=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=

Hi,

I hope you’re doing ok. Today I want to talk to you about this email I got:

“Dear Dave: My husband has bipolar disorder, and usually he does ok, it’s just that it’s been a while, and I thought that by now he’d be doing much better than he is, ya know?

I mean, he’s been on his medication, and he’s been taking it right and everything, but he is still having episodes once in a while. They’re not as often as they were before, and they’re not as bad, but I thought that once he got on the right medication that he’d be ok.

Why is he still having episodes?”

Wow! I know where this lady is coming from, because you wouldn’t believe how many emails I get that say the very same thing. It’s a tough question to answer, and I’m not a psychiatrist or therapist, so I can only give my opinion – I have no professional standing – just my experience and the experience of thousands of people who have written or talked to me.

There are a lot of supporters (and just as many survivors) who think that once their loved one is on the right medication, that that’s all there is to it! They believe that that their loved one will never go into an episode again. Maybe you think that way, too. So I want you to know how wrong that thinking is. It is unrealistic to think that way.

Yes, medication is the core ingredient to getting better with bipolar disorder. But it’s not a cure for it.

No one should be telling you that your loved one will never have another episode, because that is just not true. No doctor should tell you that, and no therapist either. And you should not assume that, because it just isn’t true.

I teach about the core ingredients necessary for stability, and yes, medication is one of them, but it isn’t a magic cure to never have another episode ever again.

No matter how compliant your loved one is with their medication, no matter how well they follow their treatment plan, no matter how many years they have gone without an episode, you still have to keep up your guard, because they can still have an episode at any time – it’s just the nature of the disorder.

You can’t expect perfection from your loved one, any more than you would want them to expect perfection from you. All that they (and you) can do is your best. Remember: “Hope for the best, while being prepared for the worst,” like I preach all the time.

Because bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain, there is no way of knowing when those chemicals are going to “flare up.” Even if your loved one has been stable for a long time, it can still happen. I know a woman who didn’t have an episode for TWELVE YEARS, and then had one that lasted for SIX MONTHS!

Usually, your loved one can control their disorder by being compliant to medication and therapy. But you still have to remember that your loved one has a brain disorder, and that sometimes, it is going to flare up, no matter how long you’ve been stable.

Remember to watch for triggers, and don’t let your guard down as far as watching for signs and symptoms, again, no matter how long your loved one has been stable. I know, it’s easy to become complacent when things have gone on so well for so long. But you can never forget.

Now, I’m not saying to stand over your loved one like a general or anything like that to watch them for triggers, signs and symptoms, but you should be able to tell in general if/when it happens. Just don’t let down your guard is all I’m saying.

If you know that your loved one is in a particularly stressful situation at work, well, you know that stress is one of the biggest stressors to a bipolar episode, so you would just watch them more closely. If their anxiety and/or stress levels are increased, that’s the time to be more vigilant. Also, watch their sleep patterns.

If they are sleeping less, be watchful, because loss of sleep can indicate a bipolar manic episode.

And just the opposite is true, too. If they are sleeping more, be watchful, because sleeping too much can be an indication of a bipolar depressive episode.

The point is, medications are not a cure for bipolar disorder. They are only there to control the symptoms of it, but they are not a guarantee that your loved one will never have another episode.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s your day going? I hope it is a good one.

My grandmother always used to tell me these old phrases that never made sense to me when I was younger. Now, looking back, they are starting to make more sense.

“A watched pot never boils” means you should have patience. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” tells you to appreciate the gifts that are given to you. “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” helps you to not rely on things that aren’t certain yet.

Do you have someone like my grandmother who is always quoting old sayings to you? These quotes can be a helpful source of good advice when followed.

I was always told to “Count my blessings.” This can be a good thing, especially when dealing with an illness that often makes you think of the negative side of things.

When your loved one makes any kind of progress it can be a great time to count your blessings. This is especially true when they manage to gain stability for a period of time.

One thing you may want to do is celebrate the progress made, and encourage your loved one to keep up the good work. There are many ways you can do this, but you may want to make sure that you don’t celebrate in a way that sets off one of their triggers.

Once they have gained stability for a period of time, they may be able to start participating in certain activities that were difficult before, such as work. Remember that they still need encouragement and support, even after they have been stable for some time. The support will help them to maintain their stability better then they would have been able to on their own.

But there’s another important phrase to remember: “Don’t place all your eggs in one basket.”

