Hi,

How are you? I must say, this past week
has been a tough one. I have had all kinds
of problems managing the growth of this
mental health organization. BUT I was
able to come up with a complete plan.

I have actually learned a number of things
that I am going to share with you in the next
week that come from my experience this
previous week learning how to manage
all the growth of this organization
that helps people who are supporting
people with bipolar disorder and those
with the disorder.

Today however I want to address something
that I saw on a blog post recently.

Someone indicated that I had two different
websites–one related to bipolar disorder
and one related to borderline personality
disorder. This person had said that it
was “disingenuous.”

If you don’t know what
that word means like I didn’t when
I was in school, I will save you the
trip to the dictionary:

dis·in·gen·u·ous adj.
Pronunciation Key: (dĭs’ĭn-jěn’yōō-əs)

Not straightforward or candid; insincere or
calculating: “an ambitious, disingenuous,
philistine, and hypocritical operator, who
… exemplified … the most disagreeable
traits of his time” (David Cannadine).

Since I can’t talk to this person on
my blog, I think what he or maybe it’s a
she is saying is, “Hey you have two
websites about mental illnesses. What
does your mom have one or the other?
Why do you have two websites? Seems like
you are a liar.” That type of thing.

First let me tell you a couple of things.
I find it kind of funny when people think
they have “caught” me doing something.

I think it’s funny because some people
are focused on trying to catch me
or prove I am a scam. I will say this,
if I was running a scam, I am the dumbest
person in the world. I spend a ton
of time on this, get all kinds of phone
calls, people know all my numbers, I now
bump into subscribers when I am out and
about (which is really cool and I like),
and people send me tons and tons of mail
I have to read and decipher.

Okay with that said let me tell you a
few more things.

First my mom probably has borderline
personality disorder as well. She thinks
so. Her therapist thinks so and her
doctor but everyone but my mom feels
she doesn’t need any new labels.

My mom actually wanted a new label
but the doctor and therapist overrode
her. I tend to agree with them and
so does my dad. My mom is okay with
their decision.

I have known this for about 2 years
but not said much about it. I did
bring it up as I transitioned my
dad into more of an active role supporting
my mom. I did so at a therapy session
with my dad, myself and my mom’s therapist.
NOTE: My mom agreed to this arrangement
and there was no violation of privacy.
How did I get her to agree? A long story
for another day. If you have my course
it’s one of the 21 ways to get someone into
treatment.

Okay so back to the story. The therapist
had mentioned that she thought my mom
had borderline personality disorder.
I said, “Yes I thought so to.” And then
she quickly said how my mom doesn’t need
any more labels right now.

I remember looking at my dad. His chin
hit the floor practically. He had a look
of panic. He didn’t say anything. After
the session he said, “Oh geeze, she has
another something else. We have to go
out and research all of this. Do you
have any time???”

First a few things are funny. At this point
I had a complete guide to supporting
someone with borderline personality disorder
already for like a year. If you are
interested, it’s here:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report1

Then I said, “Oh dad, I already know
all about borderline personality disorder.”

He was all excited because he thought it
would take a couple of years to figure out
how to support my mom with her “new” disorder.

I said, “Dad, it’s all okay. We already know
what mom is like and there are no new techniques
we need to learn. The current techniques we
have and system we have will work for
her if she has borderline personality disorder
and/or bipolar disorder.”

Then I said to my dad, “Dad, don’t get too
caught up in names and labels and feel
like you don’t know what to do because you
do.”

He said to me, “Yea. You are right and
you know how those drug companies are,
always making new names to sell more
drugs.”

I am not sure if I believe that but
my dad sure thinks so :).

Anyway, I don’t make a big deal about
my mom’s borderline personality disorder
or the suggestion that she has another
personality disorder. I know what my mom
is like and have a plan based on that.
Names and labels don’t mean a whole
lot to me.

I talk to a number of people who get
all caught up in the diagnosis merry
go round.

Your loved one is bipolar 1 one day. Then
bipolar 2. Then you read about rapid
cycling and your loved one has that.

Then you see another term and you ask, “Does
he/she have this?”

Then all of a sudden your loved one gets
another diagnosis like borderline personality
disorder. Then they are not sure. Then they
say well maybe. Or maybe it’s schizo affective
disorder. Then you hear it’s two personality
disorders.

I talk to people that are going around
and around getting all stressed out on which
techniques they have to learn to be a good
supporter when all the names and diagnoses
change.

NOTE-I am NOT a doctor, therapist or lawyer
and I don’t play one on TV. I don’t offer
any medical or professional advice. Please
be cautious when reading any of my information
and check it all with your doctor, therapist,
attorney and all other professionals that offer
professional advice.

Okay with that said, I focus on my mom as a
whole person and work my strategies off of
that. I personally don’t get bogged down
in if my mom has bipolar 1, or bipolar 2
or this and that. I know in my head
what traits my mom has and I use
strategies based on what I know she is
like.

I hope this makes sense. It might be confusing.
I hope not. I just feel bad when people
feel like they have to keep learning all these
new techniques when a loved one goes from let’s
say bipolar 1 to bipolar 2.

In some cases you do have to learn some extra
things. In the case of borderline personality
disorder, there are a couple of important
strategies to learn that probably aren’t necessary
for bipolar disorder. I taught my dad a couple
and it’s really helped out.

Anyway I have to run now. I hope this has been
helpful. Someone wrote me yesterday that I am
way too wordy. Which I probably am but I am
not a professional writer and I just try to
get the information out as best that I can.

I don’t have a team of editors with my daily
emails. All my other material like articles,
guides and manuals are edited and reviewed
many times but with these daily emails, I send
them out first thing in the morning and they
are real and live. I edit as best I can. Forgive
me for wordiness, typos, etc. I try to do
my best but I am really a math and econ person.

If you are interested in any of my courses
or systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

Have a great day today. Do something
fun if you can. I have to work today
but I like what I do so it’s going
to be fun 🙂

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news.

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews328

There’s some really interesting news stories this week.

Take a look at them. Also, write me some feedback
by visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

Bipolar ex-cop in SLO shootout leaves mental hospital

Milford man faces assault charges against two officers

Treatment Adherence With Lithium and Anticonvulsant Medications …

Overview of Mixed Depression in Italy

Recall Of Counterfeit Zyprexa Batches, UK

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews328

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To People
Go here for more information.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you?

I just got back and I am dead tired.
Remember I was at that conference. Anyway,
it went really well. I will write you some
things that I learned that will be useful
to you after I review my notes.

In the meantime, I have any important
lesson to tell you about bipolar disorder.

Last night I was checking my voicemail
and I had dozens of messages. Just hearing
you have 31 new messages is enough to make
you want to run away :).

So I took at my message taking note book
so I could record who called and what time
and what the message was.

The first one was Jim from Chrysler Dodge
trying to get me to change me oil.

But message number two was a huge problem.

It was a 8 minute and 23 second message
from someone who’s loved one has
bipolar disorder. I could barely
hear the person but it was an incredibly
long and painful monologue about how
this person’s spouse has created all
these problems and is destroying her
life. She mentioned a number of
things that he did wrong and were
problematic.

I must say it was painful. Part of me
just wanted to delete the message because
after 7 minutes I didn’t even know what
the question was or how long it would
go on.

Finally the message ended and the person
said, “Help me” and left her phone number.

I was amazed.

Then I went to message number 3. You’re
not going to believe this. It was a totally
different person supporting a loved one with
bipolar disorder. This message was 6 minutes.

BIPOLAR LESSON COMING SOON… HANG IN THERE

Then I went to message 4 and it was someone
who was supporting a child with bipolar disorder.
This message was the longest I think ever 12 minutes
long. It was seriously a long message. If you
looked up long message in the dictionary that
message should be transcribed.

It ended with “help me” and a phone number.

I was so tired I simply gave up with dealing
with voice messages for the night.

Then I got to thinking about exactly what
I did when I was first supporting my mom
with bipolar disorder. If you remember I
had no clue at all what to do.

So I made a plan. I called already and
I asked specific questions and listened
to what people had to say. Most people
had no idea what to do because I was
asking the wrong people. BUT when I found
the right person for a specific problem
that I was dealing with, I asked
specific questions and I got specific
answers. AND I took notes as well. And
then I let the person go quickly.

I always followed with, would you mind
if I had another quick concise question,
I give you a call? The person in every
case said yes.

Now after I thought about all of this,
my past experience and the 3 messages I
got dealing with bipolar disorder. NOTE
I don’t even know if I have 25 more like
this. It’s going to be a long day probably.

Thank God I have a new woman that I hired
taking over these messages. There are just
too many and it’s killing my ability to run
all my businesses.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. So,
there is a huge problem that I see
people who have bipolar disorder AND people
who are supporting people with bipolar disorder
make.

That’s the long rambling non specific I need
help story.

Are you thinking, “Dave, what the heck is that?”
If you are new to the list, you might be thinking,
“This guy’s emails are really strange and he writes
weird, maybe he’s crazy…but I will keep reading
because I think he might have a good point.”

I do have a good point. Here it is. If you look
at everyone who can help you with bipolar disorder,
doctors, therapists, insurance people, other
supporters, employment specialists, myself,
so on and so forth, we all have one thing in
common–we only have so many hours each day.

The doctor has 24 hours in a day. The insurance
person has the same. I have the same. Everyone
has the same.

In addition, many people want to help people.
They really do. BUT the problem is, there are
generally lots of other people that need
help as well and all asking. What do you do?

Well here is what you do, you drop the long
sad rambling story (sorry to be blunt), because
anyone in this field has heard it probably between
200 and 5000 times. I personally can honestly
say that I have heard the same stories at least 2000
times.

You might think that I am crazy or making this
number up. Keep in mind that I volunteer at
3 bipolar disorder support groups, I have a
huge list, I take my own calls, read my own
mail, take orders for my courses/systems over
the phone and have been doing this for 2 years.

At first I use to feel bad when I would try
to speed people along to get to the question
or specific problem and avoid the story.

But then after I have burned up so much of my
time it’s a requirement. I will not listen to
really long sad stories. I get to the bottom
line. If you have been on the phone with me
for one of my f.ree consultation certificates
for NON medical and NON legal questions (because
I am not a doctor, therapist, lawyer, insurance
person, etc.) you know that I constantly ask, “
What’s your biggest problem?” And I strive
to get you back on track.

Some people might think this is mean but I have
to do it, other wise I will go insane and broke.
How? Well I will start to hear the same stories
over and over again because for the most part
bipolar disorder runs a certain course. Generally
speaking the stories are almost the same.

They go like this, “my loved one is such a
great person and so smart. Really smart. But
then when he/she is off it’s a nightmare. They
are like a different person. They did and I couldn’t believe it
they never would have ever done things like
this unless they were off.

They spent and we are really
mad. It’s destroyed us. I can’t take it any
more”

I have personally heard this type of story at least
2000 times.

WARNING

Here’s the problem. You have to get specific. I know
that a lot of this is painful and you need someone
to vent to and there are people for that. But many
people that can help you have limited time
and we are dealing with many other people. ESPECIALLY
the doctors they have super limited time so you
have to get really specific with them to maximize what
they can do for you.

If you notice in my courses and systems I talk
about a way to get extra time for doctors/therapists.
It involves using a note book, email, phone calls,
etc.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

To make a long story short, you make your
questions before the appointment, make them
super clear and then give them to the doctor
before the appointment. It’s more complicated
than that but I don’t have time to write it
all out. NO I am not trying to force you to
buy my courses/systems I am just making a point.

Anyway, the other day I sent a email out
about making a list of the problems that you have
and being specific.

There are so many people on my list that
do NOT have a specific list for problems
they have. Each time they ask anyone
for help, they start with a really, really
long story and that makes people not want
to help because they have limited time
and don’t want to get trapped having to
hear a 1 hour story.

Anyway, people wrote me back about my daily
email about making a specific list of problems
as “too simple” and so wanted to know
when I was going to send “the good stuff.”

That is the good stuff. RIGHT NOW I want
you to make a list of your problems and what
you specifically need help with. I don’t
want you to go to doctors, therapists,
finance people, hospitals, etc being
a rambler.

Let others be the rambler. I want you
to stand out and be the person
that has specific questions that
you need help with.

The more specific you get, the better
the response you will get.

Then you won’t feel so frustrated all
the time.

Well I have to go now. I hope all this
made sense. A lot of this is hard
to write about but easy to talk about
but since I don’t own my own radio
show, I can’t talk about it.

It’s all in my courses however if you
are interested. Well write me some feedback
if you understand what I was trying to say
today.

Wish me luck on my probably now 40 voice
mail messages.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

I am still at my seminar but wanted to
email you part two of the series about
how to get help when you have trouble
with bipolar disorder–whether you
are a supporter or a person with
the illness.

If you didn’t read this part, please
check out:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/2007/05/bipolar-disorder-lesson-have-you-ever.html

Okay, the next part of making a list of
your problems is to rank them in order
of importance and then here comes
the really important part.

You go somewhere where you can
think. I suggest, park, friend’s
house, library, etc.

Once you are there, you take the most
pressing problem
and then put it on a blank sheet of
paper.

Then you brainstorm EVERY possible
solution you have to the problem
really, really fast. There is no thinking
you just write. Some things you might
write might be crazy so to speak.

Just write it all out really fast.

Then after about 15 minutes or
so review your ideas. Then group
them. You will start to see some
possible viable solutions to
your problems.

Then if you find that you don’t have
any solutions, review your most pressing
problems each morning. And then you will
find people, places or things that you
seem to come in contact with that
can help you. Once you find something
that can help, take action and move
forward to solve the problem.

That’s it. This is exactly how I did
it for my mom and other areas in
my life.

Well I have to take off because
I am at that seminar, catch you tomorrow.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

I have to be really quick. I have to be
at my seminar at 8:30am and I am going
to be late. I am in New York City and
have to make sure I get to the place
on time.

Really quick, I get a lot of emails from people that say
they need help and don’t know what to do.

I sometimes wonder if people really know
what problems they truly have and what
are the most pressing.

Many times when I get on the phone with
people who fill out my f.ree consultation
certificates for non medical and non
legal questions because I am NOT a doctor,
therapist, lawyer, insurance agent, dentist
so on and so forth :), I ask “what’s
your biggest problem?”

Normally I get a undefined problem,
or someone says “everything.” Rarely
do I get a complete carefully
thought out list. This is a big
problem.

I am going to encourage you today
if you have bipolar disorder or if
you are support a loved one to do
the following.

Make a complete list of all
your problems and be as specific
as possible. Put it on a blank
sheet of paper one after another.

One of these reasons I think people
like my courses/and systems is because
it solves a lot of problems in a
systematic way.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

They’re not a long
boring sad story that’s doesn’t
have any direct solutions to
problems. Generally when
you are looking at my books
on bipolar disorder, they fall
way short on practical solutions
to the most common problems.

This is what I have seen. You
may feel different.

Anyway, I have to take off now.
Tomorrow I will tell you
about step two and how to get
faster answers to your problems
using a simple technique I learned
from a man from Italy.

Until have a great day and I have
to head off to my seminar.

I have to go or I’ll be late.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

First HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

Secondly, I noticed that many people write on my blog and
insist that a) some of the things that I say
can’t be followed because I am a son
and the people writing are spouses of someone
with bipolar disorder or b) that whatever
I say will not work for them.

I would like to address b) first. Where
did I ever say that 100% of the things
that I say will work for 100% of the people?
It’s very strange to me how some people
read things. It’s almost like some people
really try extremely hard to find a
reason that they will be stuck in
the current state they are in and
that there are NO possible solutions.

It’s interesting to note I have
annoyed many people over the
years for refusing to
go along with things that are deemed
impossible.

When I even first started this site
I was told it would be impossible it
would work. When I first started helping
my mom I was told:

We tried everything
There is no hope for her
Nothing can be done
She will never be out of de.bt
We should put her away
There is NO way you can get her into the hospital

When I decided to hire those with a mental
illness, I was told it was impossible
to “keep control of them.” I was told the
organization would fail.

When it comes to me…

I ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION NOT WHAT DOES NOT
WORK

There are people on my list focused on what
doesn’t work and that’s a huge waste of time.

Obviously bipolar disorder is complicated
and changes so there is no one size fits all
answer.

If you are reading my information and
you find yourself so quick to find
things that will not work, how about
focusing on the things that WILL work
for you. If I have 90,000 people on my
list, obviously everything can’t work
for everyone.

Here’s another point. I ask people
this all the time. If you are
following a certain course or strategy
with your loved one who has bipolar
disorder and it’s been failing and
failing for years on end, don’t you
think it’s a good time to consider
something new.

Some say the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over and
hoping for a different result. That’s
what many supporter find themselves in–
a position of insanity.

Okay now to address point a), that
I am my mother’s son and some people
on my list are the spouse of someone
with bipolar disorder and everything
I am saying can’t work because of this fact.

Here’s the thing, if you are a supporter
of someone with bipolar disorder, you have
to decide what’s going to work for you.
You get f.ree emails with tips and suggestions
and you can delete them or not follow them
at all or pick and choose what might be
helpful for you.

When it comes to the most recent email that I
sent out about bipolar stability through
strength, I received blog posts and emails
suggesting it’s impossible to be “strong”
when you are married to someone with
bipolar disorder.

I think this is totally incorrect. I know
of many people who are, some who work
for me that have strong spouses. Strength
doesn’t mean you are abusive or mean
to your spouse with bipolar disorder it means
that you set up a certain set of rules or
boundaries that can’t be crossed.

For example with my dad, it’s about
money, medication, going to the doctor
and therapy. These are some. My dad
will not allow my mom to spend money
like the world is coming to the end.
He will not stay around if my mom decides
to stop taking her medication.

When I am talking about strength, it’s
these type of things.

Someone wrote on my blog:

“A spouse has to achieve a balancing act with their
position of strength that a son/daughter does
not. A child will always legally be able to
come back tomorrow. Spouses may very well find
themselves in divorce court, dividing all the
assets they worked so hard to protect. Your
dad who always “gave in” did not have the same
advantage as you. HE could always be thrown out
of the family at her whim, but not you. So…
what is a spouse to do?”

========
I could write an entire book about this post.
I really believe it’s way off track. First
if you asked my dad, he is totally different
today and has said over and over he would
have saved probably a million dollars
if he would have been strong and not
given in all the time. My mom says the
same things.

Maybe I will do a f.ree podcast on
this but maybe not. It takes a lot of
time to create and set those up. Hmm.
We’ll see.

The bottom line is, if you have been
weak and let bipolar disorder run
all over you for years, you should
consider another strategy.

I know a person who has a wife with
bipolar disorder. He says to me he
needs help. I gave him all my material
and he read none of it. He currently
is staying with his wife because of
the kids. BUT, here’s a snap shot of his
life:

He is on medication because of his wife
He business is suffering
He has no savings because his wife has
spent it all.
She frequently lies about him to friends,
family members, his kids and the police
He has had the police called on him
numerous times
He has been attacked multiple times

The list goes on and on. He asked me
what I would do. I am not going to
tell you what I told him because it’s
complicated. BUT, if you are reading
this and this is your life, I would
ask, how many more years can you take
such treatment. This person’s wife
is destroying him.

NOW I know people will say, “Dave you
don’t understand…when you have kids…”

I DO understand and I will say there
is a strategy for this guy. It wouldn’t
be easy but I am sure there is no chance
that he will put the effort in because
it requires a lot of effort. He has
accepted the fact that he is stuck
and can’t better his life.

He is weak with his wife’s bipolar disorder
and as a result her bipolar disorder
is totally out of control.

Well I have to take off and head
over to the gym and then leave for NYC
for a meeting on Tuesday.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/

Well I have to run.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/

Hi,

How’s it going? You know what’s funny, someone wrote
me yesterday that they wondered how I had so
much time to write emails about bipolar disorder
every day.

Well the answer is, I make time. NO I don’t
have bipolar disorder and I am not in a
long running manic episode writing emails
about the subject–just in case you
were wondering.

It’s been hard these last few days to write
my daily emails on bipolar disorder because
I don’t feel well but I still get up and
do it.

Today I wanted to talk quickly about what
I call “bipolar stability through strength.”

This concept comes from a Cold War Strategy
called “Peace through strength.”

“Peace through Strength” is the doctrine that
military strength is a primary or necessary
component of peace. This philosophy is a major
reason cited for large militaries,
and also served as the primary motivation
behind the Cold War doctrine of building
up a huge military.

This isn’t an email about the Cold War or
military strategies BUT, this concept
is important for bipolar disorder.

Over the years, I noticed with my mom,
the weaker and the more we bent during
her episodes the worse they were and
became. The stronger we were or
recently since I am my mom’s primary
supporter, the stronger I was and
the less I bent, the more stable she
was.

For example, for most of my life, if
my mom was in an episode and demanded
this or that, let’s say a large expensive
purchase that was not necessary, instead
of my dad saying no, he would let her
make it and figure out a way to pay for
it later on.

This ultimately led to my mom demanding
another purchase and then years pasted
with many bad purchases which created
a huge financial loss.

It wasn’t just finances either. Things
like allowing my mom to dictate NO vacations
or not eating together during dinner
were the norm.

Each time, my dad never wanted to “upset”
or “argue” with my mom so he gave in,
which is a form of weakness.

As a result, there were no vacations,
we maybe eat dinner together outside of
Thanksgiving, 10 times in 15 to 20
years which is really strange.

When I started supporting my mom,
I realized that my dad’s strategy failed
and there would have to be a new one.

I was thinking about Ronald Regan one
day and about how he advocated “peace
through strength” when dealing with
with the Soviet Union.

That made sense to me and I adopted a
similar strategy.

I am not mean to my mom but there are
certain things I do not bend on no matter
what. No matter if my mom cries, screams,
yells, etc.

Things like spending money, not going
to the doctor, not going to therapy,
not taking medication, or not following
all the parts of her bipolar stability
equation. I never bend on these things.

There are thousands and I mean thousands
of people on my list that bend all the
time to whatever their loved one demands.

And generally these people have a nightmare
life. If you are a caretaker of someone
with bipolar disorder, you aren’t doing them
any good by not being strong when they
are in an episode.

My mom for example is HAPPY that I am strong
when she is in an episode. For example,
she realizes if someone was strong and
stopped her from spending money years ago,
she wouldn’t have had to pay off $30,000
of d.ebt.

OR if my dad had required vacations or
meals to be eaten at a table together she
would have memories of these things but
there aren’t any because they didn’t
exist.

I am not bashing my dad but he did make
a number of mistakes and you can learn from
him. He knows now what he did and encourages
me to let everyone know through my “thing”
as he likes to call it. He calls my
email list “that thing.”

Anyway, you’ll notice that in my courses/
systems, supporters are strong when they
need to be and those with bipolar disorder
who are interviewed are happy they have
strong supporters.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

If you find yourself bending, caving
in, always having to do what you
know is not right, then you have a serious
problem. You need to strongly consider
changing strategies. Other wise
your loved one’s bipolar disorder
will probably destroy you.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

Hi,

I have a new article that I wanted to share with you. I am going to be posting this on various places no the internet to help reduce the stigma of mental illness. Since it’s a holiday in
the US, many people are going to be out and about with their friends and family. This
is a great article to consider.

I wanted you to see it first.

Please pass this article to other people who could benefit.

Being labeled with mental illness has long been a stigma, and stigma often produces shame. Stigma, by definition, means disapproval and disgrace, and by practice stigma sets a person apart from a group, fostering an ‘us versus them’ mentality. Ultimately stigma means prejudice and discrimination in society.

Even when you have a loved one with bipolar, you have probably been conditioned by thousands of years of negative beliefs about mental illness that lead you to have a sense of shame. This shame is counter-productive to your loved one’s health and to your own ability to cope with and support them in their illness.

Shame leads to secrecy. Keeping quiet about your loved one’s disease and hiding it at any cost will isolate you from networks of support.[1] Imagine the difference if you were able to be open about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, without shame and secrecy. You may find that your neighbor, your co-worker, your boss, and so many other people in your world also are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder, or suffer from it themselves.

By sharing openly instead of hiding shamefully, you will have more potential of developing a helping network of support. Your neighbor may know of a good doctor or therapist in the area she can refer you to. Your boss may know of a support group. Your co-worker may be able to give you pointers on how to cope or how to help your loved one get and stay healthy.

If you go through my courses/systems, you will
see this is exactly what most people who I interview
say over and over and over:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

While you may have fallen into the age-old trap of feeling shame over your loved one’s mental illness, he or she most likely feels this shame much more intensely. Your negative perspective is enforcing their own shame and secrecy, leading to their further isolation. Your shame is neither healthy for yourself, or your loved one with bipolar.

The past few decades have brought to general awareness that bipolar disorder is a brain disease, like Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson’s disease. Logically speaking, there is no reason to feel shame or embarrassment about a physical disorder. If your loved one had MS, you would be less likely to be living in shame and secrecy.[2]

As a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder, it’s up to you to begin to break the cycle of stigma, prejudice and discrimination. As P. Byrne said, “Part of coping with stigma is fighting stigma.” And one of the first things you can do is fight it within yourself. Accept that you may have feelings of shame, but at the same time realize that they are illogical and based on prejudice. It’s time to let those feelings go. You don’t want to be a ‘psychophobe’, do you?

P. Byrne points out in his article that while we have words for every other prejudice we can think of, there is no word to describe prejudice against the mentally ill. He suggests adapting the word ‘psychophobic’, and points out that words of this sort have gone far in bringing awareness of prejudice.[3]

When you find yourself feeling shame about your loved one’s bipolar disorder, remind yourself that you’re buying into a culture of psychophobia, and that you are not a psychophobe. Begin to counteract those feelings by thinking about all the positive things about your loved one’s disorder.

Your loved one with bipolar is, by definition, emotionally sensitive. Though this manifests as a weakness in their disease, it can also be seen as a strength. They are possibly quite creative, based on observations and studies linking bipolar illness with creativity. They have the strength to admit that they are different, to carry the burden of this label, and to go on living despite this difficulty. How many ‘normal’ people do you know who could never admit their weaknesses let alone submit to openly revealing them?

Your loved one has the potential to get better. With the right strategies and support, this disease can be managed and even turned around. Many other physical illnesses do not have this potential for healing and change.

Most importantly, you love them. While there may be times that their struggle with bipolar disorder gets the best of them and negatively impacts you, you know that this disease does not define who they are. The fact that they suffer with bipolar disorder is just a small fraction of their being, and you love them in their totality.

Shame is an ingrained, automatic response to the stigma of mental illness. It’s time to take control of this negative and counterproductive emotion, and to become an advocate and supporter of your loved one with bipolar disorder instead of a co-conspirator in prejudice. Any small steps you take within yourself to battle the shame of stigma in mental illness will begin to ripple outwards into the world around you. This can go a long way in helping your loved one, and others who suffer with bipolar disorder.

Well have a good day today.

Dave

REFERENCES:

[1] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72
[2] Fuller Torrey, E., MD & Knable, Michael B, D.O. Surviving Manic Depression. Basic Books, 2002, p.1.
[3] Byrne, P. (2000) Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, Vol. 6 pp. 65-72

Here is the current Bipolar Disorder news.

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews327

There’s some really interesting news stories this
week. Take a look at them. Also, write me some
feedback by visiting my blog below.

Here are some of the headlines:

Overnight walk aims to raise suicide awareness

Man who stomped cats gets 2 years

Conventional wisdom says psychiatric drugs save lives, but for some
San Franciscans the pills are a prescription for …

Organon’s Asenapine Effective In A Phase III Study For The
Treatment Of Bipolar I Disorder; Results Unveiled At 2007 …

Akzo Nobel’s Organon says Asenapine effective in Phase III study
for Bipolar I

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews327

My Resources For Bipolar:

Quickly And Easily Explain Bipolar To People
Go here for more information.
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/explainingbipolar

Need Money Because Of Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarbusiness

Dating Someone With Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolardating

Want To Marry Someone Who Has Bipolar?
Go here for more information
http://www.BipolarCentral.com/bipolarmarriage/

Need Affordable Health Insurance When Dealing With
Bipolar Disorder?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/insuranceguide/

Problems With Drugs, Alcohol And Addiction?
Go here for more information
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolaraddiction/

Trying To PREVENT A Divorce From Someone With Bipolar
Disorder?
Go here for more information:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolardivorce

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you?

I have a REALLY important lesson for you today
about bipolar disorder. It’s something I have
never really focused on.

There’s a quiz at the bottom related
to bipolar disorder make sure you take it.

I am not sure because it’s really important.
I started thinking about this because
of an incident I saw when I was coming
back from Pennsylvania.

Here’s the story and how it relates
to bipolar disorder.

Okay I had to go to check out my
new POTENTIAL furniture. Right now
my desk that I am typing on is
falling apart.

I found a person in PA that sells furniture.
I wanted to make sure that I got a great deal
AND that the furniture would last for several
life times (just kidding for at least 10 years
or so).

Anyway the top selling furniture person
who by the way use to work in a mental
health facility and told me many things
that you should read about concerning
mental health facilities. If you missed
that or want to reread it again, visit
my blog below and look for “Lesson
learned from stuttering furniture
sales person.”

Okay, so I drive all the way there.
I noticed on the way driving there,
there seemed to be some traffic going
the opposite way (the way I would
have to go back home).

That was strange to me because the traffic
never goes through that way. Anyway,
I made it to the store, ran in and found
the guy.

I looked at what I had and then I left.
I started driving back and guess what?

Traffic started slowing. Then it was slower
and then slower.

Then traffic was DEAD STOPPED. Nothing was
moving.

I thought to myself that in a minute
it would move.

BIPOLAR DISORDER LESSON IS COMING SOON

Hey, there’s a bipolar lesson coming don’t
worry.

So I sat there for like 10 minutes. I couldn’t
believe it. I didn’t move one inch.

25 minutes went by and I saw the same thing.

Then I saw people in front and behind me looking
out their car doors to see what the heck was
going on. I did the same you couldn’t see
anything. Then after like 31 minutes we moved
maybe 5 feet.

Then I almost was getting claustrophobia AND
I had to go to the bathroom really, really,
really bad. Since I drank too much water
before I left. I have to drink 1.2 gallons
a day for my training.

Then I started to get mad. I wanted to complain
but to who? I called my friend Tony and he
laughed at me.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED. About one hour
and 15 minutes had gone by and I moved
maybe 15 feet.

People started driving on the shoulder where
you aren’t suppose to drive to try to get ahead
but then the shoulder turned into bumper to
bumper traffic.

There were no exits you had to sit. It was a nightmare.

ONE MAN TAKES ACTION

One guy tried to go around somehow and he almost
hit another guy. The guy he almost hits gets
super mad and starts screaming at him. The
other guy says something and the guy almost
hit tells him I think to get out of the
car.

I was like, “Oh, no, there’s going to be a
fight.” So I sat and hoped that these ADULTS
would sit in their cars. Then I thought, I
hope that I don’t have to get involved
like if one guy beats up another and someone
has to break it up.

Well the guy that almost hit the guy wouldn’t
get out. The other guy that wanted him to
get out started screaming at him.

I heard little kids start to cry because you
could hear it all since there was no movement
and their was dead silence.

Part of me was super mad that this one guy
kept trying to provoke the other guy.

This lady next to me said to me across the
way, “That guy’s crazy. He is insane.”

I didn’t say anything at all. It was very odd.

Then after like 1 and half hours, the traffic
started to move.

STRANGE BIPOLAR DISORDER LESSON

There’s something called IED. Intermittent
Explosive Disorder also known as road rage.

Mayo Clinic says:

“Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is
characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive,
violent behavior that are grossly out of proportion
to the situation. And, according to a June 2006 study
funded by the National Institute of Mental Health,
intermittent explosive disorder is more common
than once thought. Intermittent explosive disorder
occurs most often in young men and may affect as
many as 7.3 percent of adults in the United States.”

DID THIS GUY HAVE THIS OR BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Think for a second and then scroll down
after you formulate an opinion…

HAVE AN OPINION YET? SCROLL

Here’s my thoughts. First, I know
people may say, “YES!” he does
and some may say “maybe he
has bipolar disorder.”

BUT, this is the thing. We do NOT
know. If you are NOT a doctor
you should not be diagnosing people.

AND even more importantly, this entire
incident reminds me of a huge problem.

REPEATED PATTERNS VERSUS ONE TIME EVENTS

With IED, which this newsletter is NOT
about, and bipolar disorder, doctors
look for repeated patterns of behavior
to form a diagnosis not one time
events.

If the fighting guy in the car did
this once, that’s one thing. If he
starts fights on the highway all
the time that’s another.

When you are supporting someone
with bipolar disorder it’s important
to track patterns and report them to
the doctor and therapist so these people
can help make a proper diagnosis AND
treatment plan.

When I was seeing this guy, the entire
thing made me think of how important
it is. I know people on the road with me would think
the guy was crazy, had IED, bipolar disorder
schizophrenia, etc, but we would not know
his history.

One of the things lacking with doctors is
patients history. If patients come in and
the doctors asks for history, the doctor
normally gets what I call the “snow job”–
which is basically when a patient says
whatever they think they should say so
the truth about their condition is not
revealed.

It’s up to YOU the supporter to reveal
the patterns. Doctors then take this into
accountant along with a number of other things
doctors look at to make a correct diagnosis.

People write me all the time about how to figure
out if someone has bipolar disorder. I am NOT
a doctor or therapist but I know it’s a doctor
that has to make a diagnosis.

And you can help them by reporting signs and symptoms,
history and patterns you see.

So many supporters don’t do this.

DISTURBING THINGS AT SUPPORT GROUPS

I do a ton of volunteering and one of the most
disturbing things that I see is when people
try to treat and diagnose one another. I think
in my head, “these people have no clue and
are dangerous.”

Many supporters get a little knowledge and
then they run around and try to diagnosis
people AND sometimes talk about what medications
are good and bad.

This is a HUGE, and I mean HUGE and I mean HUGE
NO NO!

If someone who is not a doctor starts acting
like a doctor, run and don’t listen. Most of
these people really have no idea what they
are talking about.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

I have to run, have a great day.

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com