Hi,

How are you? I wanted to drop you a quick email
of something that came up yesterday. I spoke
to someone that had filled out one of my
f.ree consultation question certificates
for NON medical and NON legal questions.

This person said to me, “I went through
all your bipolar supporter course material
and it all looks great. I totally agree
and understand what you are saying BUT,
I feel guilty when I do some of the
things you recommend. Even though
I know they are the right thing to
do. What should I do. Please help me.”

Well I got this and called the person
right away.

Guilt is a HUGE problem with the person
with bipolar disorder AND the bipolar
supporter.

When I first started putting a plan
in place for my mom, the plan included
new policies, procedures and rules.

One of the rules was caps on how much
could be spent on groceries and also
NO more using c.redit cards. My mom
was spending up to $1800 a month on
groceries. The max the bill should have
been was $600.

Her c.redit cards were through the roof.
She had over $30,000 of d.ebt and was
being charged a massive 29.9% interest
on almost all cards. It was incredible.

So I cur spending immediately. I took
away her c.redit cards and she went
ballistic on me. I remember one day
I was sitting at a random hospital
getting some paperwork done. Sometimes
I go to random places to do work
when I can’t find somewhere other than
a random place.

Anyway, she called me 14 times in a row.
Call after call. She left angry messages.
She was crying. She was saying I was a bad
son. A terrible person. I took away her
dignity. She wanted me to die. She couldn’t
afford her medication. On and on and on.

She was also calling my dad. He started
calling me asking me if we should give
her maybe one c.redit card. I said NO.
Period. I said if I was going to help
it had to be this way otherwise forget
it.

My dad said how he was feeling guilty.
My mom always knew she could break my
dad down easily. Me it doesn’t work. She
could call me 1 million times and if something
is right, it’s right. I won’t budget unless
there is a logical reason to. There
was no logical reason to give her a c.redit
card. My dad was paying for her doctor visits
and medication. All food was being bought
with a check.

There was no good reason. But I could tell,
my dad felt guilty for the c.ards being taken
away.

Then before this, my mom didn’t want to go
to the hospital. It took me 90 days to figure
out how to get her to go on her own using
one of my 21 techniques that I have.

BUT then when she was in the hospital for
the first day, she wanted to come out and
there was all kinds of drama. She called my
dad and myself collect (a call that cost
like a $100) telling us we were terrible
for bringing her to the hospital. My
dad asked if maybe she should be in the
hospital. I said, “Dad, she was in the
hospital one day and the hospital looks
better than any vacation I have been on in
12 years).

As a side note, I never knew what the inside
of a psychiatric hospital looked like. I
was kind of scared as to what it would look
like when I went. I thought it would look like
something from the movie Silence of the Lambs or
more like a prison.

I was shocked when I went. It looked like a
hotel. There were all kinds of TVs and people
were seeming to have fun. I certainly looked
better than any place I had gone in the past
decade. I know we can debate what the insides
of these places look like and I am sure there
are bad ones but where my mom went was a good
one.

After she got out, she did admit she liked
and everyone was nice and she met nice people.

Anyway, my dad started to feel guilty with
my mom in the hospital.

The list goes on and on. I never felt guilty
doing these various things. Why? Is it because
I am a mean person on a fast track to hell? Is
it because I am soooooo controlling like some
lady wrote on my blog?

NO!

It’s because I knew it was the right thing to
do for my mom. I had done enough research to
know what was the right thing. Now I must
admit, there are certain gray area things
that I had to do that I didn’t know 100%
whether or not it was the right thing to do.

For example, I decided not to pay off my
mom’s d.ebt by taking all my retirement
money and giving it to her. I was considering
this and having her pay me back. I did feel
bad/guilty that she had massive d.ebt and was
going to struggle to pay it off.

I decided against this because I would
be destroying my future which I had already
done already and didn’t want to. BUT, I didn’t
know exactly if this was the right choice.

NOTE-My mom is almost out of d.ebt totally.
I came up with a system you can learn about here
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/debtletter

For most supporters, you are going to feel
guilty doing things that you have not been
doing in the past with your loved one. In
the past, you have probably enabled your loved
one, not been the best supporter, not learned
about the illness, not taken it seriously
enough, given way too much money to your
loved one, fixed all their problems, etc.
etc.

If you look at my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

You’ll notice that I recommend taking tough
stands. It’s the only way that works.

Today, you hear in my bipolar supporter course/system
what I had to do and the end result which is my
mom is doing better than she has ever done. Things
aren’t perfect but way better than they use to be.

Today my mom is happy I took her c.redit cards away,
happy I let her pay off her own d.ebt, happy
that I got her into the hospital.

Here is an email from her:

————————————–
From:
Sent: Monday, April 30, 2007 2:30 PM
To: David Oliver
Subject: Good News

Chase credit card statement came in today and all
that is owed is $156.56. I have been trying to pay
this off for over 25 years.
Thanks to your help-this will be the second
card paid off since 2004.
I will be out of d.ebt in 6 months or so.
I appreciate you enlisting me in the Program and making
the system you did. It is a challenge sometime but
I have learned from you how important it is to watch
those pennies and save them.
Also, do no use credit cards-I do not like to
touch them-they make me nervous.
-Mom

==================================

The strange thing is this. If you are supporting someone
not doing well now, most of what you do for them will
make them mad. They will say mean things to you. BUT
overtime, as they get better, most will greatly appreciate
it. That’s the strange thing about this illness.

I have to take off, have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com