=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
Well today is Saturday, day before Easter.
Hope you have a great day.
Actually yesterday I had a little bit of a
scare—well it’s still kind of a scare.
I had to go to the doctor for something.
I am going to probably tell you tomorrow.
There’s a great bipolar lesson.
Anyway, let me jump into today’s topic
because I have to take off to go to the gym.
One of the things that people write to
me about a lot is conflicts between them
and their loved one, and ask me how they
can solve them.
Now, right up front, I’ll tell you what I
tell them. I’m not a therapist or a family
counselor , and I advise them to see one.
But I do offer suggestions, as I do in my
courses/systems, on how to handle
conflicts in a bipolar relationship:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You can eliminate many areas of
conflict just by having good
communication between you and
your loved one.
By good communication I mean
that you have to be clear on what
you’re saying. Both of you have to
be able to tell the other person
exactly what you are thinking and
feeling, without the other person
feeling defensive or getting angry.
Supporters can also set limits on
what language and types of behavior
they are willing to tolerate and not
tolerate from their loved one. For
example, they can say that they
won’t tolerate their loved one
yelling at them, and that is a
boundary that they won’t allow
their loved one to cross. Then
they have to stick to that.
Their loved one might say that
they are willing to talk about
everything except some sore
spot, and their supporter will
have to respect that boundary
and not cross it.
Communicating like this has
several benefits. for one
thing, it can help the two of
you to feel closer to each
other, as it opens the door
to a closer relationship
instead of fighting.
For another thing, it reduces
confusion, since you both
know the rules going in.
It also eliminates nagging,
cross words, criticism, and
arguments.
Another one of the good
Things is that it will give you
peace of mind, instead of
that feeling of walking on
eggshells all the time.
In this way you can offer
unconditional love and
support to your loved one
instead of fear, and you will
want to spend more time with
them.
Your Friend,
Dave
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one is designed to help you with a different
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Over the last few days I have been reading the blogs from supporters of loved ones with bipolar. I was saddened to learn the effect this can have as many of the supporters experiences I have inflicted on my partner over the years (15). I spoke to him yesterday and became aware of how selfish I am, how I never listen to his problems because he doesn’t want to stress me so keeps it all to himself. He did say that he would never consider leaving me. Conclusion yes we are useless with money, yes we are at times insensitive, yes we are dependant but would never admit it. I was so shocked at how unloved my partner feels as I do love him with all me heart and would do anything for him. We need to learn to show our love more effectively, keep listening and bear in mind it is not all about our problems. Our supporters need support too. Love you all 🙂
First, thank you Tanya for saying that we need support too. I have felt very alone many times and yes, the illness and problems seem to take over. It become our focus and we do not focus on building a solid relationship.
In response to Daves topic it seems that somehow, when a loved one is in a huge swing boundaries do not apply to them and they can not think reasonably enough to respect them. I have had to make a complete break from my fiancĂ© in order to remain true to myself. I love him but can not have the addictions, lies and swings affecting me or my children. I value our mental health and hope that living in separate houses that I will be able to continue giving love and support. Like I said, boundaries did not work for us when the swings or alcohol took over. The separation has been hard and my fiancĂ© wants to walk away because he is feeling like he has failed and doesn’t want to destroy what we hold in our hearts. What I really think someone like this needs is to be in rehab. I will continue to be there for him and go to his doctor appointments but somehow he will have to be the one to walk the path of stability and stay clean and free. He is 50 years old and regardless of age or illness one must want to change. Supporters can only do so much before they lose their own identity and strength, living a life that compromises their beliefs. I pray for the day my loved one finds the way. If we can only be together living in separate household then perhaps that is the answer. It’s only been a week. Please pray for him to have strength. If it means not seeing me which is what he feels at the moment, I pray for the strength to accept that. I realize we all have to make the choices that are best for us and wish everyone out there the strength to follow whatever path they are on.
My best to everyone and may spring truly bring renewal and faith to you.
I have learned the “no yelling” boundary after too many years of putting up with it from my bp husband. It’s not that hard–just walk out of the room. No arguing. He doesn’t have an “audience” with me if he raises his voice and tries to bully me.
I agree with Liz; they need to want stabiliity. These small(and large!) battles we have with them aren’t really winning the war, unless they truly want stability and are looking for every possible way to achieve it. I have always believed that my husband would want stability, but lately I’m not sure.
my son is getting worst i would say.. he is becoming very possessive and very violent..he doesn’t even want his pregnant girlfriend going to the store.. his defence is always.. someone might look at her.. or some guy might touch her.. yesterday the cops had to be called.. he would not let his girlfriend leave.. and when my older son held him back.. so he girlfriend could leave safely.. a big fight broke out between the two..when he finally got freed. he was up stairs..(girlfriends mother lives in the same building.) trying to boot the store in .. and calling the girlfriend and the mother names.. they called down .. and you could hear him yelling and screaming .. kicking and throwing things at the door… i told her.. you have to call the police.. your job is to make sure your daughter and you are protected…..
Good Morning everyone. Thank you Dave for your emails, I am very new to this, just started getting your emails about a week ago, and I am also new to this blog thing : ) First thing I want to say is by signing onto your website and reading all the information you have sent, I feel like I am not alone, and it is opening my eyes to what people with bipolar feel, and even though it seems like they can control and should be able to control their lives, reactions and everything else.. I realize it isn’t as simple as I’d like to believe. My daughter 25 yo was diagnosed with BP 1 in Nov. 06, since that time it has been horrid, she used to have her own apt. lost that, has had a countless number of jobs..decent ones too..lost many friends, her attitude is like pure resentment towards me and my husband. I work in the local social service agency so I am lucky to have some resources at hand, got her on medicaid and have been in touch with the mental health agency that advised us not to let her back in the home, (actually I am not as nice as most of these people that write on here are…and know that we love her to death…but couldn’t put up with the “drama” this disease takes on)anyway since we haven’t let her home and she really wants to be back here or I should say it probably makes her feel safer, she has been homeless, basically moving from one friend to anothers since last June, has even been in homeless shelters it breaks our hearts. When she was first diagnosed she was in the hosp. for a wk. put on meds. and I do believe she took them…they didn’t seem to be the right ones, for all different reasons, gaining weight was the big thing…actually she did the best on that medicine, anyway she was told that she needed to take her meds and see a therepist which she agreed to but after a couple of wks. that all went out the window. She was also told that when we told her things were getting out of control and she needed to seek prof. help she should listen to us…but she refuses..I’ve been telling her for over a yr. now. She was seeing our reg. MD who was prescribing the meds and I told her she needed a Dr. that ordered the meds and a therepist that was seeing her to be working together, I even called our reg. MD and told her what was going on…of course because of HIPPA..you can only say…this is what I know…this is what I can offer I know they can’t tell us anything…the Drs. reply was that since she refused to go to a psych. or therepist at least by seeing her she was getting meds. its crazy to me. The idea of not letting her home is that she would be a high priority if she were to go to the mental health dept. to get into a residential program, never did I ever think it would take this long, i thought once she lost her apt. and we said no to coming back home…she would have taken our advise went for an evaluation and would have been accepted into the program. We want to support her, and I think we do the best that we can, but she wants to live with us…and won’t take no for an answer…in the beginning we figured we would get her set by paying the bills but that couldn’t go on for a long time without her getting on her feet..it was like putting water into a bucket with holes, and unfortunately we cannot afford to maintain two households. Right now she has convinced herself that she is an alcoholic and is in a rehab. I have inside info. that they believe its mental illness but since she is maintaining the program, (almost a wk.) however refusing all meds..they will keep her there unless she starts hallucinating or whatever….then I guess they will transfer her to a mental health facility. This is just terrible..we don’t know what to do..we want to help but don’t know how…we love her…but can’t live with her…and I can understand why she thinks we don’t love her…she has been so nasty at times…that its difficult to get past it. I’ve written enough, I could go on forever and there is so much more..thanks for the time, if anyone has some suggestions it would be welcomed.
I am the person with bipolar and I have problems with my mother alot of times and she just doesn’t understand and she gets angry. My mom is a retired nurse and she told me at one time it is hard to see that one of your children as this problem, and other time she was dissappointed that I wasn’t like my sister. I feel like I am the one walking carefully around her and trying my hardest to watch what I say or do. even around my daughter I have to be careful about everything. I have hurt myself many times and tried suicide but she just doesn’t want to learn or accept that I have this, how can I let her know that it makes me feel bad because she don’t try to understand.
I recently had knee surgery. I have bipolar which was under control. Now I am experiencing disorganized thinking. My house is a mess. Help me!!
