Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews677/

Dream Analysis: What Words Reveal about Psychotic Behavior
DO> These results make you think, don’t they?

Bipolar disorder could be more common than thought
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

‘Next to Normal’ a tough musical to adapt
DO> This is a musical you’d want to see.

Maternal influenza link to bipolar disorder refined
DO> Good information for you, especially if you plan to become pregnant.

Health Canada updates safety profile of bipolar drug lithium, may up blood calcium
DO> Crucial information for you if your loved one is taking lithium.

US Representative Patrick Kennedy Describes his Struggle to Overcome Depression, Bipolar …
DO> These stories will move you.

Women with bipolar disorder shoulder heavy medication burden
DO> You will find that this is an important study.

Double blind study validates natural therapy used by women’s shelter as a viable first line …
DO> A new take on natural therapy that will interest you.

Sleep disturbances could be bipolar disorder treatment target
DO> You’ll see that this is an interesting study.

U-shaped association between paternal age and bipolar risk
DO> This study reveals something very interesting.

Rhythmicity of activity linked to bipolar mania
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Consistent mania monitoring during perinatal period warranted
DO> Important information for you to know, especially if you want to become pregnant.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews677/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know I attend several bipolar supporter support groups, right? Well, at one certain group there is this one woman who sort of stands out because she always participates – she always has something to share, and she always attends the meetings.

Well, for awhile there, I noticed that she wasn’t at the meetings. I didn’t say anything about it for some time, I just sort of kept it to myself, but I wondered about it. Then after some time when I noticed that this woman didn’t come back, I asked someone about it, if they knew what happened to her, about why she had stopped coming to the meetings.

The person told me, (because they were close to her, they knew) that she had tried to be the perfect supporter, and one day she just sort of broke, and ended up in the hospital with a sort of nervous breakdown, that all the stress had gotten to her.

Wow. I was pretty shook up by this. It was hard for me to believe about this woman, because she always seemed to be so together to me, you know? She was the last person I would think would succumb to the stress and have a nervous breakdown (that was what this person called it).

I just assumed, like everyone else, that she could handle everything. It made me think that I better write to you and warn you: Don’t try to be the perfect supporter. No one can be, no matter how much they try.

Just be the best supporter you can be, and that’s all – that’s all that you should expect from yourself. If your loved one expects more from you than that, then you need to have a talk with them. No one should expect more from you than you expect from yourself. And, in the same vein, you shouldn’t expect more from yourself than anyone else expects from you, either.

Stop trying to be the perfect supporter. No one is perfect. If you’re trying your best, well, that’s all anyone expects from you. If you’re overextending yourself and doing for your loved one things that they can do for themselves, that isn’t healthy. In fact, that’s called being codependent, something you shouldn’t be doing. Your loved one should be becoming as independent as they can be with their bipolar disorder.

They can appreciate you as their supporter, but they should not be depending on you to do things
for them that they can do for themselves.

For example: There is a difference between reminding your loved one to take their medication and standing over them every day making sure that they take it. You should be a helper, not a codependent. In the case of codependency, you are doing too much, and the result will be that you will stress yourself out. Be careful of supporter burnout.

Be sure that, although you are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder, that you are also taking care of yourself, and that you are taking care of yourself first. If you don’t take care of yourself first, how are you going to have the energy or wherewithal to take care of your loved one?

You need to make sure that you are balanced: Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Take care of yourself, so that you don’t end up like the woman in my support group!

Are you experiencing supporter burnout? Think about ways that you can take care of yourself first.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

CONTROL. Let’s look at that word. Just by its insinuation it’s a strong word. Webster’s dictionary defines control as, “power or authority to guide or to manage.” It also defines it as “direction, regulation, and coordination…restraint and reserve.” These state important qualities of the word CONTROL.

But today I want to look at the quality of SELF-CONTROL as it relates to bipolar disorder.
Whether you are the one with the disorder, or whether you are the supporter, self-control is
an important quality to possess.

Just look at the definition per Webster’s dictionary. “Power or authority to guide or to manage.”
We all need that power and authority to guide and to manage ourselves. When it comes to bipolar disorder, you need that power and authority to guide and to manage the disorder as well.

If you are a supporter, you need that power and authority to guide and to manage your part as a
supporter to a loved one with the disorder. For example: You need the power and authority to guide and to manage the finances for your family. You also need the power and authority to guide and to manage the home environment, as you need to make it as stress-free as possible for
your loved one.

Speaking to the person who has bipolar disorder for a second here…You absolutely need self-control when it comes to dealing with your bipolar disorder. Medication and therapy can only go so far in the management of your disorder. It is up to you to manage what you can, and self-
control has something to do with that.

You need to have control over your behavior, for one thing. You also need to have control over your actions, over what you do, especially when you are in a bipolar episode. And you need to have control over your choices and decisions, for another thing. Because these are the areas where you get into trouble when you go into a bipolar episode. The more self-control you have, the less trouble the episode itself will get you into.

For example: In a manic episode, you will have a tendency to have grandiose thoughts and ideas.
You may want to act on these thoughts and ideas because of your bipolar disorder. But the greater your sense of self-control, the greater the chance that you won’t act on them, and will make better choices and decisions, despite the bipolar disorder.

Now, to the supporter…You need to exercise self-control in many areas as well. For example:
Say those times when your loved one is raging at you, which they may sometimes do in a manic
episode. Your natural instinct will be to fight back, but if you exercise self-control, you won’t, and it will end the fight that much easier, and may even de-escalate your loved one’s bipolar behavior.

There are other times when you need to exert self-control as well. That’s just part of being a good supporter.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews676/

Depression severity marks suicide risk in bipolar patients
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Mount Pocono author writes about raising a family with a mental …
DO> This woman’s story will move you.

Bipolar disorder could be more common than thought
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Abducted child could be in Michiana area
DO> Do you think this mother is in an episode?

Maternal influenza link to bipolar disorder refined
DO> Good information for you, especially if you want to have children.

Health Canada updates safety profile of bipolar drug lithium, may up blood calcium
DO> Did you know this about lithium?

US Representative Patrick Kennedy Describes his Struggle to Overcome Depression, Bipolar …
DO> This book will interest you.

New risk factor found for schizophrenia
DO> You’ll find this is an important discovery.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews676/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I came across this post on my blog the other day, and feel like I need to respond to it, as this woman talks about so many problems:

“Hi Dave, this is a good one, really made me think about my supporter, oh wait, I do not have
any! I am all alone in dealing with my Bi-polar, even though I am married….my husband is so
not a supporter! he thinks Bi-polar is just all in the mind, and I need to be stronger, and not be so
weak! (and he is bi-polar to, but refuses to deal with it!) So I deal my Bi-polar on my own, read
your fanstastic information here, read books onto how to help control it. I am not on any medication, have not been for a while, I was many years ago…thinking maybe I may need to be, I am under a lot of stress and depression, as my marriage is failing, it feels that way, my husband and I are not doing very well, pretty far apart, argue, fight, all that great stuff in marriage. So I am not sure what to do with all of this, feel very alone and alineated, no one to talk to, no one to turn to, not sure how long this can go on, but dealing with it the best I can.”
———————————————————————————————————————
So many problems! I feel so sorry for this poor woman. But let me address the issues one at a time. The first thing she talks about is not having a supporter. This is such an important issue.
Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting someone who does, it is so very important that you have a good, strong support system to help you. Especially if you’re the supporter.
Because if you are the only one your loved one has to depend on, you will burn out.

And you also need others to whom you can turn so that you have support for yourself, just to take care of yourself, so that you can continue to take care of your loved one. So having a good, strong support system is crucial to being able to manage bipolar disorder. You just can’t do it alone. At the very least, you need a team of medical and mental health professionals to support you with a good treatment plan in place to help you. And this woman says nothing about that.

In fact, she clearly states another HUGE problem: That she is NOT on medication! That could be the crux of all her other problems. No, there is no cure for bipolar disorder yet. But there is treatment for it. And the best treatment is still medication. But that won’t do you any good if you don’t take it. This woman said she used to take it, but doesn’t take it any more.