Many times a person with bipolar disorder will have a relapse of symptoms, even after they have been stable for some time. It is great when they are able to stabilize their life out for some time and get to the point that they can do things they weren’t able to before. It is important, however, to remember that it may not last forever.

Having a backup plan may or may not be appropriate, but it is always a good thing to remember that good things don’t always last as long as we would like. It is also important to remember that if they do relapse, they are still able to gain back stability again with the proper treatment and support.

There are always second chances. And third … and fourth … You get the idea.

When your loved one has gained stability for any amount of time, it is crucial to help them by watching for signs of a relapse or a return of symptoms. Now of course I’m not talking about constant worry. That would be unnecessary, and would just interfere with your own life. But at least to a certain extent, it is important to keep track of whether your loved one is having symptoms.

Encourage them to continue their treatment plan, even if it doesn’t seem like they need it anymore. You may need to explain that the reason it seems they don’t need it anymore is because of how well it is working.

Any time they can experience without symptoms is a blessing, and is something to celebrate. Remember though: don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If the basket should fail, you don’t want all the eggs, or should I say progress, to be lost in the process.

What do you think can be done for your loved one to make sure they have something to fall back on in case they start having symptoms again? What can you do to prepare for that now?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

It wasn’t easy in school for most people. We had to try hard to make a good grade. Relationships aren’t easy, either. In relationships, we have to try hard to make them work. Getting a job and working it is hard work. At a job interview we have to try hard to make a good impression, and if we get that job, we have to work hard at it.

For many of us (who didn’t get a car from mom and dad on graduation), getting that first car was hard work. Many of us worked hard to save up the money for our first car. Then we had to work hard to keep gas in it! (Which isn’t much different than today)

It’s the same in life. We work hard in life. We work hard to be a spouse. We work hard to be a parent. We work hard to be a good employee. And if you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, then you work hard to be a good supporter.

There’s also the expression, “Nothing comes easy in life.” And I agree with that, except that I would add…”…but it’s worth it in the end.”

Your loved one’s stability is worth what you/they have to go through in order to get it. The point is, that stability can be accomplished. I have many success stories to prove it.

Someone might have a bad day at work and ask, “Is this worth working for?” Or someone might see something they want (like a new car), or something they want to do (like a cruise), and they have to ask themselves, “Is this worth working for?”

Well, you need to ask yourself the same thing: “Is my loved one’s stability worth working for?” And I think you will answer, “Yes, it is.”

Now, that’s not to say it will be easy, because it won’t. Bipolar disorder is a very serious illness, and stability with it does not come easily. It takes time. Too many people get impatient with their loved one’s progress and give up too soon. There will be relapses, too. But you just have to expect them as part of the process of recovery.

As far as you’re concerned, just being a good supporter is hard work, isn’t it? Sometimes you may have to deal with things you don’t like. Your loved one may have a bad day, and you have to be patient and also not jump to the conclusion that they are going into an episode.

It’s just one of the things you have to work through. Your loved one will eventually get stabilized on their medications, and that will take time, too, so you need to be patient with that as well. Just remember that with time will come stability, and that it is worth working for.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s your day going? I hope it is a good one.

I was talking to my cousins yesterday, and a topic that I didn’t expect came up.

She began talking about how much she loved her sister’s hair. Apparently, it could curl or straighten easily, depending on what she wanted that day. This all was beyond me, but I did pick up something from the conversation: my cousin was unsatisfied by her own hair.

I asked her, if she could change her hair, would she? For that question, I got a very sure “yes!”

It made me think, most of us have something in life that we would like to change. For some of us, it is as simple as the ease that our hair is styled. For others of us, it might be as serious as wanting our loved one to be cured from bipolar disorder.

Unfortunately, we can’t always have what we want. We can’t always control what life has dealt us. What we can control is how we handle it.

If we choose to let it get to us, we can end up depressed or bitter. That’s not something we want, and its not something that will help us or our loved ones. It is better to focus instead on how we can respond to the situation that we find ourselves in.

Have you ever stopped to think what all you can possibly learn from your loved one having bipolar disorder? It may be hard to think that something good could come out of the situation, but both you and your loved one can learn from the situation at hand.

You can learn strategies for handling difficult situations. You can learn perseverance through hard times, and strength even when you doubt. You can learn to accept help, and to know when to listen to other people’s advice. You can learn to see things from a different point of view. If you really work at it, you can even learn patience.

There are many other things you can learn along the way, and some of them you may already know. Some things we learn and don’t even realize that we’ve learned them until someone else notices that we’ve changed for the better.

After all we can learn from being the supporter to someone who has bipolar disorder, there becomes a benefit from being willing to support our loved ones.

No matter how hard times may get, and no matter how much we may wish that it weren’t this way, we can choose to focus on the positive things, and learn from the situation we are in.

What have you learned from supporting your loved one?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

I am really sorry that this came out really late. We had a glitch in our system.

Anyway, to read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews469/

Here are the news headlines:

Preschool Children of Bipolar Parents Have Eight-fold Increase in Risk for ADHD
DO> Did you think it was this high?

In Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder, Life Is Not Black and White
DO> Great article, don’t you think?

Bipolar disorder: Brilliance at a Steep Price
DO> What do you think of this?

Children Labeled ‘Bipolar’ May Get a New Diagnosis
DO> Do you agree or disagree with this?

Researchers Focus on Mood Disorders
DO> Hopefully this leads to better treatments.

Volunteers Offer Homeless Vets Support, Resources
DO> Great inspirational story.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews469/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you? I hope it’s going good.

Remember I told you about the discussion with the woman who argued with me that I couldn’t know how she feels? And my counter-argument that one bipolar supporter can so understand what another bipolar supporter is going through? Well, I’ve been thinking about that.

I’m thinking that maybe I’m wrong. Maybe bipolar disorder is so individualized that we can’t know what each other is going through with our loved ones.

Do you think that there is absolutely no one out there who could possibly understand what you’re going through with your loved one? Because I do think some supporters do feel that way. But I still insist that there is more in common with each other than just a support group meeting.

For example, each of our loved ones has to take medication for their bipolar disorder every day, don’t they? We may vary in our situations depending on whether the taking of their meds is an issue or not, but at least that is similar.

But remember how mad I told you this woman got at the support group just because I said, “I know how you feel”? Well, like I said, I am wondering if the point is that: Looking from the outside in, none of us can judge another person’s circumstances. That’s my point. I think that’s true.

We might have to deal with the same issues, but deep inside, I don’t know how you’re feeling unless you tell me. So what that says to me is that we need to be more patient with other supporters who might have other opinions than us. Other supporters who might do things differently than we do. Other supporters who are perhaps dealing with more serious issues than we are, like hospitalization, or waiting on Social Security.

Other supporters who deal with things with their loved one that we don’t have to deal with – maybe just family issues.

For example, one couple might have children involved, whereas another couple might not. So their circumstances are going to be different.

There’s also a difference between supporting a child and an adult. And between living with the person and not living with them. In whether the loved one is a spouse, friend, co-worker, sister or brother, aunt or uncle or parent.

Here’s the big point to all of this: From the outside looking in, we don’t really know what’s going on with another supporter (unless they tell us). But we do know what’s going on in our own situation.

If there weren’t some generalities involved with being a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, then there wouldn’t be so much information on the disorder out there now, like my courses.

As individual as each case is, however, some things are non- disputable.

Two things –

1. If your loved one wants to get stable, they must take their medication every day

and as prescribed.

2. They need to have a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist, or even all three, who is

following them for their disorder.

I guess there’s a third thing, too. They need to have a good supporter, like you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you have a good day.

You know, in everyone’s life there are milestones – those events that mark time or progress in something. For example, your first milestone was, as a toddler, learning to talk. Then walking was probably your next milestone. Then maybe your next milestone was just getting through adolescence (which is a job in itself).

A milestone in adolescence might have been getting your first girlfriend/boyfriend. Another milestone might be getting your first job. Then your first car. Then your first apartment. Then (maybe) your first credit card. These are all milestones to becoming an adult.

Then when you’re a young adult, a milestone might be getting engaged, and another one the wedding itself. Then come children. Many parents think just getting through the “terrible twos” is a milestone in itself.

You should also have milestones to cross at work, if you plan to get ahead. You might work as stock boy in a grocery store…Then your next milestone might be a clerk, then head clerk, etc.

Milestones are goals that we set for ourselves. You may set a long-term goal, and the milestones are the short-term goals you have to reach to get there. That goes for bipolar disorder as well as in life in general.

Your loved one’s first milestone was probably just accepting the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. For many people, this is a very hard task. But once they accept it, they can go on to other milestones.

For example, getting used to taking their medication (without complaining). Or finally finding that right combinations of medications could be a milestone. Finding the right professionals is another milestone your loved one will have to reach on their way to stability. Your loved one’s learning how to communicate their needs to you might be a milestone. Going to a bipolar support group could be another milestone. Then charting their progress on the way…There will be several more milestones before they reach stability.

Hopefully, the medication will make this easier. Sometimes getting over the side effect hurdle from their medication is a milestone. And especially having the right medical and mental health professionals. They will have milestones to cross in therapy alone. So they will have professional or business milestones.

They will have financial milestones to cross if they go on disability, because it’s hard to live on that limited income, and some spending habits will have to change.

And also personal milestones to cross along the way. Getting through a bad bipolar episode is a milestone. But once they cross their bipolar milestones, the result is stability. And that is the result you’re looking and waiting for.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re doing well.

Have you ever known someone who was always seeking the approval of other people? Could you even be one? Do you need the approval of other people? If you do, you may have more

problems than you need.

One of the biggest thrusts of bipolar disorder treatment is to get your loved one to become more independent. That won’t help you out if you are not independent. You need to be able to think for yourself.

I’ll give you an example: What if your loved one was in the middle of an episode and the bills need to be paid? You need to be able to pay them. You may also need to do other things independently when your loved one goes into an episode?

For example, if you have children, you need to deal with them. You will also have to make

good decisions, for both you and your loved one. You may have to deal with the consequences of what your loved one does during an episode. Now, if you are worried about what other people think, it’s going to affect that.

You need to be able to stand up against the stigma surrounding mental illness in general and bipolar disorder in specific. So you can’t be concerned with what other people think, especially

because stigma clouds people’s judgment.

Now yes, I am saying that you need to be independent in your decision making, but I’m NOT saying that you shouldn’t take advice when it is good advice. You might go to a support group meeting and learn about something that would be beneficial to your loved one. Then you should apply that.

You should have other people that you can go to for advice. Too many supporters tell me that they are all alone, and I don’t think it should be that way. You should have your own support system, so you don’t burn out. You can’t do everything by yourself. You need to find people

who know about bipolar disorder and can help you. Not the people who don’t know anything about the disorder but judge you anyway.

You just cannot be worried about what other people think. You have to do what’s best for you and your loved one. You and your loved one need to stand together on things. Especially their stability. You need to do whatever you can to help your loved one to reach stability with their

bipolar disorder. And STOP worrying about what other people think.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope this is a good day for you.

As you know, I work out a lot, so I’m around guys who talk to me at the gym. I know why they work out. Some of them have told me they work out because they want to be “buff.” Others work out because they want to look good for their girlfriend. Others work out to compete in bodybuilding contests. But this one guy I know, he says he works out to get out his frustration.

There is frustration that comes along with being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder. It’s inevitable. I know, not only because of all the people who write to me and tell me about their frustration, but also because I went through a great deal of frustration with my mom.

One of the problems that leads up to frustration is when you want your loved one to be better faster. The problem is that everyone is different, and it may take your loved one longer to master

their bipolar disorder.

It’s hard to sit back and to be patient, when you see the bad part of the disorder influencing them every day and you think to yourself, “I just wish I could make it better for them.” Although it is admirable that you want to make things better for your loved one, it just may not always be a reality. They may be struggling, but they may have to go through that struggle to get through to

the other side of it.

For example, with their medication. Not everyone gets stable on the first round of medications prescribed for them. It’s usually a trial and error to get on the right combination of meds, and in the meantime, your loved one might go through some side effects from it.

This isn’t something you can help them with, and it might be frustrating for you to watch your loved one struggle. Especially when you can’t do anything about it.

So you’re frustrated. What can you do about it?

Well, for one thing, you could try to talk with your loved one about it. They should know how you’re feeling, and may even share your frustration. Then together you can work out a way to deal with that frustration. You can talk to a friend or family member about your frustration. You can write about your frustration in your journal. You can even see your own therapist to discuss your frustration.

But the one thing you shouldn’t do…Is to let your frustration fester without doing anything about it. If you do, you could even have physical consequences from it, like headaches, stomach aches,

etc. And then you won’t be able to help your loved one.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews468/

Here are the news headlines:

Mood swings may reveal issues with bipolar disorder
DO> This is obvious right?

Even meds don’t make bipolar disorder easy
DO> Do you agree with this?

Straight-A schoolchildren at higher risk of bipolar disorder, research claims
DO> WOW, this is really interesting. I would have guessed this.

Winter blues or SAD?
DO> Great article.

“Brain Bank” To Foster Research, Treatment of Major Psychiatric Diseases
DO> Wow, this is great, don’t you think.

Fish Oil to Prevent Psychotic Disorders?
DO> Seems far fetched to me, what do you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews468/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave