=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going? I hope you had a great
Easter if you celebrate it.
I didn’t do much. I actually went over
to my mom and dad’s house to eat.
I didn’t eat to much because I am
lowering my body fat so there are many
things that I can’t eat right now.
So know chocolate for me.
Oh and another thing. I am actually
thinking about volunteering in another
organization. It’s an organization that visits
people in the worst possible psychiatric institutions.
People who get no visitors. People who never will
be released probably. People who really have
severe mental illness. I am not talking about bipolar
disorder. Illnesses there really aren’t ways to manage
it. Illnesses with no real name.
My accountant says that I don’t have time for this
kind of stuff. He is kind of down on the entire mental
health thing. He says that I need to work hard in
things that maximize roi and in his mind that’s
not mental health it’s my other businesses.
I don’t agree with him but his job is to look out
for me.
Anyway, I am pretty sure that I am going to
start volunteering for this organization and help
them get the word out. The person who runs it
is a incredible guy with bipolar disorder. He thought
of the idea a while ago and wants to spread it all
over the country. I am not sure how much I can
help with that because I am super busy but
I can show up in various places and visit people.
Anyway, I think this is a great organization. I think
that someone has to help the people that have no help
at all. You see if you are on my list, you are either helping
someone or helping yourself. There are people that can’t
help themselves. AND they have no one to help them.
They have severe and I mean severe mental illness
and it’s really sad. But you can’t forget about these people.
So I am strongly considering volunteering with this
organization. I just have to figure out how to find
the time.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about
something super important today.
I call it….
FRUSTRATED EXPECTATIONS
I know it’s a big deal to some, if
not most of you, for two reasons.
number #1, because I’m a supporter
myself, and I know that I have
frustrated expectations, and
number #2, because so many of you
have written and called me and tell me
the same thing.
So what are frustrated expectations?
Exactly what it says! No, don’t send me
hate mail because I’m treating you like a
dummy, I’m not, believe me. I just want
you to follow along with me. And remember,
I’m one of the people I’m talking about!
See, we bring something to the table –
being supporters of a loved one with
bipolar disorder, we bring to the table
all our fears, hurt, anger, resentments,
loneliness, all our negative feelings…
And, yes, our expectations.
Then those expectations aren’t met.
They’re frustrated.
Why? I’ll tell you why.
Because most of us, looking back,
never expected to be where (and who)
we are at this point in our lives.
We were sold a dream way back when
that did not include taking care of a loved
one with bipolar disorder, and everything
which that includes, especially our time and
emotions.
No one told us how difficult a JOB this
would be. And you know as well as I do
that this really is a JOB. One that probably
none of us signed up for.
Now, again, don’t send me hate mail,
because I’m not saying that you have to
do this and resent it as a job because
you don’t want to do it or don’t love your
loved one or anything.
I know you love your loved one and do it
and don’t get paid or anything and would
do it even if you never made a red cent.
But that’s not what I’m saying here!
Please hear me out before you make
a judgment call.
In my courses/systems, I talk about being a
good supporter, and I do talk about it as if
it were a job, one you have to train for:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Because when you really look at it, it
really is. And you may be your loved
one’s only supporter, and that puts a
lot of pressure on you.
And you may not have anyone to talk
about this to. So you may be holding a lot
of feelings inside you. And part of this may
be what I’m calling frustrated expectations.
Maybe your loved one wasn’t always like
this. Maybe they have only recently been
diagnosed with bipolar disorder (which
explains why they have been behaving
the way they have been).
But now you are facing a future with
bipolar disorder in it. You are looking at
a loved one who is going to always have
this disorder, and you are going to have to
live with it.
You may have had hopes and dreams that
you will now never be able to have fulfilled.
Your whole life may have changed now.
So…now you have unfulfilled frustrations.
What do you do about it?
You have to ACCEPT IT.
I know that sounds simple. It IS simple.
But it is NOT easy!
No, it isn’t easy, but its something you have
to do if you’re going to continue being your
loved one’s supporter. You cannot let this
build up and stay inside you, hoping that
someday things will be different, because
that is NOT a realistic expectation.
You have to put away your unfulfilled
frustrations forever, and deal with the
new reality you are facing now.
I know this may sound negative, and I don’t
mean for it too, really I don’t. You know how
much of a positive person I am, and how I
always try to encourage you to be too.
But what it is is REALISTIC! You must be
realistic. Face your future together with your
loved one in a realistic way.
So this is NOT negative! Your loved one can
still become a healthy, happy, successful
person with bipolar disorder, with your
love and support.
And you can have NEW expectations!
They just have to be REALISTIC expectations.
Your Friend,
Dave
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