=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well today.
Lots of posts yesterday about my
question that I posed to you.
If you missed it, please read the blog
below.
Today I wanted to tell you about this
divorced woman that I met.
I was talking to her on the treadmill which
I spend a whole lot of time on.
Anyway, she started talking about politics
and then I told her that makes my head hurt
so she stopped talking about that.
She started talking about how society has
changed and many people aren’t into commitment.
She told me how she was divorced. She was about 55
or so years old.
She warned me about what kinds of woman to
avoid if I wanted to be happily married.
I asked her if she ever thought she would
get married again.
She said, “honey, I would like to but
but they have to pass my tests?”
I was like, “what tests?”
She was like, “honey, I have a bunch of tests
that have to see how they act. If they
fail then I am gone.”
I said, “yea what kind of tests like
SATs or the LSAT?”
She looked at me like I was crazy. It was a
non funny joke :). I knew she wasn’t asking
them math, English and science questions.
So she said how she had all these little
tests.
Here are some of them. She would ask
questions and put the guys in situations
that required them to make decisions. She
would rate the decisions.
Things like:
Would a guy drink and drive
Would the guy do drugs?
(she didn’t really explain how she tested
him for this).
Would the guy return her calls
in a timely fashion
She then said she had a cheating
test. It involved her asking a person
she was dating about a situation with
someone cheating. Based on the answers
she received, she was 98% confident
she could tell if this person would
cheat on her.
She had “lazy test.” I didn’t
really understand how she did
this test as well.
She had a “are you putting on
an act test.” Again, this one
confused me.
Now you might be thinking….this
woman is harsh or how can she know all
this or what the heck does this have to
do with bipolar disorder.
All great questions. First, since I was
DEAD tired doing cardio, I was paying attention
but I missed some key parts. Plus it’s loud
in the gym. But she seemed confident in
her “testing her man system.”
So I told her what I did for a living. All
the different businesses I had. She looked at me like
I was crazy. She didn’t know what bipolar
disorder was but she knew what depression
was. She said that her last husband depressed
her 🙂
Anyway I told her how I liked to test my
systems, doctors and therapists.
She asked what I meant.
I said for example, I will fax a doctor
information that’s important and ask for a
response.
This tests:
Do they read their faxes
Do they respond to their faxes
Do they lose faxes
Do they know what they are talking about
Same thing with the therapist as well.
I also do it with voicemails. I test
response time. I test follow through.
Do you know how many tens of thousands
of people on my list tell me that
their doctor or therapist NEVER get
back to them with an emergency. It’s
so common that people start to believe
it’s the norm. You might even have a story
like this.
I also use to (not so much now), run
tests of my systems in my head to see
what would happen.
I have real world experience with
test results. All of what you find
in my systems/courses below
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is the result of real practical testing of
what works and doesn’t work.
It is NOT theory. There is nothing
worse than an unproven theory. Know what
I mean? I mean when you need to know
something and someone just throws out
something that know one has ever done
or used and you try it and it’s a disaster.
I use to “run scenarios” in my head
and tests to see how my systems would hold
up.
I would ask myself….
What would happen if my mom went into a
super manic episode today. Who would do
what, when, how? What would my dad do?
What if my mom undid all the medical
releases that I didn’t have. What would
happen if her doctor retired. What
happens if her therapist quits?
What happens if my mom tries to
spend all her money again?
What happens if my mom tells everyone that
I can’t talk to them about her disorder.
I have solutions to all these potential
problems. All as a result of tests conducts
over the years.
I like to tests many people in the system.
For example, I test the pharmacy. I might find
some important information in a book
that they should know, like such and
such medication should not be taken in
the morning or at 4:00pm. I will ask
general questions. Check the responses.
If the responses make no sense, then
I know I have a potential problem.
You could say something like, “so it’s
okay to take this just once with alcohol
right?” If you hear, “oh sure, it’s
okay just once” run for the hills.