I wonder if things were better for her when she did take it? Because things usually are. And she needs to get back on it for the best hope of managing her bipolar disorder. She says that she is dealing with things the best she can, but she would be able to deal with things so much better if she were on medication.

She would also be able to deal with things so much better if she were seeing a psychiatrist and therapist on a regular basis. A psychiatrist would help her regulate her medication and help her with any medication changes that needed to be made. A therapist would help her cope and deal with any issues related to her bipolar disorder, like the problems she is having with her marriage.

One of the biggest problems is that she says that her husband also has bipolar disorder, but won’t deal with it. He needs to get help for it, but she can’t make him. And that’s a big problem. So she also needs to learn to be a supporter to her husband, while managing her own disorder.

This woman has a lot of problems, but her bipolar disorder can still be managed. She just needs to tackle one problem at a time and they will fall into place, starting with getting back on her
medication.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

Are you familiar with The Serenity Prayer? It goes like this:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

———————————————————————————————————————

Well, today I’d like to talk about the “accept the things I cannot change” part. This is probably the hardest part for most of us to do, especially when dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder. It’s natural for us to want to change things we do not like, or the way things are going if we don’t like them, or to even want to change our loved ones if we don’t like the way they are acting.

The problem is, we can’t do any of that. We especially cannot change our loved ones, because you can’t change another person – they have to change themselves. It’s trying to change the things you CAN’T change that leads to stress and anxiety, which are bad for you.

They are even worse for your loved one, Because if they try to change things that they can’t change and they experience stress and anxiety over it, this can even lead to depression, which can lead to a bipolar episode for them. So both of you need to learn to accept the things you cannot change. Because for both of you, stress and anxiety can be bad.

So how do you do that (accept the things you cannot change)? Especially when it comes to
your loved one and their bipolar disorder? First, let’s look at some truths about change. There are some things you CAN change, but there are other things you CAN’T change.

You can’t change other people. It’s up to them to change themselves. And that’s only if they want to – you can’t do it for them. You can’t always change the situation around you (although sometimes you can, and I’ll talk about that in a minute). You can’t change the world, as much as you might like to sometimes. You can’t change the place you’re in, usually.

Especially in this economy. Most of us are lucky to be holding on to our homes these days, and couldn’t afford another house even if we wanted to. You can’t change things. Things just are the
way they are. For example, you just can’t change the fact that your loved one has bipolar disorder. It’s just a fact. You may not like it, but you also can’t change it.

The only thing you can do about things you can’t change is to accept them. A friend of mine told me this quote from one of her daily readings, and I think it applies here:

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”

I think that’s what it’s all about. Finding serenity, or peace of mind, in whatever situation you’re in. In other words, accepting what you can’t change. If you can come to the place where you
can accept that your loved one has bipolar disorder and you can’t change that fact, then you can do something about it – You can start learning how to manage it.

Remember the old expression, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade?” Well, this is sort of the same thing. You can work with what you have, if you accept it. If you don’t, it won’t get you anywhere, anyway. And it might make you sick, trying to change what you can’t change, getting all stressed out. And that is something you DON’T want!

For a supporter, maybe stress won’t put you into a bipolar episode like it might your loved one, but the stress can make you not as good a supporter as you can be, if you don’t accept the things you can’t change.

The main point I’m trying to make is to accept the things you can’t change, and work with the things you CAN change, and you’ll be much more able to be the supporter you want (and need) to be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews675/

Children Who Lose Close Relative at Risk of Mental Problems: Study
DO> Important information for you, especially if you have children.

Cortical thickness may distinguish bipolar from unipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Outcome good for patients with dual alcohol use and affective …
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Attentional biases toward emotion help characterize bipolar disorder
DO> Don’t you find this to be a valuable study?

2nd man pleads guilty in N. Ind. store shootings
DO> Don’t you think this is a shame?

Deeds Continues Push for Va. Mental Health Reforms
DO> You’ll find this video interesting.

Nashua man credits Harbor Homes for finding him home, saving his …
DO> This man’s story will move you.

Continuity of care protects mental health patients
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

Doctors to carry out enforced Caesarean on bipolar mother-to-be, 25 …
DO> Do you think this was right?

Simple hypomania checklist detects bipolar II disorder
DO> Good information for you to know.

Pa. woman charged with killing newborn is depressed, suicidal and …
DO> This woman’s story will shock you.

A shock to the system: Electroconvulsive Therapy shows mood …
DO> You may be surprised to find out this information.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews675/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was watching an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos the other night, and they showed this one video about a kid who got angry. He had built this big building with colored blocks, and it was really high…But then he got mad, and kicked it! Then the whole thing toppled, and it was like in slow motion, and the whole thing came crashing down on top of him! And he ran crying to his mother, like it was the building’s fault! Like he just couldn’t figure out what had happened!

Well…You’re not a toddler any more. But you know…There are situations where you still might find yourself wondering why you’re sitting in the middle of a bunch of “colored building blocks”
because of your anger. Anger can cause us to do things that we later regret.

I’m sure that’s happened in your loved one’s case with their bipolar disorder. For example, anger
and rage are symptoms of a bipolar manic episode, and something that you should look out for.
Especially if it becomes a pattern in your loved one.

Anger is an emotion. A reaction to something. Something you don’t like. Something that, say, rubs you the wrong way. Something that hurts you. Especially if it’s been going on for awhile.
And especially if you have no control over it. That’s when we usually react the hardest.

Like you may get angry over your loved one’s bipolar behavior. You may not like what they do.
So it makes you feel helpless. And this might make you angry. It might even make you angry at them. So what do you do with this anger? Do you fight with them? That’s what usually happens when the supporter gets angry at their loved one with bipolar disorder. The problem is that it’s easy for that to happen in too many cases.

Worse yet is when you stuff that anger and it turns into resentment. Because that can actually make you physically sick. It can cause you to have stomach problems like even have ulcers.
It can cause you to have an increase of headaches, or even have migraines. It can cause you to have body aches. It can cause a whole host of problems. And if you’re not careful, the stress can build up to such a degree that you are even in danger of having a heart attack or even a stroke.

So what’s the answer? It’s simple: Stop being angry. Now, I didn’t say it would be easy. I just said it was simple. Just ask yourself if it’s worth getting sick over just to hold onto all that anger, and you’ll see that the answer is definitely NO! Then choose to put your anger (and stress) away and to talk to your loved one instead. Tell them about the behavior that makes you so angry, and ask them to work on changing it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews674/

Substance abuse more likely among patients with mental illness
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

National Park Man Sentenced to 7 Years in Baseball Bat Assault
DO> Do you think this is fair?

Schizophrenia cognition tool promising in bipolar disorder patients
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Feeling down: when does a mood become a disorder?
DO> Good information for you to know.

Mentally Ill African Granted US Asylum
DO> This man’s story will move you.

Outcome good for patients with dual alcohol use and affective …
DO> Good news for those with bipolar, don’t you agree?

Experts on bipolar disorder stress importance of early diagnosis
DO> Good information if you have a bipolar teen.

Children Who Lose Close Relative at Risk of Mental Problems: Study
DO> Don’t you think this study is helpful, especially if you have children?

Cortical thickness may distinguish bipolar from unipolar disorder
DO> Don’t you agree that this is an informative study?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews674/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews673/

Cardiovascular conditions may be overlooked in bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Cannabis for Bipolar
DO> This man’s story will concern you.

Light therapy can help overcome seasonal disorder
DO> Good information for you to know.

Distinct developmental trajectories for bipolar disorder and …
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Predictors of substance abuse identified among teens with bipolar …
DO> Information important to you, especially if you have a teenager.

Emotion regulation deficits characterize bipolar and MDD patients
DO> Don’t you think this is an interesting pattern?

ND man gets life in prison for killing SD man
DO> Do you think this was a fair ruling?

Taiwan study gives new hope for bipolar disorder
DO> Aren’t you excited about this new hope?

RNA sequencing unlocks bipolar secrets
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

Mood disorder patients seek explanation for symptoms
DO> Interesting information for you to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews673/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave