Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I hope today is going good for you.

Today’s subject is a touchy one, so I’ll just tell you that up front.

It’s about how people in a manic episode tend to choose the wrong people to surround themselves with and how it can come back to hurt them and/or their families.

These new “friends” can be negative or toxic people, or even worse yet, they can be people who will take advantage of your loved one (and your finances), as some people do, because when your loved one is in a manic episode, they will not make right decisions (especially about money or business decisions).

Remember before when I’ve told you about Michele and how she taught her children about picking the right friends by using this 10/2 equation:

If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang out with them, you are not going to bring them up to an 8, they are going to bring you down to a 4!

So that’s what I’m talking about here.

It’s hard for a supporter to watch their loved one go into a manic episode to begin with…

Then to see them get all outgoing and such (whether that is their normal behavior or behavior

caused by the bipolar disorder)…

And the next thing you know, their loved one is hanging around with these new people…

…and the supporter KNOWS that these people are bad for her loved one, but he just uses excuses, or defends his “new friends”…

Because he can’t see how they are bad for him – because he is in an episode, and is in denial about it.

That can be so frustrating for a supporter, because her loved one just won’t listen to her, and she

doesn’t want to get into a fight with her loved one, but she also doesn’t know what else to do!

She just has to silently stand by and watch her loved one be hurt by these people – Maybe they are just negative people and will bring her loved one down, and that’s not as bad as what some will do –

Some will take advantage of their “new friend” (the person in the manic episode) and possibly use them for their money, etc. But still the one in the episode will defend them!

In my courses and systems, I teach not only about how to deal with your loved one when they are in an episode, but also what to do when they won’t listen to you:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

It’s very difficult in this situation to get your loved one to listen to you.

For example: Michele’s mom has bipolar disorder, just like my mom. Michele spent hours with her mom, working out a routine for her.

Her mom was doing great on her routine. Until she met Mary.

Mary became close friends with Michele’s Mom. But she decided that Michele’s Mom didn’t need her routine any more, so guess who Michele’s mom listened to?

Well, after awhile, Mary kind of floated away from Michele’s mom, and Michele’s mom went into a SIX month episode, most likely caused by the fact that she had no routine to cling to, like she had before – she just couldn’t get “back on track.”

Do you see the important point that I’m making here? No one is saying that people with bipolar

disorder shouldn’t have friends. But only that they should be VERY particular in who they choose for friends.

To someone with bipolar disorder I would say to trust your supporter in this. If they think that there is something wrong with your “new” friends, there probably is. You just can’t see it, because you’re in an episode.

As a supporter, you most likely won’t have to deal with this problem when your loved one is in a bipolar depressive episode, as they will probably isolate more than go out and find “new” friends – that is more of a manic behavior.

I will tell you this as a p.s. – Michele’s mom sure learned her lesson about choosing her friends more carefully. And now she sticks to her routine, too! Today she is happy and stable, and is managing her bipolar disorder very well!

Hi,

Getting the news early to you today.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews455/

Here are the news headlines:

Is It Bipolar Disorder or Depression? Learn the Signs

DO> Great article. Very confusing topic.

The Role of Antidepressants for the Treatment of Bipolar Depression

DO> Another great article, take a look.

Bipolar Disorder Increases 4000 Percent In Children And Adolescents?

DO> What do you make up this? Do you think this makes sense?

A Psychiatrists Worst Nightmare? Psychiatrist Stabbing Raises Concerns

DO> This is really scary. It’s rare this type of thing happens however.

Mood Mapping, Tips from a Doctor

DO> What do you think of this concept?

Bipolar Disorder and Post-Partum Disorders

DO> Another great article.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews455/

POST RESPONSES TO THE NEWS HERE

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you doing?

I’ve got to tell you about the funniest thing that happened.

You know how we’re taught to follow directions from the time that we’re a child, right?

But you also know that it’s typical for men not to follow directions. I mean, women complain about that all the time about men.

Not me – I follow directions (I learned the hard way).

But my friend?

He’s a typical macho type man – no following directions for him.

He went to put this toy together for his kid.

I thought it looked really complicated and, like I said, I would’ve followed the directions (all 3 pages of them!).

So he’s putting together this toy, which had like a gazillion pieces to it.

So I said, “Are you sure you don’t want to follow the directions?”

And he said, “Dude. I know what I’m doing.”

An hour later, sweating and swearing…

I asked him, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

He just grunted at me.

Another hour and a half…

Still sweating but no longer swearing, my friend pronounced the project done.

I looked at all the leftover pieces doubtfully, but didn’t dare say a word.

You’ll never guess what happened (well, maybe you will). Scroll down to find out.

Keep scrolling…

Almost there…

The minute his son touched the toy, the whole thing fell apart! LOL

It was hilarious (at least to me)!

This time I couldn’t resist saying something, so I said, “Dude. Maybe you should have followed the directions.”

It was funny to me, but it sure wasn’t funny

to him.

But he brought it on himself by not following the directions.

There are times when it is crucial that you follow the directions.

With your medications, for example.

Sometimes they can be very confusing.

The directions might say to take it four times a day, or every four hours.

So you might wonder when to take it, or question if you have to take it at night.

But you can (and should) ask the doctor or pharmacist to clarify the directions for you, because it’s imperative that you take your medications right.

You have to follow directions, or you may not have a positive outcome, like my friend.

Like in my courses/systems, which give you directions on how to reach stability.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You need to do what your doctor and other professionals tell you to do.

They’re looking out for your best interests, and they know from experience what works best for people who have bipolar disorder.

That’s why they give you directions, and you need to follow them if you want to get better.

There are pieces to stability, just like there were pieces to my friend’s project.

And you need to follow the directions to get the pieces all put together right.

Are you someone who follows directions?

Hi,

I hope you’re doing ok today.

You know, as a child you are completely dependent on your parents for everything.

They provide for all your needs.

But then you grow up, and you are no longer dependent on them.

That’s what growing up is – Becoming independent.

But one problem that supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder tell me they have is that their loved one is too dependent on them.

But it may be their own fault, if they are solving all their loved one’s problems for them, or making things easy on them.

This may even be a sign of codependency, which is one of the things I talk about in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Having your loved one be too dependent on you is something you do NOT want.

But here’s some surefire ways to make them dependent on you:

1. Give them their medication

2. Take them to all their doctor,

psychiatrist and therapist visits.

3. Tell them when to go to bed

and when to wake up.

4. Make all their meals and snacks.

5. Make a To-Do List for them and

then help them complete the tasks

or do them yourself.

6. Handle ALL the finances yourself,

without them knowing anything

about them, even when they are

NOT in an episode.

7. Force them to exercise.

8. Drive them everywhere they need

to go, even if it’s just to the store.

9. Make excuses for their behavior.

10. Cover up for them.

11. Don’t make them take any responsibility

for anything.

12. Do everything for them.

If you do these things, I guarantee that your loved one will be totally dependent on you.

And that is something you do NOT want.

Your loved one needs to take responsibility for themselves if they are going to get better.

Stability is not something you can achieve for them.

As a supporter, you naturally want to be a good one and to help your loved one.

But they are not a child, and should not be totally dependent on you.

They need to do as many things as they can for themselves.

They need to work toward their own stability.

If you do all those things I listed, you will probably experience supporter burn-out, and then where would your loved one be?

Where would you be?

Not very healthy yourself.

Take for example, the medication issue.

Even if your loved one complains about having to take their bipolar medications, it is still something they should do for themselves.

You shouldn’t be giving them their medication – that would be doing something for them that they can do for themselves.

In order to attain stability, your loved one MUST take responsibility for themselves.

Not just in taking their medication, but in other areas as well, like I listed before.

You want your loved one to be independent.

That’s one of the biggest steps toward stability for them.

When your loved one is not in an episode, when they are in a normal period, they should be totally capable of taking care of themselves and, therefore, taking their own responsibility.

They still need you as a supporter, but they shouldn’t be totally dependent on you.

For example, you can still make a To-Do List for them, but they should be the one doing the tasks.

It’s part of being productive, which your loved one needs to be.

I know you care about your loved one, but you can NOT make them totally dependent on you – it’s not good for either of you.

Have you noticed ways where your loved one is still too dependent on you?

Do you agree with me that they should NOT be?

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

Today I want to talk about CHANGE.

There’s this sort of anecdote that talks about how a woman married a man for who he was, then immediately started changing him into who she wanted him to be.

Then she wasn’t happy, because he was no longer the man she married!

It’s supposed to be funny, but there is a ring of truth in it.

As a supporter, you are many things to your loved one.

You wear many hats, so to speak.

So it’s important that you keep your sense of identity because of it.

You have to stay fundamentally “you,” or you may fall into the

CHANGE TRAP

Many supporters with loved ones who have bipolar disorder do fall into this trap.

In my courses/systems, I talk about change, and what is good change and what is bad change:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

The Change Trap is when you are so frustrated with your loved one and their bipolar disorder, specifically when your loved one is not well, that you try to change yourself to change the situation.

But the trap has you believing that by your changing, your loved one will get better, which is NOT true.

There’s a difference between changing to adapt to a situation (i.e., learning to adapt) and actually trying to change yourself to change the situation.

When it comes to bipolar disorder, you cannot change the disorder. It is what it is.

When it comes to your loved one, you cannot change them. They are who and what they are.

It’s like the Serenity Prayer:

Lord, grant me the serenity to

accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

and wisdom to know the difference

Yes, you have control over yourself.

Yes, you have the power to change yourself.

But the other things you can’t change, no matter how hard you try.

See, there is good change and there is bad change.

Good change is when being a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder brings out the caretaker in you, and you become a super supporter.

Bad change is changing yourself to try to change the bipolar disorder.

The change trap might also cause you to change yourself to try to prevent a situation (like trying to prevent episodes, which are going to happen anyway).

This can come from past episodes, where you may have thought, “If only I were more attentive [understanding, supportive, a better listener, etc.], my loved one wouldn’t have gone into this episode.

Then you start overcompensating by being overly-attentive, etc.

Bad change is letting guilt cause you to change yourself.

Changing yourself might cause problems in your relationship as well – Like in that anecdote.

Your loved one accepts you for who you are.

They do not expect you to be someone you’re not.

If you change too much (even though your motive is to please your loved one), they may feel that you’ve become a stranger to them, and then you may have problems with the relationship in general, and communication specifically.

Your loved one may feel that they can no longer talk to you or open up to you, which can cause further problems.

You need to stay fundamentally YOU.

You can change to adapt to the situation (good change), but not change who you are (bad change).

What do you think of this idea?

Do you think there is such a thing as good and bad change?

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

Sorry the news is late. We had a technical problem.

With that said, here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews454/

Here are the news headlines:

Man Who Suffered from Bipolar Disorder has Book Published

DO> Sounds like good book. Haven’t read it yet.

NBPF Develops Preventative Care Program Called ‘Safe ’til Stable’ for People Impacted with Bipolar Disorder

DO> Sounds like great idea.

Funding Supports ADA Technologies’ Development of Home Monitor for Bipolar Disorder

DO> Hmm. Sounds really worth while, don’t you think.

…Antipsychotic Drugs Spur Dramatic Weight Gain in Kids

DO> This is a sad side effect of medication.

An Illness Even Sadder When it Affects Teens

DO> This is really the truth. The good news is, today there are way better treatments than when my mom was growing up.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews454/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a good day today.

You know we’re in a recession.

Everyone knows we’re in a recession.

But there are some people that blame everything on the recession.

Whatever goes wrong in their life, they complain that it’s because of the recession.

Basically, these are people who would complain anyway, recession or not.

They blame all their problems on something else.

They have a bad attitude.

A doom and gloom approach.

A negative approach to life in general, and their problems in particular.

And if you try to encourage them or give them advice, they may even turn on you!

These people continually have problems, because they don’t have active solutions.

They just complain, but don’t do anything about their situation.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

YOU choose your attitude.

YOU choose your approach to life and your problems.

YOU choose how you handle things that come against you.

In my courses/systems, I call this being proactive.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

If you determine that you aren’t going to let bipolar disorder run your life, it won’t.

If you choose to have a positive attitude, you will.

If you decide that you are going to take control of the disorder instead of letting it take control of you, you will.

It’s all in your attitude, and in being proactive.

See, some people just react to everything that happens to them.

Those are the type of people I was talking about earlier.

There’s a saying:

“Life is 1% what happens to

you and 99% your reaction to

it.”

These people react in a negative way.

You need to be different.

You need to react to life and the things that come against you in a positive way.

I’m not saying that you won’t have any problems (everyone has problems), but a positive attitude

will help you to solve them.

Being proactive with bipolar disorder is “taking the bull by its horns,” and taking control of it.

You take the approach that you can manage the disorder.

You look at the different things you can do to accomplish that.

You look at all your choices.

You make good choices.

And you make good decisions, because you have looked at all sides of it.

If you are a supporter, being proactive with your loved one’s bipolar disorder means that you

are alert for any signs and symptoms of an episode and prevent it from ever getting started.

And being proactive in your life means that you are in control of it.

Do you agree with me?

How do you approach your or your loved one’s bipolar disorder and your life?

Hey,

I just got back in from volunteering tonight.

Anyway, I wanted to send this out yesterday.

I have a brand new dvd that I am giving away.

It’s called:

The Ultimate Home Business Starter Kit.

It’s for Bipolar Supporters AND Bipolar Survivors.

You might be wondering why I am sending this out?

Well it’s simple. I have had tons and tons of people ask me about ways to increase their income from home. Both bipolar survivors and bipolar supporters.

Anyway, if you are interested, you can get it here:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/uhb/

See you tomorrow morning.

Dave