Hi,
How’s it going? Before I get started, you may remember
that I sent out a link for j.obs that I was looking
to hire people to help out with a number of jobs
related to this entire organization.
There were many very qualified people that replied
and I really need the help. Yesterday I had
like 53 phone messages for me. I have people
calling on every line that I own
and I am not even sure how people are getting my
number. I had hundreds of emails as well.
On that note, if you call and want to “talk”
there’s no way that I can do it. There aren’t
enough hours in the day. When I started this
organization with bipolar disorder I NEVER
ever thought it would get this big so fast.
It’s growing super fast. There are many people
all over the world dealing with bipolar disorder.
Okay, enough with that, let’s talk about
today email. There’s a word that is
really powerful with bipolar disorder.
A word that both supporters and survivors
who are dealing with bipolar disorder can use.
Here’s what this word does
Helps prevent episodes
Saves money
Protects finances
Saves time
Keeps a person with bipolar disorder on track
What’s this word? Take a guess and then scroll…
Did you guess? Then Scroll down….
The word is “NO.” You may be confused. What
the heck is Dave talking about. Maybe he’s
“crazy.”
NOTE-It’s funny to me if I have
a typo or say something strange I get
emails asking, “do you have bipolar
disorder?” I write back, “Are typos
or saying funny things, part of the criteria
to have bipolar disorder?”
Okay back to NO. I noticed when I look
back over the years with my mom. It was
not saying no to various things that
created a whole lot of problems.
Let’s look.
NOT saying no led to:
Spending on c.redit cards
100% of the time my dad said “Yes”
to everything my mom wanted to do
and was doing even if she was in
a bipolar episode. It made no
sense.
When I took over helping my mom in 2005
or so, I started saying no and things
started improving.
When
she wanted to spend more money on her
c.redit cards I said no. When she
said she wanted to not go to therapy
to save money, I said no. (She
wanted me to agree with her when she
was in an episode).
When she said she wanted to go
get a six figure job to pay
off her d.ebt when she was
still in the out patient program
I said no.
I said no over and over. My dad
found it rather hard and many times
would want to agree with my mom on
things that she wanted to do or
wanted even though they made no sense.
Now before I get a bunch of hate mail
saying “you control your mom”; “
you are mean”; “you are a bad person”;
“you are a bully”; “I would never let you
tell me no”; so and so forth, let me
say that my mom is HAPPY that I said
no to her.
By me saying no back in the day, her
life is way better today. If I said
yes to many things, she would have
tremendous problems now. If you
asked her, she would tell you this.
For example, if I said “Go ahead
spend more money on your c.redit
cards” she probably would have
$60,000+ d.ebt right now.
If I said, “I don’t care, don’t
go to the doctor or therapy.”
She would have serious problems.
When you are a supporter you have
to stand firm on the right things.
By doing so, you can help your loved
one make better choices when they
need guidance during a bad period.
What you don’t want to do, is say
yes to everything and go along with
things that make no sense that your
loved one will get mad at you in
the future and ask “Why didn’t
you stop me…or why did you
go along with these ideas?”
NOW IF YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER
NO is powerful as well. You have
to say no:
Staying up late
Having lots of stress in your life
Bad jobs
The urge to not go to the doctor
The urge to not take your medication
The urge to not follow doctors orders.
Etc. In my Bipolar Success and Supporter
Courses/System you hear many people talk
about how powerful the word no is, and
how that’s what transformed their
lives–this is both supporters and people
with bipolar disorder.
If you want more info on this, look
at the links below.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
even though “no” is the right word to use, be prepared to be pushed away by someone you love.
x a wh0Le year oF waiTing and sTiLL noThing new x jusT waiTing 4 Two LiTTLe words From u x iT’s noT abouT Love, ThaT jusT doesn’T exisT x iT’s noT abouT pride, baNg The waLL wiTh ur FisT x jusT 2 LiTTLe words, noT oF Love nor oF haTe x pLease TeLL me ur sorry 4 aLL oF ur haTe x nobody ever ripped my s0uL and Tore iT righT in 2 x nobody said i wasn’T speciaL…nobody..onLy u… x
x i want the word *REMORSE* 2 b part of BiPolar therapy..want that word sewn in2 an ailing mind…………… x wishes x
x have a Lovely Thursday people.. x
xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx
In response 2 ur email david…
I have personally always found the word *no* hard 2 stick by..i’m a softie..submissive by nature and tend to give in…being tougher is probably the hardest thing 4 me 2 do…
**practices the word NO over n over** :o)
Over the past year i have been told this..
