. medication.

People demand that doctors, friends, family
members, therapists listens for hours and
hours and hours to all their problems. This is
both supporters and survivors.

These two groups demand lots of attention and
then get super mad when someone doesn’t want
to help, listen or have anything to do
with it.

For example, people think if they reach me,
at 1:00am I should stay on the phone all
night long listening to stories and offering
help. I use to do this and I got so mad
and frustrated that I started hating doing
all of this. I almost one day ordered every
thing to be taken done. That was like a year
ago.

Then Michele who has bipolar, adhd, ocd and
borderline personality disorder told me I was
“out of my mind” and “crazy” and that she
was going to put new systems and rules in
place that I better follow and that if I
did I would start really liking all of this
again.

She put the rules in place and it started working
great. Because people were demanding so much
time from me, I thought my brain would explode.

On a side note, it’s funny that Michele tells
me that I am crazy sometimes. She is super
smart. She has this amazing ability to simplify
complex problems. Problems we sit around
trying to figure out for days she figures
out in 15 minutes so then it’s like
she is a nuclear scientist coming into
the kitchen and helping his kids add and
subtract for school.

Actually yesterday I spoke to her after this
incident and she said she is going to “make
more rules and systems” while she is on
vacation. She said that there will be no
more phone calls to me when she is done.

Which I have to agree, many people
are abusing this. People call me almost
24 hours a day on every line, fax, cell,
work, home, and another line. I have
no idea how people get my numbers.

The problem is, I never know what
people are calling for what. Sometimes
my consulting clients call and I have
to take their phone call because
they pay really, really, really
well 🙂

But back to what I was saying so you
don’t think I have ADD.

There are many people that can help
you and will help you. But there are many
people who won’t. You can NOT force
people to help you. If someone doesn’t
want to help you or have the time, simply
move on to some one or something else.

And never use the “God is going to get
you. You are mean or an evil person” strategy
to force people to help you. If you ever
did that shame on you. I get that a lot.

You should NEVER guilt someone into helping
you out with bipolar disorder.

For example, my brother offers no help
whatsoever to my myself or my mom. He will
not lift a finger. No matter what he
will not help. I accepted that and
don’t ask ever. Why? Because he won’t
help. Should he help his mother and his
brother? One could probably make a strong
argument about this but I choose to
spend my time finding people who do
want to help not the ones who don’t.

You’re going to get really frustrated
if you focus on who refuses to help
you instead of who may help you.

Make sense?

I know I can sit on the phone for 20
hours a day helping people long distance.

If I did, I would go insane. Then you would
see no daily emails, no websites, nothing.

I put together courses/systems so people
could get all the information in one spot
quickly and easily. Can you believe people
call me and ask if I will send 10 cds and
all my courses/systems for f.ree and
I should because I am suppose to be helping
people?

It’s the strangest thing.

You can help yourself by getting my
systems/courses. OR you can choice
to figure it all out on your own.

It’s up to you.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

How are you? I am not doing well. My back is killing
me. I feel like someone is stabbing me. I actually
hurt myself training last night.

I should be better in about a week. The reason
why I am telling you this is not so you can
feel sorry for me but because it was my hurt
back that triggered me to send you
this specific email today.

After I hurt my back, I called a person
I know that is a doctor. I wanted to
find out what he recommended. I told him
exactly where the pain was, what happen,
how I felt in about 3 minutes.

He immediately gave me a number of recommendations
and since this is the 3rd time that I hurt
my back in the last couple of years, he recommended
that I start to do two more exercises to help
to prevent this problem.

BUT, in talking to him, I thought of something
related to bipolar disorder–the right
way and the wrong way to ask for him.

Many people need help when it comes to bipolar
disorder. I am sure that is not news to you.

The problem is 99% of people do NOT ask for
help in the right away. My dad is a good
example.

When my mom use to go into an episode, he would
simply either not ask for help, or wait until
the last minute when things were a crisis.

But that wasn’t even the worst of it. When
he would take my mom to the hospital, he would
not be clear as to what he was seeing. He would
kind of ramble and tell a big long story
instead of get to the point.

Unfortunately, hospital people are super busy
and don’t have time for big long stories. So
many times, my dad’s message would get lost
and the things that needed to be relayed
to the hospital people were never relayed.

As a result over the years, I am sure
my mom came in on the wrong track and probably
didn’t get the best care.

Recently, about a month and half ago my mom
went into a brief episode. I say brief
because I caught it. Anyway, my dad called
me to say “mom’s getting sick.” Again
he still uses the term sick which
is a whole other story that I will
tell you about some other day.

I asked “why do you say that?” Then
he tells me a really long story which
after 20 minutes I still don’t even understand
what signs and symptoms he is really seeing.

I ask specific questions

Is she sleeping?
Is she cooking random food?’
Is she trying to spend extra money?
Is she talking on the phone a lot?
Is she doing a ton of cleaning?
Does she lack the ability to focus and concentrate?

He answered yes to all these questions and then
I knew it was time to take action.

So I basically evaluated my mom when I saw her.
NO I am not a doctor and I did NOT diagnose
or treat her. I simply looked at her and
asked questions.

Then I looked at my worksheets from old episodes
and my notes from her first episode and concluded
she was going into an episode. I took all
the information and immediately sent it
via email to her doctor.

That was that.

The problem that I see when people need help
with bipolar disorder is that they are not
clear. They don’t get specific. Unfortunately
the vast majority of people do NOT have the
time to hear long stories and rambling.

You have to get specific. If you need help,
ask specifics. For example,

I need help finding a qualified doctor
to help my loved one

I need help getting out of d.e.b.t

I need help finding a therapist.

I need a step by step system on what I
should do when my loved one starts
yelling at me.

We want to have a baby, we need
information on how to handle bipolar
disorder and a pregnancy.

See how these are specific questions and
not a lot of rambling? Also, you have
to be respectful of people’s time. I get
on the phone with people that seriously
want me to spend hours if not days answering
every single question they have and I can’t.

Doctors report to me the same problem
they have. Therapists tell me the same
as well.

Many times, 99% of the questions people
have are in my courses which are here:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

People think that I am being mean when
I won’t spend 5 to 10 hours on the phone
going over exactly what is in my course.

Anyway, I have to take off now. Have a great
day. I hope you didn’t get offended with my
email.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news.

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews326

There’s some really interesting news stories this week. Take a look at them. Also, write me some feedback by visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

New mom braces for hard time in state prison

Curidium Develops Blood Diagnostic Test For Schizophrenia/BipolarDisorder Patient Subgroups

She’s bipolar and prepared to tell the world

A woman screaming for help…

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews326

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To PeopleGo here for more information.http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?Go here for more informationhttp://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?Go here for more informationhttp://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?Go here for more informationhttp://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing WithBipolar Disorder?Go here for more informationhttp://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?Go here for more informationhttp://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With BipolarDisorder?Go here for more information:http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? Before I get started, you may remember
that I sent out a link for j.obs that I was looking
to hire people to help out with a number of jobs
related to this entire organization.

There were many very qualified people that replied
and I really need the help. Yesterday I had
like 53 phone messages for me. I have people
calling on every line that I own
and I am not even sure how people are getting my
number. I had hundreds of emails as well.

On that note, if you call and want to “talk”
there’s no way that I can do it. There aren’t
enough hours in the day. When I started this
organization with bipolar disorder I NEVER
ever thought it would get this big so fast.

It’s growing super fast. There are many people
all over the world dealing with bipolar disorder.

Okay, enough with that, let’s talk about
today email. There’s a word that is
really powerful with bipolar disorder.

A word that both supporters and survivors
who are dealing with bipolar disorder can use.

Here’s what this word does

Helps prevent episodes
Saves money
Protects finances
Saves time
Keeps a person with bipolar disorder on track

What’s this word? Take a guess and then scroll…

Did you guess? Then Scroll down….

The word is “NO.” You may be confused. What
the heck is Dave talking about. Maybe he’s
“crazy.”

NOTE-It’s funny to me if I have
a typo or say something strange I get
emails asking, “do you have bipolar
disorder?” I write back, “Are typos
or saying funny things, part of the criteria
to have bipolar disorder?”

Okay back to NO. I noticed when I look
back over the years with my mom. It was
not saying no to various things that
created a whole lot of problems.

Let’s look.

NOT saying no led to:

Spending on c.redit cards

100% of the time my dad said “Yes”
to everything my mom wanted to do
and was doing even if she was in
a bipolar episode. It made no
sense.

When I took over helping my mom in 2005
or so, I started saying no and things
started improving.

When
she wanted to spend more money on her
c.redit cards I said no. When she
said she wanted to not go to therapy
to save money, I said no. (She
wanted me to agree with her when she
was in an episode).

