Bipolar Supporter Blog

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

It’s just like Tonya was asking, “Where do you draw the line?”

She’s talking about the line between caregiver and supporter vs. mothering and nursemaid.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been asked this very same question.

So if you’ve been wondering it yourself, be assured that you are not alone.

Many supporters struggle with the same problem.

So now that you know what the line is, how do you keep from getting there?

Well, let’s look at Tonya’s situation.

Here’s the first clue:

She says that this has been going on for FIVE years!

She should have done something about this long before now.

You’ve heard me talk before about accepting unacceptable behavior.

That if you do this, your loved one has no reason to stop the behavior, and will keep on doing it.

That’s when you have to become a mother and nursemaid.

I mean, why should they expect any different?

If you keep doing things for them that they can do for themselves, that’s called being an enabler.

But if they get used to you doing that, then they won’t do things for themselves.

They’ll just let you keep doing these things.

Then, before you know it, you’re being like Tonya says in her post:

“Reminding them of things they need to do each day…” and feeling like you’re a nag.

After 5 years, especially, your loved one should be doing many things for themselves.

They shouldn’t need you to be nagging them at all.

So where is the line and how do you keep it?

As a supporter, you need to be the one to draw the line.

You need to tell your loved one what is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable behavior.

You need to tell them when they are being lazy, what things they need to be doing for themselves, what you will do for them and what you won’t, etc.

Tonya also asked, once you find the line, how do you keep it?

Simple.

You set boundaries (limits), and then you stick to them. Kind of like an “If you…then I…” sort

of thing.

Do you feel like Tonya?

Do you feel more like a mother and nursemaid?

Or do you feel more like a caregiver and supporter?

If you feel more like a caregiver and supporter, what would you say to Tonya to help her out?

Don’t Do This With Bipolar Disorder

David Oliver July 1, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 17 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I want to talk to you about something today.

It’s about generalizing…

And about how too many people generalize, and how it’s not good to do it.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

Like, you know I work out three times a week, because I’ve talked about it before.

And people who see me in the gym know it too, and so do other people.

Well, I do it to take care of my body and to stay in good health.

But some people at the gym think I’m trying to compete with them and trying to be like them. That’s generalizing on their part.

And other people think I’m trying to be some big famous professional body builder just because I compete non-professionally, so that’s generalizing on their part.

But as far as bipolar disorder goes…

The same thing has happened to me there, too.

Just because I have a mother who has bipolar disorder, people generalize, and think that I

have the disorder too.

Then they generalize even more, and some people think that every supporter who has a loved one who has bipolar disorder must have it themselves.

Some people generalize and think that every child of a parent with the disorder will also get

bipolar disorder (which is only sometimes true).

And some people generalize that all people with bipolar disorder are “crazy.”

This is called stigma, and is one of the things I talk about in my courses/systems. It’s one of the

things that can happen when people generalize.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

Do you see how this thing can truly get out of hand?

Well, you can’t generalize about bipolar disorder either, or else…

Well, just think about it…

What if you were to just lump your loved one in with everyone else who has bipolar disorder

and generalized about them?

But the truth is that everyone who has bipolar disorder is different, so you can’t generalize

like that.

And what if you went to a support group, and one person said that their loved one was on this super great medication, and that your loved one should take it too?

If you were to generalize, you’d think that just because this medication worked for that person’s loved one, that it will work for your loved one, too, and that might even be dangerous.

Generalizing is like thinking that everyone’s bipolar disorder is the same, too.

Or that they act the same, too.

But the truth is that there are different types of bipolar disorder.

Your loved one might have one type, while someone else you know might have a different

type.

Everybody is different.

Every supporter is different.

Everyone who has bipolar disorder is different.

There are different types of bipolar disorder.

There are different medications for different people.

You just can’t generalize about all these things.

Have you ever had anyone generalize about you?

Or about your loved one?

Bipolar – Can You Tell or Not?

David Oliver June 30, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 27 Comments

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good week.

I was thinking about something today.

I have several people who work for me who have bipolar disorder, and I always brag on them…

About how you would never know that they have the disorder, unless they told you.

Of course, I live in New Jersey, and they live in other places, all over the map.

But I was wondering about what they look like in person.

I mean, not their looks, but whether in person, whether you can or can’t tell that they have bipolar disorder.

So that made me think about you and your loved one.

If there’s so many million people with bipolar disorder, chances are that you know more than just your loved one with the disorder.

Can you tell or can you NOT tell just by looking, if someone has bipolar disorder or not?

Interesting question, don’t you think?

See, what made me think about it, too, were the many emails I’ve gotten from people like you, asking me about whether their loved one’s behavior is the bipolar or their loved one…

And also about whether their loved one is “faking” it or not.

That’s been a real big issue, according to the emails and calls I’ve gotten.

In my opinion, I think it has to do with whether a person with bipolar disorder is high functioning or not.

If they are high functioning, I don’t think you could ever tell that they even had bipolar disorder at all.

In my courses and systems, I talk about what makes a person high-functioning.

This is what I think, at least by what the people who work for me are concerned, is what makes them different, and in my courses I have a whole section on being high functioning:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

High-functioning behavior can make a person with bipolar disorder NOT stand out as someone with the disorder.

Does that make sense?

Whereas, on the other hand, someone who has bipolar disorder, but is NOT high functioning, would be someone who you can tell DOES have bipolar disorder.

I have seen this firsthand – in the people who work for me, those I have interviewed for my courses, those who I have talked to at the support groups I attend, and others I have heard from via email and phone.

When someone with bipolar disorder is low functioning, they will tend to have more episodes.

And you know that when your loved one has episodes, there are behaviors associated with them.

If these behaviors are in public, well then sure, people are going to notice…

And then they will question…

And more likely will know that your loved one has something wrong with them…

If not know that they have bipolar disorder.

So I give it to you. What do you think?

What has been your experience?

Can you tell just by looking, if your loved one has bipolar disorder or not?

If so, what is it about their behavior that gives them away?

For those of you who can’t tell, what is it about your loved one’s behavior that is different, that doesn’t give them away?

Bipolar? When You Should Be Afraid of Someone With It

David Oliver June 29, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 38 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a good day.

I’m real busy in meetings today, but I wanted to make sure I got out this email to you, because

I felt the subject was so important.

I got a post about a topic I want to discuss today.

It said:

“Before I was on meds, I scared

my family half to death. They

never knew which direction I

was coming from. You web

site is informative. I like actually

getting information from someone

who knows the disorder. People

don’t understand it until they have

to deal with it, and it takes a while

for them to “get” it. You are helping

more people than you know.”

——————————————-

No, it’s not the compliment part, although it is nice to get positive feedback, because it helps me to remember why I am doing this.

It helps me to keep going, to know that I am helping people like you.

But what concerns me is the part where this person says, “Before I was on meds, I scared my family half to death.”

The emphasis should be on, “Before I was on meds…”

Because this is when you should be the most afraid of your loved one.

That’s why I stress the importance of medication in my courses/systems so much.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

Without your loved one being on medication (and the right medication at the right dosage),

there is no telling what they’ll do.

You might be afraid of what they’ll do to themselves.

You might be afraid of what they’ll do to others.

You might be afraid of what they’ll do to you.

You might be afraid of what they’ll do to the children.

You might be afraid of their behavior in general.

You might be afraid they will just get so out of control that you won’t know what to do.

You might be afraid of what will happen if they get out of control.

You might be afraid of what will happen if you have to put them in the hospital.

You might be afraid of what will happen if you lose all your money because of one of their manic episodes.

These are a lot of things to be afraid of, aren’t they?

And there are even more!

It’s no wonder this person says, “Before I was on meds, I scared my family half to death.”

The problem is the unpredictability of it all.