NO i do not Love u and never did!
NO i do not have BiPolar disorder, that is rich coming from a compulsive obsessive like u!!
NO i feel nothing for u and never will!!
NO i do not need help nor healing!
NO i will not talk 2 u!!
NO there is nothing wrong with me, nothing i can’t sort out myself!!
NO i will not take medication!!
NO u are not my friend and u do not care!!
NO..NO..NO…
Pretty p0werful word…
xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx
Dave,
At wits end here, call me 920 526 3121, she thinks she’s pregnant, condom broke, not by me (whew!) She won’t quit drinking, don’t care about that but she might be pregnant (won’t go to the doctor). I kicked her out of the bars last night. She won’t refill or take her meds, she wants to get back with her ex that she put in jail for monkey stomping (completely beating) her ass in a bar last year (he beat her to the ground and then started kicking her and broke several ribs) she says it’s her fault it happened, she has 3 girls and is probably pregnant and wants to run away up to northern Wisconsin, away from her friends and family, just pick up everything and move blindly into the wilderness and hope she and they land safely. Yeah, she’s under a lot of stress and starting a manic episode, I know. She’s a rapid cycler, I’ve known her for 10 1/2 months, she’s starting her 6th manic episode, she’s usually depressed, I hate the manic times. I gave up trying to be her boyfriend in December, I’m just trying to be a friend now. she has only 2 friends, she thinks she has more, but thats the truth of it.
Dear Dave: I appreciate all your emails and all that you are doing. I am third in line as a supporter for my 24 yr old grandson. His mom and new wife are ahead of me. However, I love him so much I want help for him. As for this comment on No. If we tell him “no” we get hurt. We cannot cross him. We have had to have him arrested but we are the ones who paid dearly for that. Right now he is going thru an episode – can’t keep a job – can’t sleep. Thinking of trying the Potter’s House but they don’t allow his meds. Any help seems to take money that we don’t have. We desperately need help for him. Keep up the good work. Emooma
no can be a good word,sometimes tho i think you go off the deep end just a bit
I know what you mean about the word “no.” My grandma was bipolar, and I could deal with her better than most people could because I would always say no if she was being unreasonable, and I didn’t get mad even if she was screaming. As a bipolar myself, I recently said no to a job that was stressing me out. No matter how well it pays, a job that makes you sick is not worth it. I think being able to deal with bipolar means being able to disconnect from the situation when you need to. That’s where the “no” comes in.
thank-you for you positive words when i tell my frieds how often my husband says no to me or how he allows me to have no money or credit cards they think he is only thing to own me or be my captive they just dont understand
My wife sends your articles to me everyday and yes I am Biopolar. I take medications but the hardest thing I suffer fun is accepting no as the final word. I get angry, hateful, nasty, and verbally abusive, which just comes out. Keep writting since you make a ton of sense
kobie
My wife just does not know how much I need her since without her words I’m lost. She keeps me going when she’s not angry at me, which is most of the time, and i’m tired of telling her how I’m suffering, since she thinks i’m making excuses. I’M SO NOT SINCE I’M JUST SUFFERING AND TRYING TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER,ANY READERS HAVE ANY ADVISE?
KOBIE
I am the Heavy with my son. I am the one who makes the hard choices and stands by them so I know the value of NO. Unfortunately, NO does not work well with a teenager. He will bide his time and still do what he wants when he gets the opportunity. A huge part of me wants to lock him away in his room for long spans of time. He has been grounded to his room twice in the last 5 months for two weeks and then a month. One for skipping school and another for smoking pot. (Which turned out not to be pot we did a pee test and it came back negative) After what he did last weekend I wanted to toss him in his room for the whole summer. Then I read a book on bipolar. Understanding the mind of your Bipolar child by Gregory T. Lombardo It helped a bit; mostly it told me that he more so than other teens needs to build his social skills and needs to separate from me. That is a part of growing older. Talk about a tough pill to swallow. SO unfortunately he is at that age, almost 16, where I will have to let him start making some hefty choices of his own. He needs to find himself and if I tie his hands and tell him no no no then I will end up with a child who will fight me and end up doing worse things just to feel like he is not still in swaddling clothes. *sighs* I truly wish that it was like the ancient times when a boy reached a certain age and we sent him off to be fostered by a strong male influence, an uncle or relation of some sort. Men now days are not truly men and they don’t guide their boys into manhood… they leave it to us women. BOYS need men not women to raise them. NO would be taken a lot easier from a man than a mama.
(((*sighs* I truly wish that it was like the ancient times when a boy reached a certain age and we sent him off to be fostered by a strong male influence, an uncle or relation of some sort. Men now days are not truly men and they don’t guide their boys into manhood… they leave it to us women.)))
x ha ha ha!! This is s0 funny @ gloria..u made me laugh!!
..umm i think ur right :oDDDD
Don’t pagans send off their b0ys to other pagan warriors to teach them how 2 become a man?! Ya..i can just imagine me doing that 2 my b0ys…don’t think they’d ever forgive me somehow…but hey…lol!
xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx
Kobie… I can only tell you what I do for my family. When they do something hurtful and selfish I simply ask them what did you tell yourself to make that OK? What did you say to yourself that made it alright to hurt me like that or do such a selfish hurtful thing? The key in controlling yourself is grasping that very small window before you do something or say something and seeing what the consequences will be. Will it be worth it? Can you see the hurt in your wife’s eyes, the pain? Make a choice while you’re still in control of your impulses. It does help my family members with Bipolar, not all the time but if it helps even once then it is worth it. Have you ever heard the story of the boy, the nail and the fence post?
lol I can see it now.. We march them off on a sway back mare with their eyes burning holes in us they are so angry. Then in about 4 years they walk in tall and proud and arrogant but at least they are not sitting on the couch playing games and whining there is no more soda in the fridge. I see to many young men living at home not able to hold a job or even work hard with out whining. The parents allow it to go on and on and on. Then when it is time for the parents to stick their spoons in the wall the kids take everything they worked their whole lives for and blow it with in a year of their deaths. No honor No real sense of worth, just greed and laziness. Mores the pity.. There is only a few things I have always shoved down the gullets of my kids. They will say YES sir and No sir they will work as hard as I do and they will be charitable. Have to admit it is not an always thing for them but more than not they do tow the line. They do keep me going, fighting to raise the next generation and trying my hardest not to screw it up. Where are the Knights of the old days? This is THEIR job ya know Butterfly, teaching of men and all that. Chivalry and honor and such. LOL lord did we ever get off track butterfly. Think I shall go and tell myself NO a few hundred times just to redeem myself. NO you can not eat all the brownies.. NO you can not take a day off. NO you can not nap in the middle of the day. hehehe
x LMAO Gloria…i’m sending u MY b0ys!!!!! **grins**
..and while ur disciplining them and making them in2 lovely gentlemen… i’m going 2 practice that word *NO* again…
**NO! i can’t have jason statham (the transporter, cellular, crank) in my kitchen, cooking me a meal and wearing just a french maids apron!!! Ha ha ha!!
Now THAT’S what i call gettin off the track @ gloria!! :oDD LOL!!
xxbuTTerFLY ~ Londonxx
I like your word “No” to a bypolar person but feel that is easier to say to Mom or a wife. Very hard to say to a husband who has bypolor but feels he is right and doesn’t want wife to tell him different.
Wife in Distress
Dave,
You are SO right. NO is a very big word for a Bi-Polar person like myself. I use is and say it everyday. I have even taken myself of my medation. Have been off it for 4 months now. I am doing ok by taking Xanax and I know when my moods are changing. I have just learned to deal with them. Thanks so much for the Bipolar Supporter site. Now I have people that understand what I go through and I don’t feel “Crazy”.
Thank again.
Sassy
Dave,
No is just the word I had in mind when you said to guess. I knew that was the word before I scrolled down. It is, however the one word I have not yet stood firm on and it has been the reason for all of my misfortune dealing with my bi-polar fiance.
I have lost over $25K cash, a $12K car, two cell phones, and phone charges amounting to over $300.00 in the last 5 months due to my not saying “NO.”
The first two episodes I was caught off guard because I’d never seen anything like this before. After that I looked on the internet to find out the symptoms and research the illness. My problem is he has no access to medical attention due to his mother abandoned him, leaving the country and has his ID under lock and key so he can’t work or fend for himself.–she is his main trigger.
When he has confrontations with her, he gets upset and disappears on cocaine binges downtown for days then reappears in sad shape and owing money or has gotten hold of my money through other guises, then off he goes.
I am now suffering from not saying “NO” for two days now, stranded without a car, hoping it will be returned while walking my children to and from school and trying to take care of some major errands which need to be completed before the week-end.
My children are not used to this kind of behavior. He just started living with me in November when I bailed him out of jail. I was not aware of his condition which his mother still won’t admit to or even his cocaine habit. I have not been saying “NO” trying to keep from having any loud confrontations because my kids don’t like a lot of noise, but we’ve suffered more from not saying this word than if I had put my foot down.
I had just made up my mind yesterday that this was the last time I would refrain from using this powerful word. It seems harsh, yes, and I’m a softy also, that’s how I got sucked into the relationship in the first place.
I have gotten him on some herbal medications which I found on the internet which seem to be working well for him and so far only one gives him loose bowels when he uses a high dosage, otherwise they seem to be harmless and effective. I really don’t believe in overmedicating and prefer natural medicines.
Anyway, I’ve discussed the “Sorry” thing with him too and I’ve sat him down and explained that having an illness, which he’s only now acknowledged that he has a cocaine addiction and that “this is an illness brought on by triggers” but not yet that he’s bi-polar. He always says that he will never INTENTIONALLY hurt me. Our last discussion about his behavior, I told him that he always says not intentional but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I told him he must take responsibility for his actions. Acknowledging that you are sick is not your right to be excused for being responsible for the effects of your actions.
NOW I MUST BE PREPARED TO SAY “NO” AND STICK TO IT ON THE NEXT EPISODE.
If I can’t do that, and he doesn’t try to change, I’m going to have to cut him loose. I can’t let my family suffer this way for someone else.
To Joy:
It is VERY important to keep saying NO but let you hubby know that he still makes decisions with you, not on his own. Try not to let him buy large items that cost alot without discussing it with you first. Maybe that way, he won’t feel that the NO word is so bad. Just hang in there and let him know that you love him.
My hubby held in with me but never told me NO, because I was never told I was Bipolar until 1992.
Hope this helps.
Sassy
dave,i’m a sufferer of bipolar and im very soft and lenient.
i try to tell myself no but it never works, its like theres someone else inside me saying ‘do it, do it’ and i cant beat this demon. i have no self control when im in one of them moods and am really stuck. im getting into big debts, dont have many friends because i pushed them all away way before i knew i had a problem, they all just thought i was a bitch! the worst part is im a single mum and have almost no support at all.
my mum might come every other week for tea, stay 2 hours and shes gone again. she knows i have bipolar. she asks ‘are you ok?’ if i say yes she asks nothing else, if i say no she tells me to go to the doctor! thats it!!!
i really need help but i dont know what to do. i think my son is starting to suffer too. when he was young he didnt notice we spent most our time on our own together or at playgroups, but now hes 4 and started school he sees his friends with big families and talking about things they do. he doesnt mention these things much but i know it bothers him from the times he does talk about it.
im so desperate, please help
Hi,
My 19 year old daughter who has bipolar tells me there are three types of bipolar. I have never heard this before. Is this true? She also tells me she is type 2. She says she got bipolar because my husband and I are depressed which is crazy. She is cutting her self on the arms and says if we tell anyone she will move out. It is quite a journey we are on with her. Do you have any thoughts!
Hey Brenda,
Yes there are diffent types of BIPOLAR.. Here is a link to go to for more infor.
http://www.mixednuts.net/bipolar.html
Hope this helps you.
Brenda,
One more thing that might help you.. it’s an old saying and one I repeat to myself and who ever needs to hear it often..
Life is what YOU make of it.
What your daughter does with her life at this stage is her choice. Her cutting herself seems to me her way of moving the mental into the physical. Give her some paper and pens or charcoal and sketch paper and tell her very plainly… “Here why don’t you draw on these instead of on your body? At least this way if you mess up you can throw it away and NOT wear it for the rest of your life.” Then just walk away.