When she said she wanted to go
get a six figure job to pay
off her d.ebt when she was
still in the out patient program
I said no.

I said no over and over. My dad
found it rather hard and many times
would want to agree with my mom on
things that she wanted to do or
wanted even though they made no sense.

Now before I get a bunch of hate mail
saying “you control your mom”; “
you are mean”; “you are a bad person”;
“you are a bully”; “I would never let you
tell me no”; so and so forth, let me
say that my mom is HAPPY that I said
no to her.

By me saying no back in the day, her
life is way better today. If I said
yes to many things, she would have
tremendous problems now. If you
asked her, she would tell you this.

For example, if I said “Go ahead
spend more money on your c.redit
cards” she probably would have
$60,000+ d.ebt right now.

If I said, “I don’t care, don’t
go to the doctor or therapy.”

She would have serious problems.

When you are a supporter you have
to stand firm on the right things.

By doing so, you can help your loved
one make better choices when they
need guidance during a bad period.

What you don’t want to do, is say
yes to everything and go along with
things that make no sense that your
loved one will get mad at you in
the future and ask “Why didn’t
you stop me…or why did you
go along with these ideas?”

NOW IF YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER

NO is powerful as well. You have
to say no:

Staying up late
Having lots of stress in your life
Bad jobs
The urge to not go to the doctor
The urge to not take your medication
The urge to not follow doctors orders.

Etc. In my Bipolar Success and Supporter
Courses/System you hear many people talk
about how powerful the word no is, and
how that’s what transformed their
lives–this is both supporters and people
with bipolar disorder.

If you want more info on this, look
at the links below.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I really have to keep it short today. Yesterday
I sent out a daily email about how I was
attacked by someone who got one of my
courses.

For the entire story visit:

Anyway, thank you for all the responses on
my blog. Many people have said that this woman
who was a supporter of someone who has bipolar
disorder…well that’s what she told me,
probably had bipolar disorder herself.

I respectfully disagree with this. I do say
respectfully because I totally value every ones
opinion and who knows if I am right. I certainly
am not right all the time. Like when I am driving
with map and constantly make the wrong terms
and 1 hour trips turn into 3 hours trips 🙂

Anyway, here’s what I see with that person. I think
that this person is being destroyed by another
person with bipolar disorder who is not being
treated properly.

I showed my mom the story and she said to me:

“Wow that’s terrible. You should have hung
up on the lady….Why would she let her
daughter run all over her house?”

Anyway, I would never hang up on someone. I
don’t even hang up on annoying telemarketers
that call to switch my phone service.
I think that’s wrong to hang up on people. I
don’t know why this is programmed into me.

Anyway, here’s the big lesson to learn from
the verbally attacking lady. It comes
down to blame.

She is blaming….

EVERYONE BUT HERSELF FOR HER SITUATION

This is a HUGE mistake. I mean HUGE! I
will say it again.

Instead of her saying, “I got myself into
this situation with my daughter and I have
to work to get myself out of this situation…”
She blames me the other day, when I was
on the phone, she was blaming her daughters
doctors for intentionally creating a situation
where she would have her daughter at home
with lots of kids and have to take care of
everyone.

She also blamed her ex husband who left her
with her “night mare” daughter with bipolar
disorder.

I really think this. If you are a supporter of
someone with bipolar disorder, you have to stop
the blaming game. MOVE ON!

I could have been blaming everyone and anyone
for the tons of money I lost with my mom but
what’s even far worse than that is all the years.
I lost so many years that were suppose to be
fun for me. Years, taking care of my mom, years
working like a slave to pay my mom’s bills,
etc.

BUT, luckily I never thought like this. I just
moved one. I accepted the fact that it was MY
FAULT this happened. I never blamed it on my
mom either.

My mom NEVER put a gun to my head and made me
do anything. NOW, she did manipulate me into
doing things for her but she never forced me.

It was MY fault that I failed to educate
myself about the realities of her illness BEFORE
she took my time and money.

I am NOT a doctor, therapist, lawyer, insurance
agent, etc, but I think that this kind of thinking
is really good. I think if you went to an expert
in this field and asked:

“Is it healthy to blame everyone but you when
lots of bad things go wrong with someone
with bipolar disorder?” I think the answer
would be no. I think you have to take
personal responsibility.

I have noticed the best supporters of people
with bipolar disorder do this. I have noticed
the ones who are not good supporters and not
happy, blame everyone and anyone other
than themselves.

