Bipolar? Are You an Innie or an Outie?


How’s it going for you today.

I hope your day is going well so far.

Remember when we were little, we called our bellybuttons “innie” or “outie”?

I don’t know if kids still do that today.

But I do know that “outies” were not the norm.

I think, for them, that it was harder than for the “innies” who were in the majority.

What about you?

Are you an innie or an outie?

Were you popular in school or not, in other words?

If all you cared about was being with the “in crowd,” back in school, then you might be struggling as a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder now.

A supporter who is doing their job may not be in the majority.

For example, at support group meetings.

Sometimes people talk at these meetings about how they found a natural cure for bipolar disorder

and that their loved one has gone off their medication and is fine.

Well, you know you can’t do that (and this person shouldn’t, either).

But if you speak up, defending medications as treatment, you may find you get some negative


The thing is that you have to be confident in yourself.

You have to know that you have good judgment and can make good decisions for you and your loved one, as well as other family members.

You have to trust your instincts.

Especially in the case above.

Your instinct should tell you that there is no “miracle cure,” natural or otherwise, for bipolar disorder.

And just because this person is claiming it, doesn’t mean that you have to be on “their side.”

Stick up for what you believe in, like I teach in my courses/systems.







You should know the “rights” and “wrongs” of being a supporter by now.

And the proof will be in whether your loved one is on the way to stability or not.

You do what works for YOU, and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

Some of the things I recommend in my courses/systems are not the majority opinion.

Like my doctor finding system.

Nothing like it existed until I made it a reality.

Now, some people accept it and do real well with it, but others don’t.

But I suggest these things because I KNOW they will lead to stability for your loved one.

When you are getting opposition to what you are doing, you have to ask yourself, “Does this person have my loved one’s best interests at heart like I do?”

People are going to voice their own opinions, but it’s your choice whether to listen to them.

For example, I know there are people who think I’m a fraud.

But I know that I’m not, and you know that I’m not.

Neither do the thousands of other people I’ve helped with my courses/systems.

But still, people can say what they want to say.

I know the truth.

Stand by your convictions, even if it isn’t the most popular thing to do.

Your goal is to help your loved one, whether your methods are popular or not.

Even if you stand out as different from other supporters, you have to do what is best for YOUR loved one with bipolar disorder.

Have you come across what I was talking about in a support group meeting?

What happened?

Are some of your methods for handling your loved one’s bipolar disorder somewhat unorthodox?

What are they?

  1. hi dave….well, i guess my belly button is an “innie”, but i was always an “outie”….

    like many of us, my home life was dysfuntional….being the fifth girl out of seven, with two boys at the end….wow, it was tough!

    i find myself always looking for love…..needing to be accepted, like by all….

    today, i am in much more control of my emotions, although i do tend to bruise easily….

    i am a fun, outgoing woman, have a great and creative job….and still on the outlook for the perfect mate for me!
    i am having fun looking!

    i enjoy your articles, i am unhappy, however, when you post sites that cost money…..some of us, who can’t even work, it can be heartening….

    you keep up the good words, though….peace


  2. Hi davie boy am an innie….what are you davie i carnt recall you telling us…
    Take Care Linda x

  3. Hi Dave,

    I enjoy reading your emails every day and find they are both encouraging and informative. My son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 10 years ago at the age of 20. He has had his ups and downs over the years but, thankfully, he is stable now. And finally, he has a great doctor and his medication is working very well.
    God Bless you for all you do. Thank you for your hard work and research on behalf of all who have bipolar and their loved ones.

    I and my family appreciate you very much!
    Blessings, Lola

  4. I know that medications are the conventional, tried and true, way to handle bipolar, but I wouldn’t dismiss the natural, alternative methods.

    I read an amazing book by a woman named Autumn. She had tried several different medications over the years, had been hospitalized several times, and is now better for 10 years after using natural vitamins and minerals. Her dad was the founder of True Hope.

    I know that this might not work for everyone, but I think you have a truly one sided opinion on this subject. Let’s be a little more objective!

  5. My aunt just screamed at me – I took a handful of pills. I don’t know how many or what. I am debating about calling for medical help or just letting my family finally have their way. Kerrie….

  6. To TRIED THEM ALL: By ALL means, call the medical personnel and/or the Suicide Hot Line. Your aunts don’t really want you to DIE. That is somewhat of an irrational thought. Do you have ANY idea of the consequences taking that many pills MIGHT be?? I care about you – you KNOW that – and don’t want anything PERMANENT to happen to you. As you know, even if this is just a “cry for help,” or your way of doing away with yourself (accidentally), it is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Write back and let us ALL know what your decision is. Take care, Kerrie; we ALL love you.

  7. Dear Dave:

    thank you so much for you all you do for those of with bipolar disorder and those of us who are caretakers (i, by the way, fit both categories).

    my partner came off all her meds last October and she thinks she really has everything under control. sometimes she is a raving lunatic! i know i have self esteem issues because of my home life as a child along with PTSD, ADHD, etc., and sometimes take things too personally. i could and would never consider going off my meds because i am just not healthy without them. i functioned for 40 years before diagnosis and was relived to find out there was a name for what was going on in my head. i’m really tired of all the naysayers i run into that tell my all i need to do is get a grip and get over myself. how easy for them to say. i wish they could live inside my head for just an hour and see what i go through. thanks so much for always reiterating how important meds, counseling and a good doctor are. please keep fighting for us!


  8. The aunts all think I am joking…told me that I am the one who should call the ambulance. Well, I am not. Whatever happens is now God’s plan. Whether I live the night or not…It is now up to the Lord.

  9. Just a quick response. You have amazing timing. Lately it seems like everyone is judging how I raise my teen BP daughter. And sometimes I get very insecure and wonder if they’re right. Then a post like this pops up in my email and reminds that I’m the person she has. I was trying to explain to my dad (her grandfather) about why I keep so close to her and why being apart from her is sometimes not an option. He gave me a lecture on her choices. I tried to explain the suicide potential. (She’s tried numerous times) According to him, well that’s still her choice. Guess what? It is also my choice not to listen to him…
    Thanks so much for your emails!

  10. I think I would be described as an outie by the rest of the family and some of the mental health fraternity too but they do say the proof is in the pudding – my daughter has been stable now for 6 months and with your help Dave and the help of a brother inlaw whose daughter was diagnosed as a hopeless schizophrenic case( she became stable 2 years ago inspite of what the best minds and family members said) because both of you had fantastic outcomes and such opinions came with a well spring of positivity – I had to be totally commited to the notion that my daughter would stablize and I did get some funny stares from both my family and the doctors at the time, I do believe they thought I might be a little out of touch with reality : but lets get this straight Rachel stablised because she wanted to and it was all her fight and her victory like it is her daily commitment to being stable. I just bask in the glow of her success I am very proud of my girl.


  11. Hi Dave

    I am a bipolar sufferer and read your daily e-mails which I mainly find encouraging to me. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed today’s e-mail because sometimes because of peer pressure I give in and so internalise my thoughts which are not always healthy for me.

    Thanks for reminding us of the need to be ourselves.

  12. This is the same post but please post this one, as other one had a few typing errors.

    Hi dave,
    Although I do not read every email you send me, some days the subject line for your emails will jump out at me like this one. And Yes belly buttons are still referred to as innies or outies.

    Now I’m definetly an outie! I’m as uncoventional as they come when it comes to medications, doctors and my bipolar disorder, but you know what its working for me!

    I do not like changing doctors or psychiatist, why? because they dont know your illness like someone who’s been there from the start. I had a psychiatist(A)who met me for one hour and decided that I didnt only have bipolar, but a personality disorder as well. I had to laugh in his face, how could he be suggesting the psychiatist (B) who diagnosed me got it wrong after monitoring me for six weeks in a psych. ward?[Not to mention person (B) was higher up then person(A)]

    I refuse to change my treating pychiatist regardless of the area bounderies they put in place when the move her every six months to one of the three different offices in town.

    As for meds if I dont like them I dont take them, I dont care what the doctors say! They can threaten to lock me up, I’ll just lie and say I am taking them if they want to play that game. I know whats working and whats not, there not inside my head. I currently take an anti-antipsychotic, studies done in the UK on it has found it has been successful for both the manic and depressive sides of bipolar. This was about the four type of medication I tried after my diagnosis, and I cant believe I was so lucky to find something so quickly. My treating psychiatist gave me a weeks trial pack and I havent looked back. Unfortunetly my body has become tolerant to it and i’m now using promethazine to assist with sleeping.

    And on top of everything I’m still young and trying to enjoy my life. I know when I go partying with my friends, and have weekend benders I’m not doing my body or mind any good….but thats the price I know im paying. I excerise atleast 4 times a week. I am in a long-term relationship. I have only been hospitalist once which was nearly 3 years ago. I still have good and bad days, I still take risk, make mistakes, fight with family and friends but who doesnt? You dont have to have bipolar to negitively effect your life, you just have to use negitive behaviours.

    Now I know theres no cure for my illness but I had becomely extremely interested in William Glasser and his idea on choice theory. It looks at everybodies five basic needs; belonging, power, freedom, fun & survival. Then it goes on to look at total behaviour with acting and thinking taking our “cars” front wheels and feeling and physiology taking our “cars” back wheels. Now you might be thinking what “cars”? We as people in choice theory are referred to as “cars” and our “car” is front wheel drive. Now as mentions above I said using negative behaviours effect our life negatively, Willam Glasser uses examples of 7 connecting habbits and 7 controlling habits. The connecting habbits are; supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating differences. The controlling habbits are; criticising, blaming, complaining, nagging, threating, punishing and bribing or rewarding to control. And the most important thing we must remember no one can control you and you cant control anybody else, the only person we can control is ourselves.
    Now this idea is definetly in the outies group, but you know what been an outie works for me.

  13. hi dave
    i have daughter kylie who was diagnosed with duo bipolar nearly 3yrs ago after suffering major episode, spending 2 -3 months in mental unit here in townsville Nth QLD. my main concerns as her mother these days is she stops taking her medication at times and turns to smoking drugs n occassionally goes off on weekend binges drinking with her so called friends. the last 2 weeks she has been very angry, irrational, abusive and totally unreasonable, making several phone calls blaming others for her own issues. i refused to talk to her when she is been so abusive, disrespectful and loud aggressive voice accusing me for her problems. this behaviour of her upsets me which brings on stress contributes to making my physical health suffer at times. im hoping to get some ideas/solutions short term to know how to deal with 21 year old girl with extreme bipolar in these situations when i feel she is not stable. i read your emails everyday and have found them in past to be quite helpful and informative.

  14. HAHAHAHA get your facts straight! The only reason I would ever have missed a night on this new med was ran out unknownly. Oh and I havent been out “partying drinking” for maybe 6weeks. David wanna know how i got on drugs? my mum (lynda from the post above) and her partner used to smoke it in front of me from age 5! Oh and by the way she still smokes it, regardless of the fact she is on anti-depressants! Oh and she kicked me out at 16yrs then i went home 9mnths later only to be kicked out 3mnths later while I was trying to finish grade 12? oh and she didnt mention why i have been angry since actually tues 20th remembering today is the 24th (thats doesnt add up to 2 wks!) cos my dogs has a bad skin condition, i rang an animal shelter for help, then my mum went behind my back and rang them after me & made me feel like a real F@#$ing idiot. And then the next day when i tried to call her to say i go treatment for my dog she agured with me about the stupid animal shelter, then she rang my boyfriend behind my back that arvo! Which resulted in an agurement because he wanted me to just leave things but i dont do things that way! Lynda is no longer a bipolar supporter as she has made it very clear that she doesnt wanna know my personal problems and bipolar is my very own huge personal problem.

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