Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I hope it’s going good.

I want to share an email I got with you:

“Dave, it’s so hard being a supporter

to someone who has bipolar disorder,

but you already know that. I’ve always

tried to look at things in a positive way,

to the point that I earned the nickname

the Eternal Optimist. Still, it’s so hard

to be an optimist when you’re facing all

the things that bipolar makes you face.

Sometimes my sister goes through times

where she is just like she used to be,

and we’re really happy during those times.

But when she goes into an episode, she’s

like a totally different person. She’s had

so many problems with her medications,

and she just can’t seem to stay stable for

very long.

She’s even gotten in trouble with the law,

and other things, because of her episodes,

and the rest of the family won’t even

have anything to do with her any more.

But as hard as it is, I just can’t desert her.

See, even though I know there’s no cure for her,

I do believe that she can get better. Sometimes

she shows signs of it, and those are the times I

hang onto. She has a hard time believing she’ll

ever get better, though, and sometimes I just don’t

know what to do to encourage her. Do you have

any advice? Linda”

———————————————————

The Eternal Optimist.

Linda sure sounds like one, doesn’t she?

Well, I believe we can all learn a lesson from her.

She’s right about there being no cure, unfortunately, and that’s true, but in my courses/systems, I teach you how to cope and deal with bipolar disorder in spite of it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Bipolar disorder is a very cunning and baffling disorder.

Many people with the disorder do lose their family and friends because of it.

They have to deal with consequences of their episodes, like this woman’s sister, and that can be rough.

Sometimes the consequences are pretty bad.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

There may have been times that you wanted to give up on your loved one, too, because sometimes it just gets so hard to deal with them.

That’s a normal feeling for a supporter.

But to Linda, and to you, my best advice is:

NEVER GIVE UP.

Yes, there’s no cure for bipolar disorder, but there is treatment for it.

And if your loved one adheres to their treatment, they have the best chance at stability.

And they WILL get better.

Like the sister, however, it may take time to find the right medications, so you may have to be patient during this process.

Just never give up.

Don’t give up hope for a cure.

Don’t give up hope for your loved one to get better.

And don’t give up on your loved one.

That’s probably the most important thing for a supporter to do.

And sometimes one of the hardest.

But if you had read as many success stories as I have, you would know that it IS possible to recover from bipolar disorder.

It’s not easy.

And it is a process.

And all processes take time.

But it will help your loved one so much if they know that you believe in them and that they will reach stability.

Wouldn’t you like to be like the Eternal Optimist?

Then NEVER GIVE UP.

Bipolar disorder CAN be defeated!

Hi,

How are you today?

I hope you’re having a great day!

I was thinking about this saying I’ve heard before, though I don’t know who originally said it.

It says:

“Insanity is doing the same thing

over and over again expecting

different results.”

I want you to think about that.

Because I want you to answer:

Are you sane or insane?

In other words, do you keep doing the same things over and over again, thinking that maybe

this time they’ll work?

Do you keep making the same mistakes over and over again?

And each time expect your loved one to respond differently.

If you are doing that, then technically you follow the expression, and you are insane!

The good news is, you can change things!

If you’re doing something for your loved one and no matter how many times you’ve done

it, it hasn’t worked, you need to try something new.

For example, if during their manic episodes, they blow all the money in the checking

account…

And each time you “forgive and forget,” you may be enabling them to keep on with the same

behavior.

On the other hand, what would happen if you sit them down between episodes and show them what they do/have done with the finances…

Then propose something different, like you having control of the finances.

What if you showed them the credit card statement and suggested that they don’t carry credit cards around with them?

That’s doing something different.

I talk about alternative ways to handle your loved one’s behavior in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Many supporters don’t do this because they are afraid…

Or they don’t think they have the power…

Or they are intimidated by their loved one and/or their disorder.

Or maybe they haven’t even seen it as a problem…

Or maybe they don’t see any other way to do things.

Well, let me tell you –

There is always another way to do things.

Have you tried everything you can?

As a supporter, have you tried everything you can think of to help your loved one?

If you really believe you have done EVERYTHING…

Then your loved one should be stable.

But if they are still not stable right now, there are still things you can do to help them.

What you need to do is take out a sheet of paper and brainstorm ideas of how to do things that

aren’t working, differently.

Say your loved one is not taking their medication (which is a very common problem).

You usually get into a fight over it, because you want them to take it.

