Hi, how’s your day going? I hope it is a good one.
I was talking to my cousins yesterday, and a topic that I didn’t expect came up.
She began talking about how much she loved her sister’s hair. Apparently, it could curl or straighten easily, depending on what she wanted that day. This all was beyond me, but I did pick up something from the conversation: my cousin was unsatisfied by her own hair.
I asked her, if she could change her hair, would she? For that question, I got a very sure “yes!”
It made me think, most of us have something in life that we would like to change. For some of us, it is as simple as the ease that our hair is styled. For others of us, it might be as serious as wanting our loved one to be cured from bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, we can’t always have what we want. We can’t always control what life has dealt us. What we can control is how we handle it.
If we choose to let it get to us, we can end up depressed or bitter. That’s not something we want, and its not something that will help us or our loved ones. It is better to focus instead on how we can respond to the situation that we find ourselves in.
Have you ever stopped to think what all you can possibly learn from your loved one having bipolar disorder? It may be hard to think that something good could come out of the situation, but both you and your loved one can learn from the situation at hand.
You can learn strategies for handling difficult situations. You can learn perseverance through hard times, and strength even when you doubt. You can learn to accept help, and to know when to listen to other people’s advice. You can learn to see things from a different point of view. If you really work at it, you can even learn patience.
There are many other things you can learn along the way, and some of them you may already know. Some things we learn and don’t even realize that we’ve learned them until someone else notices that we’ve changed for the better.
After all we can learn from being the supporter to someone who has bipolar disorder, there becomes a benefit from being willing to support our loved ones.
No matter how hard times may get, and no matter how much we may wish that it weren’t this way, we can choose to focus on the positive things, and learn from the situation we are in.
What have you learned from supporting your loved one?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
you say that people with bipolar will always be that way right? yet you said that your mother got better, learned to handle her finances and got a part time job. right? How long will this take?. I may be dead before this happens to my daughter. She takes meds and goes to a psychiatrist. she still does what she wants and is in debt and will not listen to reason.DO NOT WANT MY NAME PRINTED FOR COMMENT THANK YOU
It is important to learn as much as you can to enable understanding of your loved one and for yourself. You may not know exactly what your loved one is going through or how he/she feels but you can learn an understanding so that you can be supportive in a positive way.
Hi David, for me this has been a nightmare I left my husband 2 yrs ago after I left him he started saying he was depress and he misses me and I left the house because everyday he would tell me to leave, after a while we became lovers because we started going out and it would last for a a week, he would tell me lets get a divorce, then I would not answer his calls and he would get desperate, and so on for almost 2 yrs! it was like a game, we got divorce, because he told me the papers bothered him, I accepted it really hurt me alot! and stopped contact w/ him at all, and again him saying how much he missed me and how he wanted to change, fell for it again, I just moved back w/ him jan 09 2010 and a week later he was telling me there’s no kemistry and that he wants to be alone, that he tried, and Im shocked everything was perfect and suddenly he was becoming loud mouth w/ me and everything I do he critisize me!
We even option a house we were going to buy he was so happy! now hw keeps telling me to leave and telling me he can’t stand me, I tell him he needs help, but he says that’s his problem, I know he’s pipolar thanks to your readings, but he’s not diagnost by a Dr. Im starting to get depress He hurts me then suddenly he says come here and watch a movie w/me!
please help me Im so hurt I’ve been trying to help this men and I know after I leave he’s going to start with the same thing and I will never answer him again!! but I love this men so much im very hurt!
please David tell me what can I do??
i am the person with the Bi-Polar not a family member. thanks though.
No, bipolar disorder CAN’T be “cured,” but it CAN be maintained. My last hospitalization for mania was in 1977, though I’ve had mini-episodes treated outpatient, especially when my two husbands died, but that was “situational” and not “out of the blue.” I am “maintained” by taking my meds religiously, going to every group therapy meeting, and seeing my shrink on a regular basis. I know I may be the exception to the rule, but I DID suffer all the torments of a manic episode three times. My supporter was my Mother, who never accepted that HER daughter had a mental illness, so there were arguments and fights, mainly on my part, to get her to understand that her “perfect” daughter had one MAJOR flaw. Even when I was hospitalized, she believed there was a “physical” cause for it.
My advice to Supporters is to sit down and really TALK to your loved one with bipolar when they’re NOT in an episode, and find out REALLY what their needs are when they feel an episode coming on. Sometimes this is impossible, because bipolar episodes CAN and WILL sneak up on them. Dave’s idea of putting yourself in their shoes is a good one, though difficult. There is no way in Hell that a “normal” person can fully comprehend what a mentally ill person goes through in an episode, but trying to understand them is a good start.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
I find these comments very interesting. I have just began to realize that all these years I must have had it from the time I was in my teens and maybe soon. We lived on a farm in western Kansas during the dirty thirtys so I didn’t have much contact except with a neighbor down the road. I have always had little contact even from grade school to high school. I joined the Army and had only one friend in all the years I was in. I had many problems while in the Army. I was always a very nervous person. I had problems connecting in the Army and was in trouble. This caused me to have to transfer to another unit that ended up in Korean War. Even as a corporal I had problems with the men. I came home and joined the Air National Guard wheres even as a M/SGT I had problems. I had two divorces and the last one I went to see a psychiatrist because of my divorce for the second time. He put me in the hospital for a week and used sodium pentatrol and hot bath. I woke up one night running down the hallway saying I was dying. I had the most peaceful feeling I have ever had. I was discharged from the Air National Guard with 18 years service to my country. I did 16 years in the Air Naional Guard. I floated around different jobs unable to hold any job before I joined the Air National Guard. I did not work after that and was on welfare working for the Salvation Army so I could receive my check from welfare. I had problems with the people and those of the
Salvation Army while working there. I keep going to a friends house and we got into it several times and I threatened to move out to the river. A girl friend who was married took me in their home and fed and put a roof over my head. When I was 62 I started drawing my Social Security. With that my nephew who was in the Army realized I had a problem. I already know that I was psysciatic and neroutic by the Psychiatist who treated me. I tried to get treatment at the Topeka Veterans Hospital and they refered me to Wichita but, then they didn’t have a unit to treat me. I sometimes am loud and boustrous and call out pet name which has gotten me in trouble,three times here at this building where I rent. I realize from my nephew that I have Bi-polar also. I have made a appointment with the VA in Wichita where I will seek treatment. It took me too long to realize that I need treatments now that I am 82 years old. A little late of course but, I hope I can receive some peace from the treatment.
Hi, Erik son is 20 year old has bipolar and it is challenging to live with him, especially since he does not take his medication. I feel like giving up on him and kicking him out of my home because he outside the home with his friends and come in the wee hours of the night. He will say to me it makes him happy to be with his friends and girlfriend. He got a tongue ring but had to take it out because it was infected. He works at McDonald’s but only on call no real schedule. He has quit the GED school several times in the past and has no plans to get it.
David,
Hi! I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder eleven years ago and my family wouldn’t be interested in the amazing things you have written. Unfortunately, they are not interested in me. My partner sent them things about my mood disorder, but no one, but one brother and one sister-in-law. However, now they have forgotten about me.
Does anyone have any suggestions?