Hi,
I have a REALLY big bipolar disorder
lessons for you today.
What a day I had yesterday. I want
you to read this email carefully.
It’s important.
Okay, yesterday I was working on
some stuff related to all sorts
of things. One of the things I was
working on was different doctors
that I was going to be interviewing
and also the questions for my interviews
for people who have been married HAPPILY
to someone with bipolar disorder for more
than 40 years. I have found these people
and I am very excited to interview them.
So I was working on the questions. About
3:00pm or so EST, I saw that my phone
was ringing. I had some free time so I
decided to pick it up.
It was a woman who said to me, “My
daughter has bipolar disorder and I
sent you an email. Did you get it?”
I said to her, “I am sorry, I get up to
1000 emails a day and can’t read them all.
If you sent it to the feedbacktodave address
then I would read it for sure. Which address
did you send it to?”
Then she screams, “I DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU SHOULD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
BARE WITH ME, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT BIPOLAR
LESSON…
I was shocked and confused. Then she went
on to say how nothing I put out was any
good. She said to me she got my course
and basically it “didn’t say” anything.
I remained calm and said to her, “Okay,
I am sorry about that. Please return
it and I will give your money back.”
Then she said how she filled out one of
my f.ree consultation certificates
for NON medical and NON legal questions
MONTHS ago but I never contacted her
about it.
I said, “Hmm. Let me check my log.” Pascale
told me a long time ago, to have a log
of ALL people who fill out forms and
send stuff to me. So since I am good at
following orders/directions I listen and
do have one.
I said, “When did you send it in?” She
said, “I don’t know January” I said
“January????” She said she thought
so.
There were NO people on my log that I
could not get ahold of since November
2006. There was only 1 last year, that
sent in a form, but I couldn’t get ahold
of. His number was disconnected, and the
mailing address was invalid when I tried
to write a letter.
Then I asked this person when she bought
my bipolar disorder supporter course.
She yelled at me and said, “why didn’t
you help me????” I asked again, “she said
sometime last year.”
I was thinking “last year???” So
then she went on to yell at me, talk really
fast and basically describe her nightmare.
Here’s where you need to learn from her.
She has a daughter who has basically destroyed
her. The daughter is totally out of control
and not following any kind of treatment plan.
According to the woman, she is almost like
a hostage in her own home. She said the
daughter:
Is violent with her
Doesn’t let her use a computer
Has many kids and doesn’t take care of them
Forbids her from going to the doctor
Lies and manipulates her all the time
Has caused her massive debt
Prevents her from reading about bipolar disorder.
on and on.
I swear I have NEVER ever heard anything like
this. This lady honestly sounded like a prison
in like a third world country. Then she
said, “You claim you help people deal
with these people’s bipolar disorder.” I took
that to mean, I help people who are supporters
cope and deal with loved one’s with bipolar
disorder.
So I said “Yes, I do.” Then she said, “I
need help what do I do?”
Immediately, I went into solution mode. I quickly
brainstormed and said to her, “Here’s the situation,
right now, I am not in the best thinking mode. BUT,
I can give you some suggestions what to do,
then I would like 24 hours to brainstorm about
your situation and outline a plan of action. May
I call you back after we cover a quick general
plan.”
Then she screamed at me, “You won’t even help
me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do. I
felt trapped to have to come up with something
that would be guaranteed to work. So I sat down
with a blank piece of paper and started outlining
the plan.
I was really worried, because I had a BIG, and I
mean BIG consulting call coming in for my consulting
business. I was hoping I could get off the phone
and then call the person back. BUT, at the same
time, I had to prepare for my consulting call.
The lady kept screaming and yelling at me
asking me for answers and help and then saying
when I didn’t talk, I wasn’t helping.
I asked her to list her problems. She screamed
at me. So I brainstormed what it seemed like
her problems were.
After 15 minutes, of her yelling at me,
I said, “I have some ideas for you.” She would
not listen. She never even heard me. Then
I waited another 10 minutes. Then,
my consulting call came in on my other line.
I asked her to hold on, she didn’t listen.
I asked over and over and over. The call
went to voicemail. I missed it and had one
chance.
I then tried to help this lady. Then as I
started to talk, she said to me “You aren’t
even listening to me.” At this point, I
was really annoyed. I had a plan for her
and she wasn’t even listening.
Finally, after like 45 minutes on the phone
and getting no where, she said to me, “You
did nothing for me.”
Then I said, I asked her, You got my
course.” She said, “Yes and I paid a lot of
money for it. There was nothing in it!!!!!!!!”
I asked her if she listened to the cds, and she
said no. I asked her if she read the last 20 pages
on how to handle when your loved one wants
more and more from you. She said no, she didn’t
have time and couldn’t.
I was thinking in my head, “No time in 8 months???”
Then she admitted she never listened to any
cds, or read the guide or anything. She really
didn’t go through anything. BUT, she said, she
didn’t have time and her daughter never lets
her.
Then she went on to attack me and say my material
wasn’t good anyway.
At this point, close to an hour, I said, “I have
to go. I spent a lot of time on the phone
with you.” She replied, “I paid for your course.”
I was thinking, paying for my course doesn’t
give you the right to scream, yell and attack
me verbally for 60 minutes. I didn’t say this
but I thought it.
I told her I had to go, and she said “FINE!!!!”
Then she said, “I am really angry!!!! She has
destroyed me” She hung up.
This was the worst call I have ever taken. I swear
it took a lot to not say, “I am never, ever talking
to anyone ever again. I am going to do like
everyone else is, offer material and never talk
to the people.”
Then I went to the gym and felt better. I was
thinking how way off track this lady was.
I TOTALLY didn’t handle the call right. Right
now I am going to bullet point what was done wrong
so you can learn from it.
If you want to know what course/system she is
referring to. I have three main ones:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
THE WOMAN’s MISTAKES
She is letting someone with bipolar disorder
not really seemingly in any treatment, take
control of her and her house
She is paying for her daughter’s financial
mistakes and it’s destroying her
She is listening to what her daughter
says to do even though she is not well
She is becoming so angry that she is
alienating people around her that can help.
She says she has no friends any more
and people stay away from her.
She NEVER went through my course at
all. Never listened to my cds or read
anything. Every problem she pointed
out to me is 100% covered in my
course. For example, she said her
daughter’s doctor said she can’t
talk to her about her daughter because
of privacy laws. In my course, I have
MANY EASY ways around this.
She is becoming a mean and rude
person who will wind up being alone,
destroyed emotionally, financially
and health wise.
She is forgetting about taking care of
herself.
Anyway, this was one of the most disturbing
phone calls I ever had to deal with. Sad
part is, because I missed that phone call,
I lost that consulting job. I should kick
myself for letting that happen. Really stupid
on my part.
I have to read. Don’t ever let this happen
to you.
Actually one last thing. I told my mom about
this and she said, “If I ever got way out
of control, I want you to put me in the
hospital or do whatever it takes to get
me right away.” My mom went on to
say how she would never want to do what
that lady’s daughter has done to her mother–
which is completely destroy her.
In all my mom’s episodes, she was never
even close to what I heard that lady
say her daughter was doing. I seriously
have never heard things like this.
I have to run. Have a good day.
Dave
Dave, I think that woman you talked to yesterday may well have been bipolar herself. Perhaps because she identified herself as a bipolar supporter you overlooked the possibility she was a sufferer as well. You know it can run in families, and you also know many people go many years undiangosed or misdiagnosed. Either way, you never should have let your business call go by for her when she was being uncooperative. You’ve learned so well to deal with this type of treatment effectively when it comes from your mother, but I think this woman just blindsided you. Don’t let that happen! You can’t afford to burn out. There are too many of us cooperative and grateful course-buyers who need your assistance. Elizabeth Spring
David,
It sounds as if this woman was possibly bipolar herself. A rational person would have let you get in a word in the conversation.
Not only that but how do you know she wasn’t the DAUGHTER and not the MOM. Her reaction to the whole conversation in my opinion was not normal.
I agree with the other two here. My first thought was “OMG she sounds like me when I go off on my boyfriend or son.” I would say next time maybe suggest she see a doctor herself to see if she might be bipolar as well. In the absence of that, this lady should really seek help for her daughter whether the daughter likes it or not.
Dear Dave,
I agree with the first two comments. It sounds like this woman was in a full-fledged episode herself. I rely heavily on your advice to not argue or be hurt by someone during an episode. You may have been too close to the situation to see it.
Hang in there!
Mary Watson
I could have used your course many times in my life.I needed it most when I was growing up,my Mom was bipolar and didn’t even know it.She was in total denial that she had a mental illness.She made life unbearable many times.I see her problems in me,because I’m bipolar too.I don’t know which was worse,her trying to destroy me or me trying to destroy myself.
I survived,barely.
I have a son that’s bipolar too, I’ve learned to not blame myself and I don’t blame him.I’ve learned a “three second rule”,if it doesn’t make sense in three seconds,I walk away and say nothing.I usually come back in a few minutes and face the problem head-on,but I’m in better control.
It’s too bad you couldn’t and that woman’s bipolar episode blindsided you.
I wish you well,God bless you for what your doing.You’re helping many people,me included.
Dave, after reading about the woman who attacked you yesterday…I felt that she was overwhelmed. She was at “wits end”. Her daughter has taken total control over her life and her household and she’s more angry at that because she has no control anymore. Her reading and listening to your support material is too much work for her; that’s why she want instant answers. This woman is so absorbed in her daughter’s actions that she’s lost. All of that to say, Dave, when dealing with a person that don’t listen to the first few words of your answers; or someone that keep repeating themselves over and over; then don’t let that happen. We often find that in supporting others; it can be a “trying” experience, but remember your place and not let them get the best of you. In other words, don’t waste time on a “no-win” situation. With her not reading the information she bought from you; I wouldn’t give her a refund.
Dear Dave
I agree with lyzspring who is of the view that perhaps the woman was a bipolar sufferer herself.
I am a bipolar sufferer with very little support. Last year I had an episode after 20 yeas of being free from bipolar. In fact I didn’t know until last year that I suffered from bipolar because when I was ill some 20 years ago I was told I had a never breakdown.
Anyway I am sure you have learnt a lot from yesterday. I have certainly learnt an enormous amount from reading your daily comments.
Thanks for being there for so many of us and keep up the good work.
Pauline
Dave, This woman is definately Bipolar, no doubt in my mind. Don’t forget our children have a 50/50 chance of being bipolar, My dad was diagnosed with a mental disorder but because I didnt live with him I never found out until he died. So as far as we were concerned at the time of my first episode there was no history of mental illness in the family. I don’t like those odds but its true. You handled the call the best way possible. I’ve not read your course or listened to your cds either but I get as much support from your e-mails as i need at the moment. Keep up the good work. and THANKS.
Dave, talking about your phone call, did you think that maybe it was the MOTHER who was bi-polar and not the daughter?
Sounds a lot like the type of things your mother said to you!
Dave, I have bipolar. This has made me wonder what I am doing to my 23 year old daughter who I feel I need around me 24/7. I feel I can’t think or do anything unless she is here. She is married. I know I must be causing problems with her marriage. I’ve started writing a journal to evaluate my actions every day and to see how I can fix them You didn’t deserve what that woman did. I agree she may have bipolar too
Dave,
I was saddened to hear about your experience with that woman’s call. But I have to say I can completely relate to her situation. There is so much stress, guilt, responsibility, etc going on inside her. Bless her heart.
My oldest has bp. Before I found your site online, my husband and I both felt like prisoners in our home. My son was recently diagnosed and takes his meds. I couldn’t even begin to guess what life would be like if he refused to take his medication.
I’m not all the way through your course. I received your mini course first and that helped me the most so far. I refer to that part as explanations. It was very helpful. That was information we definitely did not receive from my son’s doctor the day he was diagnosed. To know that the fabrications he (my son) told many of our peers and the negative behavior he has exhibited are part of the disorder most definitely calmed this mother’s heart. Knowing helped me, not necessarily forgive the behavior, but understand it and thus, helped me not to take it personally.
When I first came upon your site, my husband did not appear to agree with my desire to learn about bp. He thought I was seeking excuses for my son’s behavior. I gave my husband this example… Say I came home from work and he asked me how my day went. I respond with, ‘Crappy.’ Then later that night I snapped at him. Knowing I had a bad day wouldn’t necessarily excuse the behavior I exhibited, but it would help him understand why.
I’ve been where she is now. The frustration is unbelievable. It sounds like her daughter has children that are not being cared for. In that situation, tough love would be hard for me. I will pray for that woman and her family.
And finally, I feel that was very gracious of you to try and help her. Please don’t let negative situations keep you from getting this information out. And know that people like her need you the most!
Many blessings,
S. McMahan
I appreciate all the advice and help. It does take time to assimilate, but that is certainly worth doing!
Dave, i agree with the others, it sounds like that lady was bipolar herself. Thanks for all you do and all your suggestions and being willing to send us emails like this to help us out.
For the moment, we cannot afford your course, but even the free tips you send on a regular basis have made my life and the life of my bipolar II husband a hundred times better. Your advice is the greatest help; you’ve helped more than any professional counselor my husband has visited. Please be strong and continue doing exactly what you have been doing. God bless you! David. CT
david..
this woman is s0 obviously suffocated in such despair that she lashed out on the nearest person.. being on the receiving end of a stranger’s anger is horrible..but she must have been in such a hopeless space..very sad…but totally desperate and crying out to some1..any1..u…
do n0t feel beaten up..she had come 2 her point of break..just a shame she directed her frustration at u..the only person online wh0 actually tells it as it is..straight, to the point..and honest…
We do live in a dysfunctional world most of the time..and sometimes each one of us feels useless in our efforts..but david..we cannot save every1..we want 2 but we just can’t …
x have a calm and peaceful day people..and u david… x
xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx
p.s emails directed to angelxox are me.. :o) just wanted that confusion sorted..
It seems to me that the lady, whether she had bipolar or not is in an abusive relationship. She’s not just dealing with bipolar, but her daughter is her abuser as well.
The woman needs to get to counseling, because there are special counselors available to people who stay in abusive relationships when they should leave.
It wasn’t your job to fix her problems because she is obviously very mixed up if she can’t see that she is letting her daughter abuse her. If she’s worried about the kids who don’t get cared for, well there is foster care for them until the daughter gets treatment.
She needs to put an end to what is obviously a very sick relationship with her daughter. It may sound cold, but she is not helping anyone by staying.
Hi Dave: I was going to say that I think this lady was actually the person with Bipolar disease and was using a daughter to get your attention. But it seems that the others here have said exactly what I was thinking, so I don’t need to add to that. Keep up your spirits. Your emails are very helpful
Dave, you can only help people who want to be helped. She obviously didnt. You should have taken that consult call. People are not miracle workers. next time, only help the ones who want it. Kristen
Dave,being a supporter of a person with bp disprder has made me feel like the condition is contagious at times. I disagree with most of your bloggers’ comments. Often after being called every dirty name in the book, being burnt with a cigar in my face, watching my prized possesions get destroyed, getting hit with a vacuum cleaner, I get a little irrational too. I’ve suffered from depression but with meds & therapy have been able to cope . I cannot afford your course right now. Which shouldn’t be a surprise being that the supporter is usually broke due to uncontrolable spending from my partner. I have no friends or relationships with my family due to the alienation her disease causes us. I say “us” because the shame I feel prevents me from associating with people who have no understanding of her disorder. Your suggestions only help me to an extent. We have no Dr., no meds, no insurance, denied for Medicaid & no $$$. My parnter’s mother is bipolar as well & is temporarily staying with us. I get verbally abused by both of them & I feel like I’m going crazy from patience & biting my tongue. For forgiving every lie, accusation & misspoke word. Always defending my words & actions makes me feel like I have a mood disorder. I feel abnormal when I’m unable to quickly recover from an episode which can last up to 3 weeks (Last Month)Her heartfelt pleas to me to stay with her while we figure out a way to prevent episodes are the only reason I stay. But I’m truly losing it. If anyone out there has a word of advice…please feel free to share. And unless you’ve been in the shoes of a supporter, don’t be quick to judge our levels of sanity. Imagine living with someone with schizophernia, O.C.D.,Tourette’s syndrome, severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, A.D.D. , drug & alcohol addiction,actually….everything addiction! Thats what living with a bipolar person is like.My e-mail addy is buttaflyz95@yahoo.com if anyone wants to respond to me directly. Thank you in advance.
Dave, I agree with some of these other posts. This lady sounds out of control and as if she too is bipolar. Remember your email that you sent out about how bipolar people are such master manipulators? Doesn’t this experience sound like that? Probably she wouldn’t have agreed and would have gotten even more angry if you had told her you thought she might be bipolar as well. You did a great job of handling yourself.
You are doing a great job! I am unemployed now and money is seriously tight, but I hope to be able to purchase your course as soon as things change. My husband and stepson (his biological son) are both bipolar and I am a mental health counselor, I know your work is an invaluable resource.
I’ve been looking for your email address to write to you (maybe I’ve been missing something on the website–does anyone know what it is?) I’m at jobar57@aol.com.
Hi Dave,
WOW! Unfortunately, sounds like mom has given up and not to say she doesn’t have justification but it also sounds as if the daughter sees her mother as weak and takes total advantage of her even to the point of driving mom over the edge.
I would like to see the two sit down and talk like a mother and daughter…possibly tell each other they love one another and hug. Situations such as these don’t fix themselves overnight since it probably took years for the relationship to go so sour. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter but also am fortunate that either she nor I have bipolar disorder unlike a couple of our family members. But, I will always love and support them through good and bad…you just have to!
Maybe mom needs a vacation away from it all to revive herself and get a chance to educate herself on bipolar disorder. I’m sure she can’t be in the best of health and spirits with having to deal with what you outlined in the email.
Keep up the good work…it’s situations like these that we learn the most from and makes us realize how fortunate and strong we can be!!
Take care,
Lisa West
Dave,
That lady may have suffered some serious trauma in dealing with her daughter’s bipolar illness. When a person suffers from such trauma they can act and react in ways that are unhealthy, how do i know this I have been there not to this extreme (I hope) but I saw it and I sought help for myself.
Don’t let one bad apple stop you.
You are a better man than I am woman, I could not have tolerated 10 min, 30 and especially one hour of her ravings! I feel for her but I can’t allow someone like that to destroy me!
Forget the daughter, I think this woman was a def bi-polar or manic of some type! Whew!
She will not have anyone to stand by and listen those rantings! God is her answer, He loves she and her daughter and He is her only salvation!
Sorry you lost your good deal!
I’d put her on hold whether she was willing or not, bills have to be paid and that is your livlihood, I assume! Besides that she wasn’t even OPEN for business, (meantally, I mean), she had tuned you out from the get-go!
Wishing you better days. And lady, learn to take a breath and listen!
Kay
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The way that woman handled herself was completely inappropriate. I understand that she is just another seemingly innocent bystander caught up in the grips of this terrible disorder, but she had no right to talk to you the way she did. Try not to let her make you feel inadequate because of her own mistakes. You can only do so much…after that, it’s up to the other party involved. Hope you can shake it off easily. I’ll be praying for you. (Her too)
Having lived through 2 major psychotic episodes with my 22 year old daughter, your feeling that she sounded like she was living in a 3rd world country was right. That IS how you feel. During my daughter’s last episode 13 months ago, I hadn’t had much sleep in 2 weeks. I called the crisis team at midnight. They suggested I go some place else to get some rest. So I left my daughter home with her dad and went to the nearest hotel. Of course I didn’t get any sleep there either. But being away from the situation I was able to think more clearly and it occurred to me that giving me the advice to leave my own home to get some rest meant inmate was running the asylum! The next morning I went to the state run emergency psychiatric facility and had her admitted (again) against her will. She’s only 22 and is on her 2nd round of court ordered treatment which they just extended for a year because she won’t get treatment unless she’s forced to. I’ve recently begun the discussion with her that if she doesn’t continue treatment on her own if and when the court order expires, she can no longer live here. To Buttafly on the Westside…what helps me get me through is I constantly remind myself that helping her is a choice and I do it because I love her. Dave’s e-mails do help because most of what he has to say helps keep me strong and reminds me not to let this disorder run my entire life. But like you, it has taken it’s financial toll. I haven’t worked in over a year so I can be here and make sure she does what she’s supposed to do. But again, that’s been a choice too. It’s hard no matter how you look at it and some days are better than others. Dave, you were a really nice guy to talk that lady so long!! I think she was just at the end of her rope.
THIS DOES SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH THE DISORDER THAT IS KILLING ME. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS A DISORDER THAT CAN BE PAST DOWN NOW DO WE REALLY KNOW WHERE HERS STARTED OR IF THE DAUGHTER IS FINE AND THE MOTHER COULD BE THE ONE THAT IS HAVING PROBLEMS BUT YES I RELATE TO THIS BECAUSE I LIVE IT …..I THINK YOUR MESSAGES ARE GREAT AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THEM EVERY DAY WISH U AND YOUR MOTHER GREAT LUCK
THIS DOES SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH THE DISORDER THAT IS KILLING ME. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS A DISORDER THAT CAN BE PAST DOWN NOW DO WE REALLY KNOW WHERE HERS STARTED OR IF THE DAUGHTER IS FINE AND THE MOTHER COULD BE THE ONE THAT IS HAVING PROBLEMS BUT YES I RELATE TO THIS BECAUSE I LIVE IT …..I THINK YOUR MESSAGES ARE GREAT AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THEM EVERY DAY WISH U AND YOUR MOTHER GREAT LUCK
THIS DOES SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH THE DISORDER THAT IS KILLING ME. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS A DISORDER THAT CAN BE PAST DOWN NOW DO WE REALLY KNOW WHERE HERS STARTED OR IF THE DAUGHTER IS FINE AND THE MOTHER COULD BE THE ONE THAT IS HAVING PROBLEMS BUT YES I RELATE TO THIS BECAUSE I LIVE IT …..I THINK YOUR MESSAGES ARE GREAT AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THEM EVERY DAY WISH U AND YOUR MOTHER GREAT LUCK
THIS DOES SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH THE DISORDER THAT IS KILLING ME. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS A DISORDER THAT CAN BE PAST DOWN NOW DO WE REALLY KNOW WHERE HERS STARTED OR IF THE DAUGHTER IS FINE AND THE MOTHER COULD BE THE ONE THAT IS HAVING PROBLEMS BUT YES I RELATE TO THIS BECAUSE I LIVE IT …..I THINK YOUR MESSAGES ARE GREAT AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THEM EVERY DAY WISH U AND YOUR MOTHER GREAT LUCK
**Nicely put @ buttafly on the westside**
It is not important whether this lady has BiPolar or not…what matters is that she was crying out for some comfort…that is all she wanted and she feels unheard…
xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx
I have to agree with what lyzspring said. The first thing I thought after reading about what she said to you was that she, herself, was bipolar. In fact, she could very well have invented the “daughter” she claims is tormenting her.
Dave, you were very patient with this person. She was obviously unbalanced, which further illustrates that she was not quite right.
David,
I feel for you having to feel obligated to help everyone and I do apreciate that. I wish I could afford your course because I’m in dire need of it. I myself am Bipolar and PTSD and borderline personally identity disorder. But here the catch I’m also a single mom of two 11 and 9. They also have bipolar, ADHD, and ODD. We live on SSD and have no money extra lefted over after bills. Right now my 9 year old has became ammuned to his meds. and the Dr. is not listening to me or reports from school teacher, nurse and counslers. He is just slowly uping the meds. he is already on instead of trying something else. How do I get the Dr. to change meds. to something different? Thank you for all the email and advice. Sandra
Dave, I have to say man I really respect your patience!! I agree, I think mom has bipolar too and possibly doesnt realize it or maybe even denies it by “blaming” everything on her daughter. And if the daughter isnt getting any treatment chances are mom isnt either and that can not be healthy for either of them they may even be “feeding” eachothers disorder.
your blog does not allow anonymous comments. When I finished my comments and signed up for an account as your site asks, it erased my entire comments.
I was just like this lady’s daughter. I am now under control. I have been married for 40 years. You said that you were looking for people who lived with Bipolar and married for over 40 years. I am looking for a form wheere I can help other people learn from my mistakes.
Lee Wrede
Just wanted to say I agree with the others & I as a person with bipolar,I just want u to no I appreciate everything u do. Sorry u didnt get that job. I’ll pray for u. Marsha Mills
I agree with lyspring.
She sounds bipolar.
My daughter is also, but she is only 12 and we caught it this past January. The best thing I can do for her when she gets ‘upset’ is to let it go. Not to take it personally, which is hard cause I have feelings too. But when you have a loved one who is having an episode you have to stand strong, for them.
Sorry you had to listen to her and question your abilities. I have not purchased your stuff but I read your emails every day.
Thanks.
Cindy.
Dave,
I have two comments:
1) you WAY too nice. I know the customer is always right, but for your sake, don’t let future clients hurt your well being in terms of your career, work, or otherwise. If you get a call like that again, I would suggest firmly asking for their phone number so that they can call you back, and then if they keep screaming, say, “if you want my help, you will have to let me call you back later. I assure you that I will address your problem if you allow me.” Put the ball in their court and let them decide if they really want to accept your assistance or not, on your terms. Even if you provide a service or business, you have the right to take care of matters on your schedule.
2) I agree with the other bloggers, it did not seem that she was really open to any sort of information and just wanted to lash out and was overcome with emotion. She could also be bipolar, or maybe have been the daughter.
Good luck. I hope that missed call didn’t hurt you too much.
David, bless your heart! I have been there! People always comment on how quiet my house is when my husband is not home.
For me after years of emotional rampages quiet is my most precious treasure!
I bow to your patience! I could do that once and still can upon occassion but not often these days because I only have a half a nerve left,lol!
Humor has helped me keep what sanity I have left after being sandwiched between two bi-polar family members. Laughter is very important to survival. Laughter and quiet.
You are a peach! Please don’t let the poor womans’ emotional dumping get you down! I feel very blessed by having found you or did you find me,lol!
It soun likethe woman is having a break down from her daughter abusing her for so long.
she needs to get into counseling for heself and her grandkids. Then she needs to get her daughter out of her life and concentrate on herself and the grandkids. It is her duty as a gramma to rpotect those kids is anyway because the mom is unable to. those kids deserve a chance an a normal life too and will b unalble to do so without he mom being out of the picture and haveing some intense therapy.
BrigitteSlaton said…
Dave,Sounds to me like that woman that called you was really the daughter not the mother.
Come on the lady is going to order something and not even read it or listen to the cd’s then blame you?
Maybe she is really calling out for help but don’t want to admit to mom that mom is right.
Remember too that you can’t help someone who won’t try to help themselves. First step is admitting you have a problem right? I’m sure the daughter hasn’t done that yet. Another thing seem as though the mother has a spoiled brat on her hands …not just bipolar.
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Dave,
Whatever this woman may or maynot have, you are not helping her or yourself by continuing to get hooked into these unhealthy conversations. You must learn to say, “I will only continue this conversation when you are calm”, and, “I am terminating this call now. Please call me back when you are calm”. Bipolars all need to learn that rage gets them nowhere.You are teaching them the opposite. The result will be burnout for you and a lack of help for the rest of us, unless you change your phone techniques!