Hi Midge, I can’t say for definate that your daughter will find her way I have had bipolar, voices and seeing things for 20 years. Even now I cannot manage finances but by admitting these faults you can get help, it has taken me 18 years to admit to having this illness and taking it seriously. I can tell by your words you love your child very much but you are right there is very little you can do. At my worst no-one could have reasoned or stopped my destructive behaviour. All you can do is the little things, show unconditional love, do not judge her and let her find her own way. It does not matter how many times someone says you need help it is only your own inner voice you listen to and I heard it eventually. In the future she will not blame you about the not moving in, but she will always need you for some form of support. This is not meant to be negative it is meant to help that you are not to blame, your daughter needs you but she needs to find out why she does, admit first to the illness then the help comes.
Migde, Being in Rehad is a good step because a I believe my loved one is also an alcoholic and that is his biggest battle right now. It may take months or years for your daugher to get stable but at least she is getting help. Perhaps someone will see that she gets on medication before she has a major episode. Good luck, all you can do is offer guidance and love. The BP distorts who the person is that we love and that is what causes the pain. Addictions are a result but they can also be a huge barrier to wellness once they take over. ONE STEP AT A TIME and DAY By DAY may the answers come.
Hi, This helped me a lot. A therapist gave me a blank clock drawing and I had to sketck in my day and write what I did. Then we had to rate each part for stress/anxiety. Then we had to think of ways to reduce that level of stress. Lastly we had to include an amount of time to do something that made us happy i.e. what we would really like to do. Then we re-issued our day with methods to reduce our stress. This really helped to diminish my number of episodes as am a rapid cycler – could be good for supporters too. Even a tiny change in your routine can reduce stress. Stress is bad makes you ill. Could reduce conflicts.
Tanya, thanks so much for your message. It helps me to know that someone who has been there in the same position as my daughter understands how I am feeling..I need to work on more of how she is feeling and not blaming myself as much as i do for the actions my husband and i take to maintain our own sanity. I am glad that you are on track now, and I wish you every good thing life has to offer. Have a wonderful Easter. Thanks again.
having a good day so far. i’ve been on lexapro for 2 years, the doctor has put me on serqual also. i can’t keep jobs longer then a month, i’ got 20000 dollars in debt from credit cards i’m getting help now to get them paid off. my first husband got killed on a job site on my 25th b-day and not even a year later i got hit from the rear end by a motorcycle killed both husband and wife. i’m remarried to a super man, thank god. is there any info you could get me to where i could get on disability? if so i thank you, kami
the messages i read every day and they help knowing im not the only one out there strugging with everyday issues. so if any one would email me that would be great… thanks, kami
i would like to know what the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder are. some of my friends tell me i am bipolar and others arent so sure, how do i tell or where can i go to find out?
i would like to know what the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder are. alot of my friends tell me i am bipolar and some arent so sure. what can i do to find out or where do i go to get tested?
Hi Midge,
Thanks so much for your kind reply. It is really nice to hear something good after living a life of taking it felt like I gave a bit back.
Had a thought as I know how bad you and your daughter must be feeling. I could write you a letter c/o your daughter briefly explaining my experiences, how I felt, maybe it might help her as I am a third party and suffer from the same illness and had the same denial to my cost and pain of others. Let me know the offer is there and you can vet the letter first. Dont worry no offense will be taken if you decline as this is a very personal issue I know. My thoughts are with you.
Hi Dave:
Please let us know what is your ailment so those of us who believe in the power of Prayers can be specific as we Pray for you. I know that I am Praying for it to be just a “scare” and several others that visit here as well. That said, I actually consider myself to be an expertise in handling BPD conflicts (margin of error: my daughter’s father, can’t handle conflicts with one who will not get help). I do not how but I manage a 3-ring circus at my home as well as my husband’s offspring who are Bi-polar as well. I cannot tell you how it happens but most of the time I can keep the clashes to a minimum. I guess visiting a Psych for all these years has taught me a lot. But since my daughter came home from the Psych ward, and I want to thank everybody who answered my question about how long, if you have ever been in a Psych Ward, were you there. I believe my daughter’s lack of insurance and money kept her from getting the service she really needed. They took away all her meds except Seroquel and put her on Lithium and kicked her out in less than 3 days. She is still Manic, and apparently I am too, but she is not nearly as bad as when she went in so I guess it was worth the bill she will receive. I thank the Lord that at least my family has the same Psych. But now I know why my former boss in market research thought I was so capable because, for the life of my, I didn’t see it in myself. So all you people afflicted with BPD should not view it as a curse or horrible, although it can be at times, but consider it a gift from the Great Father and you will view in a different light. Start each day saying “Because I am Bi-polar I can do whatever you like to do instead of “oh no! I have this horrible disease and I can’t manage to do whatever I like to do” You will find yourself more capable than ever. I am disabled, but not because of mental defect or illness, I am in the final stage of emphysema and I get migraines if I try to work a regular job. My Pulmonologist calls my blood “sludge” because it is so thick from the lack of oxygen thus when it gets to my brain I get a migraine. I would love to have David’s Books he has for sale and I know the day will come when I will have the money or some way to purchase all of them. Thanks, David, for all your hard work in sending us the info you send every day. I know that you are up and writing and sending early AM because I have been awake and online just in time to receive your emails. You need to get some rest.
Wow, there are some amazing people on this blog. I don’t think I realized just how many people BP affected, and Tanya’s comment humbled me a bit. I do those things too, I feel so selfish. We’re always focusing on my problem, and sometimes I see it getting to him too, I’ll have to keep that on my mind. I try and make up the bad behavior with xrated favors, works 100% of the time. lol.
I don’t really know how to handle conflicts, they are so diverse, and I know I say and do very mean things, but I get over it quicker when he doesn’t argue back.(not ignoring-thats dangerous)It doesn’t work all the time, but when he doesn’t, I either get pissed and storm off, or I start to realize how Im acting then get pissed and storm off.
I’ll tell you though, something that has worked for him, and me, is everyday, without plan, just when we notice or think about it, we compliment eachother. Just little things throughout the day to keep us smiling and happy. When Im feeling good, it’s a lot less likely for me to act a fool. Im still not on medicine so any bit of advice helps, we know that one day we WILL conquer this!!!
Hiya, David!
I just wanted to say “Thank you” for your daily e-mails. They’re really helpful to me, as I have Cyclothymia, a milder form of Bipolar.
I’ve attempted several times to e-mail you before, but failed… once by sending it to the top address that doesn’t work and another time when I lost it before I could send it on to your blog! Let’s hope that you get this, as my brother has come up to teach me.
Keep up the excellent work!
Sue and all the animals.
Hiya, David!
I just wanted to say “Thank you” for your daily e-mails. They’re really helpful to me, as I have Cyclothymia, a milder form of Bipolar.
I’ve attempted several times to e-mail you before, but failed… once by sending it to the top address that doesn’t work and another time when I lost it before I could send it on to your blog! Let’s hope that you get this, as my brother has come up to teach me.
Keep up the excellent work!
Sue and all the animals.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and my husband is bipolar. Thanks for your post. It will help.
Hi,
I am ver new to all of this. My husband has just been diagnosed with BP. I knew something was wrong for years but I did not know what. My husband has become abusive to me lately. emotionally, verbal, and a couple of incidences he has become physical. I had to commit him to a psych ward and that was the most heartbreaking thing I ever had to do. This is a man that always complimented me and always showed his love for me and was never mean. My husband is now the opposit enad I have now become the enemy. The heartbraking thing is that he tells me one miute he wants a divorce and the next minute he is in love with me. He tells me to pack my bags and leave. He has threatened me and the dogs and himself harm. My husband doesn’t even understand what he is saying or doing. I talked with his counselor today and we are going to a meeting next week so he can fill out papers so I can participate in this. He has told his family that he is not happily married and that this is all my fault. His family is not close with me and reallly doesn’t know what’s going on. The problem is within himself. When he is acting himself he tells me he wants the right meds, counseling, and then marriage counseling only if WE need it. Then he yells, screams, and threatens me. Is there any chance that with the right meds and counseling that I will get back the man that I fell in love with and know that is still there? Or am I stuck with an abusive monster forever? I am the most caring, loving, and supportive person but right now I think I need the support to deal with him.
Thank You
Nicole
Hi I am in a relationhipo where i have just experienced a huge bi polar episode from my partner. It shock of my life I would desperately want to talk with people about this as im feeling ill myself in trying to deal with it x
Nicole that sounds like what i have just had but i threw my partner out and he is in a blac hole now i desperately want to help him x
Jena:
I have to agree with you there are a lot of amazing people posting to this blog. I just read something that may or not amaze you but there are millions of diagnosed people in the US alone and I shudder at the thought of how many go undiagnosed and without treatment. It is very scary to consider how many people with BPD are not even acknowledging they (my ex for example) have a problem, let along get diagnosed and treatment.
Hi Everyone- I am dealing with a partner whom is bipolar with episodes of anger,anxiety and alcoholism…what a fun mixture this is .
All of his “stuff” came out after his mom passed away in Jan/08,been on medical leave from work ect ..I got him to a doctor,and a psychologist ,but unfortunately the loxapine he was taking was stopped by him since “he doesnt have the problem”..and is beginning to show signs again- which is topped with the beer..he is however on an anti depressant still…hes very angry towards me and rather then him dealing with his “stuff” he is blaming me..and making me the one who has a problem ..hes manipulating the docs and his counsellor…anyone have any ideas?
Dave,
Yhank you for your words.They come in the exactly moment.The conclusion that I’m arriving is that the diagnosis of BP is very difficult.Suddenly I wanted to put one “tabula rasa” in everything and to imagine that nothing happened, not to analyse more.I talk by phone again to the old and first doctor (psychiatry). He say she has boderline personality,or depression in one line.I talk with my loved one about this,and she agrees that this will be in a very weak level, that she needs a doctor for support but we didn’t find one, yet.Her medication is going well, with little changes of behavior, that always happened.I had conclused that the fact of sometimes in the past, don’t have a diagnosis was better.The diagnosis can impress, to classify and to limits the person’s own efforts.In my country an artist ,pronouced BP, like Britney Spears,was limited in her work: the stygma. I am not seeing her acting as she did before.Lilian P.
hello
my boyfriend of 5 years is bipolar and we have a 3 year ols son together.. things got so bad after our son was born that i had to leave and go home to live with my mom and dad….things were bad for a long time he ran up his visa made no payment on it for 1 1/2 did not want much to do with our son(he is not a bad dad and i know he loves him but at that time he olny wanted to be with him when he want to not whne he need to)…. his mom found out about his visa and made him get back on his meds and thing were good. we started working on things.. i liked being around him again and we were planing on moving back in together but now he is off his meds again and saying that he has no time to go to the dr. and no time to get his pills … i just dont know what to do. i want to be with him and want to live with im and our son but i cant go back to living the way i did… i started to feel like i was the on with something not right with them.. i know he cant help it but all he has to do is take his med and thing would be good….. i wish you all luck with your loved ones with bipolar…
my husband has bipolar systems and I don’t know what to do, all bill s are pass due and things are getting worse where do I look for a doctor
johnnie m:
Try taking him to your hospital emergency room, especially if he is hurting himself or seems suicidal or perhaps even homicidal and they should put him in the Psych Ward for evaluation and should refer you to a Psychiatrist when he gets discharged. Other than that start with the yellow pages. But if he doesn’t have medical insurance you will probably have to do the hospital first. I do not where you live but here in Idaho there are county hospitals that have to treat you no matter what the problem is. There may also be mental health clinics that are on a sliding fee based on your income. Sounds like my daughter when she was having a manic episode and she was suicidal/homicidal so I took her to the ER and they had to admit her into the Psych Ward. Good luck and Prayers for you to find a good Psychiatrist.
Its not as easy as that David I have tried to talk to my partner when he is being horrible just makes him worse!
Michelle
Dear Bloggers,
Any suggestions regarding a loved one who within the last few months will no longer communicate with the family because she is seemingly “delusional” regarding
childhood experiences? We miss her terribly and we are praying for the day that she will be able to overcove this part of her illness. We have tried to reach her through e-mails, telephone messages, letters, and gifts and always send our love. She does not respond. She has moved far away and threatens to reject her husband if he has any contact with us. All 15 of us in her immediate family long to have her and her husband part of our family once again. Hoping you might have even a tiny bit of advice. Thank you in advance.
Rhondalynn
Hi everyone. I am a 44 year old mother of two. I am bipolar and am med compliant. My problem is I am also a bipolar supporter. My 18 year old son is non med compliant and refuses to talk to anyone that might help him. He won’t get a job and refuses to help around the house, I am also physically disabled, so I need the help. He is really bringing me down and I am afraid that I may have an episode because of him. Everyone tells me to kick him out but his temper goes from 0 to 120 in a matter of seconds and I am afraid of what he will do to me if I try to kick him out and not only that but I do not want to treat him as I was treated by my family because nothing good came of that or would come of that now. How do I cope with this? I cannot force him to take his meds. Any help would be much appreciated.
cyndi
I would not say kick him out. that will not make it any better.. i dont think. he will not talk to you about it?? or go the you family dr with you and you could all talk about it?? i am kind of in the same sopt but it is my boyfriend that will not stay on his med and i cant make him take them..if you dont mind me asking how old was he when he started to show sings go bring bipolar ?? i have a son who is going on 4 and his dad is bipolar as well as is grandfather… i keep finding myself looking for info on the computer about kids with bipolar and everytime something about him is different then other kids in my family i find myself all stressed out about it.. ao i wish you the best and i hope everything works out for you….
Nicole and Karen, I too am going through some of the same for 3-6 months now. We are apart and he is not taking meds. I have enjoyed this support from Dave and everyone on the site. It does help to know what others are doing, but mostly it is knowing that you are not alone. I pray alot and study everything I can about bipolar disorder just so that if he does come out of this manic episode that I might can help him. Thank each of you for sharing your stories and know that you are not alone.
PS…Dave, I am too praying that your doctor’s visit went well.
This is for rhondalynn:
My sister was more or less like what you describe, the only contact she would have with any family members was myself and we also had a very large immediate family. She passed away at age 40 due to legal overdose(prescribed 40 mgs Oxycontin 3 times a day, among other meds) causing her Respiratory system to shut down. She was mildly mentally retarded among other problems, real or hypochondriac, and was being treated for the other medical problems whether they were real or not. Maybe if you do not shower her with gifts and cards and other attention, she may come around. I can’t say for certain as I have no degree in anything except the hard knocks of life, but she may come around to the one she feels the most close to, as my sister did me. At this point it doesn’t seem like you have anything to lose, do you? Unless you live in a state where you can have her committed to a Psych Ward, apparently against her will, and get her help that way. my Prayers will definitely include you and your sister.
My mother has just gone through her second manic bipolar episode in 30 years. She has ordered her husband (my stepfather)out of the house (he is 81) and wants a divorce. I’m picking her up tomorrow from the Phyc hospital where she has been for the past two months and very nervous about bringing her home to live on her own. Not sure how she will cope and what impact this will have on me when she already relies so heavily on me. This is a whole new and very frightening experience for me. Extremely similar sitation to David’s mum but I can see by all the blogs that I’m not on my own and that is refreshing to know! A friend also suggested to me that Mum takes the highest dosage of fish oil each day which is very good for mood swings. Many thanks, Mel
It’s all well and good to set boundaries about what will and what won’t be discussed with a loved one with bipolar disorder, but when that person is irrational and manic, all bets are off.
I KNOW that when I was hypomanic and going into a manic episode, I listened to NO ONE. I had my own agenda, and nothing anyone said would make any sense to me. Even when you have “boundaries” set ahead of the episode, the bipolar, with a lack of good judgment and being irrational, WON’T play by the rules. I am speaking from PERSONAL experience.
If I tried to “reason” with my Mom (who did NOT believe in mental illness, much less manic depression), she would continue to argue HER take on the situation. I’m sure, to her, I was just acting like a spoiled child, when, in fact, I needed professional HELP.
I just have to “agree to disagree” with you on this one, Dave. All the efforts at “playing nice” with someone in a manic episode, DON’T WORK. You can have all the “rules” in place BEFORE an episode, but someone with bipolar disorder just WON’T be/act “normal” in that kind of situation. We’re agitated and under a lot of stress at that time, and if anyone “pushes our buttons,” we’re “off.”
Sometimes, “walking on eggshells” is all you can do at a time like that.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Please pray for me as I go through a very stressful period in my life. Thank you 🙂
I’ve tried to set limits like don’t call me such and such names. But when my husband is feeling particularly nasty this is the first thing he does. He calls me the names that he knows really push my buttons the most. So what am I suppose to do when this happens? Just ignore him. Try to tell him I won’t listen to him when he calls me names? Walk away? It doesn’t work. Depending on how many days he has been doing this to me…. I don’t even have the energy to write it here. But the easiest ending to the saga is that he’ll decide he’s over whatever it was that made him feel nasty in a few hours and he’ll act like nothing ever happened and he was never cursing at me and calling me awful names a few hours earlier and expect me to just bubble up and be happy too. But I don’t feel all bubbly and I’ll say how he was just calling me such and such and he’ll deny having ever called me anything at all and that makes me even madder. No responsibility at all. Verbally abuses me horribly and then completely denies having done so at all!!!
its sad to see so many others with this illness.i was told i had bipolar a few yrs ago and was like what in the heck is dat?then found out its me lol well we all know what it is but i was severe manic depressive with like psychotic episodes and some stuff i dont remember exactly heck i was 14.this bipolar is a prob im ok 88% of the time but when im not i am bad and i know this.i dont like the meds really the side effects of whatever ive taken are an issue.well just wanted to post a comment i guess as yes right now im in the middle of a depression and just like to talk atleast till i blow up again.i know i need to see someone but its hard so for now i just stay away from the world as im a trucker thx fer listening
Hi Truckerken,
I feel the same way as you. We have similar problems. I am no good in support groups but this is so much better. I feel like I am getting support while at the same time I don’t experience the issues normally associated with group.
It’s like that is there anyone out there and hey I am not alone. This illness makes you feel so isolated and it feels like it is helping me chatting to you all.
Dear truckerken: Yes the meds for Bi-polar Disorder can have very nasty side effects, but keep in mind that there are whole lot of meds to treat BPD and sometimes it can take years to find the right cocktail of scripts that have side effects you can handle and also stabilize your BPD at the same time. So hang in there and at least talk to someone, anyone, whenever you can because I know from experience that keeping everything inside and hiding away from the world when you feel depressed will most likely lead to a very bad manic episode, as you described in your blog. So let the pain of depression flow out of you, a Psychiatrist or Therapist would be the best but if that is not possible then try to talk out how you feel with someone you trust because it really is about the worst thing you can do to keep it all inside until you blow up. You will find that if you just talk to a good listener without that person telling you what to do or not do, like I am now, you will feel a lot better just getting your feelings out in the open. I have found writing on this blog has been very therapeutic for me and maybe writing what you are actually feeling here would help out in between the times you cannot get to a Psychiatrist and/or Therapist. It prepared me for today when I asked my Psych of about 8 years of counseling and meds what was my diagnosis and he said Bi-polar, you didn’t you all ready know? I suspected but never really hears my diagnosis until today. Well enough of the book writing for now. And if it helps, I will always read your blogs and respond to them when I can. Good luck and lots of Prayers from me for you.
Lynn, I’m sorry your getting the brunt of bp, I do it to my bf. I know that when I do it, he tries his best not to take it to heart. I know its hard but try not to. When you start to talk to him when he is better, try not to get mad. You being mad only makes him defensive and kickstarts the next show. Talk straight about how it makes you feel, tell him you love him but he has to stop breaking you down, and get an honest apology. He has to get help, bp is real and can be dangerous. I hope this helps, know that he loves you and doesn’t mean those things. Get him to tell you that… Good Luck
hi im finding daves mail very helpful .my husbands bipola and has been for a few years now. i find i very hard to deal with at times as we are only in our late thirties and have been to geather for over 23 years (hight school sweethearts ) we have four children 22,21,13 and 11 all good kids(thank goodness).what im haveing trouble with is i couped with all the upseting episods gone by and the hurt from him not wanting to be here and that even im not enought to stop him from trying to end his life .but just resently iv reolised that im lonely ,i do love him so much but i seem to be going throw these feeling alot lattly we sleep in the same bed but we dont sleep together , he says it doesnt even enter his head and that he doesnt think of how i feel , normaly im ok with this but it seems to the more i help him the more i loss my self , i know i love him and his bipola and would never think of leaving him but i cant tell him i need to be loved to with out making him feel guilty and we all know what happens when he feels guilty . hes not sorry for over dosing and being in a comba for five days and wont promise not to do it again ,which leaves me in limbo ,any ways listen at me anyone would think im feeling sorry for me self ,but im not others must feel like this to ,when he came home some one said to me you must be strong and happy for him and help him (which i do )but some times i just wonder whos gona help me to help him be all those things, reading what tanys put does help me that not all my trying is in vain thanks for you suport love to all x