NOTE! This is not just for people who
are supporters of those with bipolar
disorder, it’s also for people with
bipolar disorder.

If you have bipolar disorder, accept
your illness, don’t be mad at everyone
because you have it. Also, take responsibility
for your actions and move on. Learn how to
cope, deal and manage yourself, and be
successful like many people are doing
each and every day.

That’s right, each day there are MANY people
just like you, that are coping and dealing
with bipolar disorder perfectly.

In my courses/systems, you get to hear
from people that tell you exactly how
they do it:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to run. Have a great day.

Dave

Hi,

I have a REALLY big bipolar disorder
lessons for you today.

What a day I had yesterday. I want
you to read this email carefully.
It’s important.

Okay, yesterday I was working on
some stuff related to all sorts
of things. One of the things I was
working on was different doctors
that I was going to be interviewing
and also the questions for my interviews
for people who have been married HAPPILY
to someone with bipolar disorder for more
than 40 years. I have found these people
and I am very excited to interview them.

So I was working on the questions. About
3:00pm or so EST, I saw that my phone
was ringing. I had some free time so I
decided to pick it up.

It was a woman who said to me, “My
daughter has bipolar disorder and I
sent you an email. Did you get it?”

I said to her, “I am sorry, I get up to
1000 emails a day and can’t read them all.
If you sent it to the feedbacktodave address
then I would read it for sure. Which address
did you send it to?”

Then she screams, “I DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU SHOULD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

BARE WITH ME, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT BIPOLAR
LESSON…

I was shocked and confused. Then she went
on to say how nothing I put out was any
good. She said to me she got my course
and basically it “didn’t say” anything.
I remained calm and said to her, “Okay,
I am sorry about that. Please return
it and I will give your money back.”

Then she said how she filled out one of
my f.ree consultation certificates
for NON medical and NON legal questions
MONTHS ago but I never contacted her
about it.

I said, “Hmm. Let me check my log.” Pascale
told me a long time ago, to have a log
of ALL people who fill out forms and
send stuff to me. So since I am good at
following orders/directions I listen and
do have one.

I said, “When did you send it in?” She
said, “I don’t know January” I said
“January????” She said she thought
so.

There were NO people on my log that I
could not get ahold of since November
2006. There was only 1 last year, that
sent in a form, but I couldn’t get ahold
of. His number was disconnected, and the
mailing address was invalid when I tried
to write a letter.

Then I asked this person when she bought
my bipolar disorder supporter course.

She yelled at me and said, “why didn’t
you help me????” I asked again, “she said
sometime last year.”

I was thinking “last year???” So
then she went on to yell at me, talk really
fast and basically describe her nightmare.

Here’s where you need to learn from her.

She has a daughter who has basically destroyed
her. The daughter is totally out of control
and not following any kind of treatment plan.

According to the woman, she is almost like
a hostage in her own home. She said the
daughter:

Is violent with her
Doesn’t let her use a computer
Has many kids and doesn’t take care of them
Forbids her from going to the doctor
Lies and manipulates her all the time
Has caused her massive debt
Prevents her from reading about bipolar disorder.
on and on.

I swear I have NEVER ever heard anything like
this. This lady honestly sounded like a prison
in like a third world country. Then she
said, “You claim you help people deal
with these people’s bipolar disorder.” I took
that to mean, I help people who are supporters
cope and deal with loved one’s with bipolar
disorder.

So I said “Yes, I do.” Then she said, “I
need help what do I do?”

Immediately, I went into solution mode. I quickly
brainstormed and said to her, “Here’s the situation,
right now, I am not in the best thinking mode. BUT,
I can give you some suggestions what to do,
then I would like 24 hours to brainstorm about
your situation and outline a plan of action. May
I call you back after we cover a quick general
plan.”

Then she screamed at me, “You won’t even help
me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do. I
felt trapped to have to come up with something
that would be guaranteed to work. So I sat down
with a blank piece of paper and started outlining
the plan.

I was really worried, because I had a BIG, and I
mean BIG consulting call coming in for my consulting
business. I was hoping I could get off the phone
and then call the person back. BUT, at the same
time, I had to prepare for my consulting call.

The lady kept screaming and yelling at me
asking me for answers and help and then saying
when I didn’t talk, I wasn’t helping.

I asked her to list her problems. She screamed
at me. So I brainstormed what it seemed like
her problems were.

After 15 minutes, of her yelling at me,
I said, “I have some ideas for you.” She would
not listen. She never even heard me. Then
I waited another 10 minutes. Then,
my consulting call came in on my other line.
I asked her to hold on, she didn’t listen.
I asked over and over and over. The call
went to voicemail. I missed it and had one
chance.

I then tried to help this lady. Then as I
started to talk, she said to me “You aren’t
even listening to me.” At this point, I
was really annoyed. I had a plan for her
and she wasn’t even listening.

Finally, after like 45 minutes on the phone
and getting no where, she said to me, “You
did nothing for me.”

Then I said, I asked her, You got my
course.” She said, “Yes and I paid a lot of
money for it. There was nothing in it!!!!!!!!”

I asked her if she listened to the cds, and she
said no. I asked her if she read the last 20 pages
on how to handle when your loved one wants
more and more from you. She said no, she didn’t
have time and couldn’t.

I was thinking in my head, “No time in 8 months???”

Then she admitted she never listened to any
cds, or read the guide or anything. She really
didn’t go through anything. BUT, she said, she
didn’t have time and her daughter never lets
her.

Then she went on to attack me and say my material
wasn’t good anyway.

At this point, close to an hour, I said, “I have
to go. I spent a lot of time on the phone
with you.” She replied, “I paid for your course.”

I was thinking, paying for my course doesn’t
give you the right to scream, yell and attack
me verbally for 60 minutes. I didn’t say this
but I thought it.

I told her I had to go, and she said “FINE!!!!”
Then she said, “I am really angry!!!! She has
destroyed me” She hung up.

This was the worst call I have ever taken. I swear
it took a lot to not say, “I am never, ever talking
to anyone ever again. I am going to do like
everyone else is, offer material and never talk
to the people.”

Then I went to the gym and felt better. I was
thinking how way off track this lady was.

I TOTALLY didn’t handle the call right. Right
now I am going to bullet point what was done wrong
so you can learn from it.

If you want to know what course/system she is
referring to. I have three main ones:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

THE WOMAN’s MISTAKES

She is letting someone with bipolar disorder
not really seemingly in any treatment, take
control of her and her house

She is paying for her daughter’s financial
mistakes and it’s destroying her

She is listening to what her daughter
says to do even though she is not well

She is becoming so angry that she is
alienating people around her that can help.
She says she has no friends any more
and people stay away from her.

She NEVER went through my course at
all. Never listened to my cds or read
anything. Every problem she pointed
out to me is 100% covered in my
course. For example, she said her
daughter’s doctor said she can’t
talk to her about her daughter because
of privacy laws. In my course, I have
MANY EASY ways around this.

She is becoming a mean and rude
person who will wind up being alone,
destroyed emotionally, financially
and health wise.

She is forgetting about taking care of
herself.

Anyway, this was one of the most disturbing
phone calls I ever had to deal with. Sad
part is, because I missed that phone call,
I lost that consulting job. I should kick
myself for letting that happen. Really stupid
on my part.

I have to read. Don’t ever let this happen
to you.

Actually one last thing. I told my mom about
this and she said, “If I ever got way out
of control, I want you to put me in the
hospital or do whatever it takes to get
me right away.” My mom went on to
say how she would never want to do what
that lady’s daughter has done to her mother–
which is completely destroy her.

In all my mom’s episodes, she was never
even close to what I heard that lady
say her daughter was doing. I seriously
have never heard things like this.

I have to run. Have a good day.

Dave

Hi,

How are you? I wanted to drop you a quick email
of something that came up yesterday. I spoke
to someone that had filled out one of my
f.ree consultation question certificates
for NON medical and NON legal questions.

This person said to me, “I went through
all your bipolar supporter course material
and it all looks great. I totally agree
and understand what you are saying BUT,
I feel guilty when I do some of the
things you recommend. Even though
I know they are the right thing to
do. What should I do. Please help me.”

Well I got this and called the person
right away.

Guilt is a HUGE problem with the person
with bipolar disorder AND the bipolar
supporter.

When I first started putting a plan
in place for my mom, the plan included
new policies, procedures and rules.

One of the rules was caps on how much
could be spent on groceries and also
NO more using c.redit cards. My mom
was spending up to $1800 a month on
groceries. The max the bill should have
been was $600.

Her c.redit cards were through the roof.
She had over $30,000 of d.ebt and was
being charged a massive 29.9% interest
on almost all cards. It was incredible.

So I cur spending immediately. I took
away her c.redit cards and she went
ballistic on me. I remember one day
I was sitting at a random hospital
getting some paperwork done. Sometimes
I go to random places to do work
when I can’t find somewhere other than
a random place.

Anyway, she called me 14 times in a row.
Call after call. She left angry messages.
She was crying. She was saying I was a bad
son. A terrible person. I took away her
dignity. She wanted me to die. She couldn’t
afford her medication. On and on and on.

She was also calling my dad. He started
calling me asking me if we should give
her maybe one c.redit card. I said NO.
Period. I said if I was going to help
it had to be this way otherwise forget
it.

My dad said how he was feeling guilty.
My mom always knew she could break my
dad down easily. Me it doesn’t work. She
could call me 1 million times and if something
is right, it’s right. I won’t budget unless
there is a logical reason to. There
was no logical reason to give her a c.redit
card. My dad was paying for her doctor visits
and medication. All food was being bought
with a check.

There was no good reason. But I could tell,
my dad felt guilty for the c.ards being taken
away.

Then before this, my mom didn’t want to go
to the hospital. It took me 90 days to figure
out how to get her to go on her own using
one of my 21 techniques that I have.

BUT then when she was in the hospital for
the first day, she wanted to come out and
there was all kinds of drama. She called my
dad and myself collect (a call that cost
like a $100) telling us we were terrible
for bringing her to the hospital. My
dad asked if maybe she should be in the
hospital. I said, “Dad, she was in the
hospital one day and the hospital looks
better than any vacation I have been on in
12 years).

As a side note, I never knew what the inside
of a psychiatric hospital looked like. I
was kind of scared as to what it would look
like when I went. I thought it would look like
something from the movie Silence of the Lambs or
more like a prison.

I was shocked when I went. It looked like a
hotel. There were all kinds of TVs and people
were seeming to have fun. I certainly looked
better than any place I had gone in the past
decade. I know we can debate what the insides
of these places look like and I am sure there
are bad ones but where my mom went was a good
one.

After she got out, she did admit she liked
and everyone was nice and she met nice people.

Anyway, my dad started to feel guilty with
my mom in the hospital.

The list goes on and on. I never felt guilty
doing these various things. Why? Is it because
I am a mean person on a fast track to hell? Is
it because I am soooooo controlling like some
lady wrote on my blog?

NO!

It’s because I knew it was the right thing to
do for my mom. I had done enough research to
know what was the right thing. Now I must
admit, there are certain gray area things
that I had to do that I didn’t know 100%
whether or not it was the right thing to do.

For example, I decided not to pay off my
mom’s d.ebt by taking all my retirement
money and giving it to her. I was considering
this and having her pay me back. I did feel
bad/guilty that she had massive d.ebt and was
going to struggle to pay it off.

I decided against this because I would
be destroying my future which I had already
done already and didn’t want to. BUT, I didn’t
know exactly if this was the right choice.

NOTE-My mom is almost out of d.ebt totally.
I came up with a system you can learn about here
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/debtletter

For most supporters, you are going to feel
guilty doing things that you have not been
doing in the past with your loved one. In
the past, you have probably enabled your loved
one, not been the best supporter, not learned
about the illness, not taken it seriously
enough, given way too much money to your
loved one, fixed all their problems, etc.
etc.

If you look at my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

You’ll notice that I recommend taking tough
stands. It’s the only way that works.

Today, you hear in my bipolar supporter course/system
what I had to do and the end result which is my
mom is doing better than she has ever done. Things
aren’t perfect but way better than they use to be.

Today my mom is happy I took her c.redit cards away,
happy I let her pay off her own d.ebt, happy
that I got her into the hospital.

Here is an email from her:

————————————–
From:
Sent: Monday, April 30, 2007 2:30 PM
To: David Oliver
Subject: Good News

Chase credit card statement came in today and all
that is owed is $156.56. I have been trying to pay
this off for over 25 years.
Thanks to your help-this will be the second
card paid off since 2004.
I will be out of d.ebt in 6 months or so.
I appreciate you enlisting me in the Program and making
the system you did. It is a challenge sometime but
I have learned from you how important it is to watch
those pennies and save them.
Also, do no use credit cards-I do not like to
touch them-they make me nervous.
-Mom

==================================

The strange thing is this. If you are supporting someone
not doing well now, most of what you do for them will
make them mad. They will say mean things to you. BUT
overtime, as they get better, most will greatly appreciate
it. That’s the strange thing about this illness.

I have to take off, have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com