Because it’s NOT okay to take medication
with alcohol, just once.
I find that with bipolar disorder, that
a whole lot of systems, people and
places you thought you can count on totally
break down in the time of a bipolar
episode.
I like to test a lot of it ahead of time.
This lady said, “that sounds really interesting
honey…it sounds like a good smart idea. It’s
just like I do with my dates?”
NOTE-I don’t know why she kept calling me
honey. I kept telling her my name was
Dave. Sometimes she called me Steve however
🙂
I have no idea 🙂
I think everyone should consider doing
this. You don’t make it a big deal. You don’t
burden anyone you are testing but you throw
out some tests. See how people respond
because if they don’t response well in
the good times, they probably aren’t
going to be helpful in the bad times (
when bipolar episodes occur).
Check the systems as well. You can
run through things in your head.
Hey, I have to run.
Your Friend,
Dave
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I see that you are always off to the gym. Is that only for fitness? I have recently been diagnosed with bi polar. The doc and I have yet to find the right combination of drugs in order for me to have some sort of stablility. I have however found a way for me to get through the day and that is my workout at the local y. When I miss a day at the gym I’m not in a very good state by the end of the day. It is my life line right now. Just thought you would like to know and maybe this could help other. Your site has given me lots of info some good some not so good. By that I mean that reality sucks sometimes. Keep up the good work.
Hi Dave, I do that, there is one point in my life I had a question, I decided I would ask my friends, three people, I asked them ” If I called you in the middle of the night and asked you to bring me a shovel would you do it?” One replied, “yes but I am picking up your kids and throwing it on the front lawn.” My goofball friend said, ” Your going to plant some roses in the middle of the night?” The last friend said, Ok, but I do not want to know.” Two days ago my boyfriend has been in another state signing autographs, he was not do to come home till the 26th. Well I had this recent upset with my daughter needing to be medicated. I text him that the boyfriend I had that he worked so hard on getting me to leave was always there for me now I have no one, yesturday, he called and said he was on his way home, he would be back in 10 hours. He passed that one and my three friends passed, my goofball one yea she is my friend. Fun topic , thanks Dave, karen
The “tests” with other people show that you may have specific needs from them and are assessing them to see if they will meet those needs. If your doctor doesn’t get back to you in an emergency (soooo frustrating!) that is an indication that they are not meeting your need for them to respond. If you don’t find that helpful, move on. There’s no point waiting for them to change – find someone else. It is a little bit like dating, finding a good doctor. 🙂
Hi David:
Sorry, I know this is going to be another book because that divorced woman at you gym was fooling herself. I have been married 5 times plus a couple of long term relationships. Almost 7 years ago I was a widow for the 2nd time and I ran my own “tests” on men too. 1) I wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, one nighters were great because I didn’t want to put my heart out there for pain again. 2) He had to snore when sleeping or no second chance. 3) He had to enjoy going out and dancing on Fri and/or Sat nights and so on. So what happened: I got a man who met my requirements (most of them anyways), fell in love and ending up marrying another (3rd) man with BPD! So your divorced woman can do all these tests she wants to but in the end it will be her heart, not her brain that picks the perfect mate, even if he is not perfectly matched to all her tests! And so it goes with testings Psychs, and other Doctors, pharmacies, etc. when you live in a rural area, such as we do, you take what you can get whether they pass the tests or not. Walgreens is the pharmacy we use for all our medications because it is close to where all our Doctors are and they have a website to order refills. I have been with this pharmacy since they opened in 2003 and I have been so aggravated with them and called the Chief Pharmacist and reamed him a new *** so many times I can’t count them. Once I was so mad that he met me half-way between where I live and the pharmacy to deliver meds that the tech should have given my husband a couple of hours before, when he was at the pharmacy to pick them up. Every month we have about 50 prescriptions filled and you would think they would be used to us by now. I have Medicare and Medicaid for the ones that Medicare doesn’t cover such as Clonazepam (generic Klonopin). I get 2 scripts each month one for 60 1/2mg and the other for 30 2mg. In the same order they ran the 1/2 mg script through Medicaid and it was paid for and then charged my husband for the 2mg tabs! I saw “red” when I saw what had happened. While you live in an area that has an abundance of all types of medical providers to test, not everybody can do this and they typically can’t afford to move to a more populated area either. I agree that running tests, whenever you can, to get the best of whatever you need available to you is a fantastic and great plan but the sometimes the best of whatever is not so good. Bot I have to say that we have “lucked out” when it comes to doctors, specially our Psych and my Pulmonologist. They are super and available unless they are out of town but have a back up plan when they are not available. I do not know how it has happened that these 2 drs have settled close by, but I know we are very lucky to have them. But I would rather spend the rest of my life fighting with Walgreens than to have to put up with your traffic! lol Thanks for all the info you provide to us, as you are a very big Blessing to us all, everyday!
Good morning, Dave. I agree with testing, or wanting to learn how a person is going to ‘act’ or ‘re-act’, ‘respond’, or ‘not-respond’. I address people to their face. If a person can not, or does not, want to face, or look me in the eye while they are giving the reply, then that definitely gives me a huge clue about their sincerity in their thought or idea about the topic. Especially when it is your mate/partner. This becomes a much more difficult task if the person has a mental illness, or has mastered the art of lying. Another difficult aspect of this testing theory, for myself at least, is that I want to, & have a tendancy to want to believe what I am being told. I am an honest person, not unlike you Dave, who believes that there are more people in this world who are honest & sincere, respectful, and have some kind of honor… but not to be honorable to the deceit or keeping up of false appearances. As you may be able to tell, I am having an extremely difficult time, with my partner, who is not accepting the truth about the illness he & his family have know about, but choose to ignore. He & his family, (suicide on both parents side), totally discredit, the truths of mental illness. And due to the fact the my partner has been dishonest, disrespectful, & dishonourable about me to his family, to the point that they will not (do not?), believe any of my thoughts & beliefs to every question that they have asked me. Each time I have attempted to answer their questions, both his parents argue with my feelings & thoughts. Am I not the only one who can answer how I feel & think??? What is there really to argue about? I feel that they are in totaly denial, and choose to have someone to blame (they & him look for the blame). My attempts to try & help my partner, have only made the situation worse. My partner has made false impressions about me to his family. He kept the truth from them about our involvement, which has caused much strain on our relationship (in trying to keep up appearances to his parents, he has told them that we haven’t been seeing each other, when in fact he has wanted to run off & elope, 3 times now in the past few months). So he lives this double life, the one he wants his parents to know, and then what he tries to tell me. I am about honesty, & I did find out exactly what they were made to believe about the person I am & what I beleive in. They refuse to hear me in telling them what I know & what I think will make a healthy relationship. All relationships, not just spousal. I just am wanting him to accept & get the proper care & treatment in dealing with this horrible illness. I am glad that I contacted them directly, I really found out the truth about what he has made them believe about me. It was difficult, but I am about learning the truth. I do not want to be any part of any lies, especially when other people are making them up, and using me to take the ‘heat off of himself’, about the truth of the matter…. he needs help. But I now know that it will not come from his parents. They are also in denial.
Hello David, I must ask this, are you looking for a companion? Just curious, I am sorry to say that even though my boyfriend is a lot of times aloof I believe he does love me and our children. I think you have to put certain things as you mentioned to a test but if I followed this ladies tests I wouldn’t be able to keep my boyfriend, he would have failed most of them lol. Anyway you are correct about testing theories to make sure that when they are in emergency form, they will work. Emergencies are not the greatest time to find out something doesn’t work.
Hi Dave!
I am so grateful at this minute to have somewhere to go and get these fellings out of me. I am Bi-Polar and was diagnosed in 2000…spent several years “self-medicating” and have been on medication since 2004. Mine is a sucess story with the new lease on life…husband, kids back in my life…And I am truly grateful. I have come to a new hurtle. I have been physically “sick for 1 1/2 years now…bouncing around with different diagnosis…in quite a bit of pain and able to work out side the home less and less. I went friday and my doctor says she feels this is an auto-inmune disorder…MAYBE either Lupus or Ruemertoid arthritis…(I can’t spell worth a crap!) Today has been horrible…I am in that self-pitting mode and I am angry at everyone and everything…I want to run far far away…My family has been so supportive of all I have been through, and I have just taken all this out on them…Please someone talk to me out there….I just needed to know how others of you have handeled this…I was supposed to get the results today, of course nothing moves that fast…MAYBE tommorow…
Thanks for listening,
Trish
To TRISH: Not only have I been bipolar for 40 years, but I have a MULTITUDE of physical ailments as well.
I’m waiting for my PCP to return from Argentina, to schedule more tests on my swallowing problem. Also, about a curious pain in my side. My chronic back problem was NOT solved by a surgical procedure in January. I am on opioids every day, and feel I have built up a tolerance for morphine.
Don’t sweat out the diagnosis. If it’s Lupus, I know a LOT of people who live very ACTIVE lives with it. I KNOW it’s limiting in what you can do; but you CAN adjust. My late husband’s Aunt Dixie was in her 70s with it, and the next morning after we got there, she had set a “ploughman’s” breakfast: scrambled eggs, eggs “sunnyside up,” ham, “black-eyed” gravy, biscuits, bacon – anything you could possibly want! So, sweetheart, don’t count your chickens before they hatch. A lot of good medications are out there to treat auto-immune problems, and I’m sure your doctor won’t let you suffer.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY – Today – we’re ALL Irish!
I like it, made me laugh!!! Man tests!!! My friend said that if she ever gets married again, she is going to give her future husband a hammer and screwdriver and show her how they work, her husband is not very handy. Sometimes it is great just to have a good laugh!!! Thanks!! And it is amazing how you tie everything to bipolar.
HELENM, you are so totally right. Cupid doesn’t shoot his arrows where you consciously want to aim them. When my bipolar husband left me and i moved from the UK to Ireland, I just wanted fun and friendship at first and eventually settle with a man who would be totally different to my ex. He should be a non-smoker, financially secure, with stability in his life and not too much emotional baggage. He should also be sexy and have a sense of fun and adventure.
The powers that be heard me and sent me two men friends, almost at the same time. One who meets all the first criteria, but I am absolutely not attracted to him beyond platonic friendship. The other meets the second criteria, but he is a smoker with no money, a trainload of emotional baggage and bipolar disorder. I fell for him big time! We spent the first few months fighting our feelings for each other (my main reason being that he is so much like my ex and I was worried of history repeating itself). We both lost the fight and gave in to nature and fate. Love doesn’t pay bills but it is very energising and gives you determination and strength.
HELENM, you are so totally right. Cupid doesn’t shoot his arrows where you consciously want to aim them. When my bipolar husband left me and i moved from the UK to Ireland, I just wanted fun and friendship at first and eventually settle with a man who would be totally different to my ex. He should be a non-smoker, financially secure, with stability in his life and not too much emotional baggage. He should also be sexy and have a sense of fun and adventure.
The powers that be heard me and sent me two men friends, almost at the same time. One who meets all the first criteria, but I am absolutely not attracted to him beyond platonic friendship. The other meets the second criteria, but he is a smoker with no money, a trainload of emotional baggage and bipolar disorder. I fell for him big time! We spent the first few months fighting our feelings for each other (my main reason being that he is so much like my ex and I was worried of history repeating itself). We both lost the fight and gave in to nature and fate. Love doesn’t pay bills but it is very energising and gives you determination and strength.