The next time, instead of arguing, try something different.

For example, you can use the statistics from the National Institute on Mental Health to sway them.

Show them an outside opinion on what happens with people who have bipolar disorder and go off their medications.

If you can’t find it on the Internet, I will just tell you:

According to NIMH, 20% (1 in 5) people with untreated bipolar disorder will kill themselves.

Maybe your loved one will respond to that and other statistics that you can find on the NIMH

website.

Maybe just telling them how concerned you are about them and them not taking their medications will be enough for them to take it.

But fighting is not the way to do it, especially if that’s the way you always do it.

You need to break the cycle, whatever the behavior.

Brainstorm.

Try to come up with new things to try, or different ways to do the things you do.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re fine.

I wanted to write you something important.

There was a big fight in the gym between two people.

One a democrat and one a republican (democrat and republican are political parties in the U.S., for those outside the country that are reading this.).

One argued Obama is doing too many things that are not related to the main goal which should be to fix the economy (i.e., getting jobs).

The person arguing for Obama said he has to work on all these things at the same time and you can’t just focus on one.

(NOTE Obama is the President of the United States)

Some say President Obama is doing too much.

Okay, we’re not going to get political.

And if you are wondering, I am an independent, neither republican nor democrat.

But my friend who thinks Obama has done too much too fast brings up a good point for bipolar disorder.

You have to decide what is important and not important.

There are times, you have to work on many things at the same time.

Find a good doctor, therapist, make sure you keep your job if you are a supporter, handle bills, etc. etc.

In my courses/systems, I go over the elements that make a successful supporter:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Ask yourself:

Am I doing too much for my loved one?

Am I not doing enough for my loved one?

Some people will disagree with you either way, so this is just your opinion of yourself.

Here’s my point of view:

I don’t think you can do too much to support a loved one with bipolar disorder, UNLESS…

(this is how you’ll know you’re doing too much)

1. You do things for them that they

can do for themselves.

2. You make them dependent on you

3. You become an enabler

4. You are codependent

5. You have no life outside the home

6. You focus on the disorder too

much

7. You don’t have any outside

activities

8. You don’t have your own support

system

9. You are your loved one’s only

supporter

10. You don’t ever do anything that

you enjoy (or be by yourself or

with your own friends)

I know your heart is in the right place, or you wouldn’t be a supporter to your loved one.

It’s obvious that you do care.

But do you care too much?

Being codependent means seeing more to your loved one’s needs than to your own.

Seeing to your own needs, physically and mentally is crucial to being a good supporter.

Ask yourself the hard questions.

Am I doing enough for my loved one?

Am I doing too much for them?

There needs to be a balance.

Hi,

How’s it going? I have to get going pretty quick. I’ll catch up with you next week.

Here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews453/

Here are the news headlines:

Mental Illness: The Stigma of Silence

DO> Great article. Take a look.

Glenn Close and Family Tackle Stigma of Mental Illness

DO> Another great article.

When Bipolar Illness Meets Grief: Kay Redfield Jamison on Becoming a Widow

DO> This is one of the earliest authors writing on bipolar.

Insurer Decides on Treatment

DO> What do you think of this article?

Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder: Bridging the Divide

DO> Great article that explains two difficult illnesses.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews453/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I have some good news for the many people who have asked me for resources related to

Christianity and Bipolar Disorder.

I have gotten many requests over the last two years but I really didn’t have a resource to point people to. Now I do. It’s actually by Michele Soloway and everyone that has gotten a copy loves it.

For more information, on Michele Soloway’s The Bipolar Spiritual Journey,

Volume I visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/specialoffer/spiritualjourney1/

Thanks.

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I hope you’re having a good day.

They say that what you see is what you get.

I say that what you see is not necessarily what you get!

Here’s what I mean:

You can hope for one thing…

And then get surprised when you get something totally different.

You can look at something a certain way and think you’re sure of what you see…

Then find out it’s not.

Think about optical illusions, for example.

If you look at it one way, you see one thing.

But if you look at it another way, you see something else.

The important thing when it comes to bipolar disorder, like I say in my courses/systems, is

that you DO look at what is facing you, however.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Optical illusions can “trick” us.

Well, bipolar disorder can trick you the same way.

You think you see it one way, but something changes, and you can see it a totally other

way.

A lot of it has to do with your attitude.

If you look at something with a positive attitude, you’re going to see it one way.

But if you look at it with a negative attitude, you’re going to see it another way.

When you apply this principle to bipolar disorder, you can see the difference that your attitude

can make.

If you look at your loved one’s recovery from bipolar disorder with a positive viewpoint, you’re

going to see them as stable someday.

And you hope for that day.

If you look at your loved one’s bipolar disorder with a negative attitude, however, you may think

that they’ll never get better.

Think about that optical illusion.

There are two ways to look at the same thing.

One supporter put it this way:

“Right now my son is not stable

with his bipolar disorder. But

at least he’s trying his best. It’s

just that he keeps having problems

with his medication. Sometimes

he gets discouraged, but I try to

keep him optimistic, because I am

a positive person, and I try to keep

him focused on the future and that

someday he will be better, that

soon they’ll get his medications

right.”

——————————————–

That’s the difference that a good attitude can make.

This woman is a good supporter.

Having a positive outlook can help you get through the hard times.

It can keep you looking forward to the “someday” of stability.

Things may look bad now, but if you look at it later, things will look much different.

That’s how bipolar disorder tricks you.

It can get you believing that what you see now is what you’re always going to get.

But that’s not true.

If your loved one is doing the things they need to do to further their stability, then you have every reason to hope that they will recover.

Just remember that it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

Do you agree that bipolar disorder tries to “trick” you into thinking that your loved one will never get better?

Can you see it differently now?

Hi,

How’s it going for you today.

I hope your day is going well so far.

Remember when we were little, we called our bellybuttons “innie” or “outie”?

I don’t know if kids still do that today.

But I do know that “outies” were not the norm.

I think, for them, that it was harder than for the “innies” who were in the majority.

What about you?

Are you an innie or an outie?

Were you popular in school or not, in other words?

If all you cared about was being with the “in crowd,” back in school, then you might be struggling as a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder now.

A supporter who is doing their job may not be in the majority.

For example, at support group meetings.

Sometimes people talk at these meetings about how they found a natural cure for bipolar disorder

and that their loved one has gone off their medication and is fine.

Well, you know you can’t do that (and this person shouldn’t, either).

But if you speak up, defending medications as treatment, you may find you get some negative

feedback.

The thing is that you have to be confident in yourself.

You have to know that you have good judgment and can make good decisions for you and your loved one, as well as other family members.

You have to trust your instincts.

Especially in the case above.

Your instinct should tell you that there is no “miracle cure,” natural or otherwise, for bipolar disorder.

And just because this person is claiming it, doesn’t mean that you have to be on “their side.”

Stick up for what you believe in, like I teach in my courses/systems.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You should know the “rights” and “wrongs” of being a supporter by now.

And the proof will be in whether your loved one is on the way to stability or not.

You do what works for YOU, and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

Some of the things I recommend in my courses/systems are not the majority opinion.

Like my doctor finding system.

Nothing like it existed until I made it a reality.

Now, some people accept it and do real well with it, but others don’t.

But I suggest these things because I KNOW they will lead to stability for your loved one.

When you are getting opposition to what you are doing, you have to ask yourself, “Does this person have my loved one’s best interests at heart like I do?”

People are going to voice their own opinions, but it’s your choice whether to listen to them.

For example, I know there are people who think I’m a fraud.

But I know that I’m not, and you know that I’m not.

Neither do the thousands of other people I’ve helped with my courses/systems.

But still, people can say what they want to say.

I know the truth.

Stand by your convictions, even if it isn’t the most popular thing to do.

Your goal is to help your loved one, whether your methods are popular or not.

Even if you stand out as different from other supporters, you have to do what is best for YOUR loved one with bipolar disorder.

Have you come across what I was talking about in a support group meeting?

What happened?

Are some of your methods for handling your loved one’s bipolar disorder somewhat unorthodox?

What are they?

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re ok.

I have a friend who calls himself a “recovering alcoholic.”

One day I asked him what’s the difference between a “recovering” alcoholic and a “regular” alcoholic?

He said, “I don’t drink.”

So what’s the difference between a high functioning person with bipolar disorder and just a “regular” person with bipolar disorder?

For one thing, if you were to look at a high functioning person with bipolar disorder, you’d never know that they even have the disorder.

They are productive, stable, and successful, and live a pretty normal life.

So what else makes the difference?

Usually their attitudes.

A high functioning person has a positive attitude…

While a low functioning person is just the opposite – they have a negative attitude.

Another difference is that one is willing to do whatever it takes to reach (and maintain) stability, while the other one isn’t.

Guess which one isn’t.

Right.

A low functioning person is like those people with bipolar disorder who you hear complain all the time, or blame all their problems on the disorder.

A high functioning person will do the things like I teach in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

They will change their lifestyle to suit their stability.

They will eat right, exercise, and keep a good sleep schedule.

They will be productive.

They will take all their medications willingly.

They will see their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist faithfully.

They will have a strong support system.

They will avoid what they’ve learned are triggers to a bipolar episode for them.

They will keep their stress and anxiety to a minimum.

They will watch for any signs and symptoms of episodes, so they can avoid them.

In other words, in one word, they are STABLE.

And they worked hard to get that way.

While the low functioning person is just the opposite.

They won’t be medication compliant (or will complain about having to take it).

They won’t have a strong support system. They think they can handle this on their own.

They won’t go to see their doctor, psychiatrist or therapist, because they don’t think they need them.

They will probably sleep too much and even be lazy and unproductive.

They will go through several episodes.

In other words, they are NOT STABLE.

What’s the difference?

Just what I said in one sentence before:

The high functioning person with bipolar disorder will do whatever it takes to get and stay stable.

Willingly and with a positive attitude, they will do WHATEVER it takes.

Are you doing whatever it takes to maintain your stability?

If not, you could lose it.

Hi,

How’s it going?

You know I do a lot of reading about bipolar disorder, right?

I read everything I can get my hands on, all the time.

Because in order to keep you well-informed, I have to stay well-informed.

And also because I am still a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder myself.

And there is always new stuff coming out all the time.

Well, I read something in a brochure from the National Mental Health Association (NMHA) called “Making the Journey to Recovery,” and I thought it was really interesting.

So I wanted to share it with you.

This excerpt from the brochure said:

“All of us are unique. What works for

one person may not work for another.

But one thing is true for everyone: The

more you know about your illness and

treatment choices, the more ready you’ll

be to make the decisions that are right

for you. You can control your illness and

your life. With the help of friends, family,

health professionals, and support groups,

you can recover.”

———————————————————–

I really liked what that brochure said, because too many times the information you read is negative.

It can even discourage you.

But this was very encouraging, I thought.

In my courses/systems, I always talk about recovery from bipolar disorder, that it is possible, and how to get there. I try to give people hope, and direction.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

That’s what I think this brochure did, too.

It raised some good points.

It’s especially important to remember that what works for one person may not work for another.

Because you may hear things like at a support group meeting, that you might want to take home with you, and that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

For example, just because some person says that this one medication is great and did wonders for their loved one, doesn’t mean that it would work for your loved one.

Like the brochure says, everyone is unique.

You also can’t compare yourself to another supporter, because each of you are different as well.

Don’t try to be like someone else.

Just keep doing what works for your loved one and you.

I also like what the brochure said about the thing that is the same for everyone.

That the more you know about your illness and treatment choices, the more ready you’ll be to make the decisions that are right for you.

Notice it says, “…right for YOU.”

Because, remember again that everyone is different.

And you know I’m always stressing education.

That’s because I don’t think you could ever know everything about bipolar disorder.

There is new information coming out all the time.

And there are decisions you and your loved one both have to make in controlling and managing their bipolar disorder.

The more informed you are, like the brochure said, the better off you will be to make those decisions.

The best part of the brochure to me, though, is that it tells you that you CAN control your illness and your life.

Because that’s one of the main things I’m always saying about bipolar disorder – that it can be controlled. And that it doesn’t have to take over your life.

And, like the brochure ends: “…you can recover.”

I really like that part, because it reinforces what I tell you as well:

That recovery from bipolar disorder IS possible!

What do you think about what this brochure said?

Hi,

How’s it going? I have to get going pretty quick. I’ll catch up with you next week.

Here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews452/

Here are the news headlines:

Breakthrough in Mental Illness Diagnosis

DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Psychiatric Medications Remain a Mystery

DO> It sure does. I have asked how it works over and over and nobody can say exactly other than it works.

Being in Two Minds Always

DO> What do you think of this?

Youth Push for Louder Conversation about Suicide

DO> This is a huge problem around the world.

Butler Provides Anonymous Tool to Diagnose Depression

DO> Do you like this idea?

Mental Illness Sufferers Urge Message of Hope

DO> Great article, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews452/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave