Yes, David, I have had that experience. In fact, I am sick and tired of ignorant people generalizing (when they don’t have a clue) that “All bipolar people act the same way when they are manic – on a high, stay up all night, talk way too much & too fast, act way too happy, concoct grandiose schemes & plans that never come to fruition…” etc. etc. When actually NONE of this is true for myself, a Bipolar Type II sufferer. Yes, I do go on spending sprees, but nothing too extravagant. Bipolar Type II folks such as myself, get “hypomania” rather than full-blown “mania”, of which the symptoms can be totally different! I get irritable and short-tempered, I am definitely NOT extra happy. I do NOT talk extra fast, sometimes I don’t feel like talking at all. Loud noises annoy me. I never ever get grandiose ideas or schemes. I never take off on a moment’s notice and go driving like crazy, or hop on a flight. All these things are more characteristic of Bipolar Type II. My depression, however, lasts a lot longer than the mania, and sends me to bed for days at a time. Unable to shower, clean house, barely eat, barely look after my pets, etc. Unfortunately, we Type II’s are more often depressed than (hypo)manic.
Anyway, I am indeed tired and insulted by the over-generalizations made by people who just don’t know enough (or haven’t done any research) on the DIFFERENT types of Bipolar, and just lump them all together! Please don’t do that, anyone who is reading this.

Sorry, I made a typo…I meant to say that “all these things are more characteristic of Bipolar Type I,not II.
Thanks.

1) “Does this disorder make THEM lie?”
2) “THEY feel so good when THEY are manic, why would THEY want to take medication”?
3) “THEY don’t think of anyone but THEMSELVES.”
4) “Caretakers will take abuse from THEM when they are in an episode.”
5) “You can’t help THEM if THEY don’t want help.”
6) “THEY are not in their right minds in an episode.”
7) “THEY have a wonderful excuse for irresponsible behavior.”
8) “THEY blame it all on the disorder.”
9) “THEY are very manipulative.”
10) “THEY trick their doctors.”
11) “THEY are unfaithful spouses.”
12) “THEY have pity parties.”
13) “THEY cannot handle money.”
14) “THEY don’t want to get well.”
15) “THEY don’t want to take THEIR medications.”
16) “THEY shouldn’t go see THEIR psychiatrists unless someone is with THEM to tell the truth. THEY will lie and deceive if you don’t.”
17) “THEY complain to supporters when THEY should be talking to THEIR doctors.”
18) “THEY get violent when THEY are manic.”
19) “THEY will get sick if THEY don’t keep a positive attitude.”
20) “THEY don’t have any idea, not the first clue as to how supporters feel. And THEY don’t care.”

These statements MIGHT be true for SOME people, in SOME situations, at SOME specific time in their recovery.

They MIGHT NOT apply to other INDIVIDUAL situations at all.

It COULD be that you take some, you leave some.

It COULD be that something on that list does not apply to your INDIVIDUAL situation right now, but that it MIGHT apply later.

You might look at that list and say, “Those things are not true of me. A supporter might say, I have NEVER seen MY loved one act that way.”

There is nothing wrong with any one of those 20 statements, EXCEPT for the fact that they GENERALIZE.

Notice how every one of these statements includes “THEY.”

Who are THEY?

“THEY” – all people with bipolar disorder, as if every individual person can be reasonably and fairly lumped together, and we can count on the fact that THEY will all act the same way, just because they have the same diagnosis.

There is a world of difference between saying:

“My loved one was in a really bad episode, and I believe when she gets very ill, she manipulates her doctor, and doesn’t care about how I feel.”

OR

“People with bipolar disorder are VERY manipulative. It’s part of the illness. They trick their doctors by hiding their symptoms and getting the wrong medicine.”

This?

“My wife is often unfaithful when she’s in a manic episode. I feel like she’s ruining our marriage, and when I talk to her about it, she blames it her illness.”

Or this?

“They can’t stay in a faithful relationship. Sexual acting out is part of their illness, and they never own up to their cheating. I would think real hard before I married someone with bipolar disorder.”

When you or I state something that is true to the individual, the situation, the unique symptom presentation of ONE person we know who has bipolar disorder, that is NOT generalizing.

When everybody who has this diagnosis takes a hit because someone has something bad to say about “them,” “bipolars,” “the mentally ill,” etc –

THAT IS GENERALIZING.

Thank you, Suzanne –

Your employer? That’s just brutal. Unbelievable!

I don’t know what the status of the ADA was at that time – in the mid-late 80’s I guess it was very early in the process….

But the way you were treated, TODAY? It’s blatently, boldly against the law. Employees should be judged by what they DO. If you are penalized or disadvantaged in any way, and you have proof that the only reason is because the employer knew that you had bipolar disorder—you just can’t do that anymore.

Unfortunately, employers do, but they do so now knowing they’re breaking the law. We’re up against a lot of opposition – odds are against justice being served, but MAN – that is just awful.

I just played a large role in making sure our local college fell in line with the law in their requirements. They were compelling students known to have mental illness, and known to have taken medical leave to seek psychiatric inpatient care, to give up ongoing and very detailed private health information – and to have the deans “approving” the medical/couseling plan they had with their mental health providers.

In the age where every little thing is now protected by HIPPA laws, only students known to have a psych diagnosis had to basically hand over their records to a bunch of school administrators, who could, and did, in some cases, override the THERAPIST or DOCTOR’s recommendations for frequency of appointments and even oversee MED CHANGES.

Well, NO. They weren’t going by what these kids DID. They were going by the label they had. The Department of Education, Office of Civil Rights stepped in to set this administration straight.

What they were doing was discriminatory, because they GENERALIZED that every single student with a mental illness needed and deserved to be policed this way, when most of the time they had NEVER even violated the most minor of school regulations. Good academic standing. Proper procedures followed to get medical leave. Responsible and prompt in making up any work they missed.

It is very, very sad–horrible, that we are living in the shadow of those unspeakable events such as what happened at Virginia Tech –

But colleges are beginning to treat anyone whom they know has a mental illness (and some can require you to disclose as a condition of admission or return to campus after a hospitalization) like they’re armed and dangerous.

I think your job situation at the very least equals the college campus oppressive environment we eventually changed.

Gosh, Suzanne – people just shouldn’t be able to mistreat people with disabilities that way. I hope in the future somebody puts their feet to the fire. Sometimes it does make a big difference.

That’s awful-I can’t get over that.

Sorry to hear it –

J

Why are there not two boards – one for family members and supporters and one for patients?
Of course, both can visit each others boards to see what it is like on the other side of things but as supporters we need support from other family members and if we feel we are being heavily moderated we can’t share our deepest sorrows and strongest fears which is necessary for our healing as supporters also.
You are one of the few places a family member can turn to know they are not alone. I surely hope this does not change because someone got their feathers ruffled because they are in an episode and can’t stand to read what the supporters go through or worse yet denies it!

I believe every person has a right to post on this blog, whether a supporter, or someone who has bipolar disorder.

I think before I write. I don’t waste my time–if it’s worth commenting, I say what I believe.

Typically, supporters post more often than do people who have bipolar disorder. This is a useful forum for supporters to vent, and/or to report the bad behavior and struggles of loved ones.

Supporters get a lot of help from one another. Often one person writes of terrible experiences with loved ones. Then someone else shows understanding, and shares their own story, detailing more bad behavior and the extent of their suffering.

I read all of these posts. I am sad that so many people are unhappy with their loved ones and the state of their health.

I take pains not to take sometimes scathing remarks about people who have bipolar disorder personally. It is harder not to feel offended when writers generalize, I work at it.

This way, I can respond with respect, intelligence, and honesty, rather than emotion or impulsivity.

I notice a pattern. Many honest responses of people who have bipolar disorder are interpreted differently.

I am not thinking of responses that are inappropriate or rude. Nor am I refering to writing that is unclear and confused. Not threats, insults, or inflamatory remarks.

I am thinking, instead, of posts from people who respond thoughtfully and honestly to the same daily e-mail questions that supporters do.

The common denominator in these certain cases is that the person with bipolar disorder writes something one or more supporters does not agree with, or for whatever reason it dispeases them.

There is a common explanation for these messages. It is often, seemingly automatically assumed that:

–The person is “in an episode.”

Very often, I read the posts of supporters who say people with bipolar disorder “use their illness as an excuse for bad behavior.”

True in some cases, for some people, at some phases of the illness.

But then, if someone who has bipolar disorder respectfully and honestly comments on something a supporter doesn’t like, the supporter sometimes BLAMES BIPOLAR DISORDER.

Why not return the courtesy extended, and respectfully disagree? Or decide the comment is not helpful, and dismiss it?

Whatever the popular opinion is about people with bipolar disorder, I do not use the illness as an excuse for bad behavior.

I would rather that others would not do it on my behalf, but that is not my choice.

I’m not “in an episode.” I responded to the e-mail question. I wouldn’t give bipolar disorder any credit or any blame for anything I do.

And if I had feathers, they would not ruffle so easily.

Best to all – get well, stay well,
J