Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How it’s going.

Guess what?

A person on my team upgraded my blog system at www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog
and made it much easier for me to use every day and administer it. We have thousands of posts and it was getting out of control managing.

Speaking of blog, I saw this post from someone:

Dave: One thing that DRIVES ME
CRAZY when I am in an episode
(medicated even) is people asking:
“How are you doing?”, “Are you okay”,
etc. I used to scream when I heard those
expressions. A much better greeting for BP
people (or anyone in therapy) is “Good
to see you!”, “I’m glad you are reading
this and hope you are well today.” Some
of “us” feel like we are constantly bombarded
with “ARE YOU OKAY” – when the
answer is NO – but I’ll make it with help.
No we aren’t okay. No, no, no. So quit
asking. It just makes us question ourselves :”
ARE we OKAY?” “WHAT is okay?????”.
Regards!

This is great advice.

There is no need to ask are you okay a million times over.

It does drive people without bipolar disorder crazy and of course people with it crazy.

You should be looking for the signs and symptoms and not have to ask. You can observe.

Some of the better questions to ask might be:

“Honey, is there anything I can get you?”

Or, “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Care to talk about it?”

“I’ll just be here if you need anything.”

And that last one is the best one of all.

Do you know why?

Because it shows respect.

You are respecting their space.

You’re not bugging them.

You’re giving them the right to be “not OK” by themselves, yet be there in case they do want to talk to you.

That’s what many people with bipolar disorder want most of all.

That’s what they consider support.

I had one person with the disorder tell me one time:

“She’s not my mother! She’s not my babysitter! I don’t need her hovering over me!”

Your loved one doesn’t need you to act like their parent or to treat them like a child.

In fact, the opposite should be true.

Remember when I was teaching about being an enabler, like I do in my courses?

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Well, the difference between an enabler and a supporter is that an enabler does things for the person that they can do for themselves…

While the supporter treats their loved one with respect and understanding, and is just there for them, helping where they need to.

Big difference, isn’t there?

If you were your loved one, which would you want?

Either way, you know it’s hard for your loved one to live with bipolar disorder.

It’s even worse, like the man in the post said, to have people all the time asking you if you’re ok.

Imagine if you just had an operation.

And everyone just kept asking you if you were ok.

They just wouldn’t leave you alone.

You’d never get any rest.

Well, that’s not even 1/10 of what your loved one goes through.

They just want to feel some sense of being normal.

And if you don’t treat them like they’re normal, how can they expect anyone else to?

You need to model the right behavior, set the good example.

When someone asks you how your loved one is doing, it’s not wrong to say they’re doing fine, just as you’re doing fine.

Because you’re loved one is doing fine, for someone with bipolar disorder.

And you’re doing fine, for someone who is supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder.

What do you think of what this man in the post said?

Is what he said something that your loved one would say?

Does your loved one feel like this man does?

Hey, I have to run to the gym. It’s Saturday and today is the day that I have to do lots of cardio and other training
stuff.

Have a great day and let me know what you think of what I wrote.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

How are you?

Here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews429

Lithium May Help Radiation Target Cancer, Spare Healthy Tissue
DO> Wow, interesting article.

Laura Yeager: Hypersexuality and Bipolar Illness
DO> Have you had this problem?

Mo. man treats mental illness with self-awareness
DO> Do you agree with this?

Dad’s mental health affects children too
DO> ABSOLUTELY don’t you think?

Lithium in drinking water lowers suicide rate
DO>Isn’t this strange to you?

Changing perceptions about mental illness proves a difficult task
DO> There is no question about this.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews429
==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Hope you’re doing well today.

I am up super early today. I am actually writing this at4:30am because I can’ t sleep.

Anyway, I want to tell you about a friend of mine. She has bipolar disorder.

She has the type of bipolar disorder where she struggles with both depression and mania, which is very difficult with her.

As part of managing her disorder, she has a doctor, psychiatrist, and a therapist.

She has used the following technique with all of them.

I promise you that if you use it, that it will be successful for you, too.

Oh, I forgot to tell you –

She uses it with her supporter, too (which is usually what starts the ball rolling).

So what is this mysterious technique that my friend with bipolar disorder uses?

Well, it’s not really mysterious at all.

In fact, there’s no secret to it.

It involves using a KEYWORD.

In my friend’s case, her keyword is:

DECOMPENSATING.

When she feels as if she isn’t doing very well…

Like when she feels as if she’s depressed or manic…

And/or she feels as if she might be going into an episode…

She first tells her supporter, and then she calls her psychiatrist’s office.

She speaks to his nurse first, and she uses the keyword that they’ve agreed upon, which is DECOMPENSATING.

The nurse then asks her a series of questions, like if she’s suicidal, or if she feels as if she wants to harm herself.

(That’s the most important question of all.)

Then they talk for a few minutes, with the nurse trying to assess the seriousness of
the situation.

Because my friend has used her keyword, the nurse will ask her if she is safe, or if she feels she needs to go to the hospital.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how important it is to have plans for episodes, in case they do happen, like my friend has her keyword with her psychiatrist’s nurse.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Then, if my friend says that she is safe (usually, since her husband is her supporter, she is), the nurse will talk to the psychiatrist about possible medication changes to help my friend.

If my friend is not safe, supporter by her side or not, the nurse will recommend that she go to the hospital.

There my friend gets the help she needs to avoid going into a full-blown episode, or a safe place to get further help if she is already in one.

The word DECOMPENSATING is my friend’s keyword.

You and your loved one need to learn a lesson from my friend.

You need to have your own keyword.

Then you need to teach it to your psychiatrist, his/her nurse, your doctor, and your therapist.

Had my friend not been able to reach her psychiatrist’s nurse, she would have called her therapist (and down the line until she reached someone for help).

The main thing is that your loved one is encouraged to reach out for help when they are in trouble.

If the two of you work out the keyword together, then you can be the first one your loved one reaches out to when they need help.

If they cannot call their doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist, then you can do it, and you can use their
keyword.

You can use my friend’s key word of decompensating, or you can use one of your own.

Even a phrase will do, such as “needs help,” “out of control,” “in trouble,” or “having bipolar
problems” have worked for people who have used this technique.

What about YOU?

Have you or your loved one, or someone else you know with bipolar disorder ever used a keyword or phrase as a way of reaching out for help when needed?

Has it worked for you?

What happened?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope this day is a good one for you.

I have to go to a meeting all day today so I need to get going, okay?

Let’s talk about what’s going on these days for a minute.

These days lots of people are worrying over all kinds of things.

Is it the end of the world?

Are we in a depression?

Will things get worse?

Are we running out of oil?

Are there going to be any jobs?

And on and on.

I saw an article that says the average person now spends more than 2 hours a day worrying.

This is highly unproductive.

I see with bipolar disorder people worry, too:

Will I go into an episode?

Will my loved one get ill again?

Will a major episode strike?

Will the bipolar medication stop working?

Will things ever get better?

The problem is that this is wasted time.

Worrying is always a waste of your time.

Know why?

Because the things you worry about are things you have no control over.

You should focus on what you can control instead.

You can waste your time worrying about all the things that could go wrong, you could choose to do that.

Or…

You could think about the things that could go wrong and try to have a Plan A, B, and C, but don’t dwell on all these problems.

Do you see how you have a choice in the way you handle your problems?

I teach problem solving techniques in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
There’s a wrong way and a right way to go about it.

The wrong way is like I said in the beginning of this post.

There’s always something to worry about.

Always.

Just look around you, and you can find something.

Some friends of mine live in a trailer, and it’s pretty old, so there’s some things pretty wrong with it, like some plumbing problems.

They live on disability, and they barely can pay their regular bills.

And they probably can’t get a home loan.

Now, they’ve got real problems.

So they have a reason to worry.

But are they worried?

No.

Why?

Because this couple is solution-oriented.

They have a Plan A, B, and C.

First they are going to present the problem to their homeowner’s insurance. That’s plan A.

They are going to the bank anyway, because they figure the worst that can happen is that the bank says no. That’s Plan B.

Then, Plan C is that they are going to try to find someone they know who can help them get the work done, so all they have to do is pay for the materials.

Then, if all else fails, they will come up with a Plan D.

Do you see what I’m talking about?

They aren’t sitting there just worrying about the problem.

They are looking at ways to fix the problem.

Because they know the problem isn’t going to just go away by itself.

The problem isn’t going to go away by worrying about it.

The problem isn’t going to go away by talking about it.

The problem will only go away if they DO something about it.

It’s the same thing about bipolar disorder.

You may have some problems managing it.

But you CAN do something about it.

Think of a Plan A, B, and C. Even if you have to have a Plan D, at least you’ll be doing something about it.

Anything is better than just worrying about it.

Agree or disagree?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing well.

I was talking to someone at the gym about bipolar disorder. This person had a friend who had it.

He asked me this one question.

I get it ALL the time.

More than ANY other question.

Do you know what it is?

What is the BEST bipolar medication?

The best bipolar medication out there…

Or the best medication for me…

Well, you know I’m not a doctor.

You know I’m not a mental health professional.

And by now you know I certainly do NOT work for any drug company.

So how am I supposed to answer this question? (And why do people keep asking ME about it instead of their own doctor?)

Well, I do have an answer, but you’re going to have to scroll down to find out what it is.
Scroll down…

Keep scrolling…

You’re close…

I know you want to know the answer…
Ok, next scroll and I’ll tell you the answer…

There ISN’T a BEST bipolar medication!

And yet there IS!

Confused yet?

Well, in my courses/systems I talk about
this, too:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Ok, let me explain.

Everybody’s different…

So, there is NO one medication, no BEST medication, that will work on everyone who has bipolar disorder.

That’s just a fact.

On the other hand, there IS a BEST bipolar medication…

And that is…

The BEST medication that works for YOU!

I wasn’t trying to trick you, honest.

I just really, really wanted to make my point.

Too many people think that if they could just find the “best” bipolar medication, then everything would be all right, instead of working hard to be stable.

They just want the easy way out, instead of the best way.

The best way is to find the BEST doctor for YOU, so that he can prescribe the BEST bipolar medication for YOU.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

Hey, yesterday I saw two really good movies you could check out if you want.

They revolve mental health issues and are totally unrealistic but they are good movies : )

One is The Uninvited and the other is The Lodger.

Check them out if you like. I thought they were good.

Okay, let’s jump into today’s topic.

When we were children, it seemed like we spent most of our time waiting.

(At least that’s how it felt to us.)

Waiting for recess…

Waiting for lunch…

Waiting for the school day to be over…

Waiting for winter break…

And Spring break…

And best of all…Summer break!

Waiting for Christmas and all our gifts…

Waiting for birthdays and all our presents…

Waiting to grow up…

(Now that was a big one, wasn’t it?)

“I can’t wait to grow up, because then [whatever]”

Well, not much changes when you’re an adult.

There’s still that, “I can’t wait till [whatever], because then…”

Let me tell you about the difference between bad waiting and good waiting.

Have you ever heard that saying, “Just waiting for the other shoe to fall”?

Well, with bipolar disorder, that would mean that you would just be waiting around for the next episode to happen.

That’s bad waiting, because you’re not enjoying your time with your loved one during their normal time between episodes.

Another example of bad waiting is unproductive waiting.

That’s when you wait for something to happen without doing anything about it (or waiting for someone else to do it for you).

I talk about it this in my courses/systems when I talk about problem solving.

The problem will never get solved if you wait around and expect someone else to solve it for you.

You actively have to look for solutions to it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
With bad waiting, you might wait forever for something that might never happen.

Like waiting for bipolar disorder to get better all by itself, when you can do something to help our loved one to get better.

On the other hand, there is good waiting.

Good waiting is like having a positive attitude.

Like understanding that recovery is a process and that you have to be patient and wait for it.

Stability doesn’t happen overnight.

But, like what I was talking about with problems and expecting someone else to solve them for you and how it just doesn’t happen…

If you do what you can to manage bipolar disorder…

Stability WILL eventually happen!

Being a supporter means practicing good waiting.

It means believing that one day recovery (stability) will happen for your loved one.

(Of course you still have to do what you can to help them achieve that stability in the meantime).

By practicing good waiting, you can help make things happen that otherwise might not happen.

What do you think?

Do you agree with me that there is a difference between bad waiting and good waiting?

How have you seen this in your own life?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going today?

I got this email the other day:

“I think I’m going crazy. Half the time my wife is in a good mood, but the other half the time she’s yelling and angry at me, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. Either that, or she’s ignoring me, and sulking like a baby. I’m so tired of trying to figure her out! But at the same time, I love her, and wouldn’t even think of leaving her. I just wish I could help her in some way. I hate to see her so depressed, but I hate when we fight, too, especially when I don’t know what it’s about. I’m so confused, because she doesn’t seem to act this way around anyone else but me. I just wish she’d be in a good mood all the time. Do you think I’m being selfish?”
————————————————-

Well, I’m not a psychiatrist or therapist, or any other kind of doctor or mental health professional, like I always say, so I can’t begin to counsel this man professionally.

All I can do is give my personal opinion.

But it sure does seem like he’s struggling with his wife and her bipolar disorder, doesn’t it?

Worse yet, it seems like she’s struggling with it herself. If she were more stable, she wouldn’t be showing these signs and symptoms, like the anger and other acting out behavior her husband described (moodiness, etc.).

In my courses/systems, I give the signs and symptoms of both bipolar depression and mania:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
First, let’s talk about the signs of bipolar mania.

Many people think it’s about being excessively happy. But that’s not always the case.

It can also mean increased irritability, anger, agitation, etc.

In this case, I would say that fighting with her husband, especially when it seems to be for no good reason, is a good indication of that.

However, she is also showing signs of depression as well.

What he says about “ignoring me, and sulking like a baby,” could be just plain old depression.

He even says, “I hate to see her so depressed.”

So there may be other signs of depression that this man is not describing in his email to me as well.

He says, “I’m so tired of trying to figure her out!”

As a supporter, you may be feeling the same way.

It is hard to “figure out” bipolar disorder.

Even your loved one, when asked what is wrong, may only be able to tell you, “Nothing’s wrong.”

They may not be able to figure it out any better than you can sometimes!

He says that she only acts this way around him.

Well, that could be because sometimes people with bipolar disorder act like they’re wearing a mask around other people, afraid of what they’d think of them (the person with bipolar disorder) if they really knew how the person was thinking or feeling.

But when they get home, they drop that mask, and they trust their supporter, so their true thoughts and feelings come out (sometimes in a negative way).

This man says, “I just wish she’d be in a good mood all the time.”

I know that when I was living with my mom, and she was yelling at me all the time, I sure felt the same way.

I wanted her to be “normal.”

I thought every other mom was happy all the time.

But my friend, no one is in a good mood all the time, whether they have bipolar disorder or not.

Are YOU in a good mood all the time?

Then how can you expect your loved one to be?

Finally, this man in the email asks, “Do you think I’m being selfish?”

Well, I have my own opinions, but…

What do YOU think?

Do you think this man is being selfish?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.