I am in my fifties and raised a bi-polar son who hung himself 2 years ago at the age of 27, leaving 2 children behind. I had no idea that he was bi-polar. I didn’t know what it was. He was on drugs and the doctors always blamed his behavior on the drugs. It was a long, hard life between us because of the rage and outbursts. At first his problems were at school and the way they describe his actions was unbeliveable to me because he didn’t act that way at home. He finaly quit school and then the rage was turned on me. It got so bad at times that he even attacked me once. I’m sure I have bi-polarism too but have mellowed over the years. I always blamed myself for the way he acted because I didn’t know any better. My father was that way, I was that way and so was my son. I’m now rasing my son’s little boy and at three years old I can see the ups and downs in his behavior that reminds me of my dead son. I have already talked with the doctors about this and they tell me that I’m over reacting and give it some time. At least I have more patience now and have learned to give the baby choices, but stick to the choice he makes. For example, if he won’t sit still to eat dinner, then I will give him the choice to sit at the table until the rest of us finish, or he has to go to his room and not watch cartoons. Which ever choice he makes, I follow through on it. This has made it so much easier to raise him. No holloring, no screaming, just a calm choice that he gets to make. I hope this will carry through for the rest of his life. That he has choices he can make and that everything in life is not unfair. Boy I’m babbling, but I never had a chance to talk about some of the trials that I have lived through and I have just barely touched on the subject. I just wanted to let it out.
“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives – J. Michael Straczynski”
David,
I’ve only been getting your emails for a short time, but I have received so much valuable information. Looking back, I suffered from bipolar for many years, but was only diagnosed last June.
Thanks for all that you do!
~Tracy
I agree in your response to this woman. She is truly burnt out!! I’m very sorry this has happened to her and hopfully she will find help herself in a group meeting place near her.
Bi polar is by all means very difficult, I am one myself.
I have learned much at group meetings. I hope she will find one to support her in her troubles.
Dave, it seems like she could be bipolar, too, but maybe it just that she had a breakdown, sometimes we just carry a lot over our shoulders and at some point all this can mash us. Just know my boyf (bipolar1), is on an episode he started with a major manya and now he is on a major deprision he is locked in his house, dont answer the phone. So all this put a lot on me emotionally and I know that when he gets better Ill just have to forget all that Im felling rigth know. I can only imagine if this happened every day.
None of use can judge from the interaction listed if the caller is or is not bipolar. Blaming her for how she has or has not respond to earlier attempts at helping her will not change the current situation either. It is important to note that in the future you must set a limit on how much you can do. While you may desire to help your capacity is not unlimited. There are business details that you must attend to in order to continue to help others. Continuing with her call and missing the consulting call meant that you put her in control of whether or not you took care of those business matters.
I’m not sure if I’m interfering with your “very mad woman” blog, but I have a problem that I can’t find a solution to. How does one know if they are really bi-polar or family conditions are bringing on deep depression. I was recently diagnosed with mild bi-polar with somewhat frequent mood swings. I have 3 step sons living with us and my husband refuses to make them do much housework, doesn’t require them to work, and I make most of the financial means in the house. Whem I come home, which I dread doing, I walk in and they are either on their video games, sleeping, or eating huge bowls of cereal (refuse to cook for themselves). I get extremely depressed over this because it puts such a burden on me. I’m constantly in a bad mood when I get home because of walking in to this. I think I may be bi-polar, but how much is bi-polar and how much is my home life. The doctor said if things didn’t change at home, I was going to be in serious trouble. I’ve told my husband, love the guy tremendously, but this I feel is killing me. Any suggestions? I’m on geodon and trying to work up to 80mg. (I hate the stuff), Wellbutrin and Lamictal. What’s me and what’s bi-polar? cigi
I have sent you 2 notes and no reply, I am not saying that your course doe’s not work because I have a 17 year old grandson that is bp and in a dangerous way, He has never gotten violent with me but he has twice with his little brother and one of the 2 times had to be pulled off. I have thought about shipping him off for good or taken a trip out to the correction creek, Somehow I don’t think that would work. But should I ship him off ?
I have also been so frustrated but I don’t know why the woman yelled at you. After years of going through this with my husband and now my daughter I know that nothing has really gotten better. Doctors do not prescribe correctly and do not want to admit the medication itself can make a patient aggressive and agitated, causing more problems. One medication my daughter was given caused her to hallucinate within 3 days. I have gone through the money with my daughter also.
Yes i agree this women to me sounds like myself,before i was diagnost with bipolar. Out of control belameing everone eles,mine however ended me in jail i didnt know why i had ended up in jail,i swear at police or anyone who was tryin to help me.i was totally out of control,as she was with you David,but i will have to say that it was good that you stayed on line with her believe me you did the right thing if she wasnt taken it out on you,then she herself may have ended up in jail or worse.She will never have control of her home or family til she seeks help herself.So no matter what keep up the great work your doing an may god go with you an bless you for all the great work your doing,again thank you
WOW, it does sound like this WOMEN is to blame. However, I remember feeling like there was no place to turn to for help with my son. It actually was easier once he turned 18 because at that point, I told him he had to be in active treatment (meaning regualr visits to his phycyotrist (I don’t know how to spell it) and on the medications that were given to him by the doctor, plus no illegle drugs. He did not want to follow the plan, so he DID wind up moving and it was really hard for me to be able to put MYSELF in the situation to step back from the emotional aspect of his illness and not rescue him when he was not following a plan. I DID however tell him he could call me any time if he felt suicidal (I didn’t want him to kill himself). He did spend time in a mental hospital on several occasions before he was 18. It is really hard when you do not have your own support system when you are a family member.
David. hang in there, yor emails are terrfic and I think i commented before you are a person w a voice and wants to help somtimes you get the brunt of it all, and these things will happen. considering you are well aware dont take it personally. Keep up the good work. LAURA
Dave,
I understand the frustration that this lady is experiencing because my daughter has also done that to me. I finally asked her to move out. Her personality disorder will now be her problem, because I can’t deal with her any more. It is destroying me.
That is what the lady in your story has to do. PUT HER DAUGHTER OUT. Let her daughter face the consequences of her behavior until she decides to stay on her medication. Unfortunately the kids do suffer because of it. I don’t have the answer for that part of the equation.
Dave,
I understand the frustration that this lady is experiencing because my daughter has also done that to me. I finally asked her to move out. Her personality disorder will now be her problem, because I can’t deal with her any more. It is destroying me.
That is what the lady in your story has to do. PUT HER DAUGHTER OUT. Let her daughter face the consequences of her behavior until she decides to stay on her medication. Unfortunately the kids do suffer because of it. I don’t have the answer for that part of the equation.
Dave, I’m sorry you had that phone call at such an inopportune time. Because you were distracted thinking about your upcoming consultancy perhaps you were caught off guard and failed to see that your caller was the one who was bi-polar. Yet even people who are licensed professionals can be fooled by the manipulations of a bi-polar person. I bought a taping of a Barbara Walters special on 60 Minutes over 5 years ago. What was so amazing is that a woman had convinced the juvenile courts that her incorrigible children (twin boys age 13 declared incorrigible and institutionalized multiple times) were future serial killers and she wanted Barbara to put cameras up in the house so the world could see how terrible her children were. The tapes showed how incredibly manipulative the mother was and that she was the problem! The mother’s behavior was so appalling that when the original judge saw the tape, the kids were permanently taken away from the mother. Barbara followed up with the judge and social workers involved and they were shocked to realize that maybe many more children, besides the twins, had parents who had convinced the courts that their children were incorrigible when in fact it was the parents. The professionals involved talked about the twins mother and decided that she was probably bi-polar and a narcissist. This was a real eye opener for me. Carrie
Hi Dave. I hav learnt so much by reading your emails. I am supporting a friend whose husband is a CHRONIC bipolar sufferer. Sad thing is, she is much like the woman that phoned you- she’s isolated herself a lot. At least she knows we care, and leans rather heavily on me, but also flips very quickly if she thinks her hubby is not getting the right support from people they view as friends. Extremely hard to watch her suffer like this – plus I’ve tried giving her your info, but she doens’t seem able to absorb any of it, or put it into practice herself. I’m rather afraid for her, tho – if she had to confront or disagree with him when he’s having throwing bipolar tantrum, I feel there’s a real danger that he would hurt her! he breaks things in the house, cuts himself, etc. Really scary stuff! But she loves him so much and is terrified that one day he’l really kill himself!She messes with his meds, tho, and he doesn’t have a therapist/doctor dedicated to helping him. I don’t think the doctors around here know what to do. I’ve given her the no for the local bipolar support group, but she doesn’t use them at all. Seems all I can do is try to understand the disease and her reaction to it!
Thank you for a wonderful program- as I said, I have really gained immense insight already!
Nicky.
Sorry Dave for not replying your mail on the woman that attacked you on phone.I want to join the wagon of those who suggested that the woman is bipolar herself because she behaved like one.Maybe she needs your help too.Thanks for explaining what bipolar is all about to me.
Dear David,
I wanted to offer my heart felt support to you. In my opinion, the woman was way out of control. Her behavior totally inappropriate. I think that you handeled the situation in a very professional mature,and caring manner. I respect and admire your demeanor. The calm person is always in control. The out of control person looses credibility in their position. I encourage you to continue being the nice and compassionate person that you are. I recommend that you stay focused on your long term goals rather than people and situations that will not be of value to your mission. You are the one who assigns the value and worth of another person’s words or views. Displaced anger does not help anyone go forward. Don’t waste your energy and efforts on people that can’t see beyond themselves, for whatever reason.
Your friend and supporter,
Krista
Dave,
Having trouble getting through on the blog. I using this as a test run to see if I actually get on.
Thanks,
Nancy
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Keep up the faith all and God bless,
Nancy
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