Without your loved one being on medication, there is NO telling what they will do…

No telling what they are capable of doing during a bipolar episode (which is what will happen without medication).

That’s why it’s so important to get your loved one on the medication they need.

This person also goes on to say:

“They never knew which direction I was coming from.”

That’s because without proper treatment, even the person with bipolar disorder does not know which direction they are coming from.

They may get paranoid, have delusions (false beliefs), have hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there), or even get violent or abusive.

The only way to really help your loved one is to make sure they are on medication and that they get the proper treatment that they need.

What about you?

Have you ever been in the situation that this person describes, where your loved one really scared you?

What did you do?

Record or Else – Important Bipolar Lesson

David Oliver June 28, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 10 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I am actually going to a strongman contest that’s about 3.5 hours away so I haveto get going.

Before I go, I wanted to get you the daily email.

I have been writing these days that I have been having a bunch of major issues with software companies and advertising firms.

Well, this is what I have learned over the years:

You have to take really good notes with names, dates and times, and what happened.

You use these notes to explain your situation or cause to other higher ups, whatever the problem.

With bipolar disorder, many things come up where frankly you wind up dealing with organizations that are filled with dumb people.

The dumb people mislead. They give you a hard time. They lie. They work against you.

Sometimes you might even feel stigmatized.

You then have to go to a supervisor, or that supervisor’s supervisor with all the facts.

Once the higher ups see that you have details on what has been done, they normally relent and get you what you need or do what you need.

When I talk about this in my courses/systems, I talk about how important it is in relation to your loved one’s medical and mental health care.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

What if your doctor’s secretary was rude to you or your loved one, for example?

Well, you would write down their name, the date, time, and exactly what happened.

And you would do it right then, while it’s fresh in your mind.

Don’t you think this is something your doctor would want to know?

After all, the receptionist is the first person representing your doctor to his/her patients.

So then you would pass it on to the office manager, or the receptionist’s supervisor, whoever that is.

Keeping a copy of this record, if you still don’t feel that you’ve gotten relief, you take it up to the next level.

See how it goes?

What if you have a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist and they aren’t the best?

Or if you feel that your loved one isn’t getting the right treatment, or the best treatment that they should be getting?

What would you do?

Well, you would start taking notes.

And you would go through the same procedure as above.

Only you might have to go all the way to the Medical Board. (and, of course, you may have to switch doctors).

Now, what if your loved one has to be hospitalized?

What if you had to wait an unusually long time in the waiting room, while they were in crisis with a bipolar episode?

This is where it is especially important to take down the person’s name (and other information, too) because your loved one probably shouldn’t be having to wait in an Emergency Room waiting room if they are in that kind of condition.

They should at least be waiting in the back where they don’t have to be dealing with a lot of people.

But you should find out the laws in your own state and the policies in that particular hospital to find out what you can do.

So, do you see how important record keeping can be?

Now, I mentioned back in the beginning about feeling stigmatized.

This is where record keeping can be important as well.

If you feel as if you or your loved one were treated “less than” or any different than someone else just because you or they have bipolar disorder, the person who treated you that way should be reported to a higher up, so they don’t do it to the next person.

As long as you have a name (and also get the name of their supervisor), date, phone number, details of what happened, and any other information you feel is important, you can do something about it.

Has this ever happened to you?

Did you take good records?

What happened?

Watch This Advice About Bipolar Disorder

David Oliver June 27, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 11 Comments

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

Do you like getting advice from people?

Especially when you don’t ask for it?

You know what I’m talking about.

Like those people who have an answer for everything.

And they pass out advice like candy.

And to anyone, whether that person listens to them or not.

They act like they’re a know-it-all. Nobody likes that kind of person.

But practically everyone knows someone like that.

Someone who gives advice even though they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Do you know what I mean?

Watch advice from those that have no clue what they are talking about.

This happens with bipolar disorder.

I can’t tell you how many people try to tell me what I should get my mom to do to manage her bipolar disorder.

Even when I am not asking and she is 100% fine!

People still insist my mom should do this, that, or the other thing.

Or people who give me advice (that I don’t ask for) on what medication would be the best for her to take.

That’s one of the biggest reasons why you won’t see me doing that in any of my courses or systems. I will never tell you what medications you should take, because I can’t give advice

on that, because I’m not a doctor!

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews436

I use to get mad when these people would give me advice about my mom and her bipolar disorder.

But now I just listen and nod my head but never of course tell my mom any of these crazy ideas I hear (like my mom should only eat organic and that would make her bipolar disorder go away).

By the way, and this is a STRONG warning, NEVER listen to advice that tells you that anything will make your or your loved one’s bipolar disorder go away, because nothing will. There is

NO cure for the disorder, medical or natural.

No matter how convincing the person or advertisement sounds, or how sincere the advice or the person giving it, don’t fall for it – it is BAD advice!

People will tell you the craziest things about how to manage your bipolar disorder.

They might tell you that if you just take vitamins instead of your bipolar medication, that you will be ok…

But that could be so dangerous for you (or your loved one)!

You (or they) could even die, and that’s a scary thought.

That is BAD advice – don’t listen to it!

Or they will tell you that just drinking water will make you get better.

Well, the problem with that is that it is a half-truth.

And that makes the WORST advice!

Because it SOUNDS true, and it makes it easier for you to believe.

The real truth is that you need to eat a healthy diet (and drinking water is part of that) to maintain stability with bipolar disorder.

But eating a healthy diet BY ITSELF is not going to make you get better.

Only combined with medication and other things will help you get better.

Do you see what I mean about listening to bad advice?

It sounds like the person knows what they’re talking about, but they really don’t.

Or someone who says that so and so told so and so who told them that this is the best medication for people who have bipolar disorder.

So they give you advice to take it too.

Well, I’m always telling you that everybody is different, and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another person.

Because I want you to get better the right way.

Have you ever been given bad advice?

What happened?

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver June 26, 2009 | June 26, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 3 Comments

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

How are you?

Here’s the bipolar news. Enjoy.

To read this week’s news visit:

An Account Of A 27 Year Battle With Bipolar Disorder

DO> Wow, interesting story.

She’s Mentally Ill — And Inspiring

DO> Great article. Take a look.

Famous Bipolar Artists

DO> You asked for it, now here’s a list.

Antipsychotic Drugs For Kids Raise Hope, Worry

DO> Do you think it’s hope or worry?

Should a Person with Bipolar Disorder Drink Alcohol?

DO> What do you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews436

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar Disorder And Ways To Deal With Stress

David Oliver June 25, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 9 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

Today I want to talk to both people with bipolar disorder and the people who support them.

Whether you are a bipolar supporter or survivor you have to watch your stress levels.

For the person with bipolar disorder, stress can become a trigger that leads to a bipolar episode.

AND it’s VERY unhealthy to have too much stress in your life.

For the supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you don’t have to worry about going into a bipolar episode, but you do have to worry about stress destroying your overall physical and emotional health.

Unfortunately, when you are supporting someone with bipolar disorder, you can tend to let your stress get out of control. And if you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take

care of your loved one.

There are some good ways to reduce the stress in your life, whether you have bipolar disorder, or are supporting someone who does.

Here are some good stress prevention or reduction techniques:

1. Buy or borrow a book on how

to reduce stress. This may sound

strange, but they have entire books

devoted to this serious problem.

2. Just breathe. This sounds too simple

to work, I know. But breathing in

and out slowly reduces stress and

besides, it’s f.ree.

3. Laugh and smile. Talk to people who

are goofy. Go look at funny things.

Watch funny TV shows. Do something

to laugh. It’s been proven that humor

has healthy qualities to it, and can

reduce a person’s stress..

4. Focus on the positive and only glance

at the negative. This is one of the things

I talk about in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit: